Heavy lies the Crown [Open]

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

As he sat in silence and stared at the wall of the inner chambers of the Citadel, the sound of an iron door creaking on its hinges suddenly pulled Shinsou Vaan Osiris back from the edge of infinity. His golden eyes followed the short, bald and orange robed attendant as he casually skirted past the Telgradian, placing a silver tray with some wine and bread down on the table in front of him. The monk seemed to be being careful to avert his gaze from Shinsou, although he couldn’t figure out why.

“Thanks.”

No reply. The monk looked past him, as if he weren’t even there, and left.

The Telgradian sighed. Even though he was in the Citadel, the whole atmosphere made it feel like he’d been remanded in some shithole prison. There were no windows in the inner chambers, with the only light coming from four oil slicked torches hanging on the walls. Even then, the light was distributed so thinly that it barely ate into the vast swathes of shadows. The furniture comprised a chair and a table, with no other amenities whatsoever.

No one expected the temporary quarters to be luxurious, but this was so far disconnected from reality that it was borderline offensive. He leaned over the tray, taking a bite from the bread roll between his fingertips. At least that was decent; It was surprisingly soft and buttery, and probably the first good thing about this particular visit.

Yes, this visit. Really, a visit that he never thought he’d make again anytime soon.

Shinsou was supposed to have sworn off battling in the Citadel a long time ago, after coming up against Felicity Rhyolite in what turned out to be less of a test of skill and more of an unrefined melee. The whole affair had surprised him. It had been exciting. Challenging, even. But after the fight had ended and the wounds had healed, he felt empty again.

It wasn’t so much that the Neanderthal had drained his will to fight these battles (quite the opposite, in fact), but it made him realise that the number of people who could push him even close to the ceiling of what he was capable of had dwindled. His dear friend, Storm Veritas, was frighteningly powerful but held little interest for fighting him (and in any case was busy attending to his deep well of personal needs and urges). There were rumours that Joshua Cronen had departed for foreign lands, and hadn’t been seen for a while now. John Cromwell was gods-knows-where. Felicity, he’d just fought. Philomel? Well, he just didn’t want to go there.

But, once again, he found himself once more at the world’s greatest arena, the subject of an anonymous invitation for another “deathmatch”. He was prepared for the whole matter to be underwhelming, but, like a worthless junkie carelessly hooked again after a year of cold turkey, he couldn’t let go of the habit. Shinsou wore attire that replaced his horribly pedestrian tunic, with his traditional white greatcoat, black shirt and pants, and boots. His weapon, Enpera, stood apart from the rest of him from its sheath at his side.

As for his host, Shinsou had tried to work out who called him here, and deduced it wasn’t a political or military opponent (he supposed that anyone who wanted him dead wouldn’t summon him to a place with instant resurrection).

So, who?

His question went unanswered, for now. It would become clear when the bright white light of the Citadel’s portal faded, and his time in the chamber of gladiatorial honour began.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

The sharp double clack of sandals on stone floors alerted Rehtul to the arrival of one of the Citadel's caretakers, a Monk of Ai'bron. He quickly marked his place in the book he'd been reading and looked up at the robed figure. The young man couldn't have been much older than the cryomancer himself, perhaps as old as thirty, though his face still had the rosy youthful look that the other, gaunt young man had long ago lost.

"Your guest has arrived," the monk said. Rehtul did little more than nod and roll his shoulders to work out the tension that had built up while he'd been hunched over his tome. He stood slowly and arched his back, both hands pressed into the spot just below his shoulder blades. He felt and heard a few satisfying pops and groaned in satisfaction.

"Good... I was beginning to worry he wouldn't show today, either," he said. It had been about a week and a half since he'd had one of his old subordinates who'd been in the Knights' wetworks division sent off to deliver that letter. Apparently Shinsou Vaan Osiris had been either indisposed or in a very out of the way location. Either way, it looked like the former assassin had managed to track down her quarry. It was satisfying to know that even without his former rank, he was still had enough respect from the other former Knights to ask for a favor now and then... though admittedly the five hundred gold up front from the family treasury had certainly helped.

"Would you like me to show you to the room you'll be sparring in?" the monk asked. Rehtul nodded his ascent and began following the man. Their footsteps echoed down the long, empty hall.

"Not much going on today, eh?"

"It's three in the morning," the monk replied with a chuckle.

"Wha-" was all Rehtul could get out of his mouth before the monk stopped short in front of him. He almost ran into the man's back and a jumbled apology fell from between his lips.

"This is the room. Good luck. You'll need it," the monk said coyly as he motioned for Rehtul to open the door.

The hell does that even mean? the mage wondered as he pushed open the door. Bright light blinded him as he felt the familiar disorientation that accompanied the transit into one of the building's many different arenas. He held an arm over his brow as his eyes adjusted to the increased light from the sun above. Shadows passed over the grass at the young man's feet, cast by the clouds above.

As his pupils finished dilating, Rehtul could now see that he was standing in the middle of forest clearing, not unlike what he'd find in the small forests outside of Radasanthia. The sound of rolling water hit his ears and he realized that there must have been a small stream nearby. He scanned the area for his opponent and was delighted to see that he was not too terribly far away.

"Lord Osiris, I presume," Rehtul began, not quite sure whether the man would prefer to be known by or even if he had an actual rank. It was a detail that Felicity had neglected to mention before she had run out of his room after their last fight.

"I am Rehtul Orlouge, formerly of the Ixian Knights. I will be your opponent."

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Shinsou’s head tilted curiously for a moment as his opponent made his introduction, the pair standing outside the concealment of the dark boughs of the evergreen conifers and oaks. Lord Osiris? The honorific was appreciated, but unexpected. The shorter man wore an eye-catching mix of blue, white and black attire. Unlike most of the people he came to face in the Citadel, there was an intricacy wrought about the way Rehtul Orlouge dressed and spoke that definitely set him apart; everything from his robes to the garnet and sapphire rings on each hand. Doubtless, Shinsou thought to himself, a man dressed in the nobility of the family name.

“Rehtul Orlouge.” The Telgradian repeated, clicking his tongue against the inside of his cheek as the cool day’s breeze brushed against his skin. “The nephew of Sei Orlouge, if I am not mistaken? It seems the apple does not fall far from the tree.”

Osiris’s eyes had already swerved to the fore to scope out the arena that Rehtul had selected. He observed that thick foliage disguised one of nature’s cunning traps; a funnel of rock that guided a river into the mouth of the clearing. It went without saying that ninety percent of all Citadel arenas were crafted to give a home advantage, but if there was one, the Telgradian couldn’t see it yet. There was certainly nothing else immediately noticeable to be alarmed about.

“Forgive me,” He said after a moment’s pause, “I’m just trying to piece together what business a former Ixian Knight, an Orlouge no less, would have with me in a place like the Citadel. You see, we’ve never met, but I’m a student of history. I’ve read many books, and I’m aware of the significance of your bloodline and your connection with the Knights. Indeed, I hold a deep respect for the name. But, I wonder, do you fully understand the significance of mine?”

There was no need to qualify the organisation in question with a name. Only a handful of people in Corone didn’t know the Brotherhood, the organisation that had tried (and almost succeeded) in conquering Radasanth. The organisation that, since, had reformed and had actually made a contribution to the island’s economy and military presence.

An organisation that had effectively replaced the Ixian Knights in the present.

Shinsou Vaan Osiris was the first of two names on a list of Corone’s most dangerous and powerful men, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he had to intimidate this young Orlouge by actually making use of it. There could have been another reason for someone of Rehtul’s name to call him here. Seldom did anyone issue a specific challenge, out of the blue, just to fight. Was this a political move?

“Anyway,” Osiris continued with a wry wrinkle of his nose, “I’m sure we’ll get to the ‘why’s’ and ‘wherefores’ later.”

His senses started to pick up on the icy taint of magic that hung heavy over Rehtul Orlouge. It was if a chill had begun to blanket the forest now, eating away at the sanctified leaves like some corrosive acid, though the physical greenery remained untouched. The back of Shinsou’s head throbbed as if it were already under attack from the sheer force of Rehtul’s powers. The Telgradian had a feeling that there was a spellcaster in his midst, although he couldn’t tell what type of magic the young man yet subscribed to and could only tell from his eyes alone that the man appeared unarmed.

It would be foolish to assume that a mage with such a prestegious family name would ask for Osiris personally and not come prepared for him. The facts dictated the logic, and Shinsou knew that a carefully executed plan would not only help him survive the challenge, but also stand as a message to Orlouge (and whatever motivations had brought them together) that, at all times, the Telgradian would need to be taken seriously.

A deliberate and thought-through approach was needed here.

With Enpera’s power already augmenting his reactions, Shinsou deftly drew his sword across the folds of his cloak to bring it squarely across his body. In a blink of an eye, the Telgradian used his Shadowstep. The ability not only allowed him to close the distance between them, but in fact allowed him to slip past and behind the young mage at eight times his normal speed with nothing more than a high pitched boom. In his right hand, Enpera thirsted for first blood, drawn from across his chest in a sharp horizontal crescent.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Rehtul let the man talk about why he was confused about the reason a former Ixian Knight would contact him while he concentrated his magic around his body. A cold chill radiated off him, robbing anything nearby of warmth. Beneath him, had his opponent looked closely enough, the grass began to develop a fine layer of frost. The air cracked quietly.

Suddenly, Osiris had apparently disappeared. The Orlouge didn't miss a beat, however, and jumped forward with all the force he could muster to avoid what was surely to be a fight ending attack right from the get go. His uncle, Sei Orlouge, had attempted a similar move during Rehtul's combat training while he was in the Knights. He landed on one hand and used the point of leverage to point himself toward the whistling sound of blade cutting through air behind him.

Every sense in his body was screaming at him that this man was far more dangerous than Felicity. Where she had a powerful body with a dangerous augmentation that allowed her to fight with the ferocity of a feral mountain troll, this man was something different altogether. A cold, calculated and measured mind was in control of those powers, one who had seen countless battles to the point that battle was no different than brushing his teeth in the morning.

Rehtul concentrated on the ground in front of his opponent. The frost that had gathered on the grass beneath where Rehtul once stood exploded outward and upward, three spikes all seeking the blood of the man who stood where the mage had only a few fractions of a second before.

This is what that monk meant, huh...

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

He had been humbugged, and now he was on the back foot.

Frozen dew glistened on the now vacant grass patch where Rehtul had stood not a second before. As Enpera’s edge carved through nothing but air, finishing its deadly arc at Shinsou’s hip, the wily Cryomancer sprung his trap.

A biting wind stirred; the freezing chill gripping the Telgradian’s senses. A sudden blue light emerged in the trodden grass below that was as bright as the sky, casting its blinding glare upon him. Shinsou tried to react in vain, his heart skipping a beat as three jagged spikes of ice suddenly roared out of the ground and careered into his left arm. The resulting pain made him scream, the sheer force of the magic ripping through his sleeve and horribly puncturing the muscles on his forearm.

Shit! The Telgradian seethed through clenched teeth as he shattered the icy stalagmites free with a swing from Enpera, Stupid mistake, Shin. He’s got you pegged. Watch his magic. Buy some time.

The clearing in front of him was already starting to feel the effects of Rehtul’s magic. Thin veins of freezing ice seemed to want to choke the landscape. Beneath his feet, snakelike tendrils of that same ice suddenly started to coil around his feet. Wrenching shards of the icicles from his injured arm and discarding them, Shinsou’s senses were playing merry hell. Though Rehtul was calm, the feeling he got from the young man was now more akin to an oppressive Salvarian blizzard. None of his senses interfered with the angry white cacophony he could feel inside.

There was only one way to deal with this.

A nebula cloud of black, electrified particles rose from the shrivelled ground beneath Shinsou’s feet as he raised his hand right, blood spattering the blue frost as his left arm ran in red rivulets.

“You’re clever,” Shinsou stated as a murky cloak of dark matter began to manifest into reality, “Which means you’re dangerous.”

Clearing his mind, Shinsou wove zephyrs of marbled black into a wall of air behind him; a swirling cocoon of the arcane. As a maelstrom of momentary silence and then thunderous cacophony resonated through his ears, Shinsou’s mind settled into the calm of an empty room, the tranquillity of a full moon. Words of power slipped past his lips, contained in a single breath.

Enpera Kurohitsugi.

At the touch of his thoughts, thirty lances of pure dark matter, woven from the void behind him, were carried to fore of their portals. The air itself momentarily shimmered as the dark wall of purple and black magic chewed through the foliage and disturbed the calm waters of the nearby river.

With a single wave of his hand, fifteen lances of the thirty burst forth from the portal in an aggressive flurry of electrical hissing, and tore straight towards the Cryomancer.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Clever? No, but when a swordsman disappears in front you, an exposed back is often the most obvious target, Rehtul thought as he stood up and brushed himself off. It was almost laughable that the man would think of the relatively young mage as dangerous as a result, however. Rehtul slapped both hands together in a crisscrossing motion to knock some of the dust off.

The air cackled and the clearing seemed to darken as though his opponent were casting a shadow far wider than the sun should ordinarily allow. Rehtul braced himself, putting his left foot a few inches behind his right and widening his stance. The magic pouring off his opponent was staggering. The Orlouge hadn't fought a true mage in quite a awhile, not since his battle with the water bearer a few months prior, and this magic seemed altogether different.

What could only described as portals of electrified shadow hung in the air before the trees. They were solid, yet translucent. He could make out the tree line behind Shinsou if he looked hard enough. The part worrying him the most, however, were the weapons of solid shadow nestled in these portals.

Intriguing. I'd like to study those lances in depth when I have the opportunity, he thought as he braced himself. The question was, how were these lances to be used against him? His answer was short in coming, as about half their number homed in on him and fired simultaneously.

The cold aura around Rehtul brightened into a dazzling azure light as he brought his own magic to bear. around him on all sides appeared roughly a dozen crystalline spears. The light from the sun behind him refracted through the crystalline constructs, scattering rays of multicolored light in all directions.

Whipping both hands about like a conductor, he watched his spears catch and redirect the trajectory of each of the fifteen spears that had careened toward him, each hitting the ground behind and to either side with a satisfying thunk and twang. Or so he thought. Searing pain screamed through his side as his white coat began to dampen and darken to a deep crimson. He looked at the hole on his side in disbelief.

"I thought I'd got them all... damn," he snarled through clenched teeth. He threw a hand out to his side and grabbed a single spear from the dozen surrounding him. The rest took up positions around his body, leaving just enough room directly in front of him to allow direct combat if necessary.

Can he control his constructs mid flight like I can, though? the mage thought as he motioned for the weapons around him to form up behind him like a giant fan of pointy sticks.

Well, only one way to find out, he figured. With a point of his index finger, one of his spears flipped over to rest parallel over his shoulder and erupted at a speed far greater than an ordinary man was capable of throwing.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

It all happened very quickly.

Shinsou had managed to wound his wily opponent, but at a cost. The chaotic exchange of the spears of shadow and ice had inadvertently given the young Orlouge a window of opportunity; the calm and capable mage deflecting all but one of Shinsou’s opening salvo into various parts of the earthy clearing. In the time that it took the loamy shrapnel thrown up by each re-directed spear to cascade through the air and scatter over the fresh grass, the Telgradian realised all too late he had left himself open to counterattack.

Thunnnkkk!!

He felt the full force of Rehtul’s ice before he saw it. The impact made him stagger back a couple of feet and gasp coldly, before his brain registered the severe burning sensation setting in from just below his right collarbone a second later. For a brief moment, the air ahead of him glimmered an azure before fading suddenly; a jolt of sunlight bouncing from the protruding end of an icy lance that was now slick with crimson. The smell of electricity gave way to the metallic scent of blood.

Ugh...

Shinsou had felt this before, in Tylmerande. A botched assassination attempt led to the Telgradian being shot and nearly killed by an opportunistic gunman sent by Arius Mephisto. Though the pain was excrutiating, the difference was that the shooting was quick, the wound clean, and the bullet had passed straight through his body.

This, though, felt like raw hell.

As he pulled the ice shard from his flesh, the nerves in his muscles and skin shredded, forcing Shinsou to switch Enpera into his left hand through blinding pain as his right arm went into spasm. The damaged muscles convulsed and then the whole arm went entirely limp, the pull-down of the dead weight causing Shinsou to hiss in distress. The fiery pain from the wound suddenly began to manifest into something tangible, stretching out in white veins to Enpera’s outstretched blade. As the living weapon consumed the Telgradian’s agony, the silver hues within the sword’s blade swirled into a murky black at the center. The whole process probably took about three seconds.

For another few seconds after that, nothing happened. The Telgradian looked up to finally notice, through hazy eyes, that his counterpart had summoned an array of similar objects that now levitated around him. Apparently, they did so as obediently as those of his Enpera Kurohitsugi.

Shit… Shinsou cursed to himself through his teeth. He was already on borrowed time. He needed to clear some of those projectiles, lest he become a pin cushion for Orlouge.

As Enpera finished its meal of pain, Shinsou called forth the Three Fold Law.

The man raised his left hand up, outstretching the point of Enpera’s tip towards Orlouge. At the tip, an orb of marbled black and dark green the size of a fist formed, churning and rotating on its axis. With an electrical snap, the orb shattered and stretched into a pencil thin black beam, ripping through the air at terrifying speed. A scent of heavy metals filled the air as the dark column tore over the foliage, singeing and churning the earth beneath the hot sun. The frighteningly powerful Shinsou tried to gulp for air as the recoil further opened his wound, spewing forth crimson in torrents. As the fluid touched the ground, it instantly stained the soil with harsh red, accompanied by an audible hiss.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Direct hit!

Rehtul celebrated mentally but kept his eyes on the man in front of him. He hadn't fired one of his remaining lances to intercept the weapon the ice mage had launched at him. While he had caused damage to his opponent, he hadn't gleaned the information he sought about those portals or the weapons contained within. Either Shinsou had seen through his plan and had taken the hit on purpose to avoid giving up that information, or far more likely simply hadn't reacted in time due to Rehtul's own quick thinking on the matter.

"Well, this is irritating," he muttered to himself, his usual habit of self talk rearing its ugly head again as his level of stress rose. He kept telling himself it was unlikely he'd actually be able to eek out a win with his current level of control over his power, but something inside him was pushing him, forcing him to take this battle as seriously as though his life were really on the line. There was something about Vaan Osiris that he desperately wanted to overcome, no matter the cost.

Seconds after the spear hit home, Rehtul's opponent had removed it and... something was happening. Cursing his nearsightedness, the mage pushed his glasses up on his nose. It looked as though some kind of energy was seeping out of the wound.

Could he be like Felicity? No... this is different. Rehtul adjusted his glasses and almost too late realized exactly what was happening.

Oh, come on! He can turn pain into energy?!

The energy within the enemy's sword gathered into an orb at the tip. Less than a second later it fired a beam of energy at the young Orlouge. It was almost too quick to put up a defense of any kind, unless...

"DAMMIT!" Rehtul screamed as he threw both his hands up in front of his body. A translucent frosted blue dome of energy appeared around his body about a foot out from his skin. The energy smashed into the front of the dome before gliding over the top and around either side. A blink of an eye later the energy construct began to crack and destabilize, before it finally shattered and swirled around the body of the mage. With no input from him, the shards of energy struck forth with the ferocity and speed of a striking viper toward its prey.

"I didn't want to use that," he said as he extended his left arm toward Shinsou, aiming three of his remaining spears at the older man, "It reminds me of someone I hate."

Without another word, he fired the three spears above and to either side of where the man was standing at a speed that would catch be only a second or so behind the shards.

And she thinks she has to protect him?! What a joke.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

As the cryomancer began to prepare another icy deluge for him, Shinsou fought back the lethargy from the drain of his wound. He corrected his balance with just about the minimum level of coherence before the three new threats filled his vision. The Telgradian could practically hear them whistle through the crisp clearing air, and somewhere in the back of that muddled mind, he knew he had but a moment to react.

But a moment was all he needed.

The spellsword felt a crawling sensation as the jet-like amorphic crystal of his Aura Break slithered over his body, anchoring him to the frostbitten soil. It grew up over his face just as the three icicle spears were about to hit, and suddenly his vision was rendered into a hundred blurred shades of turquoise and oil. A muffled noise like three gunshots in quick succession rang into his ears as the ice thumped into the adamantine-strength barrier and shattered into a million shards, before, a few seconds later, he felt the surface of the Aura Break dissolving. Sloughing off of his pale skin in chunks, the protective ward he had summoned peeled away to reveal an otherwise unharmed Shinsou Vaan Osiris, and a bemused Rehtul Orlouge.

Mages of any kind were usually annoying to fight, even for a self-styled mage like Shinsou. It had gotten to the point that doing so almost boiled down to a simple formula of who got in closest, won. But this one? Orlouge was stronger and smarter than his average charge, and Shinsou found himself smiling as he emerged from the dark and icy debris of their magecraft around him, one hand clutching at the bleeding wound the cryomancer had dealt him earlier. Crimson continued to pour from the ravaged gash in rivulets.

For the first time in a long time, Shinsou Vaan Osiris was excited. This was the meaning of the Citadel. He’d fought here before and he knew that within the confines of these mystical walls, the monks of Ai’Brone could resurrect the dead and heal the wounded. But here, life was not what was at stake, and the mystics of Radasanth could do nothing for pride. In the absence of the fear of survival, that was the risk he took.

"You’re fighting hard,” The Telgradian spoke directly to Rehtul in the moment’s respite, “But, as you can see, you’ve still got a lot of work to do to go toe-to-toe with the likes of me. Strength isn't just a numbers game, kid. It would be wise to learn that.”

Shin no Kotei: 1st Grade

It felt as if the air around Enpera’s blade had solidified and shattered like glass on command as its seal was broken. Arcane energies surged like adrenaline from the sword and a taste of electricity hung on the day’s cool air. A second later, Shinsou’s physical form quickly darkened into night, melting into a thick liquid that pooled into a shadowy slick before disappearing entirely into the soil of the clearing. His keen vision had earlier spotted that the sun overhead had cast long shadows in every direction, offering him many options for a surprise attack, but as the pale orange orb traced across the sky an even better prospect had arrived. Rehtul’s remaining ice armiger of eight spears floated about two foot away from his body, orbiting threateningly, but inbetween the icy weapons and Rehtul lay the shadow of the mage himself.

A perfect spot to re-appear.

With a snake-like slither, the Telgradian’s shadow forged a trail across the floor and touched Rehtul’s own, allowing Shinsou to physically manifest between the cryomancer and his icy arsenal instantly. The cool wind flushed his newly manifested skin and, as the breeze wind beat about Shinsou’s matted chestnut hair, the Telgradian pulled his sword in a fierce downwards arc.

Dust erupted into the air as the force of the swing conspired to carve the plucky Rehtul Orlouge in half.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Something felt off. Rehtul's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he saw his attacks bounce off the force that had surrounded Shinsou's body.

The hell was that? Some kind of exoskin spell? No matter, I'll just- as the thought continued to go through the mage's head, his opponent turned into what appeared to be liquid shadow before he seemed to melt into the floor of the clearing, blending with the shadows between the two men.

Rehtul attempted to eyeball where the shadow Osiris had become was going, but it was pointless. He couldn't tell under all the blades of grass scattered throughout the clearing. He only had his experience and reflexed to rely on, and suddenly he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

No, not again! he thought as he jumped forward, but only a little too late. He felt the point of the sword dig into his lower back. A burning pain erupted up his spine as he caught himself on the ground with his hands. Without even looking behind himself, he brought a hand up, open palmed, toward the man who had just attacked him from behind a second time in this battle. He clenched his hand into a fist and the remaining seven spears floating where he had once stood all shattered and homed in on Shinsou, looking to impale him with as many small shards of ice as possible.

The ice mage pushed himself up on his hands and threw his legs around under himself... or at least tried to. Breaths started to come more quickly as the young mage attempted again to force his legs to move by force of will alone, but not only were they refusing his orders, he could not even feel them anymore.

I'm paralyzed?! No... no, no, no. Just... no, calm down, I can handle this, he thought, as if to force himself not to panic. Hoping Shinsou was still dealing with the barrage of ice that had come at him from every side, Rehtul pulled on his magic once more. The spear in his right hand slinked down into his jacket and down his legs, wrapping itself around his waist. Slowly, then with increasing speed, more ice gathered under the mage's billowing slacks, covering even his feet in a solid coating of ice.

With that now out of the way, Rehtul stood up. He wobbled a bit on a type of motor control he had never had to use before, and locked his legs in place using his pseudo armor. Without so much as a sound, he willed his new armor to carry itself, and by extension, him, into the air to buy himself some time.

A sense of vertigo threatened to cause him to fall backwards, but he simply extended the ice on his back up his spine to hold himself in place.

"Damn..." he whispered as he extended an arm. More ice appeared from the surrounding air and fitted itself around both of his arms and his chest. The hood of his jacket was forced up over his head as a sparkling but remarkably clear helmet of ice materialized inches from his face.

Of all the crap I've been crazy enough to pull, this has got to take the cake. Encasing myself in ice just so I can keep fighting?

In all honestly, he considered, he'd have long given up had this battle been real, and not merely for sport and sheer pride.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Suddenly, everything had turned on its heel.

A single ice lance would have been easy to avoid, but Rehtul Orlouge’s mastery of the elements and Shinsou’s injuries meant that seven was just too great a number, even for the Telgradian. Osiris drew Enpera across him defensively, shattering the first two spears, and rolled away on his right shoulder across the frost encrusted grass. It was agonising to roll on the injury, but proved neccesary to avoid a third from striking him directly in the chest. The fourth and fifth followed him mercilessly but only succeeded in grazing his left arm, cutting an icy trail through his coat and freeze burning the skin on his arm. The sixth buried itself with a sickening “thwack” through his thigh, whilst a seventh only just missed his head by an inch.

The pain in his leg was both excruciating and debilitating, and he had to act quickly if he had any chance at all of getting through this alive. As Rehtul started to enclose himself in more of the damned ice, Shinsou snapped the protruding lance at either end. With an agonised grunt, he pulled out the broken half, leaving a large ripple of puckered flesh on display.

Fucking hell…shoulder’s gone, leg’s fucked. What now?

When he turned his head to look up, Shinsou got an instant reminder of his fight with John Cromwell all those years ago. There was the man-child, now encased in an armour of blue and silver ice that seemed to cover every inch of his body. It was just like when John sealed himself away in a suit of jade to stop his attacks, only this time his opponent could move. The gleaming overcoat seemed weighty and unwieldy, but the Telgradian now knew that it would only take Orlouge to summon a plethora of those ice lances to stop him for good. Unlike John, Orlouge didn’t need to be near him to kill him.

Luckily, that was a two way street.

“Orlouge!” The Telgradian shouted, unsure if his words would penetrate the thick ice enveloping him. “One last push!”

His brow sweating, and his eyes flaring with pride and passion, Shinsou outstretched his sword arm and flipped the blade until the point was directed to the frozen soil beneath. As he gripped tighter and performed the incantation, the gleaming Enpera began to glow a magnesium white.

“Shin no Kotei: 3rd Grade!”

Enpera stopped glowing, and there was an audible “hiss” from the sword as if cold water had been poured onto an oven. The sound of grating earth rose from where Shinsou’s feet dug into his position. He tensed, every damaged and fit muscle in his powerful body coiled as tightly as an Aleraran watchmaker's precision mechanics. There would be no going back and no safe harbour for the ice-clad Orlouge now. His fate was entwined with the shuddering Telgradian.

With two quick stabs, Shinsou Vaan Osiris destroyed his own eyes. The scream was blood curdling, and the pain almost unbearable on top of the severe injuries he had already sustained. There simply weren't enough synapses for the brain to comprehend what pain belonged to what part of the body anymore, so instead his entire being burned in a cauldron of suffering. The only thing keeping him alive was the knowledge that Rehtul, too, would suffer the same wounds due to the effects of the 3rd grade of Shin no Kotei. He didn't know just what else the mage was capable of, but the Telgradian knew that he could still sense where the mage was through his spirit sense. It was going to be crude at best, but if this worked, Rehtul would have no way of finding Shinsou, and Osiris would at least have crude navigation.

It was an ability that had proven an insurance policy up until today, but now it was the crux on which this contest rested.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

One last push? What the hell is he talking about? Rehtul asked himself as he looked down upon the man below him from his vantage point. There was surely no shadow for him to jump out of and back attack the mage this high up in the air. A hissing sound, barely audible, issues forth from the other man's form as Rehtul felt a magical connection make itself apparent between the two fighters.

"Oh... shit," was all he could say as he watched, virtually a captive audience as the other man reached up and gouged out his own eyes. A howl of unimaginable pain erupted forth from the mouths of both men as Rehtul fought to maintain his balance in the air through the blind agony he now faced. Pain unlike any he'd ever experienced in his life shot up and down his neck, down into his stomach, and nearly caused him to vomit from the feeling. Dry heaves and gasps were lost in the wind as snot and saliva ran down the mage's lips and bloody tears ran down his face.

"You son of a bitch!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he spun in midair and struggled to keep himself upright against both the pain and gravity.

As the pain slowly subsided into a sharp ache that radiated with each heartbeat, the mage took stock of himself. The wind whipped around him and by flexing his arms and legs he could tell there was nothing near him he'd be able to run into. He could fly away and hide, but while that would buy him time, he wasn't quite sure what he would be buying time for. It's not as though he had the slightest clue how to fight blind.

He did say one last push, the Mystic thought to himself as he felt the hard iced shell around him.

Perhaps it'd be better to simply abandon defense since I can't see him coming, anyway.

A small rustling nearby indicated that there was something moving through the trees as he floated there, several meters above the ground. Perhaps it was his quarry, though that wouldn't mean much in a moment.

"ONE LAST PUSH, RIGHT?!" Rehtul yelled. He held a single hand down, pointing toward the ground beneath him. If that bastard was still anywhere near under him, there was no way he'd be able to dodge this. The air around the mage grew cold as he unleashed the full might of his magic. Wind whipped this way and that before the armor surrounding Rehtul shattered, all but the parts he was using to maintain himself in the air, and began to gather around him as dancing shards. Moisture from the air began to gather as well, spreading out around the mage in a circular rotating shape, small crystalline stars orbiting their galaxy's center.

Finally, knowing that the other man had been giving his attacks names, he thought about it for himself a few seconds. The feel of the icy wind on his fingertips, the blackness of the world around him now that he was robbed of sight, it was like being caught in a white out in Salvar.

That's it.

"Crystal Ice Magic, First Form, White Out!"

Even though it was likely that Shinsou could see anymore than he could, Rehtul brought both of his hands above his head and then ripped them in a downward motion toward the ground, unleashing hundreds of arrowhead sized shards of ice toward the ground with at terminal velocity in a radius around the young mage of five meters.

With any luck they'll rip him to shreds... if not, he could probably just impale me with one of those weird shadow lances of his now that I'm just a sitting duck.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

The Telgradian had miscalculated. By blinding Rehtul Orlouge, he thought he would have been able to pull off one last attack using his ability to sense the ice mage's position instead of physically seeing him.

However, Shinsou was caught unaware by the powerful storm of razor sharp ice that his opponent had conjured. For all the good his senses did for him, there was simply no way for Shinsou to use them to detect such a vicious assault. So, when the crystallised spears came for him, they struck him hard.

Rehtul’s deadly frozen arsenal manifested around the suit of ice and tore towards the helpless Telgradian. Impaling him with a sickening volley of thwaackkkks, Shinsou Vaan Osiris screamed and sunk to his knees, caking the frosty grass below him with gore.

Ggnnnhhh...

He tried to get back up, but his butchered left leg gave out quickly and sent him crashing on his backside. This caused the terrible wound in his thigh split open further, resulting in an even more profuse bleed and wracking him with a pain so intense that it barely even registered anymore. As his golden eyes finally broke from a determined stare at his opponent to a drooping, downcast gaze at his wounds, Shinsou saw the rips in his clothes. He looked like he had been torn to shreds by a savage wild beast. The injuries presented a bucolic combination of grime, blood, and gore.

Get up.

A frenetic scurry of hands and feet just about got the Telgradian up on a single knee, at least momentarily, but his weak leg was dead weight. He was the beggar this time, his body hopelessly soaked with a fresh coat of the blood and a film of frosty arena soil. He struggled and fell once more.

Come on...

Determined to get up, he could see Rehtul coming down to the ground. The ice mage had tried everything at his disposal, and now looked slower and more vulnerable as the horrendous toll of his own injuries started to become apparent. It wouldn’t be long before the sorceror tried to finish him off with more of his incredible magic. To strike down the Telgradian and finish him once and for all would only be a small matter, now.

Come…on…

Shinsou's left hand shakily held Enpera, his blade. His right had started to clumsily fashion one more dark lance, using all of the energy he had left. There was only one option left to him for an assault, and he knew that Rehtul certainly couldn’t block it. This time…

Ugh…

A sigh. A deep breath. A look of desperate confusion as the world began to blur, and the Telgradian began to lose consciousness. The trees, the frozen grass, the clear skies all became smudged and out of focus, like a watercolour painting on which water had spilled. The lance clattered out of his hand, a few inches in front of him. Enpera found a home in the bloodstained mud next to his body. As Shinsou watched the sky from his back, the world around him started to crumble away into darkness. One thought was all that was left.

Finally someone…I can...

[Rehtul Orlouge]

A blood curdling scream erupted from below as the attack made contact. Rehtul's breaths, coming in ragged gasps, eased ever so slightly as he wiped the blood, snot, and spit from his back with his billowing white sleeve. The mage began to slowly descend from his heights, sure now that he had made his mark, and that hopefully his opponent now lie dead somewhere in the clearing. A battle such as this had pushed him to his absolute limits, though finding out what those limits were was likely useful in its own right.

As feet touched grass, Rehtul allowed himself to take a huge gulp of air to make sure he wasn't dreaming. A man as powerful as that, and he had succeeded? Of course, he realized it was only due to a fairly bad strategy by the leader of the Brotherhood. Blinding a mage that can attack in every direction, especially if it means blinding yourself, could have some rather dire consequences if you have no other way of sensing when an attack is on the way.

Suddenly the darkness was replaced by a white searing pain, as though lightning had stricken the young man right in the center of his head. The ice holding his body up cracked and shattered under his weight. He fell forward, catching himself on his arms only just enough to stop himself from being fed a bloody, muddy mouth full of dirt. Water slowly seeped into the cotton fabric of his coat and coarse muddy dirt coaxed itself into the undersides of his fingernails. The smell of fresh cut wet grass assaulted his nose as he lied there, waiting for this ordeal to be over, one way or another.

Guess I pushed a little too far, he thought.

Not much of a surprise, I suppose...

As the energy of battle slowly wore off, aches and pains made themselves apparent all over the mage's body.

"Ow... that son of a bitch really did a number on me," he muttered under his breath as he continued to lie there, face half buried in the mud. "And to think Felicity really thinks he needs someone else's protection... what an idiot..." Those last few words were the last thing he remembered saying before he blacked out.

Minutes later, he found himself staring at the ceiling of one of the rooms reserved for fighters when a battle was over. A window facing toward a sunny field allowed plenty of light to filter in as the mage brought himself up to sit. Just to be sure of his condition, he wriggled his toes and extended a leg.

"Making sure all the parts are still working?" a monk asked from a desk.

"Yeah. He did blind and paralyze me," Rehtul responded with a smirk. "First time that's ever happened to me. It was... definitely an experience I don't look forward to repeating."

"Yes, I'd imagine not. Well, your vitals all check out. You can feel free to get dressed and head out if you'd like. As it is, I must take my leave. There are others who are in need of my services. You may use the room for the next half an hour if you don't feel quite up to leaving yet, but please try to be out of here by then."

"Very well." Rehtul wasn't entirely sure why he was being rushed, but didn't particularly care either. There were plenty of other places around Radasanthia where he could have his meeting with the Lord Osiris that were much nicer than the Citadel's recovery rooms. He splashed some water on his face from the nearby basin, threw his shirt and coat on, and then turned to open the door. Hopefully it hadn't been too long and he'd be able to catch the other man before he left. There were still matters to attend to.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Shinsou awoke again to a room dimmed nearly to darkness, the sun setting through a solitary window behind him. It was one of the Citadel’s healing chambers, judging by the cramped and cold stone room and the aches upon his back from lying on what felt like a mortuary slab. Turning to the attending monk, he quickly made it known that he wished to be helped down. The attendant obliged without question.

“Your opponent, Rehtul Orlouge, was looking for you,” the orange robed monk called out as the Telgradian disappeared behind a screen, still rubbing his aching flesh and dressing into his spare tunic. As he threw the shredded garments from his battle in the bin, it mystified Shinsou that ones with such uncontested healing powers couldn’t extend themselves to the repair of torn garments.

“I’m sure he is.” Came the reply from behind a screen as the Telgradian frowned at his barely existent coat, and tossed the rag to the floor nonchalantly. He unwrapped the sash around his spare outfit, taking water from around the corner of the screen as it was offered to him. Greedily he gulped down the drink, and listened, still out of sight, as a knock came.

“It’s Rehtul,” The bald monk told him plaintively through the screen. “Shall I let him in?”

Shinsou stretched, his joints cracking noisily when he leant back. “Sure.”

From the other side of the screen, Shinsou could hear the monk let Rehtul Orlouge in and depart, leaving the pair alone. It felt as if the whole room suddenly grew cold, even more so than when the Telgradian first came to. Tendrils of chill seeped from the bricks, grasping at his feet, reaching up into his coat, and even infiltrating his lungs. Was it his mind playing tricks, or perhaps vestiges of Orlouges magic seeping out from him? In any case, the screen that divided them offered no protection from the moon’s cold gaze, let alone the machinations of Rehtul’s magic, and Shinsou had a gut feeling the man’s intentions were not hostile.

“Sorry, just a second,” Shinsou replaced his boots upon his feet, and drew back the curtain to reveal the ice mage perched on the stone slab the Telgradian had woken on. Osiris felt talkative, and hoped Rehtul was in the same frame of mind, or at least of one to listen. “Well, congratulations. That was quite the performance out there. I wasn’t wrong; the apple doesn’t fall far from the Orlouge tree now, does it? Just don’t let it go to your head; there’s much more to me than what you saw today.”

Seeing a little apprehension from the ice mage, Shinsou did his best to encourage the conversation on. There were gaps in his knowledge that begged questions, ones he hoped Rehtul would only be happy to answer.

“We’re at the ‘whys’ and ‘wherefores’ bit now that I talked about earlier,” Shinsou sat next to him, looking straight ahead out of the window. “You’ve earned my respect, and I hope that I have perhaps earned a few answers?”

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Rehtul couldn't help but be amused at Shinsou's claim that he had held back. It wasn't particularly surprising, after all. Someone with that much power, holding back was basically second nature. Rehtul himself knew of the need to do so to avoid indiscriminately killing anyone who mildly annoyed him. He swung his feet back and forth as Shinsou tried his best to engage in small talk with him. It was a nice attempt, but not what the mage had come for.

With a slight smirk Rehtul said, "Yes, you've earned all the answers you want. First, I'm not surprised you were holding back. Had you not blinded yourself I'm certain you'd have won handily. On to what is most likely on your mind, however." The mage straightened out his coat, as the feeling of the high thread count cotton against his skin helped to keep his focus. He dropped down from the stone slab that Shinsou had occupied moments earlier and began pacing the room.

"The first answer, my reason for asking you here was twofold. One, a test of your might and mettle. I heard from a shared acquaintance of ours, one Felicity Rhyolite, that she thought you in need of her protection. I know of you by reputation, and found it hard to believe that you would need that. I wanted to know if she considered you so weak or if it was simply her misplaced altruism. Based on our encounter earlier, I believe it to be the latter."

Rehtul turned and let his steely blue eyes behold the other man with a slight smile as he continued, "My second reason, if I found the answer to my inquiry to be satisfactory, was to display my own skills as a sort of... demonstration."

His footsteps echoed in the nearly empty room as he continued to pace with both hands behind his back.

"I've heard through my network of contacts what has happened to your organization, the Brotherhood. I know what it's like to have something precious ripped from your hands by someone you thought you could trust. As such..." Rehtul eyes seemed to glow in the shadows covering his face.

"I want to offer my assistance to your cause. My knowledge, my network of contacts, my powers, all at your disposal, should you choose to hire me. The only thing you don't get access to is my family. I don't tend to involve them in my business affairs, unless there is a very pressing need for it." There it was, laid out as plain as day. The question that loomed over Rehtul's head now was whether that would satisfy the man, and more importantly, whether or not he would think to accept the deal. After all, very few knew Rehtul well enough to be familiar with his networks or the full extent of his power and knowledge.

There was much else to discuss, but this felt like the most pressing answer that needed to be given first.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Shinsou groaned to himself as he listened to Rehtul talk about Felicity. She was a strong woman; one of the strongest he knew, in fact, and a good friend. But, for all of her good points, her sense of scale was definitely askew as far as the Telgradian being able to look after himself was concerned. He drew a deep breath and stifled the urge to mock the idea of needing babying, cognizant of the fact that he was in shared company. Instead, Shinsou elicited a calm chuckle.

“Whilst I appreciate her concern, I am sure you can see for yourself that she’s worrying over nothing,” The young man sighed, carefully and purposefully tidying away a stack of his belongings into a satchel.

It was then that the young Orlouge finally revealed what was smouldering away at the back of his mind. Ten paces away, on the other side of the room, the mage laid bare his motivations for requesting this “test of skill” in the first place. Shinsou tilted his head lightly and narrowed his eyes some, testing those of his counterpart. They were keen and true, and betrayed no unease.

“As far as job interviews go, I doubt you could have made a stronger case for yourself. That much is for sure.” Osiris laughed, a low and melodious sound, as the Orlouge’s expression remained cautious and controlled. The Telgradian took another step towards him, sizing him up, before seating himself on the floor of the room, in the corner. He gestured for Rehtul to sit with him. A little perplexed at first, the ice mage reluctantly obliged, probably wondering why they had not seated themselves on the slab instead. Osiris tucked his knees up to his chest, and rested his back and head against the wall, staring straight ahead.

“You know, a few years ago, I met Storm Veritas in Radasanth and we resolved to take what was the nucleus of the Brotherhood, and grow it,” Shinsou started, the nocturnal breeze wafting through the Citadel nooks and crannies breathing against his face. “Within a year, we had our own territory in Corone. Within two, we’d damn near toppled the Assembly itself and nearly took Radasanth from the Imperials. I know now that it was the wrong thing to do at the time, but Arius Mephisto didn’t agree. He wanted us to keep pushing the Brotherhood in that direction, creating conflict and making huge power grabs without any justification at all. We just weren’t comfortable with that path after the siege failed.”

The room that played host to them basked in the light of a lonely lamp, but otherwise it was completely still, not even a moth stirring in the shadows. Shinsou tilted his head up to the ceiling, a more sombre tone to his voice now. “We had no idea about the monster we were about to create. Then he betrayed us. Arius burned Whitevale to the ground. Entire families were wiped out in an instant. Men, women and kids; he didn’t discriminate. We got to the wreckage too late, but when we did, we found the charred corpses of children still clutching their spoons. Their ashes were like a soup of death in the rain, and the stench was ungodly. It still haunts me to this day.”

The Telgradian breathed deeply of the frosty air. He could see from the corner of his eye that Rehtul was offering him a silent and forlorn glance.

“When we caught up to him, there wasn’t an army in the world that was going to stop us from tearing him apart,” Shinsou frowned. “And that’s exactly what we did. We shredded him down to his last atom. For them. But, in the end, it was our failure to protect them that killed them, not Arius’s successes. It didn’t bring them back. I carry that with me every day, Rehtul, as a reminder. Whatever this Brotherhood was in the past is irrelevant now to us. In the present, and in the future, it will be a shield and sword. For those kids, for the Brotherhood’s people itself, and for Corone. It has to be.”

The words sounded like they may have flowed artistically, and perhaps almost rehearsed, but Shinsou was speaking from the heart. The single chime of a nearby clock multiplied into a cacophonous echo, which in turn were amplified even further by the Citadel’s long corridors outside. It took him a long moment to compose his thoughts before he peered at Rehtul.

“I’ve been very careful about who I trust since then, as I’m sure you’ll understand. But that being said, we need people. We need good people, who we can place our faith in to rebuild and protect Whitevale and Corone. Your family name carries you far, but as you rightly say, you should be judged on your own qualities and resources alone. We have to first establish trust, which is very much a two way street. I am sure you’ll agree with this, and if there's anything I can do in that regard, tell me.”

It was then he stood up and beckoned the mage to follow him to where he had piled his belongings. Here, there were two books that had been burning holes in the back of his brain for weeks now. He handed Rehtul one of them; a beautiful leather-bound script tied with a silver sash.

“Here. These are all the notes I have compiled on The Higanbana. They’re a group who were operating a clandestine blood magic cult out of Stonevale, using sex workers and the homeless as a feeding tube for their flowers of death. It went undetected for years before they decided to murder and mutilate a number of prostitutes and tried to pin it on me. Their mansion on Scara Brae is a smouldering wreck now, and the rest of the working girls were freed, but I’ve had word that Scara Brae was just the tip of a very unpleasant iceberg. It looks like they are setting up shop in Corone, possibly even as far as Salvar. Women have gone missing again; some young girls too. Kids, perhaps. Some bodies have turned up decorated with the red flowers - a Higanbana calling card.”

Shinsou rose to his feet now, turning on a dime to face the still seated mage.

“I don't believe in co-incidences. Our paths have crossed for a reason, I believe. If you want in to the Brotherhood, come with me and let's shut these bastards down once and for all. Let's save some Coronian lives while we're at it and let’s get these kids home to their families. I don’t want a single life more torn apart on my watch.”

A determined look crossed his face as he offered his hand to Rehtul Orlouge, and the torchlight danced in his eyes.

[Preston]

Judgment:


I apologize immensely for the delay in this judgment. I’m looking forward to this clash and what the writing holds!

I love judging and giving feedback, so you’ll see a lot of general comments in different sections. These will be quotes and will have something like Post # or P# before it so you can refer back to the post that I was reading for context.

As always, I LOVE getting any feedback be it good, bad or ugly. If you have any questions, concerns, or would like additional clarification please feel free to contact me and I would be happy to help!



Plot

Story Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 7

Shin -
Good, general opening to a Citadel post from a story perspective. It opened the reason for being there, as well as alluded to his personality/addiction towards it.

The last posts were the next time I saw anything related to Story. I like the background for Shin, but it wasn’t until the very end of the thread that I got some type of storyline. For a general Citadel fight, it would have been pretty standard, but you brought it up with the last post in conjunction with Reht to tie it together.

Rehtul -
It was nice to see the opening with the “former assassin” and “Knights” thrown in, but I’m not sure how they tied to Reht immediately. I have to go basically only off the first and last posts for this thread on the Story… I thought you had a decent story to meet with Shin, but the concept of Felicity telling you she had to protect him was the only thin veil for why you were at a Citadel match instead of a bar to talk.

All in all, it was better than the majority of the reasons for the battle, though having it maybe hinted at throughout the thread would have made the battle seem like it had more of a purpose.

Setting Rehtul: 5 | Shin: 6

Shin -
You did a little better of describing the setting in the opening post, but afterwards it felt a little forgotten from that point on. There were a few times where it was mentioned again, and then of course after you were resurrected by the monks.

Rehtul -
It felt like you started to describe the setting in the opening post, but then wanted to leave it to Shin to decide on it instead with only a very partial setting created. It seemed a little forgotten most of the thread, and at the end you did well creating the afterlife ‘healing’ chambers.

Pacing Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 8

Shin -
The pacing was good overall, but there were a few places (just like Reht) where you had complex and compound sentences that made the flow of instant reactions and battle long-winded. Overall though, it flowed well and was easy to read.

Rehtul -
You use a fair amount of compound and complex sentences during the fight that tend to draw out the flow instead of making it more direct. When writing quick movements and sharp attacks, you want to keep those concise and direct typically. I don’t see a problem with having them sometimes, but at the end of Post 8, the description of the 3 spears could have been more staccato.

Overall, very easy to read and enjoyable.


Character

Communication Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 7

Shin -
There was nothing especially outstanding, but also it didn’t intrude on the writing. You kept your communication true to your character and it fit well.

Rehtul -
Post 8: “his usual habit of self talk rearing its ugly head again as his level of stress rose.” That is a great way to explain random dialogue that sometimes finds its way into a battle, while also keeping it attuned to the persona of the character.

Action Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 8

A lot of the action by both of you was pretty bluntly written, as far as attack and react. I think what it was missing was how it interacted with the environment and a fair amount of technical writing that would have made it seem more alive and dynamic

Shin -
Stabbing your own eyes to blind your opponent… metal. Otherwise, the action was good and I feel like you realistically transitioned that action into physical issues and how you reacted to those.

Rehtul -
I was a little confused on how you were in the air/flying... Otherwise, I felt like the action was more ‘matter of fact’ and could have used a little more flow and touch to it. It was well written, but also ‘matter of fact’ in the way it was written.

Persona Rehtul: 7| Shin: 8

Shin -
In post 7 you get a little more of personality in battle, hissing at the pain for example. Like your opponent, there were glimmers of good persona throughout here and there, but in the end it felt like personality was lost a little in the narrative. I think you did well with explaining reactions and the why behind them though.

Rehtul -
Most of the posting felt like a description of a battle, which you are in, but lacked your character's personality during the thread. I got it a few times, such as snarling when you were hit in Post 6. I would have liked to see a little more of who Reht through the narrative, but otherwise a good showing.


Prose

Mechanics Rehtul: 9 | Shin: 9

Shin -
I noted only a handful of smaller errors with grammar here and there, including missing words. Otherwise, nothing too much of note.

Rehtul -
There were a few errors here and there, such as missing words or first words in a sentence not being capitalized (Post 6).

Clarity Rehtul: 9 | Shin: 9

Shin - No real issues with clarity in general.

Rehtul -
Post 8: “A blink of an eye later the energy construct began to crack and destabilize, before it finally shattered and swirled around the body of the mage. With no input from him, the shards of energy struck forth with the ferocity and speed of a striking viper toward its prey.” - I was a little lost as to what the “shards of energy” were referring to, was it the ice of the shield?

Technique Rehtul: 6 | Shin: 8

Shin -
You have a style that lends itself to beautiful prose, but it also sometimes feels awkward in this thread. The last paragraph of Post 7 felt like the latter a little.

Rehtul -
You have a bit of technique that works, and other times it feels a bit lackluster - “a giant fan of pointy sticks” (post 6)


Wild Card
Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 7

For WC on battles I give both of you an equal score and use it as a wrap-up. I enjoyed reading the fight, it was interesting. I actually think it would be fun to have a battle with either of you someday myself and I’m looking forward to it maybe!

Score:
Rehtul - 71
Shin - 77

Rewards
Rehtul - 1275 exp | 250 gold
Shin - 5255 exp | 250 gold

[Preston]

Exp and GP Added!

Rehtul, welcome to Level 6!

Shin, you're just a handful away from 17....