The Laws of Wizardry :: Hey, I’ll be taking this for judgment. It’s quite a big thread, so I’m sorry for the delay. Minimal commentary except where necessary, and I’ll get this done with the regular rubric since I wasn’t really given any specifics.
Continuity 8
Setting 8
The only reason I dropped the score was that there was a good bit of setting, and it was used well at times, but some of the times that you started to describe things I was still not truly able to visualize certain aspects of what was going on.
Pacing 7
Lots of one line paragraphs, and short posts interspersed throughout the thread cut the pacing at times, but they were for good reason. However, it still made the flow slow suddenly, and then pick back up immediately.
Dialogue 9.5
Brilliant. That’s all I can say. There was a lot of it, it stayed true to character, and it was magnificently done.
Action 8.5
Persona 9.5
Just like dialogue, this was done nearly flawlessly.
Technique 8.5
It’s more of a technique than an actual mistake, I believe, but it’s one that makes me cringe… probably mostly a pet-peeve. However, when you use “you” or any other second person writing in a third person narrative, it’s a bad mojo. You don’t write the second person words in a form of “You took a step” which would be true second person, but there are a lot of “you’d” see and such. I’d avoid that in the future, since it makes me really just take a second glance at it multiple times.
You also happened to go into present tense a couple of times.
Mechanics 9.5
Clarity 8.5
Wild Card 9
I must say, this is not just one of the best things I’ve ever read that you’ve written… This is one of the best things I’ve ever read on the entire site.
Score:
86! The highest score I’ve ever given for a thread.
Rewards:
Caden Law: Base Experience 5058 times two for completing in the FQ = 10116
533 base gold, time 2 for the FQ, 1066 gold!
The “spoil” that you request is approved, you get new glasses. Also, the weapons are going to be taken into consideration for use for Salvar, and you will be given credit for it.