Chris's Great Balls of Fire

You will need

- 1 pack of lean mince
- 3 eggs
- A carton of Pasata
- Italian mixed herbs
- Hot chilli powder. I mean hot. Don't be a pussy.
- 1 pack of fresh Fusili pasta
- 1 pack of closed cup mushrooms
- A constitution of iron

Step 1:

Get a mixing bowl and chuck the mince in. Crack three eggs but for f*cks sake don't let the yolk in the bowl, alright? Just the sticky whites.

Mush the mince with the egg whites until it is obvious that shit is getting sticky. THIS IS GOOD.

Put some baking foil on a grill tray and roll the mince into balls. Find a clean mixing bowl and pour the pasata in, mixing the italian herbs in too. Once this is done, put a pinch / half a teaspoon of hot chilli powder in the sauce and stir. Don't be a pussy about it.

Step 2:

Assuming your grill is at the correct temperature, knock the meatballs under the grill and keep turning every couple of minutes for fifteen minutes. Meanwhile, use your multitasking skills to get a wok greased up with low fat oil. 1 cal is great, but any low fat alternative that you US types have will do. Launch the mushrooms in and start to cook on a low to medium heat.

Step 3:

Feed your cat. The f*cker will be smelling that shit by now and giving your meatballs the hungry eyes. Go put a pouch in for him or her and lock the door. Can you hear a baby crying? Go deal with that. If you can hear crying but don't have a baby, assume you are haunted.

Step 4:

When the meatballs are browned off, chuck them in with the mushrooms. Put the pasta on now in a saucepan; for god's sake get the ten minute cooking time stuff or you'll be there all year. Add the spicy sauce to the wok and leave to simmer on a low heat.

Step 5:

Wait. F*ck about on your phone. See how many spoons you can fit up your nose or something.

Step 6:

Drain the pasta after ten minutes. Serve in a pasta dish but mix mozzarella and chedder cheese in to get cheesy pasta. At this point test the sauce - if you can still taste anything afterwards, add more powder. Or if you prefer wussy flavour, serve immediately and then go and take your bra off you big girl.

If you are a girl, take off the bra anyway. It won't hurt and you'll need to be cool after this meal.

Step 7:

Eat.

Step 8:

Google rehabilitation centres for those with blastmouth.


That concludes cooking with Shin.