View Full Version : What I should have said
Philomel
07-28-2020, 04:53 PM
In another time, in another place, you would have supported me.
If I told you about this all, about the people who had hurt me and refused to apologise. About the ones who made me feel like a terrible mother by indirectly suggesting I was not putting my daughter first. About the people who doubted me happiness, desire the amount of times I told them I was happy. About those who told me I was lying and changing the narrative, when all I was really doing was trying to make them understand.
If I told you about those people, who didn't listen, who didn't say sorry, who didn't care, you would have been appalled. Instead, though, my friends, this time it is you. You who have been my support all these years - it is you.
You are the ones who refused to say sorry. You are the ones who told me I lied. You are the ones who said I was changing my mind, when I did not even understand the context to begin with. You revealed new things you were upset about, from me. I altered my apology and explanation to take that into account.
That is not me changing the tale. That is me adapting.
My friends, if I told you this tale from a third party, who would have supported me, laughed with me and cried with me. You would have told me that I am not worthless, and that I am still a good mother.
Instead, my loves, this tale involves you as the villains, and so it is with a heavy heart that I must begin to admit this friendship has failed.
Philomel
07-31-2020, 04:36 PM
Philomel stood at the edge of the darkness, tears dripping down here face. She felt lost, isolated, like she was the only person in the world who truly could understand. Not even her best friend, Vaeron, could know the pain she currently felt right now, not even her on and off lover Shinsou. Because this was so personal, this was so individual. Only she had had her extraordinary life's with of experiences. Only she had lived through the agony of it all and made the choices.
Only she, she was determined, could understand. Which was why she stood at the edge of the chasm that looked only into darkness. A rend in the earth that had been opened when the volcano that shook the entire world erupted. Indeed, the time of Ashfall had ended, the meteor fragments had been gathered, and obsidian discovered, but there was also this. Known locally as the Rift, it was a break in the rocks at the Jagged Peaks of Corone, hidden amongst the cragged valleys. It was where Philomel had come to think, after the ultimate betrayal.
Her closest allies had done it. Her generals had done it. Finally, after a long series of arguments about something small that had gotten it of proportion they had finally decided to go rogue and leave her, taking away her ship. Now all she was left with was her fortress and the legacy of an army and hundreds of brothels under her guidance.
So still a lot. But less than what she had had.
And more, because there was the pain. Because those who were once her right hands could not understand why she needed a bodyguard, needed a throne and needed and heir.
And they didn't understand why she was round with child again.
Philomel
08-11-2020, 12:40 AM
She couldn't even remember what the original conversation had been exactly. Or what precise word and phrase had instigated the argument. One moment it had been peace, the next there had been accusations firing, mishearings and an inability to accept one's fault in all of this. Blame, anger, frustrations - they had all been theirs.
Like things tended to develop they got out of hand. Words were twisted. Arguments were said. Phrases were forgotten and don't it became them looking for anything in her words that night be translated as negative. She found it impossible to talk to them, impossible to speak. It was so hard to even approach the subject of how they had made her feel that - that.
Gods. She felt miserable and awful. And toys great big fucking black hole sad doing blotting to help.
Slowly she took some steps back and said goodbye to the void. It didn't answer but just stared hungrily back at her as if it did not know. Empty. Dark. Sorrowful.
Just like how she felt.
Philomel
01-24-2021, 03:24 PM
In the end the ship sailed away, taking with it part of her life and a complication she no longer needed. Some of the warriors left too, leaving just a basic guard. But she found that was all she needed. There was a new future and a new life to live. New decisions had to be made and she did not look back as her once mighty boat's sails filled with the western breeze.
No more piracy, she promised herself. Instead she would concentrate on her first mission - that of the emancipation of women. This for her had always begun in the brothels of the world, which she had worked hard to return to the hands of the matrons and not the men. Whores in her brothels kept what they earned for the most part and paid for room and boarding. Basic self defence was taught to all. Children, if they happened, were kept and educated. They could leave and rejoin any time that they wanted - no whore was stuck in that life. That we what Philomel had always set out to do, ever since she burnt down the Crouching Tiger.
And she had her fortress, tucked away and hidden in the forest of Concordia. But that was too to change, and become more of a safe haven than anything. It would always be a base of operations for the wider Gilded Lily projects, but those in need could always come and feel safe. Families, lovers and children would all be welcomed.
Children.
Child.
Philomel
01-24-2021, 03:33 PM
She was so bloody emotional and oh my goodness, oh my.
Hormones. She had not missed these. Raging through her body like a bull in a porcelain shop. Goodness, havoc East one word for it.
Why couldn't she stop crying? And finding every single thing that could possibly upset her make her blubber. And there was the cute. The adorable. Tiny knitted booties and kittens and bonnets. They were far too many of them. It was becoming dangerous to walk into a marketplace.
No. She needed to stop. But as she walked away from that deep hole that was a void to nowhere she couldn't hello but think of how she had gotten to where she was. How all the trials and victories she had had had led her to this point. To this life. Walking, really, to nowhere in particular away from the nothing. What a life she had led. What people she had met and upset. What things had been said.
She wished they had listened. She wished they had given her a chance to express her feelings. But it was too late now, they had walked away and life had changed for the better.
Booties. Blankets. That's what she needed to think about now.
Thread Title: What I should of said
Judgement Type: No Judgement
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