Tragedy and Loss (Discussion Thread)

Guys, only rule I want to maintain with this discussion is to try really keep it on subject. I'm going to disclose some really personal information to you guys that I think only one or two of you even know about. Naturally, this subject matter is VERY personal to me.

Before anything else though I'm going to link y'all some relevant information to this matter: 2019 US Suicide Rates

The main point of this discussion I'm trying to stress is...suicide is real. It happens far more often and hits far closer to home than some of us really would like to think about sometimes. This is not a problem that's going to "simply go away" you can't ever sweep it under a carpet, or turn a blind eye. It's going to happen and continue to happen. The thing I want to point out here...you have to consider what could be SO fucked up in a human being's life that they'd decide to take it on their own. KNOWING we're all going to die anyway. Suicide is part of a MUCH larger problem and this discussion NEEDS to be had.

I'm about to reveal to you guys a VERY personal event that happened to me once in my life...I think if I'm not wrong maybe only one or two of you guys even know about this incident at all.

Some of you might know...at one point many years ago I lived in Missouri with a girl I was with at the time. I knew her for a while beforehand, we dated long distance and at one point I agreed to move out to her. This is relevant cause in some of these situations nobody ever stops and asks what other people in a situation give up for a loved one. In my case, I gave up my city, my home and my family for this person. This is important because as many of you guys know my family is Hispanic. Family is a HUGE deal to us.

Relevant to this subject matter, things were going well I even tried to maintain a job while I was there. (This was very difficult given I would be diagnosed Schizo Effective many years later) Far too often, when you're in a relationship with someone it becomes VERY difficult to see the suffering of your loved one. At one point, I was talking to her about potentially coming back home to NY (Even if only for a few days or a weekend) because I missed my family. Which, by the way, that was the truth. I was very home sick at that point and I felt VERY not in my element in Missouri.

Here's where it all goes south. One night, we were going about our normal routine..I was playing a video game or whatever and she was in the kitchen doing whatever she was doing. A short while later that night...she dropped something. A thing in my head clicked, danger WILL ROBINSON style shit. And I immediately go to her. Basically in front of me, she'd slit both of her wrists.

I panicked. I had no idea what to do so thinking like any mature person would do in a messed up situation I got her mom. Because of my actions to intervene and perhaps prevent, she was saved that night she was immediately rushed to the hospital and the doctors did all they could to save her.

Point of this is...I never forgot it. I rarely talk about this situation because A) I understand nobody REALLY REALLY gives a shit about me. And B) Everyone on this forum, EVERYONE has far too many of their own problems to try to carry someone else's burden.

To close this portion of the discussion out...suicide is real. It is a VERY real problem and it's never going to go away. In US an alarming disparity exists between Men who do it of equal age to Women who do it. Point I'm getting as is suicide is NOT "a cry for help." Or whatever is the excuse that we've been spoon fed our whole lives. But yeah I'm hoping the stuff I revealed to you guys on a personal level can help some of you who are also struggling with this shit. You guys are NOT alone. Is what I'm trying to say I'm literally always on Discord while I'm at my laptop. If some of you are struggling with whatever, I can and WILL take the effort to talk to you guys. Because I been there...my warning signs were all there. NOBODY in my family looked closely enough or cared enough to ask to me get help when I was struggling.

Who did care and ask me to get help was one of my closest friends who had problems of his own. He took me to the side one night...that talk always will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I started the recovery process because of him.

In exchange for the single kindness he showed me, if some of you are struggling I am making myself available to y'all.

thanks for posting this, pav. just wanted you to know i read and appreciated this.

Reading this made a few things hit home.

Firstly, I want to thank you for sharing this. I've read through the Tragedy and Loss story and I can see that it holds great personal meaning to you, and I hope that writing it and sharing the above has helped you.

Secondly, I want to thank you for making yourself available to help others who are struggling / have struggled with mental health issues. I know you are actively engaging with people on discord and have been an enthusiastic, friendly face on the site for many years. I have had (unfortunately well / overdocumented) personal troubles of late too and there have been many times where you have reached out and made me feel like there is someone out there to listen and help. Whilst we sometimes differ on approach, there can be no denying that you come from a very good place and I want to thank you for that.

Pieces like the one above and threads like Tragedy and Loss should stand up and be counted, so thank you again for sharing and as always if you ever want to talk about anything, please feel free to catch me on discord.

Chris, Brother Gum...I know sometimes I can be a bit...sensitive about certain stuff. Tony called me Emo a few times...he was not that wrong hahah. But thing is...I been through a lot more bullshit than most people have. And like I UNDERSTAND people go through worse stuff than me all the time. Point is...life is not kind. The reason I made that thread about THAT particular subject matter is because I was trying to show something that I had personally been through. Nosdyn's own situation in that thread was a lot different from my own...but similar.

I just wanted to really SHOW what it's like to loose someone and literally have like NO WAY to stop it. Knowing full well they would have taken their own lives. Because I acted in the situation I spoke about earlier, I was able to prevent. The girl I speak about in the story as far as I'm aware of is still alive to this day because of me. Some other people might not have cared or not done the right thing or whatever. I took it upon myself to act. Despite how fucked up that particular situation got, and I DID eventually go back home after that I was no longer welcome in their house anyway, for whatever reason (Probably cause I'm Hispanic, I suspect her mom DID threaten me at one point) her mom hated my guts.

As I posted in the earlier post...too often people only like to think a relationship is about the ONE person. But it takes TWO to make a relationship work and be healthy. As I stated earlier, I gave up my city, my home, and my family and friends. To go to be with this girl in a completely different state, well out of my element. From the last few times I talked to her..her mom had convinced her I was only after wet ass. Which wasn't actually the truth. But either way guys, thanks for reading this stuff...let's try to keep this convo going.

This was thoughtful and thank you for sharing. I've been lucky in that I haven't been touched directly by suicide, but know close friends and family that have battled depression, and have a close friend who lost her father to suicide. I think reinforcing how common it is, and how blind we get to the fact that we aren't really alone is really helpful, because everyone will face really dark thoughts at some point and feel isolated, despite having people that love them.

Thank you for sharing this.