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Team Name: Team Zhang Konji/Ryu Hasigawa
Team Members:
- Ryu Hasigawa; http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=17789
- Zhang Konji; http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=17851
*Atle, if you would do the honors of kicking off our qualification! ^^*
['Twould be my pleasure, Ryu.]
~~
Beneath the eaves of a nameless forest the wanderer made his way, wading through the sea of light cast by a setting sun. The barest hint of an evening mist hung in the air and trapped the glorious rays, coloring Zhang Konji’s world with the soul of autumn- crimson and gold and vibrant yellow, ethereally splendid and all too fleeting.
His strides were long and confident, his pace swift but without undue haste; there was no dire need or destination, after all. Ears full of the crisp murmuring of the wind and eyes filled with the quiet grandeur of nature, he desired only to languish forever in the embrace of tranquility. But soon winter, harsh and brutal would visit these lands and choke the forests, strip them naked and hamper all but the most tenacious life.
But even then there would be the verdant fir greens, the balsam and holly, the beauty of virgin snow. A smile visited his lips, soul stirred by the thought of crystalline peaks and the noble grey pelt of winter wolves. Inspiration, he mused, could be found within every aspect of nature’s cycle. What death wrought by the clutch of ice would succumb to spring’s kiss and give rise to new vitality, tasked with flourishing under summer’s brutal heat and laid to rest in the fall.
The dirt path came to an abrupt end before a low, crude fence beyond which a vast meadow rolled out unto eternity, studded with monolithic boulders and a few proud oaks. Without breaking pace he leapt over it and continued on, quite aware that he was no longer alone. The hand that gripped his staff tensed and relaxed as he spotted the diminutive figure seated against a boulder in the distance, apparently watching his exit from the forest with some interest. A child, perhaps, or some marauding goblin?
He kept forward unflinchingly, curious to know, if it was indeed a child, what he- or she- was doing so far from home and hearth.
A lone figure sat on the cold boulder. A mist of breath forming around his lips as he exhaled the late autumn air.
Serene
That was the only word he could think of to describe such an ancient wood. The trees were taller than any he had ever seen before! They seemed to disappear behind the white-grey clouds that were scattered randomly across the sky! Leaves the size of his head fell from great heights as the gargantuous tree's tops swayed in the strong winds that blew further up. The head leaned back, facing the sky, feeling the setting sun's warmth on his face, contrasting nicly with the bitter chill of winter approaching the tranquil land. It reminded him of home. It reminded him of the sakura petals that fell through the sky like snow. A pang of remorse suddenly struck his heart like a dagger being twisted into him.
If only it were a dagger... The boy thought as a callised hand ran through his messy brown hair. Then maybe I wouldn't have to live with this everyday. A misty sigh escaped his lips as his thoughts of home ran through his head. How long had it been? A month? A year? The days blended togeather into a collage of events that didn't make any sense anymore... He thought he had figured everything out several times only to find he didn't know anything of how his powers worked, how he had ended up in this strange, foriegn world, and, most importantly, to get home. A chilly breeze blew, biting at the fourteen year old's face, making the already fridged armor he wore even colder, sending goosebumps along his body. The armor he wore was white, made with titanium that was plated, covering his feet, legs, arms and torso. The protective gear glowed with magical properties, seeming to radiate a soft glow. The neckpeice that usually helped him in fights now redirected the frosty air at his face. The boy lowered his head into the magicly enhanced armor like a turtle would into a shell, leaving his eyes peeking out, always alert for danger, always aware of his surroundings.
A shiver ran through him as he was suddenly aware of something... or someone. The boy's head whipped in the direction the footsteps were coming from, the leaves crumpling under the heavy boots making the frail crunch seem to cut the wintry air like a hot knife. The boy watched as the figure walked by where he was sitting and out of the forest. Curiosity filled the young boy as he watched the figure grow smaller with every step.
If you're curious, why don't you meet him? A deep, serpintine voice asked in his head. The boy didn't seem surprised at the intrusion of such a menacing and evil tone. The boy's left hand played over the Katana strapped to his left hip.
"You think he's friendly?" The boy asked.
There's only one way to find out.
Within twenty feet Zhang could see the contours of his plate armor and the ghostly fog of his breath, eerily bright; within ten he could see it was his armor that emitted a diffuse glow. A boy's face, half-obscured within his pearlescent breastplate, looked out at him with eyes full of curiosity.
So small, thought the wanderer, and indeed the boy's frame was minuscule beside the great stone or beneath a redwood's canopy. But radiance set him apart from the rest of the world. Indeed it seemed to draw the stars around him- so that the boulder became the throne of night and the boy its herald.
So it seemed on that clear and fateful Autumn night that Zhang would encounter another wayfarer and have company for a time, before they went their separate ways. Ever the stoic he came upon the boy with a gentle bow, quarterstaff gripped at ease. Little in his demeanor suggested hostility. Little ever did.
"My greetings," said Zhang, who saw that the boy's eyes were deep with experience too rich for his age. "It is curious that you should be here on your own."
The young boy blinked as the deep, rich voice of the man greeted him. Of all the things he had been expecting, it was not a stranger walking up to him and asking why he was out in the woods. The bow rattled him a little bit, coming from a man so much older than he was, but understood it as a gesture of kindness. Even so, Ryu's face grew hot with pride and embarassment.
"Please, you don't have to bow!" Ryu smiled lightly, pushing easily off against the rough face of the rock he sat on to start the slide down. His armor scratched against the rock as he decended, sendin a grinding sound into the air. The boy whispered something below the grinding and landed on something in mid-decent.
The air.
Show off... the dark voice grumbled in his head as the boy stood smiling face to face with the brown haired man that stood before him.
Put a can in it Kedjat, you're just jealous I'm the one he can see! Ryu thought back. The sound of rushing air told Ryu he had hit the nail on the head with that remark. The dragon did wish the thirty or fourty year old man could see him... then he'd REALLY be impressed! However, there were some things that couldn't change... no matter how inevitably BORING it was being locked up in some god damned sword! Ryu could feel the anamosity building up around the katana that hung at his hip. It was only to be expected, Ryu knew that. However, the intensity of the hatred was enormous! If the dragon ever did break free, there was going to be hell to pay...
But then again, that's my job... I'm supposed to make sure he doesn't get out... Ryu blinked, realizing that he had just been standing there in front of the man, staring off into space at a evergreen tree whose branches were swaying in an unfelt breeze above them.
"Sorry!"
(( Good to see you're still around, Ryu.))
~~~
Zhang could not help but take stock of the boy's form and profile- pleasant, genial and full of youth. He hardly seemed the type who needed a suit of plated armor, but appearances were often deceiving. With that in mind he began to register something in the air around the strange young man, some eccentricity that went beyond shimmering steel. It was darker, a brooding force restrained by some arcane means.
The sword.
Experience guided his gaze to the katana's hilt, which resonated with a quiet energy of its own. Manifesting not as a radiant aura nor echoing whisper but a vibration, it shook with the bones of dragons, but not with the boy's own good heart. He said nothing.
"It is fine," he said, gently dismissive of the sudden apology, "we are all at times caught by the beauty of our world. And as for the bow, it is only courtesy."
He turned to examine the evergreen tree that had held the boy's attention and found little unique about it- so perhaps his distraction had been inward. Again Zhang's eyes were drawn to the sword, but they did not linger long. Staring was rude, after all.
"Young stranger," he began again, "what brings you here? I suspect you have a reason deeper than sight-seeing."
Ryu frowned as the question was repeated to him.Quote:
heh, not out yet! answer if you get the chance, however, I'm being cut off from the computer early today XD
What was he doing here? His clothes suggested war or battle, or something along the nature of fighting... The bow and quiver on his back and sword at his side would undoubtedly be used for fighting, however, all of the weapons and armor looked rather new... all except the sword whose bound hilt was worn with the firm grip of those who weilded it, the hand guard was scratched by the many swords that crossed it, looking for the mark of its master's intention, the sheath scratched by the blades it was used to repel. Many tells could be found arguing whether he was a fighter or not, however, a true warrior's armor never shone with such light, nor would it ever be in such prestine condition, lacking the wear and tear of battle. Usually, such a tell would have meant inexpiriance... being a young boy would also help to confirm such a view. But, what would he need armor and weapons for if not to use them?
"Well, to be truthful... I have absolutly no idea!" Ryu laughed, hiding his concern for having spent a good amount of time on this world, however, still knowing so little of where he was, or even what world he was on... "Well, I guess I'm looking for a way home I guess..." seeing how such a remark could be confusing, Ryu quickly explained. "Last thing I remember is being in my grandfather's dojo, for Kenjutsu training... Then..." Ryu remembered the shadow creatures, how he was swollowed up by them, how he had been trapped in a world of night, a cold, barren land where it felt as though his heart was being ripped to shreds by a cold, iron hand. But then, he had found himself here as though waking from a dream... or, rather nightmare. But it wasn't like he could just go around saying that to every Kenshin, Itami, and Taison he found walking around outside every town. Last time he had tried to explain this, he had found himself being chased by witch doctors and medicene men promising to make him better.
"Well, bandits attacked and I somehow found myself here... wherever here is..." Ryu's look turned thoughtful as an idea hit him. "Well, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find a country called Japan, would you?" He knew it was a long shot, however, anything was better than sitting around here waiting for the seasons to pass him by.
Japan.
For a fleeting instant his normal façade of peaceful temperance was broken and genuine surprise was written across his face; cherry blossoms lilted over his thoughts and his nostrils were filled with the rich scent of incense and the broken shore. For a moment he could see nothing but the splendid sunrise beyond a temple’s crumbling pillars, hear nothing but the whispers of old spirits glad for company. Japan.
He’d crossed the ocean of stars more than once at Vincent Strider’s side, tread the many planes to reach Earth. In the East he’d found what seemed so close to home as to break his heart with the weight of longing. Memories flooded back to him of a carefree yet sober time spent wandering cities, exploring the Rising Sun Kingdom’s extensive history. It was a place gentler to its people than Oromonai Tel, and he had been sorry to leave it in the end.
And this boy came from Japan? Amazing.
He came back to himself after a moment and his quiet smile returned with a shake of the head, looking through the glimmering haze of his new companion’s armor to meet his eyes directly.
“Not in this world, sayir ¹,” he said, “but I can show you the way back.”
And he could. Vincent had told him of a way that required no unique planeswalking abilities- only a great deal of travel.
Abruptly his quarterstaff was laid over the boy’s plated shoulder and Zhang bade him rise with an upward gesture, drawing back into a defensive stature with the length of yew brandished crosswise to his own body.
“The land whispers of a great tournament soon to take place, sayir. Prove to me you can use that sword and follow me there. We will learn one other in battle.”
~~~
¹youngling
"Sa...yir?"
Ryu frowned, testing the word on his tounge. What did that mean? Kedjat might have known, but there was no responce to his confusion.
The land whispers of a tournament... the young boy thought to himself.
Ryu had to think for a moment before completly understanding what the man meant. There was going to be a tournament and lots of people were talking about it.
"B-battle?"
Ryu's eyes suddenly widened as he comprehended the last thing the man had said. There was something he did know off the top of his head, and not something that he would take as lightly as this man seemed to. Get to know each other through battle? He had heard about people learning about one another through fighting... but to have actually been a part of that ancient tradition? Not so much. He had sparred against many of the students in his grandfather's Kenjutsu School of Hasigawa Style fighting, but not with a real sword before... and definatly not against anyone this man's age! Ryu tried not to let his nervousness show, but it couldn't be helped. "Well... to be honest... I've never really fought outside my grandfather's dojo... and definatly not with a real sword!"
Selling himself short... as usual... the dragon scoffed to himself. If I were that boy, I'd have a little more confidence in my abilities... able to take on a tree but not a man? What is the world coming to?
"Boy, show a little more back bone! You aren't going to decline his offer are you? THAT is bad ettiquite!" Ryu heard the voice and knew what it was saying was true. He couldn't say no... so might as well try to learn as much as he could in his encounter with this man. Ryu banished his anxiety and new feelings came in its place.
Excitment...
Curiosity...
Determination.
The young boy followed the man, not focusing on how nervous he was and already thinking about different scenarios he would be put through. He found he needed to walk faster to keep up with the man, his short legs being out walked by the man's. Suddenly, the man stopped. They had reached a grassy area outside the forest. Ryu could see the small village he had been living in for some time off in the distance. The setting sun stretched every shadow out, almost reaching the forest they had just come out of. Ryu walked around in front of the man and stood some ten yards away from him. Ryu bowed respectfully as he had been taught to do, not taking his eyes off the man as he did so.
"Umm... I'm Hasigawa, Ryu!" Ryu smiled as he came back up, his right hand, resting on the katana. "And this," the boy said, drawing his sword, "Is Kedjat!"
"How do you do?" The dragon asked the man in his head, the only form of communication he had with the outside world. "I hope you don't freak out like Ryu did when I first spoke to him... nearly died then and there!" Kedjat hissed. Already the sword had begun as what Ryu now refered to as the 'Assessment'.
(The above autoplay is approved by my own self because it sped things along quite nicely. Here’s hoping you return tonight, Ryu.)
~~~
Zhang returned the boy’s bow with one of his own, deep and beginning at the waist. He gripped his quarterstaff firmly in his right hand, though loosely enough to afford some flexibility. When the sword spoke to him, he was touched by profound surprise that did not breach his expression. Considering his homeland was ridden with spirits of all ilk and origin, living weapons weren’t anything new to him.
“It is truly an honor, noble spirit,” he said to the air as he rose from his bow, taking his staff into both hands and sliding one foot toward Ryu. He dropped an inch backward, posture languid and dynamic, the end of his weapon aimed in the boy’s direction. Truthfully he had myriad misgivings about engaging one so young- but he would keep it to a light spar, a test of the waters. He needed to know if the boy would be able to survive in actual combat. Where their journey would take them such skill would be an absolute necessity.
“Hasigawa Ryu,” he began again, tone rich with heavy formality, “draw your sword.”
And he advanced forward with a few long, swift strides and delivered a horizontal blow toward the boy’s torso with the butt of his staff, each movement swift and fluid and purposeful. It was a simple strike, easily deflectable, the first stage of the boy’s test.
Out of Character:
Kedjat couldn't say he wasn't disappointed with the reaction he recieved. The man hadn't shown any sign of surprise or fear of having his mind invaded by a spirit. While it was true Kedjat couldn't 'read minds' per se, he was able to 'feel' a person's thoughts. Much less accurate than reading a book, however, it was still beneficial when predicting the patterns of a person and adapting to their own unique thinking pattern.
Nobel Spirit, eh? Ryu, I think I like him! Kedjat laughed menacingly in both their minds. When you first refered to me, it was as if you thought you were going crazy! The dark laugh continued, causing the sword Ryu was holding to hum slightly replicating the dragon's emotions. It was at that moment that the man spoke.
"Hasegawa, Ryu..." Ryu saw the man grip his quarter staff, "Draw your sword!" The man didn't waste any time in clearing the already small gap that was between them. The quarter staff in his hands arched, swinging at Ryu's left side. It wasn't a very origional attack and Ryu was used to having such methods used on him. Exhaling, Ryu loosened himself as his grandfather had taught him. Be like the water, mold around the opponent's attack... His mind replayed as his sword came between himself and the staff. Ryu pushed up on the quarter staff the man was holding with the hilt and he slid underneath to stand on the opposite side of the stick, his blade under the staff and the hilt between him and the pole. Seeing his chance to strike, his whole body tensed for a moment, holding his blade horizontally he stepped forward to strike.
"And then use his attack against him!"
Kedjat 'watched' from the sword. Ryu was a lot like Zane. He adapted well, he had good originality, but when it came down to actually hitting the target... I guess some things just run in the family! Kedjat laughed to himself. He'd have to vilify Ryu for it later.
Zhang moved with the deflection, sliding his rear foot out in a sweeping arc to bring himself to bear before the boy's descending blade. Bringing his quarterstaff to a steep angle he crossed the katana's path, connecting with its flat and knocking it aside.
At that moment he drew his left hand from the yew pole and leaned into the new opening he'd created, delivering a quick chop toward the side of Ryu's neck. He'd not put enough strength behind it to seriously injure him, but certainly knock him off balance if it connected.
He can block, thought Zhang in the spare moments between blows, and that is the most important skill of all.
Ryu Hasigawa showed promise already.
This was a pleasant beginning. I only have a few comments.
Story: 2.7/5 ((Your story was fine, but your interaction was awkward. I've detailed this more in the character section below, but understand it affects the pacing and action categories as well. The only advice I can give to you both is to avoid responding to one another (or to other players in the tournament). Instead, build off of what they have written. Also, sometimes its necessary to provide references within your stories. It is one thing to discover that both of your characters hail from Earth (and I was pleased to learn that is the premise of your connection), but I was disappointed when Alte didn't elaborate on his character's relationship with Vincent Strider and how that related to Zhang knowing how to return to Japan))
Character: 2.5/5 ((You both wrote to your characters, offering incite to how they feel. Ryu, I recommend relying on the old "show, don't tell" mantra, as you often told the reader what your character was thinking rather than letting them discover it. Your interaction was awkward as a result making it unbelievable at times. For example, you would tell the reader one thing in prose, but have your character do something contrary to this. Atle, on the other hand, was repetitive at times. Both things made it hard for the reader to connect to the character))
Writing Style 3.0/5 (Both of you have descriptive writing styles, which helps the reader to create a vivid image of your surroundings. Atle, your writing was pleasing. You have good brevity and conveyed the necessary story and character elements in just as many words as were necessary. Ryu, your writing is also good, but you tend to use too many run-on sentences. Long sentences can be confusing and break the pacing of the writing (or battle). Fortunately this issue happens mostly when you are trying to be descriptive, so I think you can avoid it. Don't forget there are other ways to be descriptive like using dialogue, for example. Since you can use conversation with Ryu, Zhang and Kedjat to be descriptive, use it to help you avoid run-ons.))
8.2/15 or 54.66/100