Post 2: What's an AGA?
Paragraph 4 "her" not "here"
There wasn't any internal dialogue, therefore not really necessary to say "aloud" after "he asked".
Nice bit of possible foreshadowing at the end, post still lacks a narrative hook.
References to "zombie appocalypse" and "yuletide" take away from the fantasy setting
Post 3: "clusterfuck" again slightly too Earthly an idiom to feel like it fits
"Where" not "were" halfway down the page
Post 4: "Teach me p's and q's..." This piece of dialogue felt awkward and out of place, could have used a better setup.
"It took the mercenary a good... before his tutor's home." This sentence could have benefitted from being broken up into two.
How did the door open, if Father Clinton's voice is distant? This confused me
Post 5: "out of trouble for at least an hour;" this wants a comma, not a semi colon
The regular use of brackets as asides becomes slightly tedious - consider a different approach to these thoughts.
"between before" would have done better simply as "where".
"Both built like brick shithouses, the Underlift was the safest place for smallfolk on the planet." The second half of this sentence seems to have nothing to do with the first part, and caused me to re-read several times.
Post 6: "...a tuft of ginger hair protrutded from under Dult's desk." This bit of description really threw me off, as it seemed to come out of nowhere. Giving a bit more attention to setting preceding this would have helped.
"Cool as a cucumber"... you know what I'm gonna say.
Post 7: I think "baited" should have been "bated"
"and when the Sergeant entered the room all eyes to the front." Seems like this is missing a verb.
"started" not "stated"
Post 8: How exactly does an owl clap?
Missed apostrophe on "hairdressers".
I lost track of what was going on towards the end of this post, although I can't quite put my finger on why.
Post 9: "... mouse holes he'd together..." missing word here
"face-potential-death-again" the hyphens feel really out of place in this instance.
Post 10: Noice? Really?
"one" not "own" near bottom of the post
"The road burst into colour as ticker tape, bunting smothered the last of the oaks trees..." This sentence could really use some re-organization, possibly breaking it into two.
Nice nod to the title.