Heavy lies the Crown [Open]

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Suddenly, everything had turned on its heel.

A single ice lance would have been easy to avoid, but Rehtul Orlouge’s mastery of the elements and Shinsou’s injuries meant that seven was just too great a number, even for the Telgradian. Osiris drew Enpera across him defensively, shattering the first two spears, and rolled away on his right shoulder across the frost encrusted grass. It was agonising to roll on the injury, but proved neccesary to avoid a third from striking him directly in the chest. The fourth and fifth followed him mercilessly but only succeeded in grazing his left arm, cutting an icy trail through his coat and freeze burning the skin on his arm. The sixth buried itself with a sickening “thwack” through his thigh, whilst a seventh only just missed his head by an inch.

The pain in his leg was both excruciating and debilitating, and he had to act quickly if he had any chance at all of getting through this alive. As Rehtul started to enclose himself in more of the damned ice, Shinsou snapped the protruding lance at either end. With an agonised grunt, he pulled out the broken half, leaving a large ripple of puckered flesh on display.

Fucking hell…shoulder’s gone, leg’s fucked. What now?

When he turned his head to look up, Shinsou got an instant reminder of his fight with John Cromwell all those years ago. There was the man-child, now encased in an armour of blue and silver ice that seemed to cover every inch of his body. It was just like when John sealed himself away in a suit of jade to stop his attacks, only this time his opponent could move. The gleaming overcoat seemed weighty and unwieldy, but the Telgradian now knew that it would only take Orlouge to summon a plethora of those ice lances to stop him for good. Unlike John, Orlouge didn’t need to be near him to kill him.

Luckily, that was a two way street.

“Orlouge!” The Telgradian shouted, unsure if his words would penetrate the thick ice enveloping him. “One last push!”

His brow sweating, and his eyes flaring with pride and passion, Shinsou outstretched his sword arm and flipped the blade until the point was directed to the frozen soil beneath. As he gripped tighter and performed the incantation, the gleaming Enpera began to glow a magnesium white.

“Shin no Kotei: 3rd Grade!”

Enpera stopped glowing, and there was an audible “hiss” from the sword as if cold water had been poured onto an oven. The sound of grating earth rose from where Shinsou’s feet dug into his position. He tensed, every damaged and fit muscle in his powerful body coiled as tightly as an Aleraran watchmaker's precision mechanics. There would be no going back and no safe harbour for the ice-clad Orlouge now. His fate was entwined with the shuddering Telgradian.

With two quick stabs, Shinsou Vaan Osiris destroyed his own eyes. The scream was blood curdling, and the pain almost unbearable on top of the severe injuries he had already sustained. There simply weren't enough synapses for the brain to comprehend what pain belonged to what part of the body anymore, so instead his entire being burned in a cauldron of suffering. The only thing keeping him alive was the knowledge that Rehtul, too, would suffer the same wounds due to the effects of the 3rd grade of Shin no Kotei. He didn't know just what else the mage was capable of, but the Telgradian knew that he could still sense where the mage was through his spirit sense. It was going to be crude at best, but if this worked, Rehtul would have no way of finding Shinsou, and Osiris would at least have crude navigation.

It was an ability that had proven an insurance policy up until today, but now it was the crux on which this contest rested.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

One last push? What the hell is he talking about? Rehtul asked himself as he looked down upon the man below him from his vantage point. There was surely no shadow for him to jump out of and back attack the mage this high up in the air. A hissing sound, barely audible, issues forth from the other man's form as Rehtul felt a magical connection make itself apparent between the two fighters.

"Oh... shit," was all he could say as he watched, virtually a captive audience as the other man reached up and gouged out his own eyes. A howl of unimaginable pain erupted forth from the mouths of both men as Rehtul fought to maintain his balance in the air through the blind agony he now faced. Pain unlike any he'd ever experienced in his life shot up and down his neck, down into his stomach, and nearly caused him to vomit from the feeling. Dry heaves and gasps were lost in the wind as snot and saliva ran down the mage's lips and bloody tears ran down his face.

"You son of a bitch!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he spun in midair and struggled to keep himself upright against both the pain and gravity.

As the pain slowly subsided into a sharp ache that radiated with each heartbeat, the mage took stock of himself. The wind whipped around him and by flexing his arms and legs he could tell there was nothing near him he'd be able to run into. He could fly away and hide, but while that would buy him time, he wasn't quite sure what he would be buying time for. It's not as though he had the slightest clue how to fight blind.

He did say one last push, the Mystic thought to himself as he felt the hard iced shell around him.

Perhaps it'd be better to simply abandon defense since I can't see him coming, anyway.

A small rustling nearby indicated that there was something moving through the trees as he floated there, several meters above the ground. Perhaps it was his quarry, though that wouldn't mean much in a moment.

"ONE LAST PUSH, RIGHT?!" Rehtul yelled. He held a single hand down, pointing toward the ground beneath him. If that bastard was still anywhere near under him, there was no way he'd be able to dodge this. The air around the mage grew cold as he unleashed the full might of his magic. Wind whipped this way and that before the armor surrounding Rehtul shattered, all but the parts he was using to maintain himself in the air, and began to gather around him as dancing shards. Moisture from the air began to gather as well, spreading out around the mage in a circular rotating shape, small crystalline stars orbiting their galaxy's center.

Finally, knowing that the other man had been giving his attacks names, he thought about it for himself a few seconds. The feel of the icy wind on his fingertips, the blackness of the world around him now that he was robbed of sight, it was like being caught in a white out in Salvar.

That's it.

"Crystal Ice Magic, First Form, White Out!"

Even though it was likely that Shinsou could see anymore than he could, Rehtul brought both of his hands above his head and then ripped them in a downward motion toward the ground, unleashing hundreds of arrowhead sized shards of ice toward the ground with at terminal velocity in a radius around the young mage of five meters.

With any luck they'll rip him to shreds... if not, he could probably just impale me with one of those weird shadow lances of his now that I'm just a sitting duck.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

The Telgradian had miscalculated. By blinding Rehtul Orlouge, he thought he would have been able to pull off one last attack using his ability to sense the ice mage's position instead of physically seeing him.

However, Shinsou was caught unaware by the powerful storm of razor sharp ice that his opponent had conjured. For all the good his senses did for him, there was simply no way for Shinsou to use them to detect such a vicious assault. So, when the crystallised spears came for him, they struck him hard.

Rehtul’s deadly frozen arsenal manifested around the suit of ice and tore towards the helpless Telgradian. Impaling him with a sickening volley of thwaackkkks, Shinsou Vaan Osiris screamed and sunk to his knees, caking the frosty grass below him with gore.

Ggnnnhhh...

He tried to get back up, but his butchered left leg gave out quickly and sent him crashing on his backside. This caused the terrible wound in his thigh split open further, resulting in an even more profuse bleed and wracking him with a pain so intense that it barely even registered anymore. As his golden eyes finally broke from a determined stare at his opponent to a drooping, downcast gaze at his wounds, Shinsou saw the rips in his clothes. He looked like he had been torn to shreds by a savage wild beast. The injuries presented a bucolic combination of grime, blood, and gore.

Get up.

A frenetic scurry of hands and feet just about got the Telgradian up on a single knee, at least momentarily, but his weak leg was dead weight. He was the beggar this time, his body hopelessly soaked with a fresh coat of the blood and a film of frosty arena soil. He struggled and fell once more.

Come on...

Determined to get up, he could see Rehtul coming down to the ground. The ice mage had tried everything at his disposal, and now looked slower and more vulnerable as the horrendous toll of his own injuries started to become apparent. It wouldn’t be long before the sorceror tried to finish him off with more of his incredible magic. To strike down the Telgradian and finish him once and for all would only be a small matter, now.

Come…on…

Shinsou's left hand shakily held Enpera, his blade. His right had started to clumsily fashion one more dark lance, using all of the energy he had left. There was only one option left to him for an assault, and he knew that Rehtul certainly couldn’t block it. This time…

Ugh…

A sigh. A deep breath. A look of desperate confusion as the world began to blur, and the Telgradian began to lose consciousness. The trees, the frozen grass, the clear skies all became smudged and out of focus, like a watercolour painting on which water had spilled. The lance clattered out of his hand, a few inches in front of him. Enpera found a home in the bloodstained mud next to his body. As Shinsou watched the sky from his back, the world around him started to crumble away into darkness. One thought was all that was left.

Finally someone…I can...

[Rehtul Orlouge]

A blood curdling scream erupted from below as the attack made contact. Rehtul's breaths, coming in ragged gasps, eased ever so slightly as he wiped the blood, snot, and spit from his back with his billowing white sleeve. The mage began to slowly descend from his heights, sure now that he had made his mark, and that hopefully his opponent now lie dead somewhere in the clearing. A battle such as this had pushed him to his absolute limits, though finding out what those limits were was likely useful in its own right.

As feet touched grass, Rehtul allowed himself to take a huge gulp of air to make sure he wasn't dreaming. A man as powerful as that, and he had succeeded? Of course, he realized it was only due to a fairly bad strategy by the leader of the Brotherhood. Blinding a mage that can attack in every direction, especially if it means blinding yourself, could have some rather dire consequences if you have no other way of sensing when an attack is on the way.

Suddenly the darkness was replaced by a white searing pain, as though lightning had stricken the young man right in the center of his head. The ice holding his body up cracked and shattered under his weight. He fell forward, catching himself on his arms only just enough to stop himself from being fed a bloody, muddy mouth full of dirt. Water slowly seeped into the cotton fabric of his coat and coarse muddy dirt coaxed itself into the undersides of his fingernails. The smell of fresh cut wet grass assaulted his nose as he lied there, waiting for this ordeal to be over, one way or another.

Guess I pushed a little too far, he thought.

Not much of a surprise, I suppose...

As the energy of battle slowly wore off, aches and pains made themselves apparent all over the mage's body.

"Ow... that son of a bitch really did a number on me," he muttered under his breath as he continued to lie there, face half buried in the mud. "And to think Felicity really thinks he needs someone else's protection... what an idiot..." Those last few words were the last thing he remembered saying before he blacked out.

Minutes later, he found himself staring at the ceiling of one of the rooms reserved for fighters when a battle was over. A window facing toward a sunny field allowed plenty of light to filter in as the mage brought himself up to sit. Just to be sure of his condition, he wriggled his toes and extended a leg.

"Making sure all the parts are still working?" a monk asked from a desk.

"Yeah. He did blind and paralyze me," Rehtul responded with a smirk. "First time that's ever happened to me. It was... definitely an experience I don't look forward to repeating."

"Yes, I'd imagine not. Well, your vitals all check out. You can feel free to get dressed and head out if you'd like. As it is, I must take my leave. There are others who are in need of my services. You may use the room for the next half an hour if you don't feel quite up to leaving yet, but please try to be out of here by then."

"Very well." Rehtul wasn't entirely sure why he was being rushed, but didn't particularly care either. There were plenty of other places around Radasanthia where he could have his meeting with the Lord Osiris that were much nicer than the Citadel's recovery rooms. He splashed some water on his face from the nearby basin, threw his shirt and coat on, and then turned to open the door. Hopefully it hadn't been too long and he'd be able to catch the other man before he left. There were still matters to attend to.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Shinsou awoke again to a room dimmed nearly to darkness, the sun setting through a solitary window behind him. It was one of the Citadel’s healing chambers, judging by the cramped and cold stone room and the aches upon his back from lying on what felt like a mortuary slab. Turning to the attending monk, he quickly made it known that he wished to be helped down. The attendant obliged without question.

“Your opponent, Rehtul Orlouge, was looking for you,” the orange robed monk called out as the Telgradian disappeared behind a screen, still rubbing his aching flesh and dressing into his spare tunic. As he threw the shredded garments from his battle in the bin, it mystified Shinsou that ones with such uncontested healing powers couldn’t extend themselves to the repair of torn garments.

“I’m sure he is.” Came the reply from behind a screen as the Telgradian frowned at his barely existent coat, and tossed the rag to the floor nonchalantly. He unwrapped the sash around his spare outfit, taking water from around the corner of the screen as it was offered to him. Greedily he gulped down the drink, and listened, still out of sight, as a knock came.

“It’s Rehtul,” The bald monk told him plaintively through the screen. “Shall I let him in?”

Shinsou stretched, his joints cracking noisily when he leant back. “Sure.”

From the other side of the screen, Shinsou could hear the monk let Rehtul Orlouge in and depart, leaving the pair alone. It felt as if the whole room suddenly grew cold, even more so than when the Telgradian first came to. Tendrils of chill seeped from the bricks, grasping at his feet, reaching up into his coat, and even infiltrating his lungs. Was it his mind playing tricks, or perhaps vestiges of Orlouges magic seeping out from him? In any case, the screen that divided them offered no protection from the moon’s cold gaze, let alone the machinations of Rehtul’s magic, and Shinsou had a gut feeling the man’s intentions were not hostile.

“Sorry, just a second,” Shinsou replaced his boots upon his feet, and drew back the curtain to reveal the ice mage perched on the stone slab the Telgradian had woken on. Osiris felt talkative, and hoped Rehtul was in the same frame of mind, or at least of one to listen. “Well, congratulations. That was quite the performance out there. I wasn’t wrong; the apple doesn’t fall far from the Orlouge tree now, does it? Just don’t let it go to your head; there’s much more to me than what you saw today.”

Seeing a little apprehension from the ice mage, Shinsou did his best to encourage the conversation on. There were gaps in his knowledge that begged questions, ones he hoped Rehtul would only be happy to answer.

“We’re at the ‘whys’ and ‘wherefores’ bit now that I talked about earlier,” Shinsou sat next to him, looking straight ahead out of the window. “You’ve earned my respect, and I hope that I have perhaps earned a few answers?”

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Rehtul couldn't help but be amused at Shinsou's claim that he had held back. It wasn't particularly surprising, after all. Someone with that much power, holding back was basically second nature. Rehtul himself knew of the need to do so to avoid indiscriminately killing anyone who mildly annoyed him. He swung his feet back and forth as Shinsou tried his best to engage in small talk with him. It was a nice attempt, but not what the mage had come for.

With a slight smirk Rehtul said, "Yes, you've earned all the answers you want. First, I'm not surprised you were holding back. Had you not blinded yourself I'm certain you'd have won handily. On to what is most likely on your mind, however." The mage straightened out his coat, as the feeling of the high thread count cotton against his skin helped to keep his focus. He dropped down from the stone slab that Shinsou had occupied moments earlier and began pacing the room.

"The first answer, my reason for asking you here was twofold. One, a test of your might and mettle. I heard from a shared acquaintance of ours, one Felicity Rhyolite, that she thought you in need of her protection. I know of you by reputation, and found it hard to believe that you would need that. I wanted to know if she considered you so weak or if it was simply her misplaced altruism. Based on our encounter earlier, I believe it to be the latter."

Rehtul turned and let his steely blue eyes behold the other man with a slight smile as he continued, "My second reason, if I found the answer to my inquiry to be satisfactory, was to display my own skills as a sort of... demonstration."

His footsteps echoed in the nearly empty room as he continued to pace with both hands behind his back.

"I've heard through my network of contacts what has happened to your organization, the Brotherhood. I know what it's like to have something precious ripped from your hands by someone you thought you could trust. As such..." Rehtul eyes seemed to glow in the shadows covering his face.

"I want to offer my assistance to your cause. My knowledge, my network of contacts, my powers, all at your disposal, should you choose to hire me. The only thing you don't get access to is my family. I don't tend to involve them in my business affairs, unless there is a very pressing need for it." There it was, laid out as plain as day. The question that loomed over Rehtul's head now was whether that would satisfy the man, and more importantly, whether or not he would think to accept the deal. After all, very few knew Rehtul well enough to be familiar with his networks or the full extent of his power and knowledge.

There was much else to discuss, but this felt like the most pressing answer that needed to be given first.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Shinsou groaned to himself as he listened to Rehtul talk about Felicity. She was a strong woman; one of the strongest he knew, in fact, and a good friend. But, for all of her good points, her sense of scale was definitely askew as far as the Telgradian being able to look after himself was concerned. He drew a deep breath and stifled the urge to mock the idea of needing babying, cognizant of the fact that he was in shared company. Instead, Shinsou elicited a calm chuckle.

“Whilst I appreciate her concern, I am sure you can see for yourself that she’s worrying over nothing,” The young man sighed, carefully and purposefully tidying away a stack of his belongings into a satchel.

It was then that the young Orlouge finally revealed what was smouldering away at the back of his mind. Ten paces away, on the other side of the room, the mage laid bare his motivations for requesting this “test of skill” in the first place. Shinsou tilted his head lightly and narrowed his eyes some, testing those of his counterpart. They were keen and true, and betrayed no unease.

“As far as job interviews go, I doubt you could have made a stronger case for yourself. That much is for sure.” Osiris laughed, a low and melodious sound, as the Orlouge’s expression remained cautious and controlled. The Telgradian took another step towards him, sizing him up, before seating himself on the floor of the room, in the corner. He gestured for Rehtul to sit with him. A little perplexed at first, the ice mage reluctantly obliged, probably wondering why they had not seated themselves on the slab instead. Osiris tucked his knees up to his chest, and rested his back and head against the wall, staring straight ahead.

“You know, a few years ago, I met Storm Veritas in Radasanth and we resolved to take what was the nucleus of the Brotherhood, and grow it,” Shinsou started, the nocturnal breeze wafting through the Citadel nooks and crannies breathing against his face. “Within a year, we had our own territory in Corone. Within two, we’d damn near toppled the Assembly itself and nearly took Radasanth from the Imperials. I know now that it was the wrong thing to do at the time, but Arius Mephisto didn’t agree. He wanted us to keep pushing the Brotherhood in that direction, creating conflict and making huge power grabs without any justification at all. We just weren’t comfortable with that path after the siege failed.”

The room that played host to them basked in the light of a lonely lamp, but otherwise it was completely still, not even a moth stirring in the shadows. Shinsou tilted his head up to the ceiling, a more sombre tone to his voice now. “We had no idea about the monster we were about to create. Then he betrayed us. Arius burned Whitevale to the ground. Entire families were wiped out in an instant. Men, women and kids; he didn’t discriminate. We got to the wreckage too late, but when we did, we found the charred corpses of children still clutching their spoons. Their ashes were like a soup of death in the rain, and the stench was ungodly. It still haunts me to this day.”

The Telgradian breathed deeply of the frosty air. He could see from the corner of his eye that Rehtul was offering him a silent and forlorn glance.

“When we caught up to him, there wasn’t an army in the world that was going to stop us from tearing him apart,” Shinsou frowned. “And that’s exactly what we did. We shredded him down to his last atom. For them. But, in the end, it was our failure to protect them that killed them, not Arius’s successes. It didn’t bring them back. I carry that with me every day, Rehtul, as a reminder. Whatever this Brotherhood was in the past is irrelevant now to us. In the present, and in the future, it will be a shield and sword. For those kids, for the Brotherhood’s people itself, and for Corone. It has to be.”

The words sounded like they may have flowed artistically, and perhaps almost rehearsed, but Shinsou was speaking from the heart. The single chime of a nearby clock multiplied into a cacophonous echo, which in turn were amplified even further by the Citadel’s long corridors outside. It took him a long moment to compose his thoughts before he peered at Rehtul.

“I’ve been very careful about who I trust since then, as I’m sure you’ll understand. But that being said, we need people. We need good people, who we can place our faith in to rebuild and protect Whitevale and Corone. Your family name carries you far, but as you rightly say, you should be judged on your own qualities and resources alone. We have to first establish trust, which is very much a two way street. I am sure you’ll agree with this, and if there's anything I can do in that regard, tell me.”

It was then he stood up and beckoned the mage to follow him to where he had piled his belongings. Here, there were two books that had been burning holes in the back of his brain for weeks now. He handed Rehtul one of them; a beautiful leather-bound script tied with a silver sash.

“Here. These are all the notes I have compiled on The Higanbana. They’re a group who were operating a clandestine blood magic cult out of Stonevale, using sex workers and the homeless as a feeding tube for their flowers of death. It went undetected for years before they decided to murder and mutilate a number of prostitutes and tried to pin it on me. Their mansion on Scara Brae is a smouldering wreck now, and the rest of the working girls were freed, but I’ve had word that Scara Brae was just the tip of a very unpleasant iceberg. It looks like they are setting up shop in Corone, possibly even as far as Salvar. Women have gone missing again; some young girls too. Kids, perhaps. Some bodies have turned up decorated with the red flowers - a Higanbana calling card.”

Shinsou rose to his feet now, turning on a dime to face the still seated mage.

“I don't believe in co-incidences. Our paths have crossed for a reason, I believe. If you want in to the Brotherhood, come with me and let's shut these bastards down once and for all. Let's save some Coronian lives while we're at it and let’s get these kids home to their families. I don’t want a single life more torn apart on my watch.”

A determined look crossed his face as he offered his hand to Rehtul Orlouge, and the torchlight danced in his eyes.

[Preston]

Judgment:

I apologize immensely for the delay in this judgment. I’m looking forward to this clash and what the writing holds!

I love judging and giving feedback, so you’ll see a lot of general comments in different sections. These will be quotes and will have something like Post # or P# before it so you can refer back to the post that I was reading for context.

As always, I LOVE getting any feedback be it good, bad or ugly. If you have any questions, concerns, or would like additional clarification please feel free to contact me and I would be happy to help!

Plot

Story Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 7

Shin -
Good, general opening to a Citadel post from a story perspective. It opened the reason for being there, as well as alluded to his personality/addiction towards it.

The last posts were the next time I saw anything related to Story. I like the background for Shin, but it wasn’t until the very end of the thread that I got some type of storyline. For a general Citadel fight, it would have been pretty standard, but you brought it up with the last post in conjunction with Reht to tie it together.

Rehtul -
It was nice to see the opening with the “former assassin” and “Knights” thrown in, but I’m not sure how they tied to Reht immediately. I have to go basically only off the first and last posts for this thread on the Story… I thought you had a decent story to meet with Shin, but the concept of Felicity telling you she had to protect him was the only thin veil for why you were at a Citadel match instead of a bar to talk.

All in all, it was better than the majority of the reasons for the battle, though having it maybe hinted at throughout the thread would have made the battle seem like it had more of a purpose.

Setting Rehtul: 5 | Shin: 6

Shin -
You did a little better of describing the setting in the opening post, but afterwards it felt a little forgotten from that point on. There were a few times where it was mentioned again, and then of course after you were resurrected by the monks.

Rehtul -
It felt like you started to describe the setting in the opening post, but then wanted to leave it to Shin to decide on it instead with only a very partial setting created. It seemed a little forgotten most of the thread, and at the end you did well creating the afterlife ‘healing’ chambers.

Pacing Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 8

Shin -
The pacing was good overall, but there were a few places (just like Reht) where you had complex and compound sentences that made the flow of instant reactions and battle long-winded. Overall though, it flowed well and was easy to read.

Rehtul -
You use a fair amount of compound and complex sentences during the fight that tend to draw out the flow instead of making it more direct. When writing quick movements and sharp attacks, you want to keep those concise and direct typically. I don’t see a problem with having them sometimes, but at the end of Post 8, the description of the 3 spears could have been more staccato.

Overall, very easy to read and enjoyable.

Character

Communication Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 7

Shin -
There was nothing especially outstanding, but also it didn’t intrude on the writing. You kept your communication true to your character and it fit well.

Rehtul -
Post 8: “his usual habit of self talk rearing its ugly head again as his level of stress rose.” That is a great way to explain random dialogue that sometimes finds its way into a battle, while also keeping it attuned to the persona of the character.

Action Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 8

A lot of the action by both of you was pretty bluntly written, as far as attack and react. I think what it was missing was how it interacted with the environment and a fair amount of technical writing that would have made it seem more alive and dynamic

Shin -
Stabbing your own eyes to blind your opponent… metal. Otherwise, the action was good and I feel like you realistically transitioned that action into physical issues and how you reacted to those.

Rehtul -
I was a little confused on how you were in the air/flying... Otherwise, I felt like the action was more ‘matter of fact’ and could have used a little more flow and touch to it. It was well written, but also ‘matter of fact’ in the way it was written.

Persona Rehtul: 7| Shin: 8

Shin -
In post 7 you get a little more of personality in battle, hissing at the pain for example. Like your opponent, there were glimmers of good persona throughout here and there, but in the end it felt like personality was lost a little in the narrative. I think you did well with explaining reactions and the why behind them though.

Rehtul -
Most of the posting felt like a description of a battle, which you are in, but lacked your character's personality during the thread. I got it a few times, such as snarling when you were hit in Post 6. I would have liked to see a little more of who Reht through the narrative, but otherwise a good showing.

Prose

Mechanics Rehtul: 9 | Shin: 9

Shin -
I noted only a handful of smaller errors with grammar here and there, including missing words. Otherwise, nothing too much of note.

Rehtul -
There were a few errors here and there, such as missing words or first words in a sentence not being capitalized (Post 6).

Clarity Rehtul: 9 | Shin: 9

Shin - No real issues with clarity in general.

Rehtul -
Post 8: “A blink of an eye later the energy construct began to crack and destabilize, before it finally shattered and swirled around the body of the mage. With no input from him, the shards of energy struck forth with the ferocity and speed of a striking viper toward its prey.” - I was a little lost as to what the “shards of energy” were referring to, was it the ice of the shield?

Technique Rehtul: 6 | Shin: 8

Shin -
You have a style that lends itself to beautiful prose, but it also sometimes feels awkward in this thread. The last paragraph of Post 7 felt like the latter a little.

Rehtul -
You have a bit of technique that works, and other times it feels a bit lackluster - “a giant fan of pointy sticks” (post 6)

Wild Card

Rehtul: 7 | Shin: 7

For WC on battles I give both of you an equal score and use it as a wrap-up. I enjoyed reading the fight, it was interesting. I actually think it would be fun to have a battle with either of you someday myself and I’m looking forward to it maybe!

Score:
Rehtul - 71
Shin - 77

Rewards
Rehtul - 1275 exp | 250 gold
Shin - 5255 exp | 250 gold

[Preston]

Exp and GP Added!

Rehtul, welcome to Level 6!

Shin, you're just a handful away from 17....