Satuul Demons vs. Patent Pending
Satuul Demons
Trivia
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 3/5
A good background of why you were thrown into the cave, but not really who you were or what you were. Just consider that the reader has no idea of what the character is coming into the thread, and you can write even just a paragraph to help that easily.
~ Setting ~ 7/10
Very well written, with the ‘giant birds’ that flew overhead and dropped ‘eggs’… very good.
~ Pacing ~ 9/15
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 7/10
The dialogue in the middle of paragraphs makes it hard to follow, it’s customary to put it at the beginning, end, or separate it completely for clarity. Though it also left me with a very sweet taste as to who and how the character acted, very well done.
~ Action~ 9/15
~ Persona ~ 7/10
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 6/10
There are a few rather long sentences which could have been broken up easy to make it flow a little better.
~ Mechanics ~ 8/10
~ Clarity ~ 8/10
WILD CARD!!! 3/5
Total: [67]
Nemaisare
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 3/5
See Trivia’s comment
~ Setting ~ 6/10
~ Pacing ~ 10.5/15
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 6/10
~ Action~ 9/15
~ Persona ~ 7/10
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 7/10
See Trivia’s comment
~ Mechanics ~ 6/10
Used there instead of they in the second post. Realized spelt wrong in second post. Another small error in regards to ‘not Satuul’ instead of ‘no Satuul’
~ Clarity ~ 7/10
WILD CARD!!! 3/5
Total: [64.5]
Patent Pending
Torin Reahkari
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 2/5
No real background.
~ Setting ~ 4/10
~ Pacing ~ 5/15
The score was hurt by you not posting but only once.
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 5/10
~ Action~ 6/15
~ Persona ~ 4/10
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 5/10
You use a lot of pronouns such as “The Pirate Prince” and “The Time Mage” without explaining why you are called that.
~ Mechanics ~ 7/10
~ Clarity ~ 7/10
WILD CARD!!! 2.5/5
Total: [47.5]
MaxBlade
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 2.5/5
The comment about the field where the filthy ‘Entities’ has put you made no sense without a background of who you are, who the entities are, and why you got into the fight.
~ Setting ~ 5/10
“foot prints or paw prints”: Stood out to me because why would he suddenly go on the offensive for them? There is a war going on, with who knows how many people dead, they had to walk to where they were somehow. Or where there no footprints left by the dead?
~ Pacing ~ 9/15
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 6/10
~ Action~ 6/15
In your first post you are running, crying, and stumble into mud and fur. I assume that is your opponent, but wasn’t clear. It’s bunnying nonetheless, and you should be careful to avoid that.
~ Persona ~ 5/10
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 5/10
When you are writing in a more formal setting, as opposed to something like just taking notes, it’s best to write out numbers instead of using the numeric form, such as one hundred instead of 100. You also used the pronoun “The wind mage” without giving reason for why you called him that.
~ Mechanics ~ 7/10
~ Clarity ~ 7/10
WILD CARD!!! 3/5
Total: [55.5]
TOTAL
(65.75/100) (51.25/100)
Saluut Demons Wins
GAINS/REWARDS!
Trivia and Nemaisare gain 1375 exp and 100 gold
Torin and MaxBlade gain 250 exp and 25 gold