Kasparov Center of Wildlife Research, 1107 Gerasimova St., Vogstok, Salvar
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Quote:
Dear Mr Mrs gender-ambiguous scholar and friend,
This is the last scrap of paper I could find in the laboratory. Lacking the sheer time and lumberjacking gusto to run off and saw down a tree, I chose to make do with it, so apologies for the above strikethroughs. Consider the lines I would have saved had you been more open with your identity… in fact, I blame you for this. Apologies retracted.
With reference to the contents of your last letter: I am systematically disinclined to show you the light of my gratitude. Alas, I find that I must, so feast your eyes on the seldom witnessed radiance that I exude over this grease-stained slip of cellulose. Your suggestion [to acquire and subsequently peruse the genomic libraries of extinct aquatic species from the eastern coasts near Vogstok] has led to a renewed spark in the venture my colleagues have long considered dead in the waters, so to speak. Yes, enjoy this horrible pun, the very culmination of my twenty-five year sacrifice to the field of aquatic wildlife biology.
Simply put, what we now have on our hands is the harbinger of a resurgence. The first organism obtained from our investigations of the Salvaran coastlines bears an unmistakable genetic resemblance to the vanished ‘cottus cognatus’ (and as such will hereafter be referred to as ‘cottus cognatus similis’ or ‘slimy sculpin (almost)’), but there was something I found intrinsically funny about a few of its gene markers. Upon a more meticulous analysis, I discovered it shared key sequences with the ‘panthera tigris altaica’, an endangered subspecies of tiger found in the northern hinterlands of Salvar!
I will keep you informed of any development or potential breakthrough pertaining to this mystery. I will not keep you informed of my progress with yours (which is frankly stagnant).
Yours faithfully,
Andreï Kasparov
P.S.: I am late with this reply due to the sudden rush of work that followed my discovery. Preparations for the study of the slimy sculpin (almost) in its natural habitat are complete. I will join the rest of my team as soon as I learn how not to drown. Yes, ironic.
P.P.S.: You had best comprehend the implications of this unlikely genetic linkage, lest I begin to question the relevance of our correspondences.
P.P.P.S.: I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.
P. N.B: Send me some paper with your response.