The match begins at Midnight 7/31/2009 and ends at Midnight 8/15/2009.
Best wishes to both participants!
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The match begins at Midnight 7/31/2009 and ends at Midnight 8/15/2009.
Best wishes to both participants!
((All bunnying approved by both characters))
How odd that on a night such as this, when revenge would finally be recognized, the clouds above Dheathain had deemed it appropriate to part. They let the silver of the half moon flow across the land, bathing it in a gentle luminescence. It caught the rough, broken stone of the pillars in the arena below, causing them to glow a gentle blue. Even a soft breeze stole through the land and arena, cooling the usually humid air and the slow descent of sweat down her neck and back.
She sat crouched, hidden within the folds on her black robe and sheltered amongst the shadows of these ruins of battles since passed. Muscles along legs and back had begun to cramp a half hour ago, but she refused to move. This was a waiting game. Nothing else mattered but waiting for him and when he came here, nothing else would exist but the two of them in this desolate place. Then, revenge. Pure, simple, revenge.
Stone scraped along stone.
The wind in the trees sighed in their anticipation.
Heavy footsteps echoed into the perfect night. Voices followed. One was shrill and obviously, obnoxiously female.
So he brought her. Perfect. She’d find death tonight too.
Their voices echoed along the pillars as their figures entered her field of vision. Their pale skin practically glowed in the moonlight, making them seem like twisted little fireflies. And her, with her bright, fiery hair and little clingy dress, she stood out the most.
She waited, until they entered the middle of the arena.
“When terror breaks the silence of the night and fear destroys the dreams of the innocent, a hero shall arise!”
The voice boomed throughout the area, echoing along the stone structures. Upon hearing it, both Elijah and Nadia tensed, their hands reaching towards their pitiful little knives.
“Evil shall not be tolerated to walk the streets of Donnalaich!”
The robed figured jumped out from the shadows, majestically flying through the air before landing on the uneven top of a broken pillar. With arms folded over its chest, the figure struck a heroic, straight pose as the wind caused its robe to billow out all around it, while a hood and high collar shielded its face from curious eyes.
“In the name of truth, these Fists! In the name of Justice, this Spear!” The figure reached behind it and pulled out a long, beautifully crafted spear from its back. “I, The Phantom Thief, shall avenge my lost comrade and have my revenge against you, Elijah Morendale!”
Elegantly and beautifully The Phantom Thief jumped off the pillar and landed on the dirt ground in a crouch, with a puff of dust flying up all around it. Slowly, it stood up straight, the tip of its spear pointing directly at Elijah and Nadia.
Silence filled the arena. The wind blew, the crickets sang, night turned to day, blah, blah, blah, no one moved, basically everything that could fill an awkward silence did. Not enough to make it no longer awkward though, just enough to emphasis this weird situation.
“Uh...” And that’s what Elijah chose to break the silence with. “Who are you and what did I do?”
The Phantom Thief allowed the tip of its spear to touch the ground as it hung its head and shook it slowly. “Oh, come on! You’re supposed to be all evil and say something cliché about killing me!” The agitated female, and slightly familiar, sounding voice said.
“Wha?”
Rolling her eyes, The Phantom Thief lifted up the corner of its hood, revealing the face of Faelynn. She winked one of her golden green eyes and gave him a quick smile before letting the material fall back into place.
“We’re supposed to fight each other in The Magus Cup.” She told him in her usual, though less heroic, sounding voice. “So I came up with a good story for our battle, otherwise it would seem weird to fight you considering all we just went through with that ghost stuff. Not to mention we’re members of The Eolas Braoin Explorer Club together.”
Elijah and Nadia stood there for a few seconds, before a gentle shrug lifted both of their shoulders.
“So what did ol’ Elijah do to provoke The Phantom Thief?” Nadia said as she folded her arms over her chest.
“Oh, he fell madly in love with Faelynn, so much so that he killed her boyfriend. The grief and injustice of the whole situation never allowing Faelynn to love Elijah, she turned herself into The Phantom Thief, to prevent this injustice from happening to others and seek her revenge!”
Silence. Again.
“Your...boyfriend...” Elijah repeated.
“Bob.” Faelynn said proudly.
“Bob...”
“Yep.”
“Couldn’t come up with a better name?” A barely contained grin crossed his face.
“I was on a tight schedule!”
“Right.”
“Enough already!” Faelynn yelled, getting irritated. She couldn’t believe he was making a big deal of this. She should have just killed him in his sleep. “Just get in character so we can end this battle and have something to laugh about over a pint at the pub tonight. If you win, I’ll buy. If I win, you buy.”
She lifted the tip of her spear from the ground and pointed it at Elijah once more. “Now, Elijah,” her voice changed to the heroic tone more again, “I shall finally end your life, with this spear, the very one Bob once used.”
Golly--and to think; in some principalities, Faelynn is old enough to vote and be drafted into the local militia. Yet, here she stands, with some sort of silly costume on and a very real-looking spear aimed directly at my chest. I don't know what she meant by this Magus Cup; neither did Nadia, given the obnoxiously blank stare she was casting towards my alleged opponent.
I raised a finger at Faelynn, signaling that I needed a minute before she did anything stupid. Leaning in closer to my constant companion, I asked in a low whisper, "So, uh, what should I do?"
"She's a creeper. I say murder her in cold blood right now. Claim self defense for you and insanity for her. You'd be acquitted no problem."
"No, no... I'd rather not have any blood on my hands at the moment."
"S'ok. I'll do it." She slowly reached for her katana's hilt with a slender hand.
"No!" I quickly stayed her, to her annoyance. "Look, um, yeah, she's probably off her rocker right now, but I think--or at least hope--that she's only looking for a sparring partner at the moment... So, uh, why don't you just go right over there and sit for a few minutes?" I pointed towards a stone bench that sat underneath the window of a nearby building. "This shouldn't take long."
"What're you gonna' do, knock her out and drag her ass back to campus?"
"Yeah. Or at least try to knock some sense into her. Either or, really."
"Alright, whatever." Nadia shrugged her shoulders again and brushed aside her crimson bangs, which were once again falling over her beautiful green eyes. She half sauntered, half sulked over to the bench and sat down. I turned my attention back towards Faelynn, who was still holding out her spear in a manner that screamed that I was going to die. I had to do my best not to giggle at the sight of this poor, short girl wearing a mask and seeking vengeance for "her boyfriend's murder". It was like something out of a pulp novel.
Well, it was about time that I "got into character", as she put it. I put my hood up, hoping that the light would hit the edge just right and cast some menacing shadows across my face--but not too far down. Just over my eyes would be ideal. I cracked an evil grin (an art that one picks up after spending a decade in the company of one Nadia D'Aroth), slouched just a little bit, and let rip the best maniacal laugh I could. "Bob... Oh yes, I remember him quite well. His last few seconds on Althanas were quite... enjoyable." In my peripheral vision, I saw Nadia rolling her eyes. "He screamed. He wept. He begged for mercy and cried out for his lover to save him. But she didn't now did she?"
Blah. My spur of the moment evil monologues are terrible. Here's hoping that this is a one-night-only performance.
My hand reached for the inside of my jacket, gripping my dagger tight and pulling it out of its sheathe. "It was with this dagger, actually, that I did it with." I eyed the sharpened damascus longingly. "The way it cut through his flesh..." With a heavy sigh, I put it back. "But alas, it still won't be good enough for you. Your skin is fair; your body, frail. You'll require finesse... Time... I can't rush you; I want to enjoy this even more. I want to find happiness in your suffering."
Suddenly, I snapped my right arm back, instantaneously crafting two four inch long ice kunai in the process. With a quick pitch, I flung the daggers at Faelynn's right shoulder with the intent of grazing her flesh and hurting her just enough to make her rethink this silly game of hers.
Faelynn allowed a slow smirk to cross over her mouth as she listened to Elijah’s speech. He really did fit into the cliché bad guy rather easily, a little too easily. Must be from all that time hanging out with Nadia. He even had the creepy smile down to a perfected art. Now that she totally recognized as Nadia. The look crossed her face often, especially when she wanted to kill someone. Freak.
Suddenly, his hand flew back. The clock covering his body tossed behind him in a blur of black. Ice formed just above his clawed hand. He threw his arm forward, tossing the ice directly at her. She only allowed that smirk to grown even bigger. She grabbed the sides of her cloak and spread her feet out beneath her. With a snap of her arms, she spun in a flourish of material, the ice daggers going right in one side and coming out the next without even spilling a drop of blood. Sure, they may have ripped the cloak, but they missed ripping through her skin. And, that move had flash. Tons of flash. The daggers of ice continued past her and impacted along one of the broken pillars lining the battle arena like broken soldiers. They shattered in a rain of ice shards, which glittered as they landed upon the dirt and the thick leaves of the ferns.
The noise echoed along the high stone walls of the school. Within seconds, Faelynn could see the curious faces of a few students lining the windows. They visage was white from the moon and looking like the disembodied face of a ghost.
“So you want to play with ice then, Elijah?” Faelynn said with a growl.
She narrowed her eyes on her opponent, on the man who had killed her beloved boyfriend, Bob. Energy flowed through her body. She could feel it spread from the pit of her stomach and outwards. It seeped into the ground at her feet and from that ground, water began to cool and rise. The more energy she poured in the quicker it happened and within a few seconds a deep fog began to settle over the area. It rose from the ground and spread across the battle arena, hindering both her sight and that of her opponent. It bathed the battle arena in white and grey, the light of the moon penetrating through the tiny droplets of water and making it shimmer like cloud cover.
“Let’s play with ice...” She said in a rather menacing ton.
Using The Iron Shackles and her own innate speed, Faelynn sped towards Elijah. Once within ten feet of him, she could see the general outline of his body. Using the moisture now floating through the air and seeping into her clothes, Faelynn quickly formed three five inch long ice daggers. Her fingers tingled with the feeling of the magical energy flowing through them. She pushed off the ground, gliding five feet into the air. Snapping her arm forward, she threw one of the daggers straight at Elijah’s current position. As she began to fall back to the ground, she snapped her arm again and sent the other two daggers flying just a or so feet to the left and right, knowing that if he moved, one of those might impact upon him as well.
Faelynn landed on the ground in a crouch, her eyes focused ahead, cutting through the thick fog.
The first thing that I had noticed during my little monologue was that Reine and I were beginning to draw a small crowd. Students passing by the courtyard on the campus of Eolas Braoin were stopping to see what all the fuss was about. More people were glancing out the windows of the main educational building, staring at the two of us as we went about her little game of hero and villain.
Great, I thought to myself as I blushed just a bit. The idiocy of my little diabolical dialogue was settling in further, and it made me feel like an even bigger fool knowing that others have heard it.
"What's going on?"
"I don't know, these two are about to fight over something?"
"Oh! A fight! ...Shouldn't they be in the arena then?"
"No, it's not that kind of fight. I think she's out for revenge. I guess the asshole in the denim jacket killed the girl's boyfriend or something?"
"Why is she wearing a mask?"
"She was always a bit strange..."
It was only when I realized that a fog had suddenly descended upon the courtyard that I snapped my attention back to the "fight" at hand. I assumed that since I didn't hear no scream come from Reine that she was able to dodge my ice attack. But I couldn't see to make sure--and that was going to be a major problem.
"Reine? ...Look, um, I'm having second thoughts about this whole thing." I heard a sudden rush of footsteps against stone. She was serious about trying to fight me... Oh dear. "Look, heh, I'm alright with role-playing and all, but this whole live action variation isn't my cup of--"
I felt a sharp impact against my left shoulder. Immediately yelping and grabbing for whatever it was that hit me, I tore the offending object from my jacket. It was a five inch spike of ice, not unlike the kind I used to crudely make when I started out icecrafting. The tip pierced my denim jacket no problem, but my magic hoodie proved its worth and stopped the ice from piercing my skin. But boy, it was probably gonna' bruise in the morning.
Two more icicles shattered harmlessly against the stone courtyard floor mere feet from either side of me. In front of me, the unmistakable sound of her iron and leather boots coming in contact with the ground. "Yo, seriously...?"
I was starting to feel a bit uneasy. I wasn't necessarily in the mood to fight anymore, once I learned that she was all serious business about it. But, as I've learned by arguing with Nadia over trivial things, it's not worth the effort to try and change a woman's mind once it is set.
So, screw it.
Gripping Reine's ice dagger tight in one hand, I crafted over her creation with some ice of my own, turning her sharp weapon into a smooth baton. I duplicated the blunt instrument in my free hand. Each icicle measured about a foot in length. I may not be good with blunt instruments--as in, not at all--but I'd rather knock her block off than accidentally disembowel her or something. I don't trust the school's medical staff enough.
A few feet in front of me, I could make out the figure of my opponent. She was kneeling on the ground, presumably in a cool pose after making her landing. I rushed forward with complete disregard for my well-being, perfectly knowing that she might have her spear extended in my direction. With a cry, I swung my ice batons horizontally in a scissors pattern, hoping to catch her jaw or an arm or something. Just enough to call it quits then go get that pint of ale that she mentioned earlier on.
Faelynn smirked as she began to rise. The fog she had created tickled her neck and face, cooling her skin in the heavy humidity. She knew two things about her recent attack. One was that it had hit Elijah. No one could have missed the yelp of surprise he’d given off. The second was that it had no hurt him... too badly. The tips of the ice shards had been dulled and Fae had already seen his clock in action to know that such a paltry, weak attack would do nothing against him. Her objective here was not to kill the man, after all, she considered him a friend now. Her objective was to have a little fun, but she fought to make it to the next round of The Magus Cup. As her first tournament ever fought, she played to get as far as she could, learn as much as possible and beat as many people to the ground as they threw at her.
It turned out to be such a shame though, that they had given her Elijah as her first opponent.
Faelynn was barely halfway to standing when the figure of Elijah rose from the depths of the fog. Her golden green eyes widened in shock as he seemingly materialized before her. Had her senses been so distracted by her thoughts? Her eyes barely registered the glistening pieces of ice as they lashed out towards her. Instinct took over. Years of fighting with her brother and the other village boys allowing these movements to be the mere memory in her muscles instead of thought.
Her spear fell from her hand. It clattered along the stone and dirt ground, filling the silence of their arena. She threw up her left arm. The muscles taunt. The hard ice impacted along the side of her arm a lot harder than she expected. She let out a small gasp of surprise as the blunt, throbbing pain radiated up her arm, jarring it. She raised her right arm in the same manor. But the blow came in at a different angle. She had not the full strength to block him, merely slow him down. The rounded and cold ice of the icicle pushed against her arm, shoving it down as it smashed against the hard bone of her brow. Her head whipped to the side. She let out a small cry of surprise. Warmth leaked into her eyebrow and dripped down on her cheek, bathing her cooled skin.
With the pain breaking her concentration, the deep fog surrounding Elijah and Faelynn began to lift. Slowly, the wispy tendrils of moistures receded, leaving a light mist in the air. In the back ground, the growing crowd became even more apparent to the two warriors. Faces appeared in the mist, curious eyes watched them and whispered voices drifted around them.
Just as Elijah began to pull away from her, Faelynn, shifted around and wrapped her small hands around his lanky arms. As thin as he was, she could still feel the taunt muscle beneath the fabric and the skin.
“Why, Elijah?” Her voice pleaded with him.
She never gave him a chance to answer. She jerked him forward, pulling on both of his arms as she raised her knee in preparation to bury it into his stomach. Outwardly, she looked like the hero she was playing herself to be, avenging her lost love. Inwardly, she hoped their friendship would be okay after this.
((Nadia's interference approved by Reine beforehand in AIM.))
The flash of anger had disappeared nearly as soon as it came, but by then it was too late. I had lashed out at Reine, with little time for her to react. She was able to block one of my strikes, but the other... Well, not so much. With a dull thwack, she collapsed to her knees. Specks of blood were oozing down the ice baton I held in my left hand. A nasty cut sat above her right eye; a steady stream of crimson flowing down her (normally) attractive face.
Thousands of apologies and obscenities crossed my min, but all I could manage was a weak "Uh..."
A bead of cold sweat formed on my forehead as I immediately dropped the icicles. They tinked lightly against the stone courtyard floor. I bent over slightly and chilled the skin of my left hand with a thin layer of ice, hesitating to press it against her skin to try and dull her pain a little bit. Needless to say, I was feeling really bad at the moment. Leaning in closer revealed that the cut across her forehead wasn't terribly deep, but it was quite wide. By the gods, am I a fucktard or what...
"Oh my gods, Reine, I'm so sorry, you have no' friggin' clue..."
She looked up at me with these big doe eyes--two golden green orbs, filled with pain and sadness, tearing apart my heart and obliterating my soul.
"Why..." The emotion in her voice sent a chill down my spine.
Before I could try to blurt out an excuse, I felt her cold, hard grip against my arms. She rose to her feet, pulling me downwards in the process--delivering a swift knee to my stomach. My eyes nearly bugged out of my skull. The strike knocked all of the wind out of me. It felt as if I had been run over by a caravan. As Reine let go, I collapsed to the ground in a gasping mess, clutching my midsection.
Yeah, okay, so I deserved it.
"Elijah!" I heard Nadia's surprised cry over the hushed discussion between our onlookers. Her heels rapidly clicked against stone as she rushed to my side. Suddenly, I was propped up against her knees as she was cradling my poor broken body. A look of genuine worry crossed her face for a brief second--a rare occurrence, that. Her left hand was stroking my head in a motherly fashion; her right, slowly reaching inside my jacket for the dagger I kept holstered there. I knew what she was trying to do. I weakly shook my head "no".
For once in her life, she listened to me. Her right hand left my side. She looked up in anger at our dark-haired friend. "Are you fucking serious? You hurt him!" Apparently my redheaded friend wasn't aware of the nasty blow that I had dealt to her first.
Reine opened her mouth to retort, but Nadia's quickness surprised both of us. In a flash, she was on her feet; her palm open, pale, skinny fingers flat, and her arm moving in an arc at such a speed that would amount to one hell of a bitch slap for Reine.
Faelynn barely had time to react. Nadia was upon her like the viperous snake that she was. Her hand was as fast as the striking blow of a cobra. The flat side of Nadia’s hand connected with Faelynn’s right cheek. The slap echoed throughout the courtyard. The woman’s hand came away streaked with Faelynn’s blood, which she had smeared across the rest of her cheek. The crimson colour her cheek turned almost matched that of the blood still tricking down her face. A small drop rolling down her eye lid and became trapped in her eyelashes.
For a moment, no one moved. Only the steady sound of laboured breathing and the hushed whispered of students could be heard throughout the courtyard. Faelynn stood, with her face turned slightly to the side from the force of the blow, complete shock and surprised written all over her features. She hurt him? SHE HURT HIM!? There was blood streaming down her fucking face and Nadia was worried about a knee to the stomach. Good God, the man was a warrior for crying out loud. Sure, he may be a little clumsy at times, shy and quiet as well, but he was still a trained warrior. She’d seen at least some of what he was capable of during their adventures in this very school. Nadia had not been paranoid and worried for his life then, but no, now she was because of a damn kick. A kick!
The mist around them had all but dissipated at this time. There were more than twenty students outside in the gloom watching them. Surprise, worried and a variety of too many emotions to count crossed each of their faces as they watched what was happening before them. They didn’t know if it was a game or real, but it had been a fight and someone had actually been hurt. Two people if you counted Nadia’s little baby Elijah crouched on the ground over there.
Her hands clenched at her sides as she slowly turned her face towards Nadia. Reaching up, she wiped some of the blood away from her eye. “Hurt him, huh? I fucking hurt him! He split my god damned eyebrow open! In case you haven’t fucking noticed I’m bleeding all over the place. Besides, this is a fucking fight, bitch!” Faelynn spat out, letting her anger control her for once.
She wanted to strangle Nadia, to wrap her little fingers around the woman and throttle her until her head fell off! But she couldn’t and knew she wouldn’t. This had just been a jest really, a game.
“Had the creators of this tournament had it their way, this would not have been the fun tumble through the grass it was, it would have been a real fight and he’d have more than a bruise or two!” She yelled at the other woman. The material covering her mouth didn’t even muffle her voice. She couldn’t believe how mad she was over this. The whole thing was supposed to have been enjoyable. Yeah, she knew there was a chance one or both of them would get a little hurt. After all, a play fight it may be, but a fight nonetheless. Still, what the fuck had crawled up Nadia’s ass and turned her into Mother Teresa?
Her fingernails began to dig into the calloused skin of her palm. Pain radiated along her hand, but she ignored it, using it to keep her grounded and in control.
“Fuck this...”
She turned her back on Nadia and Elijah. With a quick flick of her wrist, her ripped the cloak off of her and sent it flying through the air. Underneath she wore her usual shorts, knee high boots and jacket. Those boots made a loud thump with every angry step they took. All around her, students whispered amongst themselves. Every now and then she picked up a few words.
“Tournament? What tournament? I didn’t hear anything about it.”
“So then he didn’t kill her boyfriend?”
“It was all a game? I don’t understand.”
Faelynn ignored it all. She stopped only to crouch down and retrieve her spear, Amalia. The long shaft of metal folded in on itself and with a quick motion, she sheathed it along her back. Without even giving Nadia or Elijah one last glance, she pushed through the crowd, looking for the closest entrance into the school. She felt so angry she could cry. In fact, she had to try very hard not to. She didn’t even know why.
I was slowly and painfully rising to one knee while Nadia and Reine stared daggers at one another. Nadia had this nasty scowl across her face, her thin lips twisted in fury. Her bony fists were clenched, her knuckles turning white. I've seen this look before--if Reine didn't stop talking, and soon, then Nadia was going to tear her face off.
The brunette suddenly gave up and quickly turned around. A quick tear sent her costume flying; the black cloak landed to one side of the courtyard in a discarded heap. Heavy footsteps echoed through the air, shattering the silence of our little audience.
"Oh, the fuck you are..." Nadia began storming after her in a huff.
I raised a hand to try and stop her, my abdomen still crying out in a dull pain. "Nadia..."
She ignored me and continued on.
"Nadia," I shouted. She quickly spun on her heels and aimed her aggression at me. By this time I was back on my feet, albeit hunched over slightly and nursing my stomach.
"What the fuck do you want? She fucking kneed you in the fucking stomach, and you're just going to let her walk away like that? What are you, stupid?"
I couldn't look her in the eye as I replied. "I deserved it. I--I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have..."
Nadia interjected, "That dumb bitch attacked you first!"
"...lost it like I did. I had what was coming to me," I continued as if she hadn't said anything.
Nadia looked around in bewilderment. "She ambushed us in that stupid fucking costume! She was the one going on about some stupid tournament! She was out to kill you, Elijah!" With each statement, she punched me in the shoulder for emphasis.
I waved my hand dismissively. "It was only supposed to be a play fight. She wouldn't have hurt me too bad."
She punched my shoulder again, this time harder. "Stop being such a douchebag--"
In another flash of anger, I knocked her arm back and pushed her away. Nadia stumbled back a few steps, a look of shock across her face. "Will you just leave me alone? Cheese and fuckin' rice, Nadia! Lighten up!" Even on the rare occasion that I do get angry, it's not quite the epic explosion of emotion that most people think that it'll be. I took a deep sigh and ran my hands through my shaggy mess of hair. "I gotta' go find her and apologize for cracking her skull open and because you're being a bitch!" I immediately turned around and headed in the direction that I saw Reine take off in, towards the main entrance of the school. The students parted to make way.
By the gods, I only hope that she'd hear out my apologies. I'd seriously hate to lose a new friend this quickly.
Faelynn slammed the door to her room shut. The sound reverberated down the empty hallway, sounding like one of those awful Alerar machinations, guns or whatever they called them. The room itself was empty and dark, illuminated only by a thin film of light that peered through the far and small windows against the adjacent wall. She knew it would be empty though, Nadia was the only other person sleeping here now and she knew exactly where Nadia was. Coddling Elijah like he was a baby and sharpening her claws, bidding her time.
She trailed her fingers down her blood encrusted cheek, feeling the heat from the throbbing skin.
The anger had not dissipated in the short time it took for her to walk—or storm—from the courtyard to the forms. In fact it might have gotten worse. She flipped the switch on the wall and the room become bathed in a gentle and calming blue light, which radiated from several strategically placed crystals; one of which as embedded in the ceiling. The light did little to calm her tonight though.
Kicking a stray chair out of her way, she stomped towards the bunk beds set into the right wall. The adrenaline within her body had stopped flowing and now her muscles began to shiver and quake like they always did after an intense moment. With shaking fingers, she undid the buckle, which held the sheath Amalia lay in against her back. It took her longer than she cared to admit and frustration began to eat away at her. Finally the buckle gave; smart buckle too, she was about to get the knife. She tore the offending thing from her body and threw it up and against the wall. It slammed, clanked and plopped onto the top bunk. She kicked the bottom bunk hard enough to dent the wood and send a tingling sensation up her food and into her leg.
This whole thing had become so fucked up somehow.
She glanced to the right. A small gilded mirror hung on the wall. It reflected her bloodied and haggard face. Anger had twisted it so much so, that Faelynn barely even recognized herself. The now drying blood all along her brow, cheek and even down her neck certainly didn’t help either. She almost looked like a victim, or maybe even the murderer. Face wounds really were a pain in the ass. They bled so freaking much.
The blood had even soaked into her collar. Reaching up, her unzipped her jacket and tossed it into the chair she’d kicked out of her way, now sitting in the middle of the room away from the small two person table. She needed to clean herself off. Not that she exactly had anything else to do tonight, but the blood was beginning to crust over and the feeling disgusted her. She walked towards the mirror and the small sink below it, stopping as the cold stone pressed against her stomach. Leaning forward, she pressed her fingers against the skin surrounding the gash, prodding and pulling. It was hard to tell how bad or deep it was with all the blood.
Faelynn had just turned the taps on and found a cloth when someone banged on her door with a purpose. She didn’t feel up to dealing with anyone.
“Faelynn’s not home right now, but if you’d like to leave a message, please do so. I’m sure she’ll get back to you after she comes out of the hole she’s just crawled into.”
“That’s not funny, Reine.” Came a muffled voice from the other side.
Elijah!?
She pulled away from the sink, cloth in hand, just as he opened the door and barged inside. He took five steps into the room, turned, saw her and well, what he did next almost melted all her anger away.
“I-I-I” He stammered. His body went as stiff as a board—something else might have gone stiff too but she didn’t check—and his eyes were as wide as dinner plates. They also didn’t know where to look. They kept glancing from her, to the fireplace, the windows, back to her and then to that crack in the wall over there.
“S-s-sorry! I-I just came to...” He stammered, caught himself, looked at her—a specific area of her—then turned on his heel to flee the room.
“Oh, no you don’t!”
She stormed over and grabbed him by the sleeve of his sweater just as he reached the open doorway. “God Elijah, it’s just a bra. I’m sure you’ve seen a girl naked before.” She gave him a yank and slammed the door on him so he couldn’t escape. She had to fight to hold back her own smile and laughter at his actions though, not that she expected him to walk in when she was half undressed.
Silence filled the room.
The two of them stood there close to the door, Elijah refusing to look at her and she looking at the floor and their shoes. Finally, she broke the silence.
“Look, Elijah... I’m sorry. The idea had seemed like fun when I’d first come up with it, but it was clearly not as good as I thought. I just jumped on it and figured you’d... I don’t know what I figured...” She hazarded a quick glance at his face; he was giving her a bit of an odd look. One she couldn’t decipher.
Feeling uncomfortable, she reached up to run her fingers through her hair, but winced and pulled away. She had no idea what else to say to him. The whole room felt awkward with the thoughts running through their heads. Turning away, she shuffled the chair and flopped into it, tossing the moist cloth onto the table.
If you wanted to see me at my absolute worst, all you had to do was put me in a room alone with a woman who was half undressed. Of course, by that I don't mean in a sort of "ha ha! I'm-a gonna' rape you then steal all your jewelry!" kind of worst, but you'll definitely see me stutter, stammer, blush, and blunder even more than I already do. I've never been terribly comfortable looking at a naked body, especially a woman's...
And here was one sitting in front of me, still attractive despite the bruise that was starting to form on her left arm and the cut across her eyebrow from when I... From that split second that I really should apologize profusely for.
(Oh gosh. Better avert my eyes and distract my mind before I go into any descriptive detail that might, uh... yeah. Don't need that happening right now.)
I slowly made my way over to the bed beside her and plopped down on the soft mattress. A thousand things to say sprung to mind, but my tounge refused to cooperate. This afternoon had just been one really bad trip. We spent the next ten seconds in awkward silence; Reine hunched forward slightly in her chair, myself leaning forward, my elbows resting on my knees and my hands clasped together.
Without thinking, I picked up the wet cloth that she had tossed onto the table. I brought it up to her face, causing her to wince and pull back for a second.
"Oh, sorry..." I retracted the cloth a bit. A speck or two of dried blood had stuck to it.
"No, it's alright..."
I went back in to try and clean up her wound a little bit. I tried to dab lightly, since I could only imagine how much it hurt to the touch. Man, I was still feeling terrible about hitting her upside the head with that icicle. We spent a few more seconds in silence, seconds that seemed like an eternity.
"It's not your fault," I finally said. "I got careless. I should have remembered that it was just supposed to be a light sparring match. At least, I hope it was, right?" I didn't wait for a response. "I also feel bad about what Nadia did, and I'd like to apologize for her as well, since I know she probably wont. It's just that..." I let out a deep sigh. "I don't know what goes through her mind sometimes. Like, uh, a few weeks ago, when we were all ghost hunting and whatnot... How she didn't really lend a hand when I was hurt... But then today..." I couldn't go on. Time to change the subject. "Turn your head just a bit this way, please."
Reine silently complied. I shifted the rag around in my hand a bit to find a strip that was still a little wet, then wiped some of the smeared blood off of her cheek.
By the gods, she has pretty eyes.
Faelynn tried not to wince. The wound wasn’t all that bad and didn’t hurt too much, unless someone was scraping a cloth along or near it, which unfortunately at the moment was a constant thing. She just needed to bite her tongue, ball her hands into tiny fists that fit in her lap and pretend that Elijah was bathing her in sunshine, rainbows and bunnies instead of water, a scratchy cloth and poorly worded apologies. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate his apology. She did, in fact it made her feel a lot better. No one liked believing that everything was their entire fault, even if the whole situation was their entire fault. He was trying to shoulder the blame and sure, he had cracked her in the head with an icicle, but she had attacked him first, even if it was just a jest.
Oh, this whole thing was just messed up. They both knew it; neither of them just knew what to do about it. They paused, stuttered and filled a room with silence and muttered heartfelt apologies while not entirely sure where exactly they should go from there. She certainly didn’t know what to do from here. This was supposed to be a tournament after all. Shouldn’t he know that?
“How’s your stomach?” Faelynn ventured, hoping to she hadn’t hurt him too badly. Though if she had, she bet Nadia would have done more than just slap her across the face.
He gave an awkward half smile. “Nothing I didn’t deserve...”
“But you didn’t deserve it. I got angry after you clobbered my face.” She protested.
“Heh, and I got angry with you for attacking me with icicles.”
“But I knew they wouldn’t hurt you because of your crazy enchanted sweater!”
“It’s a hoodie and you could have hit me in the head!”
“I-I wasn’t aiming for your head!”
His blue eyes met her golden green ones. They locked, stared at each other and both looked away. The room fell into silence as he continued to clean up her face. It didn’t feel as awkward as before.
Faelynn shifted in her chair. Elijah pulled away from her. “D-did I hurt you?”
“No, almost done?” She looked at the ground, her eyes focusing on an awkward scuff mark on his left shoe.
He nodded. “Just a little to go...” he wiped the cloth along her raw skin a little more, “...and all done.”
Elijah leaned back and she stood, moving towards the skin. A large bruise had already begun to settle around the gash. By tomorrow morning it would be an ugly colour; right now it barely passed for a strange blue-green.
“Thanks a lot.” She gave him one of her most charming smiles.
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “No problem...”
“How about we go grab that pint I mentioned earlier?”
He looked at her, his eyes wandered downward, his face turned red and he quickly turned away. “Ah... t-that s-s-s-sounds great.”
Faelynn blinked and looked down, then burst out laughing. She had completely forgotten about her state of dress.
“I promise, I’ll put a shirt on!” She managed to squeak out.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Faelynn grabbed a clean shirt out of her dresser and slipped it on. Tonight might be salvageable after all.
Reine
STORY
Continuity ~ 4/10 ~ Reine, you mentioned in passing in some of your posts of some things you had done with Elijah, but the biggest thing that tied you two together was your relationship as friends. That helped pad your score a bit. However, even though this element of some sort of friendship between you two was present throughout the thread, the biggest thing that hurt you was how you tried to paint this battle. This battle read like it was some sort of hokey, melodramatic play that both of you were trapped in and were using the tournament as some sort of reason to force you two to fight each other.
Whether that was your intention or not, Reine, I’m not positive. This battle started off rocky and lasted for about seven or eight posts until it spiraled off into some sort of animesque soap opera. And while you guys did finish, the ending fell flat. This didn’t really seem like a battle or much of a conflict other than you two finding some reason to beat on each other for the tournament’s sake and then making up shortly afterwards. It just seemed really hollow and forced and for the reasons stated above I gave you a 4.
Setting ~ 3/10 ~ I wasn’t even really sure until around the third post where you guys actually were. As you described it, it was somewhere in deathain and eventually you let it slip that you two were fighting at a school of some sort. And that even seemed almost as if you two had decided on the location on accident. You didn’t really try to bring the setting to life from what I read other then to spell out the essential details and leave it at that, but when you did it showed. An important thing to remember is that you should try to describe and establish a setting as soon as possible when you begin writing because it’ll help better draw the reader in and give them more reason to bite onto whatever hook you’ve given them. If you can do that, especially if you have the home field advantage of being the one to establish the setting in a battle as the first poster then your score in setting should dramatically improve.
The only other bone I have to pick is your choice of descriptions was that they seemed unintentionally muddled at times which could make it really confusing with trying to understand what your trying to get across. Sometimes, I even questioned how much effort you were choosing to put forth, but I’m going to air on the side that it was an honest mistake. An example;
Though I’m sure you had thought it might have sounded better in your head then when you put it on paper the phrase “blah, blah, blah” when in the middle of a description that isn’t a part of dialogue should never be there. If anything, it makes your writing look choppy and will give the appearance of laziness which will most definitely knock your score a couple points. The other thing that was wrong with this description is that you didn’t even really describe it! This goes back to what I was saying earlier about whether or not you had intentionally tried to play this battle off on a lighter note, but the phrase “basically everything that could fill an awkward silence did.” Hamstringed you. My advice on describing awkward silence would be to either focus on the characters or the environment, or even both to really sell it to the reader. The goal of describing a setting or parts of a situation is to make it easier for the reader to picture it in their head or to relate to it, what you described didn’t really point in any real direction and made for poor storytelling.Quote:
Originally Posted by Reine, post 2
Pacing ~ 4/10 ~ Your pacing with posts general was average, but what really knocked you down a couple points was that your action usually seemed rushed and sometimes even forced. There was no real suspense or anything that kept me guessing, so Reine’s actions seemed predictable and vanilla. My advice would be to try and work on your descriptions and be more creative when your character is in a fight. Anybody can throw a kick or get slapped in the face, but sometimes things just don’t go according to plan in a fight or blows might miss their mark. The creation and use of icicles was just as you had stated. Instantaneous. Which made the description of forming them and using them seem very flat and rushed. Try to work on building up the moment and utilizing the time between actions to build up suspense to help your action and eventual climax go that extra mile. It’ll also even make your writing stand out more as being easier to follow and to understand.
CHARACTER
Dialogue ~ 3/10 ~ The dialogue was forced and generally unimpressive. Nothing really that Reine said wowed me or seemed unique other than it ended up being terribly predictable. Try to develop a personality with your character through her dialogue to make her stand out more, which can be a considerable strength. Also try to be more creative with your swearing or off-color words. I have no issue or qualms with people using ‘fuck’ or ‘douchebag’ in their dialogue, but you often overplayed it to the point that the word fuck was practically a comma for your sentences. Try to avoid that because not only does it act as a crutch to keep you from writing really impressive dialogue, but you’ll run into the problem of readers drifting in and out of what your saying because of boredom which will kill any sort of pacing or action your trying to build up in whatever your trying to write.
Action ~ 5/10 ~ While your action often hit it’s mark, there was nothing done to build up to it or really make it stand out that made it interesting to read. Noticing a pattern here? While I’m sure your intention wasn’t to write a thriller or to bedazzle the reader, it often goes a long way to try and keep a reader by making the action in a fight look like an actual fight which are often short bursts of action with maybe the occasional word or two depending on the character. Adding a sense of realism or something more authentic to allow your character to better support the rest of your writing would greatly help you.
For example, being slapped and drawing the gratuitous amount of blood that you did for the wound completely removed the focus from the battle and upon the injury. While something like that might be true for an amputation, a bullet wound, or something more serious the description of the injury and your character’s reaction was very melodramatic. This is something you want to avoid as much as possible because it’ll lead to how your thread eventually played out which was Reine’s reaction of melting down and then running off from a fight which made the rest of your actions for the thread harder and harder to find believable.
Persona ~ 2/10 ~ Your character didn’t really stand out at all in much of what you wrote. Reine was either very angry, playful or cynical and didn’t much deviate from the three. This might be okay for a manic depressive war veteran, but it doesn’t paint a good picture for a teenage girl in the middle of a fight. Few of the emotions you harped on were articulated really well and made Reine more into a caricature than an actual person. Real, normal people don’t go from 0 to 60 with their emotions right from the get go unless something traumatic or shocking had happened. It builds up. Work on utilizing Reine’s emotions to better illustrate her personality and the way she reacts to things instead of going off of something you might have seen on television. It’ll make your character more believable in the things she does and who she is, and also make her easier to relate to for the reader.
WRITING STYLE
Technique ~ 5/10 ~ Few things really spoke for you in technique that really made your writing stand out as adventurous or interesting. It seems you’re clinging to the idea that predictable actions and reactions should remain predictable for the most part. I still don’t know whether it was intentional or not, but I enjoyed the hokey, light hearted side to this battle that Reine and Elijah almost seemed trapped it. It definitely spoke a lot for you and helped pad your score. But, to improve, I’d suggest taking advantage of more advanced techniques like foreshadowing or allusion to make your writing more unique and more entertaining to read. In order to improve you’ve gotta try new things and whether you succeed or fail at them, you’ll develop your own touch which is something any writer or roleplayer needs.
Mechanics ~ 6/10 ~ While you had few spelling errors and grammar problems, the biggest thing that hurt you was that you flirted too much with breaking paragraphs and sentences down to the point that it made your overall writing more choppy. Having an occasional sentence between paragraphs is great for punctuating a point your trying to make, but when overused it makes it for a hard read. Try to be more selective in what you want to focus on in your writing to make it look more smooth and practiced.
Clarity ~ 3/10 ~ See Pacing.
MISCELLANEOUS
Wild Card ~ 0/10 ~
Total ~ 35/100
Elijah Morendale
STORY
Continuity ~ 4.5/10 ~ You and Reine really went neck and neck with this score because you both pretty much played on the same element. Friendship. And while that helped you both give your characters reasons for their actions in the fight, there wasn’t much more than that. What really gave you the edge here was the reference to something you and she actually did previously, something involving ghosts, which provided you with a stronger anchor for later posts which made you more memorable. I would, however, recommend putting a bit more effort into the descriptions of your references in the future to better improve your score.
Setting ~ --/10 ~ While you didn’t really describe your surroundings other than what directly affected Elijah as a character, you did make more of an attempt to use the setting and parts of it to your advantage. I’m also taking into account that writing your character in a first person narrative made it a bit harder for you to describe your surroundings because of the technique and how it naturally made you more inflective. While it is not something I’d advise you to continue doing in the future, I recognize it as an honest mistake and I’m going to shift points from setting to wild card to reflect it. However, I really recommend taking in more of your surroundings with your character other than what’s in the immediate vicinity to help improve your score in the future.
Pacing ~ 6/10 ~ Your action was clear and concise for the most part, and I even saw times where you attempted to build up action and use it to your advantage. However, while you did utilize pacing your posts you didn’t really go much further than that and sometimes skated too close to the pit Reine fell into where your actions might have become bland and predictable. You also faced a similar problem where you would also be far more loose with the way you described action that bordered on becoming muddled and confusing.
CHARACTER
Dialogue ~ 5/10 ~ Your dialogue seemed to provide more color to your character and therefore brought more to the table. While it was sometimes bland and ran into the same ruts Reine did, what set you apart was that you actually attempted to apply local color and emphasized parts of your dialogue like someone actually speaking will do. That got you higher marks in this score, but I’d really watch out for the overuse of swearing for the very same reasons Reine got knocked for. It makes for bland dialogue and bores the reader. Be more creative next time and you should see some improvement in this area of your score.
Oh, and I laughed at the part where Elijah settled on fighting rather than trying to reason with Reine on the basis she’d never back down to him at the sound of reason. Very unique.
Action ~ 5/10 ~ Your action was very clear most of the time, if a bit predictable. You seem to be a bit more practiced in incorporating pacing and description into the actions of your characters. However, I would recommend finding more interesting things to try in a fight then what you chose to do but I did see attempts with it (For instance, the scissor move with the icicle batons). Fights are usually hurried short bursts of action with not much time for things to be said either way, so the next time you fight I’d like for you to try and speed up the action and try to illustrate it as a real fight to see what that does for you.
Persona ~ 6/10 ~ Your character really came to life here. While you had trouble with keeping your writing from becoming bland or predictable, you made Elijah more memorable and real as a person with your use of first person and his natural shyness. While I’d certainly recommend trying to be more creative with your dialogue and action, your character seems to be able to stand on his own and he doesn’t seem generic. Keep working on it.
WRITING STYLE
Technique ~ 7/10 ~ I could definitely see some colors of technique in your writing such as local color, first person, and emphasis on parts of your dialogue. I’d recommend improvement on some of the techniques you utilized, but in general I could see a lot more in your posts that show a practiced hand. Watch out for focusing too much on yourself and not your surroundings as well as blandness in your dialogue and you should see further improvement within this area.
Mechanics ~ 6/10 ~ I saw a few more spelling errors in your posts then I did Reine’s, but you didn’t really have very many other grammar problems. I’d work on proofreading your posts more because spellcheck doesn’t always catch everything, even if you need somebody else to read your posts to spot these problems out for you. However, they were rare, but when I saw them they did stand out as things I would expect you to be able to catch. However, very rarely will you ever write something out entirely and have everything perfect.
Clarity ~ 4/10 ~ While you were often clear and easy to understand with your actions and dialogue, you did have your moments. The biggest thing that hurt you was the question I kept asking myself at the end of every post towards the end of the thread.
“Who the fuck is Nadia?”
I understand she’s a companion of yours and what not, but you need to take bigger steps in giving her a place in your posts if you’re utilizing her. The only other thing I saw that really irritated me was Nadia’s melodramatic reaction to Elijah being kicked in the stomach. Not every woman takes out her claws when she’s seeing her man hurt, and if they do they don’t or shouldn’t do it in the way you ended up describing her confrontation with Reine. Work on using her more in your threads and give her a bigger place at the table, because I or any other reader shouldn’t have to dig through your profile to figure out who exactly Nadia is and why she’s so bent on protecting your character.
MISCELLANEOUS
Wild Card ~ 5/10 ~ You were given points in the wild card because of your use of first person narration in your posts. Your points from setting were put here instead, but I gave you an extra point for the use of the technique. Just be careful of spending too much time focusing on your character and not as much on your surroundings and the people in it.
Total ~ 48.5/100
Reine 35/100
Elijah 48.5/100
Elijah Morendale wins and advances to the next round! Congratulations!
Elijah Morendale is awarded 1250 EXP and 150 GP!
And Reine receives 250 EXP and 52 GP! Better luck next time!
Exp and GP added!