Destinies collide...

(Closed to brother Shinsou)

It was a Tuesday.

Nosdyn looked up at the sky of the combat arena. It was a standard village of Corone. It was not the usual forests that Nosdyn preferred to fight in. He'd dealt with the people of Ettermire, and he dealt with the demons of the Tular Plains and those within his own heart and soul. Most important, he'd dealt with N'Jal directly and caused her to have a major defeat. The village was ripe with towns folk, those bastards from Corone. His amber coloured eyes looked off to the distance for a moment. Always a step ahead of his enemy. Always a step ahead of those who would harm him and his people.

His boots crunch the ground beneath him. It was an old rustic town. One of the outskirt village of Corone since before The phony empire came to pass in Radasanth. The whole nation was in an uproar fighting with itself to attempt to once again find it's own identity. Freedom...democracy...the demon knew that those concepts were man made and had no place in the world of Althanas on a cosmic scale of things. He hated both of those concepts but he was willing to set aside his personal hatred of the ideologies to face a very specific opponent.

More than once, he'd faced that man's pupil in combat but the worm had escaped his wrath each time.

However, the last time...he'd learned a name. Shinsou Van Osiris.

Using the monks of the order to his advantage, he'd issued a challenge one day for that man. He wanted to hurt his student and that man in every way possible. He'd heard that Shinsou had legendary power, but Nosdyn had something that only he had. He'd been able to get back up after N'Jal smote him where he stood. That was something to brag about.

The letter of challenge had been sent, and the stage was set. Nosdyn clenched his fists in anticipation as he waited for that man to arrive. Hopefully the instructor was far braver than the student and was willing to finish what he started. Nosdyn hoped so. He'd taken the trip to Corone just to settle up the score. If he could not have victory over the student, he would attack the teacher.

There were people looking with morbid curiosity from within shut windows in their houses....they knew what was on the blue demon's mind.

Combat and warfare. Woe be it to anyone who got in their way.

(Note: some random nameless village in Corone. Nosdyn is standing dead in the middle of it bro. Its day time. So just enter here. The student in question is your student flamebird heheh)

Shinsou Vaan Osiris stood in front of a polished granite table within the Citadel halls, and folded the note back into quarters before tossing it onto the surface.

Nosdyn…

Water glistened on walls of polished stone behind the Ai’Brone attending to him as a cohort of orange robed monks washed them with cloths. The turquoise pommel of Enpera shone in the elegant lamplight of the Citadel’s chambers. A brisk breeze stirred the hairs on his neck from the open doorway behind him, and through that entrance a low sun beat down on his back, casting its soft orange glaze over Radasanth.

There was a time when a name would mean nothing to the Telgradian, but that was before the days of the Brotherhood. Since then, there were few people of note in Corone that he hadn’t either befriended or made an enemy of. Nosdyn seemed to be the rare exception; a name that had been whispered in circles Shinsou didn’t travel in, and someone who had stayed out of his line of fire so far, but all the while an entity that he was aware of. From the little he knew, pieced together from what Felicity had told him and what the note revealed, his challenger was a demon from the Tular plains. He had fought Felicity Rhyolite, and presumably either lost or fled the battle. That bit was no surprise at all, the Telgradian mused. Rhyolite was strong, if not a little raw around the edges.

It made him wonder what Nosdyn’s agenda was with him. Clicking his tongue, and tapping his fingers, Shinsou wracked his brain for an answer but it was the obvious one that kept coming back to him. The demon knew that there was a connection between Rhyolite and Osiris, so this was either a revenge mission or a reconnaissance one. No-one comes to the Citadel to get revenge. If this beast had any true grievance, surely an ambush or some other sort of frontal assault outside of these walls would suffice?

He wants to see what I can do in here, so he can fight me out there. Shinsou finally surmised, wiping Enpera’s edge against his white greatcoat before stepping near the humming portal the Ai’Brone had set up to transport him to his arena. If he couldn’t beat Felicity, then he’s going to wish he’d never written that note.

***

The stone chamber crumbled from sight, torn apart by the machinations of the Ai'Brone portal. Before long the arena appeared and reality returned, piecemeal, over a period of fifteen seconds.

As Shinsou's foot touched terra firma, a brisk breeze gathered force into what felt like a gale wind and whipped his oaken hair across his face. Wide blue skies replaced the grimy stone interior of the Citadel's chamber. The village he had spawned in was familiar; Coronian architecture, for sure. The faces of constructs peered from windows and from behind doorways. The buildings themselves were neatly spaced between passages and dirt roads alike. Neither smell nor sound interfered with the ambience of this, and suddenly it occurred to him that his opponent was already here.

The Telgradian could see what appeared to be the masked form of the demon Nosdyn, stood waiting in the centre of the village alone. Everything the Telgradian needed to know about this former resident of Tular, he could feel in his stomach. The density of the power coming from his demonic challenger was bearable, but clearly the Tularan was a practitioner of either the arcane or incarnate arts. Something to be mindful, but not necessarily afraid, of.

Shinsou finished scanning the environment, betraying no unease. Pushing aside a partition of chestnut hair so that it didn’t obscure his eyes, those inscrutable golden irises pierced Nosdyn, penetrating his being; daring him to make a move. The Telgradian rose to his full height and snapped his right palm open as the green and silver guard of his treasured sword manifested within his grasp. The sheath on his belt, tucked in, slapped against the inside of his white greatcoat and the side of his waist. His expression was unmoved.

“So, Nosdyn I presume? Well, here we are.” Shinsou quipped, shrugging his arms and flashing a grin. “Am I what you imagined?”

No answer.

“Well, let me clue you into something before we start,” The Telgradian began pacing the path ahead of him, “You’ve met Felicity. She’s strong, really strong but she’s a little...unrefined. I'm a totally different animal. You'll see soon enough.”

Go for the throat of this fight, before he steals a march on you.

In his left hand, Shinsou called forth an intricate arcane glyph of purple and black, one that smouldered in his weathered flesh. With a snap, the glyph expanded out into one of his notorious dark lances, the purple and black electrical forks tearing at the earth, and suddenly careered towards Nosdyn.

So it began. Nosdyn remained deadly calmed. Shinsou spoke, the man had charisma and something else entirely. If he were somebody else, he might have been charmed by that man. But he was there on a different mission. He ha d a name for the student now. Felicity...the circle is complete now. He'd come around and close that chapter of his life later on. When he was prepared to face her again on his own terms. Both times ended in Felicity's favour but that would change down the line.

A gusty wind came in once more from the west. The scent of blood and death preemptively in the wind. His amber coloured eyes narrowed as he watched Shinsou. He is going to make the first move...good.

Nosdyn kept his concentration up. He'd managed to HARM Felicity before so that had been a positive development, the humans could get hurt. Presuming they were still human beings at all. As Shinsou threw that imbued dark lance, Nosdyn remained stationary. Nosdyn never had speed in his favour. He was slow and powerful.

When that dark lance was about to connect, Nosdyn countered.

Quite similar in visceral combat tactics to what Felicity tried to use on him too. It was a dance, a lover's night in heated bedroom smelling of sex and sweat. His eyes narrowed and he could practically feel the sharpness of the dark lance impact against his chest. That's when Nosdyn struck. He moved in such a way to test the potency of that energy imbued dark lance. He took the hit dead on. Literally.

They talk too much... Nosdyn thought. Like student like master... Nosdyn thought. At that last moment he felt the impact of the dark lance against his body. He had moved at just the right time that it struck his chest directly. Nosdyn was good for it, he was good for pain. He'd survived being smote by N'Jal directly. This mortal wasn't going to do much compared to N'Jal.

"You already know my name." Nosdyn began. "Now I have yours and your student's name." He was fucking with their heads. He'd grown adequate at that. Ettermire had rejected the demon four times. Including N'Jal's rejection. He was collecting information, information was needed for his campaign down the line. They knew his name, but now he knew theirs.

It was all so sweet a dance.

His demon's blood trickled down his chest from the dark lance puncture wound.. He calculated where the dark lance would puncture him. He was in control of where the dance would take them...he remained calm the whole time.

The bastard was laughing at Shinsou.

Shinsou’s lips curved up at the corner slightly as the dark lance impacted Nosdyn’s body with a sickening thwack.

That was quick…

The Telgradian was about to turn tail and walk back to the portal; a job well done. But, after a moment passed, the slight smile turned to a frown. Nosdyn was still alive. The lance protruded from him, but this dark entity stood without hesitation or fear. Underneath that strange mask, Shinsou could almost imagine a look of total nonchalance and defiance etched on whatever passed for this demon’s face.

What the?

Shinsou had met few people who had ever taken the force of one of his dark lances so brazenly, but standing around gawping was hardly going to help his cause. He had already intuited from his failed first effort that a simple frontal attack would be a spectacularly bad idea, so he decided to make the village that Nosdyn had chosen his fortress. The buildings were all similar in design; large gothic windows dotted all sides of the grey stone walls, sad eyes letting in the natural light. For now, he’d need a little space and time. Luckily, the mazy village that Nosdyn had chosen provided ample opportunities to find some.

He moved with a purpose and swiftness he hadn’t felt in years. The packed dirt road beneath him popped up, dusty puffs and little explosions with each footstep, as Shinsou ran not towards Nosdyn but instead westward down a smaller road, beyond the demon’s sight. The people about him, bustling to find shelter, were merely slowly moving obstacles, ones he sidestepped or outran. The chatter and hollers clearing the way before him began to turn as a singular stone building flashed into view. The commotion lead many townfolk-idiots to surround the building in a loose, safe thirty foot perimeter. Even for imaginary constructs, they were curious, but not stupid.

Let’s hope that he can’t sense me, or this will be a massive waste of time.

Shinsou didn’t need to examine behind the building in front of him to know Nosdyn was still roughly where he left him; his own ability to sense life forms saw to that.

You took one lance when you could see it coming. Let’s see how you deal with a few when you can’t.

Without thinking, Shinsou popped a hand up in the air from behind the stone building, catching the eyes of only three or four citizens who were otherwise concerned with the ruckus before him. In five long seconds, Enpera Kurohitsugi was invoked and five lances of pure dark matter wove and threaded into existence from a circular expanse of black void in front of him. The air itself momentarily shimmered as the dark silo of purple and black magic, where the lances sat waiting, chewed through the foliage and stonework of the nearby house.

A cursory check of his senses told him Nosdyn was still around there, with the stone house firmly between him and Shinsou. With a single wave of the Telgradian’s hand, the five lances burst forth obediently. The windows of the house exploded inwards and left a rough, slippery footing of broken glass and splinters, piercing through the stone house as if its walls were made of paper. This was accompanied by a few gasps and whispers from the “villagers”.

Shinsou had been sure Nosdyn was here to see what he could do, but now the Telgradian found himself doing the opposite.

Nosdyn the son of Tharak Krotar, laughed for a moment longer and saw the lad run off to the village itself. Nosdyn could survive whatever Shinsou could dish out. His muscles tightened in anticipation as he watched the general direction that the man ran off to. He figured the fellow would attempt more ranged tactics. Nosdyn Krotar survived a full attack from N'Jal herself, this boy attacking him would not be able to hold up against her punishment. Nosdyn had been trained better than that.

Nosdyn calmed his mind and prepared for the attack that would no doubt come soon.

He was counting off the minutes...

Soon a powerful barrage of dark lances appeared quickly before him having travelled quickly. The attack would hit, Nosdyn would love. His muscles were tensed and prepared. He stood in place, still laughing and grinning. He wore his mask beneath the hooded cloak he liked so much. But he waited the entire time. The bastard didn't even attempt to evade or dodge it, he simply took the attack dead on.

Nosdyn was laughing the whole time, the son of a bitch was laughing! He'd been trained well by N'Jal and her followers so Shinsou would not be able to do much to the mad demon. His mind flashed in when he was struck by the dark lance attacks and he recalled Llukai and the Lancaster family of Ettermire. He recalled that betrayal. Nosdyn soon fell to one knee his body bleeding profusely from the titanic attack. He touched the ground beneath, the marble cobble stone and attempted to catch his breath.

His leather "armour" was covered in black blood by that point but he was conscious.

He gasped heavily as he looked in the direction of Shinsou. "Are you done running now?" He taunted the lad. "Your student tried to run too." He stood up at that point. Limped for a moment or two but after that was fine. He had pushed through the pain...

Gods almighty…

Whilst certainly not the most powerful spell at his disposal, Shinsou’s Enpera Kurohitsugi had been a reliable partner over the years. In all that time, the spellsword could count on one hand the amount of people who had taken it head on and lived. What he had never actually seen was anyone being struck by this dark magic and then laughing at his efforts.

Fucking Laughing.

The immediate urge was to lash out, stomp off into the village’s heart where Nosdyn was and start swinging Enpera around until the demon was dead. Since his experiences with Arius Mephisto, Shinsou, like Storm Veritas, had no patience for half measures. But, he knew that any expression of wrath in the Citadel was meaningless; there was only one way to kill Nosdyn for sure and that was the extermination of this demon outside of these hallowed walls.

For now, patience was a better master to serve, and the opportunity to test what Nosdyn was weak to was too good to pass up.

Shinsou’s soles planted firmly into the ground as knelt down and very subtly and quickly marked his personal seal in the dirt with a finger tainted with dark matter. He’d need that for later. Moments later, Shinsou Vaan Osiris walked around the debris of the house separating the pair and out into the open. A blustering wind whipped up as the man walked into the main thoroughfare; a simple road made of trodden, dying grass that carved the village in two. Nosdyn, stood in the centre of it about forty feet away now, had words for him that were intended to bait him into doing something stupid; a taunt intended for the hasty.

The Telgradian would have none of it.

Think I was born yesterday? He thought to himself as he drew Enpera by his side. Typical demon. All brawn, no brains. Let’s see how tough you are when those open wounds suffer neurotoxin, shall we?

“Hakai.”

At the touch of his words, a bright white light wove about Enpera and arcane power hissed from the sword like steam. The release of the first seal that kept Shinsou’s true power locked away suddenly stopped, and there was a moment’s silence before the Telgradian held the sword horizontally.

”Dokuga”.

The command had an instant effect. Enpera’s silver blade turned jet black as the sword began to secrete a thick, viscous toxic liquid. The poison dripped on the grass below, secondary splashes of ink like liquid disturbing the remaining motes of dirt and dust and instantly turning the brown weeds to a charred black. With a single swing, an arc-shaped volley of loose black toxin washed from the edge of the sword towards the injured, but resilient Nosdyn.

Nosdyn's eyes became calm as the man showed himself.

He had one thought in his mind: Let's see how powerful I've become... His muscles tensed up just like that time N'Jal struck him dead on with her smite power. He clenched his jaws and tempered the mad laughter for a moment. He's a flashy bastard...I'll give him that. Much braver than his student. Nosdyn knew that the other man would not fight him on even grounds, but that was besides the point. I'm getting to him, he intends to finish me off. Fool.

He stood his ground, bravely perhaps foolishly, perhaps like a complete psychopath might.

He was testing the full extent of the man's power. And then he lost it right as the power struck him dead on. He yelled at him. "Coward! I survived N'Jal's smite power. What makes you think you will do any better!?" He yelled at him. The attack burned around him, a fascinating display of raw strength and power. Through it all though, there was one key point of the entire attack. Nosdyn LIVED. The son of a bitch survived it, despite the vast injuries he'd sustained. He clutched at the ground of the village beneath him and coughed. He was badly hurt as the steam was swelling off his body, the energy and black toxin of the attack. Nosdyn had survived worse than that flashy man had to dish out, and he would survive worse in the future too. Blood, demonic blood, trickled down the side of his mouth. He definitely was hurt but as long his black heart beat in his chest he would keep fighting.

He coughed a few times, blood splattered out of his mouth. He decided on the spot...No more games flashy man... He clutched his iron mace in his free arm. He began to limp towards Shinsou. One of his legs didn't work and he was dragging it. He had cuts and injuries all over his massive demonic form. But the son of a bitch had lived. He limped towards the man, his opponent. A hush befell the village surrounding them. Nosdyn spoke. "I hope you're not just all flash and glamour. You won't win like that. Shinsou."

He covered the distance slowly, limping slowly, dragging his broken and smashed leg. Black demonic blood pouring down his body. He was good for it. The son of a bitch had lived. Once he was well within ear shot, he began to laugh again. It was subtle at first but soon it was full blown maniacal laughter.

The son of a bitch had lived and was now laughing at Shinsou....

Shinsou spared a glance towards the demon Nosdyn, exhaling his frustration in a stream of desiccated breath. This beast had soaked up everything he had dished out so far, and that was more than most who had come into conflict with him had ever survived. He had even made bold claims of surviving the wrath of N'Jal.

Perhaps he was telling the truth, but if there was going to be a pissing contest...

"So you survived N'Jal, huh?" Shinsou smirked. "Well, that's impressive. But, I'll let you into a little secret. You may have surived N'Jal, but I obliterated Draconus. That's right. I tore that fat dragon limb from limb, and put him at the bottom of Scara Brae's seas. I did that five years ago. Compared to that, you and your boasts, and your ridiculous laughing, are nothing."

Now, this black-cloaked figure limped over grass and clay road towards him like a murderous stalker, his eyes sunken and haunted beneath that mask. The Telgradian wondered what persistent magic or curse had held his powerful attacks at bay. Anger rose from the depths of his stomach. Murderous impulses and unchecked emotion seized control. This person, this cretin who had hunted his apprentice and had so willingly sought him out to make suffer beneath the attentions of whatever dark forces Nosdyn served? He deserved nothing less than an overwhelming defeat here, and then a final death outside of the Citadel’s walls.

Clearing his mind of cobwebs, Shinsou began weaving white zephyrs into a swirling cocoon. Nosdyn was still approaching, slowly, his very continued existence threatening to ravage his sanity. Smouldering magic and electricity warred in the air as shadows shuddered beneath the flaring light. A maelstrom of thunderous cacophony resonated through his ears, and the Telgradian’s mind vibrated with the rage of an erupting volcano. Words of power slipped past his lips; an incantation of annihilation contained in a single breath.

“Shiroihitsugi.”

Four walls of light suddenly washed upwards around Nosdyn, carving through two houses on either side of the approaching demon. The light was dazzling and disorienting, but it settled slightly as it converged as one in an attempt to envelop Shinsou’s opponent fully in a pulsating orb of pure energy. The spell wrought havoc on everything nearby, casting a bright flash into the high trees and recessed parts of the village. Everything now blazed in molten pyres, alight with remnant white as a faint aroma akin to smouldering rubber persisted. Backdraft wafted through the limp strands of Shinsou’s hair as he clenched his palm into a fist.

At the touch of his words, the white sarcophagus woven about the engulfed Nosdyn would spawn giant, lance shaped appendages that protruded from its outer shell. Shinsou had used this spell once before, and he knew what horrors would come next. Each spear would suddenly plunge into the core of the tomb so deep and violently that it would send splintered shards of gravitational energy fizzing through the shadows. The force of the impact alone would rend Nosdyn from existence, and spit him back out into the Citadel proper.

The sphere of compressed white matter blossomed around Nosdyn, aiming to crush him through and through. Arius, Draconus and the worst monstrosities in the world had not killed the Telgradian, and this one would not, either.

Joshua Cronen killed Lord Draconus you liar... He already disliked Shinsou. Maybe that man was part of the attack part with Cronen, but Nosdyn knew his history. He knew the history of the people who defeated his ancestors. This...man...is all flash and he intends to kill me...the fool. Nosdyn was already angry at that point. It was not enough that the man refused to straight up fairly fight him, but he was all pomp and flash. No real skills there. So when the "finishing move" began to surround Nosdyn, he braced himself.

He knew he could and would survive.

When the sphere of energy, white matter, attempted to crush Nosdyn something else happened. He knew the man would not attempt to fight him on fair grounds. At that point he realized that The Citadel, a place of combat and warfare, on their terms...was not for him. When the sphere had passed, a storm...there was one realization. Nosdyn had lived.

The son of a bitch had lived. His eyes narrowed and he was bleeding profusely. "I know you're a coward now." Nosdyn began. "A coward AND a liar. Know this. Your student ran too." He said and held on just a moment longer to taunt Shinsou deliberately. He made sure the man knew that he could not kill Nosdyn.

"One day I will be powerful enough to kill you and your student. Be ready for that day. Shinsou Vaan Osiris. Telgradian..." He cursed that last part. Nosdyn knew, Shinsou had made an enemy that day...a potentially very powerful enemy. So once Nosdyn bled out from his serious injuries he was knocked out. He was a warrior through and through, a survivor and he deserved to fight not cowards like Shinsou. He wouldn't fight me directly... Nosdyn was knocked out but not killed. He'd won in his own way.

Somehow the son of a bitch's laughter echoed in the air of their citadel chamber.

That laughter would weigh heavily on all who heard it...

~The End~

The Telgradian turned as he sought to leave the Citadel, the work done. But then, he stopped.

Shinsou watched in quiet disbelief as the demon lay face down in the dusty grass, still breathing and slowly regaining consciousness. Blood pooled underneath it, spilling into the weeds and ferns in the road. Death, even if it was only a temporary one, should have already welcomed this thing, this Nosdyn. But, it hadn’t. It was a few seconds until Shinsou could hear the words of the fallen demon carry to him on the wind, a horrible acquiescence from the sound of his magic crushing his opponent.

The Telgradian’s mind burned with anger momentarily, knowing not only that his most powerful magic had failed, but also that Nosdyn had not been wrong about Draconus. It had been Joshua Cronen who had struck the final blow that killed the dragon. He knew that he had deliberately overstated his role in that fight, but what he also knew was that Cronen could not have killed the Thayne without him that day. With that, the anger subsided, and gave way to stoicism.

Coward and a liar eh? Closest thing to damage you’ve done since you got here.

"You aren’t wrong. Cronen killed Draconus, but he could not have done it without me." The magician slowly spun on his heels on the browned soil, and walked up to the cloaked Nosdyn, kneeling by his side. “He insisted I take the credit, so that the Brotherhood’s name flourished. So we could do good. That was the measure of the man, and that was a gift I hold dear to this day. But make no mistake, demon. However the history books tell it, I fought Draconus and survived. I'll keep on surviving. I wonder if you will, too?”

Shinsou’s ears buzzed as a portal back to the Citadel’s chambers opened ahead of him, the victory over the demon serving as fulfilment. Surveying the landscape one final time, the Telgradian observed the channel of burned grass behind the point of impact of his Shiroihitsugi. The stone houses surrounding it had been shattered to ruins. Finally, he leant down, yanked the back of Nosdyn’s head up and whispered.

“Take my advice. Crawl back to Tular, and rejoice. You survived Shinsou Vaan Osiris, in the Citadel, this time. Next time, out there," Shinsou pointed beyond the portal, "not even the power of N'Jal will keep you safe from me.”

Shinsou face lacked any discernible emotion as he loosed his grip on Nosdyn's head, stood and walked back through the portal to where the monks lay in wait. Still, though, Nosdyn's continued endurance played on his mind. He would have to learn to swallow this blow to his ego, because one day, he was sure he would face the demon again.

Judgment:

Now what do we have here… I am thrilled to be able to be the judge for this Citadel matchup between the two of you. Before starting this thread, I did not read any of this battle beforehand - because I actually thought I was going to judge it and wanted to come in without reading it ahead of time.

I love judging and giving feedback, so you’ll see a lot of general comments in different sections. These will be quotes and will have something like Post # or P# before it so you can refer back to the post that I was reading for context.

As always, I LOVE getting any feedback be it good, bad or ugly. If you have any questions, concerns, or would like additional clarification please feel free to contact me and I would be happy to help!

Plot

Story Nos: 5 | Shin: 6

Nosdyn -
From a story perspective, I understand that there is animosity between Nos and I assume Felicity (you mentioned Shin’s student). I wanted to know more about that and what drove that, but it was a good story mechanic to use to justify the battle specifically with Shin. I wish, as a reader, that you had fleshed out more of the why behind the animosity, but for a battle it was pretty good. I also didn’t get a great feel for his background, other than fighting N’Jal or being smote by her.

Shin -
I got a relatively good idea of the story for you. I had some background, some connection with Felicity, and at the end you tied in his past with Draconus to Nosdyn’s dialogue about N’Jal. So, all in all, for a battle, it was pretty good.

Setting Nos: 5 | Shin: 7

Nosdyn -
The first two paragraphs of the opening post, where you were establishing the setting, had a good start but felt like they were missing some key notes. I understood that you were in a village, but aside it was left to the imagination. The rest of the thread was lacking some setting as well, at least immersively.

The scent of blood and death preemptively in the wind (P3) - Why was there a scent of blood and death already on the wind?

Shin -

The opening was nice, but you also took the time to write a bit more about the setting. I think there was a lack of setting across the board, but you did put a bit more into yours with mention about the villagers and how your spells interacted with the buildings and such.

Pacing Nos: 7 | Shin: 7

Nosdyn -
Opening post was a little jolting from a flow standpoint. It just felt that it was a bit disjointed, like you were part setting up the setting and part working on explaining the background, but didn’t quite really delve into either too deeply. The two were also somewhat braided together throughout the paragraphs which made those paragraph’s subject matters scattered. A suggestion, I would focus one paragraph on the setting and at the end you could allude to Corone and the government - which would lead to the second paragraph being how that ties to your story and government and own town. (Just an observation/thought)

Your writing style is inherently short, heavy sentences. They have a lot of meaning and resolve behind them. Typically, you see a lot of this style reserved for when there is more action, or you want the reader to feel anxious in a way, but it actually fits the character and the tone of the writing.

Shin -
Your writing style, in contrast, is traditional. You opened the thread with flowing, compound sentences and some complex. Interspersed in these were simple that were used to emphasize a particular point. Like Nos, your writing fit the flow and pace that you were establishing.

Character

Communication Nos: 7 | Shin: 7

Nosdyn -
I like that your inner dialogue and verbal communication reflect the same character. Sometimes it’s easy to get drawn out inner dialogue and short verbal, or all one or the other. You kept both short and blunt, which added to the characterization of Nosdyn.

Shin -
The inner dialogue in post 1, before stepping into the room, makes me start to feel like I’m getting an understanding of the character’s personality without you telling me. I am always going to be a proponent of expressing personality over just telling the reader, and you did it well through dialogue.

Action Nos: 5 | Shin: 8

Nosdyn -
Taking the magical spear head on like a boss, that is something that caught me off-guard and made me kinda double take. I really like that you play the tank and aren’t afraid of doing so. However, I didn’t really understand after that why you didn’t try and do anything but just stand there? I was just somewhat confused.

I do have to say, my biggest concern, is that what Shin is throwing at you is basically the strength of Prevalida and you took 6 by post 5. That is A LOT. I understand having a very high endurance (constitution by description), but the leather armor would be completely shredded by prevalida and basically paper. So that’s going right into you. (Tier 9/10 metal). Your post 5 ended with “Limped for a moment or two but after that was fine. He had pushed through the pain…” and earlier you stated ‘bleeding profusely’ so it tracks but just be careful with that.

Shin -

Your character actions made sense. He was ranged, using that range and casting. He also was genuinely shocked by Nos taking the damage. The end, when you tapped the raw emotion and just went all out made sense as well.

Persona Nos: 6 | Shin: 8

Nosdyn -
I liked that you showed the demon to be this tank that can stand up to a beating, but I’m not sure what you accomplished by doing so. From the opening it seemed that you were there to try and fight Shin because of a past issue with Felicity, but instead you just had Nos take hits and laugh. I didn’t fully understand his purpose I guess.

Shin -
Your opening showed passive character that I always like to see. Things like “clicking his tongue, and tapping his fingers” while he was thinking are little ticks that make characters seem more real.

I would have, personally, liked to see at least a little more of that ‘heated’ side of Shin in post 6 when Nos started laughing after being hit by the 5 spears. You alluded to it with wanting to lash out, but then pulling it back. Maybe just releasing a little of that frustration/anger through passive action? - I take it back (post 8) you brought it.

Prose

Mechanics Nos: 9 | Shin: 9

Nosdyn -
“Nosdyn remained deadly calmed” - (P3) Calmed should be ‘calm’

A random grammar rule I had to look up, starting a sentence with a conjunction. I was deadset that it was a grammatical rule that you shouldn’t do so, but there is no true rule against it. So, I was going to pick on that… but you’re good. ;)

Shin -
I had to look this up, and apparently it actually isn’t a rule but I grew up thinking it was my entire life… you finished a sentence with “aware of”. I wanted to point out that sentences shouldn’t be ended with prepositions, but after researching that actually isn’t a rule. And again in the sentence “Something to be mindful, but not necessarily afraid, of.” In this case I think the of could be moved to after mindful because reading with the comma mades me mentallly stutter and then finish the sentence with ‘of’.

“The Telgradian could see what appeared to be the masked form of the demon Nosdyn, stood waiting in the centre of the village alone.” (P1) - ‘stood’ after the comma seems out of place when I read it (and I read it a few times). I don’t know if it should have ‘that stood’ or ‘who stood’ or stood needs to be removed completely?

Clarity Nos: 8 | Shin: 8

Nosdyn -
Some of your posts, I think due to the paragraphs having a bit of “braided subject matter” (I’ll call it) sometimes are a bit unclear. I mention it in the pacing section about the opening of the thread, but it happens once or twice throughout as well. A good example of this is in post 7, the one after “... perhaps like a complete psychopath might.” That next paragraph feels like it could be a couple different paragraphs and was a bit confusing.

Shin -
The last couple paragraphs of post 4 were a little confusing. I was trying to picture more of what you were doing and where you were attacking from. The sentence “...where the lances sat waiting, chewed through the foliage and stonework of the nearby house.” Was the one that I think was confusing me the most, wasn’t sure if the lances were summoned inside of a bush and the walls of a house?

Technique Nos: 7 | Shin: 8

Nosdyn -
The writing is a little bit repetitive, but not too bad. In the third post you compared the fight to a dance, but you did so a few times without really elaborating on it much further. I feel like there was a lot of little opportunity for you to throw in additional writing technique and emphasis into the thread, but for the most part what you had was well done.

Shin -
Post 4 - second full paragraph after What the? - had a bit of a repetitive streak in there mentioning Nosdyn had chosen twice almost back to back. Otherwise, what you wrote to start was great and then the rest was pretty standard.

Wild Card

Nos: 7 | Shin: 7

For WC on battles I give both of you an equal score and use it as a wrap-up. I enjoyed reading the fight, it was interesting. I actually think it would be fun to have a battle with either of you someday myself and I’m looking forward to it maybe!

Score:
Nos - 66
Shin - 75

Rewards
Nos - 1275 exp | 100 gold
Shin - 5100 exp | 100 gold

Exp and GP have been added!