Printable View
This thread is reserved for member of Group 7. The thread will open at noon on August 18th (Pacific time) and will be closed after two weeks.
Good Luck!
Group 7
Raksha the Seeker - Harbinger
Tracy of the Quintet - General Quintet
Alicia - TheOnlyGhost
Caelan Delvin - Caelan Bolish
Tracy had explained to his siblings that he was going to be gone for a while. He needed to get ready for the tournament. He had no idea what exactly they needed but he did get food, water, and a magic spell for protecting his allies ears. as he was about to go get some cloths for any environment he felt sleepy. He decided it would be best if he went to the inn. as he walked he couldn't stay conscious and fell asleep. He was then transported to the island which looked like a giant mountain range with snow topped mountains and a forest surrounding it. The next morning he awoke seeing four beings on the ground, two males and a female, the female was partially see through. He knew instantly that he was in the tournament and that these were his allies. He looked around some more. He definetly should have gone to get cloths before the magic spells. They could easily cover their ears, but no he had to go get the spells first. What a fine mess I've gotten myself into, he thought. He turned back to his allies and noted that he knew none of them. He had no choice but hope for the best. He then started singing in a soothing but fast pace in his bass voice,
The day has already begun.He belched the "So Wake!" so loud that even a hibernating animal would wake up. He knew this wasn't the best way to introduce himself but it was true the sun was already past noon and if they didn't get moving soon then they would miss a whole day of the tournament.
Yet you sleep under the sun.
Though the moon as gone to sleep.
And the sun has reached it's peak.
You have slept, most of the day.
Now it's time to play.
So Wake!
“Ugh…”
Spinning dreams of endless shapes cascaded like a waterfall across the Seeker’s mind. The creature, white as ivory, ran a hand across his face. Thin tendrils of stubborn sleep wiped away as his fingers brushed his eyes. The reverberating boom of the noisy companion finally forced the white warrior to open his eyes. The powerful figure of Rak pushed himself to his feet and surveyed the island. A glance was given to the first of his team to rise, but nothing else. Slow and methodically the blue orbs moved across the icy centre of the island.
The tall, almost pristine warrior stood for a moment like an ivory statue. The warrior was an imposing figure, tall and broad he looked like he had been crafted from white marble. Not a single hair adorned his ivory skin, only slightly darker skinned provided any contrast upon his body. Despite his physic, the icy hand of cold moved across his bare chest and caused an involuntary shudder. The warrior had dressed more for the idyllic island paradise for his time on the Adventurer’s island, not the cold hearted bit of rock he found himself on. His legs were covered with fur pants, and his feet leather boots, but his chest was bare. He had been somewhat lucky in that he had a think cloak.
Rak bent and picked up his large shield and slung it over his back. He didn’t bother picking up his emerald sword, without a word it leapt to his hand. Rak pulled out the sword with a clean hum and inspected the blade to make sure no sand had damaged the blade.
“I’m Rak.” He said simply as he placed his blade back into its sheath and slid it behind his shield, “We should get going soon.”
Alicia was surrounded by mystical blue orbs as they swirled around her body after signing up for the tournament. They put her into a shell of magic, protecting her from all harm as it transported her to the destination of where the first round lay waiting. From her view point, she felt like she was underwater as the experience was immense. She could almost feel the icy cool touch of the invisible water as she stood on a giant void where she could see her reflection and several others.
Perhaps the ones I am allied with?
The mystical energy ceased, still holding her over the void as a white spiritual figure appeared. "Welcome to the tournament where you will be whisked away randomly to a place of my choosing." As the figure said this, below her she could see countless options for her arena. Volcanoes, deserts, icy tundras, mountains, jungles were many of the few possibilities as the image below Alicia's body changed rapidly eventually ending to a birds eye perspective on a mountainous island. The white figured nodded, as it waved it's arms in the air and surrounded Prolixi with a magical aura as she was transported to the island near a shore located by three others.
The shore of the island was faint and musty, not the beautiful and typical white sands and pearly beaches type, but the standard dry ; wet ; and crusty type. The full moon helped emanate it's beautiful white glow in order to help her see the luscious wilderness in the distance. The cool breeze could be felt on her phantom like body as the noise of the rustling leaves from the trees help keep her feeling at ease. As she headed towards the wilderness she almost totally forgot about the three companions she was forced to join.
Turning around abruptly to meet the other three she said "Sorry for my rudeness, for I got distracted with the setting we were placed in. My name is Prolicio Prolixi, but you can call me Alicia if you please. I hope my ghost abilities come in handy for our A - team here." She hoped her beauty, and young appearance would let everyone else trust her as a team mate. "Shall we get going? We don't have much time, wouldn't you agree?"
"Well, our team mate hasn't awaken yet," Tracy said surprised that he was still asleep, "but maybe we should leave him, after all it is past noon." It indeed was past noon. In fact noon had been gone for about an hour now. They only had eight hours till the sun would set. If they stayed much longer they would be in trouble. Tracy walked over and picked up their final ally. "Until he does awake though. I will carry him. Anyone know which way we should go?" He had no clue where they had to go, except that it was a valley within the mountain range.
It was mesmerizing as he stares into sleepy river's depths at his reflection, yet it was not truly Caelan. It was him at the young age of eight with his long shaggy chocolate brown bangs resting upon the top of his brow as he stares at the flashing shadows of those wily scaled demons. Flitting under the transparent cover of the water in an esoteric dance that was past the comprehension of this young Horska mind. His eyes darts across the the entire length of the patch of the newly thawed river known to all the young tribal boys as his land.
His land he fought for by the way of fists. Like every late Spring when the froze over rivers would start to run again the young boys would meet under the blooming tree known as the Pale One. The Pale One was as white as the new coat of wool from the lambs that call the meadow that surrounds the Pale One home. Under the never blinking watch of the Pale One the boys would fight for the rights to claim parts of the rivers as their own for the short warm seasons. The winners celebrated their win while the losers ran home to have their wounds physically and not in the warmth of their mother's bosom.
Caelan was one of those few victors who bask in the glory of a fishing hole. With the scrapes and bruises still fresh upon his skin he sat upon the shore of his river. Like how his father and his father's father taught him he position his body where his shadow would not lay across the sleepy river and scatter the fishes away. His nimble fingers hover slightly above the ground as his darting eyes fell upon his first target of one of the larger shadows. A deep breathe enter his being as his hand shot into the water shattering the peaceful stillness of the underwater world. His hands clenched upon the slippery body of his target and with a mighty heave the fish was remove from the river.
The world around him suddenly evaporates away in a mist of darkness to be replacing his serene fishing hole with the blue sky splotched with the whites of the drifting clouds. His world then went for another sudden turn as his entire being was lift off the ground. To stop whatever was lifting him off the ground he kicks both of his feet out hitting something hard. For the third time his world was spiraling around him for what felt like an eternity until he hit the soft sand that absorb most of the fall. Caelan then rolls to the side away from where he fell and jumps up on to his two feet with his sword Black Wanderer drawn. He stares at a woman, pale man, and the other man who is on the ground and the one that must have been trying to pick him up. "Who are you people?" He asks the group.
The sudden waking of his two companions was timely, although it seemed one might never sleep. The Seeker’s green eyes moved across the least tangent of his team with a mixture of wonder and excitement. He did not know if she was a ghost, for what indeed could a ghost seek in an adventure such as this? Otherwise magic perhaps caused the woman to stand without a true physical presence.
“Hail fair one.” Replied Rak to the ghostly Alicia with a slight incline of his head, “and to you startled one, we are the group of which you shall be competing with for the Adventurer’s Crown.”
The tall warrior bowed to Caelan out of respect, but his hand was resting on the handle of his emerald blade in an overt show that he would defend himself should it be required. The warrior’s green eyes slowly moved off the most recent of the group to awake and up towards the midday sun. With a slight look of concern across his face Rak turned back to the group.
“The day grows old as we stand around. I can’t help but think traversing that icy mountain at night might be our undoing. We should set out as soon as we can, or risk being caught in the snow at night. I would think we would freeze before the morn.” The Seeker lowered his face to his team mates. “I would not like to freeze.”
Alicia laughed ... "I have no fear of freezing, for I am already technically dead." Back to being serious she pointed towards the mountains past the forest. "There is a mountainous path in the distance, I say we go that way. Although far, I know, I think it will be our best bet."
Alicia turned to the group ....
"Who is best at going through the forest? Perhaps we need someone that has the most survival skills to lead the way. All I have on me is a steel sword with no enchantments, and I know no magic. I think it best that I were not to lead you all, but someone that is more willing to do so. Agreed?"
Without waiting for a response, she headed into the forest gesturing to the others to follow. "Any takers?"
Tracy jumped up and down on his good foot while holding the foot his recently awaken comrade had kicked. It hurt like a sword had cut it. He took off one of his shoes and saw blood on the sock. He quickly removed it not wanting the blood to crust up causing the sock to stick to his skin. The boot that the man wore indeed cut him and it was bleeding badly. The cut went along the heel 3 cm wide and about 1cm deep.
Shuffling through his bag he brought out a medical kit that he always carried. Usually he would ask his sister Sara to take care of it but she wasn't there. He looked up to the others who were there then smiled weakly. "Any of you happen to know how to dress a wound?" he asked sheepishly. He may be a good leader but when it comes to medicine he had no experience. I think I should have Sara show me how to treat wounds. The blood was still coming out and fell to the snow covered sand.
The group stopped before it had started and Rak turned back towards the crescendo of a man. Although he wanted to follow the ghostly woman and get on with the challenge, fate had caused them to yet further delay their journey. Wordlessly the Seeker prayed that god might give him strength to complete this challenge.
The ivory warrior walked over to the injured man and stared at the wound with a cold warrior’s eye. With look of slight regret he let out a sigh. As if carrying the burden of a thousand lives the warrior drew his sword slowly and held the shimmering green blade ready. With a slightly tinge of regret the warrior spoke.
“Such an injury will leave you lame. I believe a quick death now will send you back to where you can before the tournament. This would be a far less painless experience for you,” Rak paused slightly and tightened his grip on the sword, “Would you like me to quickly end it?”
The cold wind licked across Rak’s body, but his mind was focused on the man in front of him. For the Seeker, the choice was simple, but he would let the man decide.
Tracy gulped, he didn't want to never be able to walk again, but then agian he didn't want to die ether . After mulling it over for a bit he finally thought, In this world, A man who can't walk is useless. I can't allow my family to be burdened. He finally nodded then held still ready for the inevitable.
Rack nodded as well then swished his sword towards Tracy cutting off his head. Tracy fell to the sandy beach and there he laid. His final thoughts being, My family, I'm sorry I have failed.
Caelan cringes and drops his sword as he stares into the lifeless brown eyes of the man's decapitated head he just met only a few moments ago. His stomach couldn't hold down his food and he drops down onto his knees throwing up a watery transparent liquid onto the sandy shore. It terrify him how quickly a life could be taken with just a simple swing of a blade. Yet he knew that he had to keep on going or he was going to end up dead like Tracy. Once he is back on his feet a determine fire is burning behind his blue eyes as he wipes the puke from around his mouth. He takes a deep breathe and says, "Now that is over we need to plan for our future trek up the mountain. You Alicia may not be affected by the near freezing cold temperatures, but me and Rak would be dead before the sun peak over the mountain top. We have to collect kindle and wood for fires where we stop during our trek. Also we are going to have to bundle ourselves up with all the clothes we brought including the recently dead Tracy"
He walks over to headless body of Tracy and unsheathes his sword. He turns around heading down towards the weak saplings that struggle to survive near the salty waters of the ocean.
The lifeless head of Tracy sank into the sand with what appeared to be a slight look of surprise on it. Raksha swished his sword a second time and sent what little blood was on the blade splattering across the sand. With slow movements tinged with sadness the Seeker slid the sword back into his sheath.
“One falls,” The Seeker turned his eyes to the sky in a slightly dramatic gesture, “How long might it be before the next.”
Rak turned to Caelan and nodded.
“I agree. Although I feel shamed at the fact, I will not be able to climb that mountain during the night.” Rak turned to the corpse of Tracy, “I suppose that suit he was wearing would be better than nothing, and his sacrifice should not be in vain.”
The grisly business of stripping Tracy of his formal suit was made all the worse with the slight squirt of blood from his severed neck every time Rak had to turn him over. It took all the fortitude the warrior had not to abandon his task, or throw up for that matter. After five minute of work that he would rather forget the Seeker held the suit pants and top of his short-term comrade.
“Well… that is done.” The Seeker’s ivory coloured face somehow managed to look even paler than normal as he walked away from the lifeless Tracy and towards the thin tree line. Without a word he assisted Caelan collect what little firewood could be found.
Out of Character:
To the person that told me to wait to post:
YOU OWE ME BIG TIME!! Because now I have a warning because I didn't post. From now on, I will ignore those requests.
GRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr....
This tournament had just started, and yet still they have not gone anywhere. Alicia was disappointed by this and thought of an idea. Making sure no one was watching, she started to head towards the mountains on her own laying twigs, branches, and patches of grass marked with an "X" so her companions knew which route she took. On top of that, she put kindle and edible food that she found every few miles if they ever needed it.
Alicia progressed about half-way through the woods while she waited there for her companions to show up. While she did, she could have sworn she heard animal noises, or something like that, coming from the mountains.
"That's not good. They better hurry up, I'm starting to get very impatient!"
Rak had been searching for wood for a few minutes when he lifted his head and glanced around. To his shock he found himself completely along. The warrior did a three-sixty turn scanning the scattered tree line and found not a sign of the other two team mates.
Whaaaa?
The Seeker’s blue eyes turned to the mountain at the centre of the island and he sighed. The warrior knew that he was now on his own, that he would once again have only himself to rely on. Silently he wrapped up the firewood he had collected into a make-shift knapsack from Tracy’s suit jacket and slung it over his neck. Already Rak had tied the pants around his bare chest and pulled the thin cloak around his shoulders and set off.
The warrior grimly trudged through the snow; thankful at least that he had waterproof shoes on. A trait of his years traveling the countryside meant he constantly scanned the surrounds for trouble, but his thoughts drifted to his home high in the Corone mountains. Rak’s home only felt the icy touch of snow during the very peak of winter. For the rest of the year it was quite temperate with the river that ran alongside his village a clean blue and fresh green grass running along its banks. Rak would have traded much to be upon that mountain rather than the icy hell he found himself on now.
The minutes dragged on and turned into an hour of drudgery. Rak plodded along, determined but weary. In the distance there was movement. The warrior slowed his pace and moved forwards with as much silence he could. It didn’t take long before he realised it was his incorporeal team mate.
“Ho Alicia.” Rak dropped the knapsack and shield to the ground and stretched his back. Almost instantly he felt the cold hand of the wind across his body and he once again wrapped his arms around himself.
“I do not know where our other has gone. Should perhaps we off? The day grows late.”
Out of Character:
For some odd reason, Caelan Bolish is disqualified so I will kill him off (at least for the tourny) to make it easier and smoother for the rest of us. I will make his death as hilarious as possible.
Caelan couldn't bare the death of Tracy as he cried like a baby he kept turning for support but no one was there, for they have all left for the mountains. Wiping away his tears with his hands, he headed towards the forest after removing all of his clothing and weapons to make it easier to traverse the woods faster. Caelans' butt naked body began to get colder and colder as he ventured further "Allllmmmmmooooosssstttt tttthhhheeeerrrreeee." he said as he trembled with cold. He started to gather up his remaining strength to start running full speed as he finally caught up to Alicia. As Caelan got there, bare ass, he tripped on a microscopic pebble before being able to say anything and cracked his skull open as his head exploded into millions and millions of bloody chunks of flesh. His lifeless body was now another casualty, as his butt naked body started to rapidly decay and freeze.
"Oh well, I didn't like him anyway." laughed Alicia, as Rak finally caught up with her. "Aww, there you are. Glad to see you were able to follow my trail. Let's continue on."
As they got further up the mountain, a giant avalanche aftermath was in their path.
"Looks like we have two choices Rak, and I want you to decide. The first option is for me to phase into the heavy snow to see if we can plow through it, or .... find another way around. Your idea? Make sure you choose quickly, I can hear strange noises in the distance."
Caelans' body turned into a popsicle with his bare ass hanging up towards the air, which left it as a warning sign for other passerbys' that did not have proper protective clothing and gear.
Rak looked with shock at the sudden demise of his second team mate. The Warrior had heard of the effects of extreme cold could be extreme and that in some cases people were known to have shed clothing but he had never expected to actually witness such an extreme case. It was all he could do to turn from the sight and start walking onwards silently. The second death effected Rak more than he would have expected.
“We should on.”
The Seeker didn’t wait for Alicia. He picked up his belongings and started trudging through the snow. One foot in front of the other, onwards in a solemn determinated pace. The Seeker had travelled barely a hundred metres before the sound of growling filled the air. The sound that the ghost had heard appeared in a pack of six wolves. The warrior looked around as the group started to circle and wordlessly dropped his bundle of wood and pulled his shield and sword form his back. The cold environment had caused his arms to partially cramp and the warrior new that this was not going to be an easy fight. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Alicia had drawn her sword too.
“I wonder how long it takes to skin a wolf?”
Rak smiled and charged towards one of the wolves. The creature reacted quickly and bounded forwards. As the beast lifted into the air to attack Rak the Seeker slammed his shield into the beast and sent it skidding across the snow. A blur of grey to his right and Rak stumbled backwards as a wolf flew through the air just in front of him. The warrior regained his composure and pushed forwards and thrust his sword into the side of the beast as it turned to attack again. A kick to the side freed his sword and Rak slashed through the air in front of another wolf before it leapt at him.
The powerful warrior stumbled backwards and struggled to regain his composure. His whole body seemed stiff, the very movement of the battle seemed to only cause his body to get colder and colder. The Seeker lifted the emerald blade with a look of annoyance and continued the fight.
Another wolf waited for his perfect opportunity as Rak was distracted from the rest of the pack, it licked it's lips awaiting his next slice of heaven on a plate. When it seemed like it was the warriors' weakest, the wolf lept in the air behind Rak with it's jaws wide open baring all of it's teeth heading towards his neck to snap it right off like a twig. Two inches away from his neck, Alicia reacted in time and sliced the wolfs' throat with her sword hitting one of the vital nerves of the wolf killing it instantly.
"Best to watch your back as much as possible, am I right?"
The alpha male of the pack witnessed the death of one of his own and growled at Alicia. With a full set of teeth snarling at her, he lept claws stretched out to the max with jaws wide open as it headed straight for Alicia. The wolf, stupid as it was, simply phased right through her body as if it wasn't there. The wolf turned around confused at why the attack didn't work and was distracted by the weird occurrence as Prolicio stabbed it in the chest as it laid there whimpering but not dead, for she needed to concentrate on the others first and then deliver the final blow to the alpha male.
Tracy witnessed the fight from the orb in his room. He had also heard from Sorish that you could talk through the orb. He concentrated hard on another wolf that had backed away from the pack to try to get at Rak. As soon as the wolf pounced Tracy used a sound wave attack. The beast flew through the air landing with a thump on the ground about a foot away. If the beast had been on the ground it would have sent him only an inch but in the air it would propel it far. After the attack Tracy rubbed his throat. Each attack puts strain of his voice. The beast laid there in pain from the fall, but it got up after a while ready to pounce again but Tracy's voice was already ready for the next attack. He did it agian but this time got the beast from below. This was starting to irritate the wolf as well as hurt it. It's leg had broke in that last fall so it wasn't able to attack anymore. It just limped away heading in the direction they had come from. The direction of the wolves den and their pups.
Rak grinned broadly as he slashed across the side of one of the wolves.
“That’s what I have you for!” Shouted the Warrior as he slammed his shield into another beast with a sickening crunch. Without a pause Rak stepped forwards and stabbed his sword into the stunned beast’s side. He stepped back breathing hard and scanned the rest of the creatures. Four had been taken out, two remained.
Rak turned towards the final two wolves with grim determination. His feet moved on their own accord as his powerful frame pounded across the shallow snow towards his targets. As the first wolf leapt to the side Rak recoiled and snapped forwards with a powerful throw of his blade. The green weapon shot through the air and pieced the wolf and pinned it to the ground. Rak didn’t slow a second and continued towards the last wolf. As the creature launched itself towards Rak, the ivory warrior brought his shield around and caught it in the side. His free hand opened and at his call his sword lifted from his spot and shot through the air. With an easy flourish Rak caught the blade and sliced through the neck of the remaining wolf.
The beast’s limp body landed on the snow and its head a second later. The Seeker turned slowly as he ensured all the creatures were dead. Calmly he walked over to the alpha male that Alicia had left alive and brought his thick boot down on its neck in a loud crunch.
“That seems to be all of them.” The Seeker lifted his head to the darkening sky, “I should make a shelter, the cold night will descend in minutes.”
Rak sliced his sword through the air, sending the blood from his blade splattering across the snow and sheathed it. Using his shield as a shovel, and the bodies of the wolves, the warrior started work on the makeshift shelter.
Alicia chipped in to help while making tents for her only remaining teammate.
"I have no need for shelter or have no worries when it deals with temperature, therefore you should get your sleep while I stand guard. We should leave soon though, we don't want to be in this harsh weather for long. Know what I mean?"
The avalanche was slowly moving downhill from gravity, but she estimated they had at least 12 hours before it was near them ... plenty of time to rest and ready themselves for the next day.
Rak poked the last of the firewood as it crackled away. The small shelter he and Alicia had made could just fit two people inside its quite creepy walls. The warrior had spent a lot of time traveling the world, and to use the wolves like bricks and snow like mortar was genius. The resulting layered effect of ice and fur perhaps wouldn’t win any design awards, but it was functional. The small fire had been placed on a large rock and worked quite well to keep some of the chill out of the air. To cap off the design, Tracy’s jacket hung over the entrance to finalise the wind break.
Rak threw the last stick upon the fire and rested against the back wall. The warrior and Alicia had finished talking some time ago, and with the last of the firewood gone there was little else to do but to sleep. As Rak drifted off to sleep he felt a slight tinge of fear. Am I really going to sleep next to a ghost? he thought.
Dreamless sleep flittered about, occasionally broken by a vivid image of a wolf. The few hours remaining in the night drifted past before the voice of Alicia broke through the veil of sleep and Rak awoke. The first rays of light filtered in between the small gaps around Tracy’s jacket. Rak instantly felt cold and forced himself to start moving. Quickly he packed his belongings, grabbed Tracy’s Jacket and stepped out into the morning sunlight.
“Well my friend. Shall we see what is in the middle of this island?” Rak briefly turned his eyes to Alicia.
Before Alicia could respond, the world they were set in started to crumble around them.
"We are out of time I'm afraid."
The imagery around the now duo crumbled faster and faster until nothing but blackness was around them.
The blackness quickly faded, and returned to the tournament grounds where the master of the tournament looked at Alicias' team in disgust. "You didn't get very far, but you might get lucky and I MIGHT just spare you yet. You ran out of time, now get out of my sight. You disgust me."
Round 1 closed for judgement.
Good luck!
Plot: (8)
Storytelling (3) – This thread had the barest bones of a story, but it didn’t seem like you had any sort of plan and were just waiting for someone to forward the plot and would all react to that. There wasn’t much in the way of ingenuity in the thread, and nothing was done to make this really stick out as fresh and unique.
Setting (3) – There was a mountain, some trees, snow, and sand. The only real description that came for any of these was that the snow was cold. Focus a bit more on the environment around your characters to increase this score.
Pacing (2) – There wasn’t much flow in between posts, each one jumping back and forth rather than moving smoothly from one into another. General Quintet, your post during the wolf encounter, well after your character’s death, really hurt the score here. It popped up out of nowhere, was used to alter the encounter, then never referenced again.
Character: (8)
Communication (3) – I got only the most basic understanding of your characters from the way they communicated. Most of the dialogue seemed overly formal, more writing than speaking. Try to picture your character’s conversations as natural conversations, speaking what they would actually say in the given situation. Above all, keep it consistent.
Action (3) – There were two points that really broke me out of the thread. The first was in post #21 when TheOnlyGhost mentions that the avalanche had 12 hours before it reached your group. That’s a slow moving avalanche. The second, and frankly the most jarring, was how Tracy got cut from a kick and then decided it was a crippling injury and allowed himself to be put to death. Quite the overreaction. Take some time to think about your who your characters are and remember that they’ve all lived a full life up to this point and then write them acting how a normal person with their capabilities would act in that situation.
Persona (2) – Your characters were all over the place in regards to their personalities. Alicia was helpful and eager to be on the team and then laughed it off when her comrades died, both rather horribly. Remember when bunnying people’s characters that it’s best to write them as they would act. Having someone strip naked in the snow and run to his death isn’t likely how that character would really respond. If someone is gone from a thread and you’re bunnying them, it’s okay to use them as an NPC, you don’t have to kill them right away for no reason. Harbinger, Rak seemed to have very little personality. You mention that he is disturbed greatly by his comrades’ deaths but then move on as if nothing was wrong.
Prose: (10)
Mechanics (3) – While there were numerous spelling and grammatical errors in the thread, of equal importance to hindering your score here was Caelan’s verb tense confusion. Improving this score would be as simple as proofreading your posts and making corrections.
Clarity (4) – Everything in this thread was pretty straightforward, but several areas, like Tracy’s euthanasia-requiring scratch, Caelin’s death, and Tracy’s sudden reappearance really hurt this area. Make sure that there is a clear line of thought in your posts, and that everything that happens makes sense in context.
Technique (3) – General Quintet, write out your numbers when they’re small (3 cm wide and about 1cm deep should be three centimeters and one centimeter respectively) and try to avoid hard measurements like that unless they’re required. Simply stating that there was a deep gash moves the flow of the thread along better, doesn’t pull the reader out of the story, and leaves the wound more to the imagination. Additionally, adding some depth to the thread will help you here.
Wildcard: (2)
Total: 28
General Quintet receives 175 exp and 28 gp.
Harbinger receives 280 exp and 45 gp.
TheOnlyGhost receives 280 exp and 45 gp.
Caelin Bolish receives 35 exp and 5 gp.
EXP-GP added.