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  1. #11
    Adventurer

    EXP: 4,636, Level: 2
    Level completed: 88%, EXP required for next Level: 364
    Level completed: 88%,
    EXP required for next Level: 364



    GP
    950

    Name
    Evian
    Age
    24
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    The scars along his back and on his head throbbed in burning in for a moment. Around them, close by, things that weren't weighted down started to rattle as they bounced in place. Evian was locked in place, every muscle in his body quivering with tension. It was only when he felt moisture on his hand, and looked down to see his mead sloshing in his mug that he realized that right now he had to calm down. The dark haired man took in a slow, deep, breath, forcing the rigidity out of his frame, deliberately forcing his body into a more relaxed state. As he did, the rattling around the eased, then ceased.

    He held up one hand to Felicity then waved a waiter over after pointing at his mug. As the waiter walked over, Evian drained his mug, then the first refill the waiter gave him as the worker stared at him in a mild degree of shock. After a moment of Evian just staring into the mug, the waiter backed off, returning to other guests. Once the two of them were relatively alone, Evian looked up, locking his eyes onto the redhead's. Even with all he had done to suppress his anger, he knew it was still roiling on his gaze as he stared at her.

    "Good riddance to bad scum." His words were hissed out between gritted teeth. For a few seconds that hung in the air between them before he took another deep breath.

    "Little snowflake, that man not only subjected you to that hell, in front of your very eyes he murdered another person trying make them suffer it as well." His voice was rising and dipping, anger dripping from his words. The tension in his voice was making his accent significantly more distinct as he slipped on his control. "That does not include the countless people who would have already been put through the same experiments, who died out of sight, forgotten, with no one to avenge them. Only those who can remember them. Mothers and fathers never knowing where their children went, brothers and sisters growing up without a beloved sibling."

    One hand splayed out on the table, joints turning white from the pressure. Never once did his eyes waver from hers, though. Never once did he even blink.

    "Let me tell you a story, little snowflake. But this won't be a happy bedtime story." It was how his father had started stories, before everything went horrifically wrong. Evian didn't give her a chance to say no, or ask why. His voice dropped down, lowering into a cadence.

    "Once upon a time, a lonely old man lived alone in a big, empty, house. Gone were the laughs, gone was the tears, gone was the joy, for his wife, his one true love, had died, and with it, his heart. All he had left was his fear, and his anger, towards what he thought had taken her. Like every other good Salvaran, he was a good, devout member of the Church of the Ethereal Sway. Little snowflake, have you heard of them? They're the shield, the ones who guard good, devout, honest Salvaran people from the evils of that most foul of existences." Here he paused, his voice gaining weight.

    "Magic." The word came out with heavy depth behind it. It carried the weight of countless years of hate and fear. It stuck in the air, an almost tangible block of loathing given voice, given name.

    "The lonely old man was absolutely, positively certain that his wife, his life, died because of magic, you see." Evian drummed his fingers in a slow tempo upon the wood of the table. Working through this, saying this out loud, even to someone who had gone through something similar, was nigh impossible for him. "But the lonely old man had a deep, dark belief. He knew, knew, he could beat the magic. He just had to figure out how. And he had been a doctor, a scientist, so of anyone, he knew he could do it. And wouldn't you know it he had the perfect little rat to practice on."

    His scars burned again, stinging in remembered pain as he spoke. "Slice, slice, went the lonely old man. The cries of the rat never bothered him, because it meant he was figuring it out, learning how to beat magic. The rat should be glad it was of such use! Slice, slice, went the lonely old man. And scream went the rat." Evian's drumming stopped, his nails digging into the wood of the table, curling the varnish against his skin.

    " Would I do the same thing you did, little snowflake? Well. The rat finally stopped screaming. And the lonely old man went to meet his beloved wife." Evian reached out and drained his mug of mead again. When he finished, he stared at her again, blue eyes intense.

    "Sometimes blood shouldn't be washed off. Sometimes it is a badge of honor. Sometimes the only way to stop a monster is with another."

  2. #12
    Nuclear Rage

    EXP: 64,948, Level: 10
    Level completed: 99%, EXP required for next Level: 52
    Level completed: 99%,
    EXP required for next Level: 52


    Flamebird's Avatar

    GP
    1,898

    Name
    Felicity Rhyolite
    Age
    19
    Race
    Neanderthal/ Human Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Disturbed.

    Felicity sat in shock, sickness. Once again, she felt the urge to vomit. She lifted her hand to her mouth, eyes wide. Tears slipped down her cheeks and off her jaw. Evian's life story was, well, horrifying. Further more, his ending comment about monsters beating monsters reminded her too much of her old teacher, who had become exactly that.

    Felicity's previous dead inside state was stripped away. Wow, she felt something. She was the same sensitive girl she always was. Evian's story brought her to tears. Oh, how she hated to hear people suffering like this...

    It took her several minutes to swallow the bile in her throat, to stop the tears from preventing her from speaking. At long last, she spoke.

    "I'm sorry you went through that."

    The words were spoken with sorrow for Evian, rage towards his abuser, and a sense of sympathy. Felicity thought she was a victim of experimentation? No, she felt nothing compared to Evian's physical agony at a stronger man's hands. Felicity looked down at her hands, which felt numb and twitchy.

    "So... I did the right thing? Killing him? Even though he had a family? I knew his son and daughter in law, far more decent people than him. They're probably grieving his death right now."

    Felicity looked away, "I lost my family to death myself. Can you understand why I hate killing? Robbing someone of air and leaving their loved ones to suffer like I have. Yet, I did that. Carelessly blew up a ship trying to disable cannons, my powers flaring up and losing control in slaughter, and now this."

    "But you're right," Felicity reached up and rubbed her eyes, "He was a terrible person. He toyed with lives and treated his patients like cattle. I loathed him with every fiber of my being. Perhaps, he deserved death."

    Felicity winced though, doubts still flooding her, "But I still can't be proud of it, even if it was the correct course of action..."

    Once again, images of her old mentor flooded her mind. Her post traumatic stress disorder struck again as she steadily panted, heart beat racing. "I... I understand where she was coming from now. And I don't like it..."
    Last edited by Flamebird; 03-25-2021 at 12:43 PM.
    "I can't be proud of anything. I am ashamed of everything."

    "I gave my heart, my allegiance, all my energy for this and got nothing but ashes in return. What on earth did I do to deserve being chewed and spit out like this? Time and time again, it's all the same."


    Felicity Playlist.

  3. #13
    Adventurer

    EXP: 4,636, Level: 2
    Level completed: 88%, EXP required for next Level: 364
    Level completed: 88%,
    EXP required for next Level: 364



    GP
    950

    Name
    Evian
    Age
    24
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    "Hush, little snowflake." Evian reached over and dropped his hand onto her head, pressing her hair down. He could see her breathing speeding up as she lost herself in thought. "Sometimes there is no 'right' or 'wrong' thing to do. Sometimes the only choice, what's right for you? Or, what is the choice you can live with?" He hummed for a moment. Even telling his story like he did was cutting into him.

    And he had left out parts - that the lonely old man had been the father of the rat. He'd been no lost foundling, tricked and taken in. It had been his own father who wielded the knives, the syringes, the tools that haunted Evian's past. That, at least in part, the man old man's experiments, like the one done on her, had been successful. No, she didn't need the added knowledge or the pain that knowledge would bring her.

    "Say you hadn't done what you did. You saw him kill another, trying to replicate what happened with you. If you had not stopped him there, permanently, do you honestly think he would have stopped? Or, would he have tried to make promises, tried to cajole you into letting him go? 'I won't do it to another, just let me live' maybe? No. They would have been empty words from meaningless lips, and as soon as your eye was away from him, he would have returned right back to what he had been doing." His own father certainly wouldn't have stopped. Evian knew that much.

    "In taking his life sure, you may have saddened his family. But you stopped him from saddening countless other families. Death, killing, is not always the right answer. But it is also not always the wrong answer. If you can't be proud of his blood, be proud of the blood you have stopped from being spilled in the future."

  4. #14
    Nuclear Rage

    EXP: 64,948, Level: 10
    Level completed: 99%, EXP required for next Level: 52
    Level completed: 99%,
    EXP required for next Level: 52


    Flamebird's Avatar

    GP
    1,898

    Name
    Felicity Rhyolite
    Age
    19
    Race
    Neanderthal/ Human Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Felicity teared up again as he assured her. It was the best course of action. Felicity shuddered. She had saved people, yes, from further abuse. Still, she looked down at her hands. Was she proud? Being a hero had been something she craved for so long. The responsibility that came with it always crushed her.

    She did not want to be a hero anymore.

    She melted onto the table, arms hugging her as she rested her head on the table. She shuddered, yearning for escape from the misery. Everything replayed in her mind, her whole life. Her shameful circumstances of birth, her wretched heritage, running away from the only family that loved her, her powers, her old mentor becoming a monster, her family's deaths, almost losing Shinsou Vaan Osiris, the fall of Whitevale, her night of grieving passion with the man she was sure never loved her, losing Remy, killing Daisuke...

    She had nothing but regrets. She wanted it to end. Now.

    "I don't want to feel any of this." She admitted, "A want to be numb. Food doesn't do it, will adrenaline? Will physical pain? I can't... I can't do this... I'm done playing hero."

    Her back throbbed, "I feel so much weight on me. I did the best I could, but it's never enough. I want to run away. From everything."

    She looked up at Evian, "My only purpose now is protecting the one person I have left. But even then, I feel guilty cause I know I failed and will fail. I'm not strong enough, no matter how much I train. I feel so guilty, for everything."

    She closed her eyes, feeling so many emotional wounds bleeding out in their shadow ache, "I just want to go numb now."

    "Evian, tell me," Felicity pleaded, "How do you move forward when you have only felt guilt, loneliness, and shame your entire life? I can't be proud of anything. I am ashamed of everything."
    Last edited by Flamebird; 03-25-2021 at 01:07 PM.
    "I can't be proud of anything. I am ashamed of everything."

    "I gave my heart, my allegiance, all my energy for this and got nothing but ashes in return. What on earth did I do to deserve being chewed and spit out like this? Time and time again, it's all the same."


    Felicity Playlist.

  5. #15
    Adventurer

    EXP: 4,636, Level: 2
    Level completed: 88%, EXP required for next Level: 364
    Level completed: 88%,
    EXP required for next Level: 364



    GP
    950

    Name
    Evian
    Age
    24
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    For a long moment Evian held his gaze on the redhead, studying her with probing eyes. She seemed absolutely devastated right now. Then he looked down at his empty mug, rolling it around slowly in his hands. Silence hung between them, broken by the intermittent noises from the rest of the bar. Finally he looked back up at her, his eyes dim.

    "For me, it was deciding that I didn't want his legacy to be what I was known for. So I ran, I fled and hid, and escaped. Then? It was just a matter of survival, one day to the next." He chewed on his lower lip in thought. "Finally I figured that I wanted to see what the world has to offer. What else is out there that isn't that hell hole." His eyes narrowed.

    "I can't tell you what you should do to keep going. Instead, I'll ask you this, red. What are you going to allow to control you? Fear? Regret?" One hand raised up, index finger pointing towards her. "Or are you going to be the one in control?" He set his mug down again. "You seem to think of yourself as some kind of abomination. All I see is a redheaded girl who is lost and doesn't know what to do with her life. So what if you failed? Unless they're some kind of actual inhuman monster, everyone has failed. Failed at keeping a promise, failed at doing some task. You've lived past your failure. So are you going to let it keep controlling you? Or are you going to learn and grow, so next time that doesn't happen? Because let me tell you this. If fear is king in your heart, be that fear of yourself, or of others, of failure- it will always win." Each of his last words were accompanied by a jab of his finger at her face.

    "If you try, you may succeed. You may also fail. But if you don't even try, you will always fail."

  6. #16
    Nuclear Rage

    EXP: 64,948, Level: 10
    Level completed: 99%, EXP required for next Level: 52
    Level completed: 99%,
    EXP required for next Level: 52


    Flamebird's Avatar

    GP
    1,898

    Name
    Felicity Rhyolite
    Age
    19
    Race
    Neanderthal/ Human Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Forceful, demanding, provoking. The way Evian spoke reminded her of Shinsou's harsh yet supportive teaching style. It reminded Felicity of the night Leoric was enraged by her masochism and tried knocking some sense into her.

    "Accept the past, don’t agonize or regret the past." In the night, in the training yard, Leoric spoke down to her. The dim moonlight left him as a dark silhouette against the night. "Accept it for what it was, a trial to strengthen you and prepare you for what you need to do."

    Felicity's tears doubled. It was all the same thing. Over and over again. Grow and move forward. Felicity's fears had controlled her for many, many years. She was never good enough, she was never strong enough. She had not been conceived in love. She was unloved. She grimaced, struggling to see the light.

    She whimpered, "I..."

    She looked up at Evian now. His words pierced her, leaving her silent. Oh, this problem and the agony that came with it.

    "One step at a time," she mumbled, "That's all it takes, huh? One more try..."

    She closed her eyes, shaking, "That's all I can do, huh? Face the fear and fight?"

    She scoffed, "Not easy..."
    "I can't be proud of anything. I am ashamed of everything."

    "I gave my heart, my allegiance, all my energy for this and got nothing but ashes in return. What on earth did I do to deserve being chewed and spit out like this? Time and time again, it's all the same."


    Felicity Playlist.

  7. #17
    Adventurer

    EXP: 4,636, Level: 2
    Level completed: 88%, EXP required for next Level: 364
    Level completed: 88%,
    EXP required for next Level: 364



    GP
    950

    Name
    Evian
    Age
    24
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    "All you can do? No." Evian snorted. "You could give up, too. That's always a choice. I know for some, it gets to be too much, and that's the only choice left to them, or so it feels." He sighed and reached over, rubbing the kid on the head as she shuddered and shook with her tears.

    "There is not some fantastical solution to the problems, where you can just flick a switch and everything is OK. You have to work for it, red. You have to decide if the things you want from life are worth trying for. Whoever it is that you're thinking of - are they worth your time, your effort? Are they worth you pushing through your fear and your pains? Or -" He sat back, and ran one hand through his hair.

    "Or is the fear more important? Is it too choking, to strangling? Because if you live, strangling yourself like that, you'll end up exploding. Be that a sudden decision in the dead of night to end things, to let go and give up, give in. Or if you cling to life, and rage consumes your fear and lashes. Fear feeds anger, because you grow to resent the things causing you fear." He hummed softly, looking up at the ceiling. That had, in the end, been what happened with him. The terrors wrought by his father had eventually gotten to be too much, and the dam inside of himself had broken, his rage bursting out and bringing the walls of their home crashing down onto the lonely old man.

    "You're still young, little snowflake." Evian's voice was soft. "Your life isn't over unless you decide it is. You still have time to grow and learn. Find those you can reach out to, who support you. Because I'm sure they're there, waiting for you."

  8. #18
    Nuclear Rage

    EXP: 64,948, Level: 10
    Level completed: 99%, EXP required for next Level: 52
    Level completed: 99%,
    EXP required for next Level: 52


    Flamebird's Avatar

    GP
    1,898

    Name
    Felicity Rhyolite
    Age
    19
    Race
    Neanderthal/ Human Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Felicity rubbed her eyes as Evian spoke. Strange stubbornness overtook her as yet another harsh memory knocked in the door of her mind. Shaking still, Felicity looked up at Evian with a hint of steadfastness.

    "I almost ended it once. I was only saved by the chance of making contact with my closest friend." Behind the tears and sorrow, determination could be seen finally shinning in her eyes. "I refuse to give up again."

    Felicity slowly pushed herself up, her back still throbbing. Evian still had a gentle hold on her as her head lowered. "I keep hearing the same thing. From anyone who helped me, I kept hearing the same thing. The same thing you told me. Shinsou, Leoric-..."

    She shook her head, "-But Leoric isn't worth the energy anymore. Only Shinsou."

    Felicity leaned back in her seat, hair still hanging in her face as she rubbed her eyes. Evian's hand lowered as she left his reach, "I almost gave up, and I gave into my anger enough times. I regret it all."

    She started pushing the hair away from her face. "I have one purpose, and one person now. I can start with that."

    Yet, doubts echoed in her mind. Leoric. Oh, Leoric... Was he actually worth the pain? She still struggled, she was still confused. Did he actually care? Should she ask? Felicity placed her hand on her forehead, feeling the headband she wore there. She dare not face him. Was there another way? Felicity shuddered. What was worse? The fear if him having not loved her, or the lack of closure that stretched out towards eternity?

    She blinked, returning her attention to Evian.

    "For a stranger, you've somehow said all the right things to me, Evian." Felicity's fears and traumas still danced in her mind, causing her to want to hide. "One of these days, hopefully the past won't repeat itself again. I'll make sure it doesn't if I have to."
    Last edited by Flamebird; 03-25-2021 at 07:34 PM.
    "I can't be proud of anything. I am ashamed of everything."

    "I gave my heart, my allegiance, all my energy for this and got nothing but ashes in return. What on earth did I do to deserve being chewed and spit out like this? Time and time again, it's all the same."


    Felicity Playlist.

  9. #19
    Adventurer

    EXP: 4,636, Level: 2
    Level completed: 88%, EXP required for next Level: 364
    Level completed: 88%,
    EXP required for next Level: 364



    GP
    950

    Name
    Evian
    Age
    24
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    "There you go, little snowflake, that's the attitude. The only person who can change your future is you." Evian nodded once to the girl. He'd seen the way her face flickered as she mentioned these other people, but he had no way of knowing who they were. They were clearly important to her though - even the one she claimed wasn't. He saw the way conflicted emotions danced across her face as she spoke. The redhead didn't exactly have what one could call a 'poker face'; instead, her feelings were put on display almost as soon as she felt them in her heart.

    There was some resolution there, now, a determination. For what, he didn't know. Instead of pressing, though, instead he gave her a lopsided half-smile, one corner of his mouth twisting upwards. "Might be a stranger, snowflake, but that doesn't mean I don't get it. I may not know exactly what is going on in there," he gestured towards her head, "but I've been in a similar place. I've been in a morass of fear. Fear of others, and of what I can do." The smile turned slightly pained. He was trying to get control of that power of his, but it was still so volatile. It was part of why he lived away from everyone else, even here, where magic wasn't hated and feared.

    "But if you want my suggestion on where to go next or what to do next?" His expression hardened. "Visit two families. Your torturer's - tell them what you've told me. Put that piece of your past to rest one way or another. Then, his last victim's, if you can find them. Give them the closure they need on their child's fate, and what happened to his killer. Then, well. Find those people you mentioned, and figure out where you stand with them, and they with you. Knowing for sure, will always be better than having doubts in one direction or another. Either you find yourself pleasantly surprised, or, you know you can let go and move on."

  10. #20
    Nuclear Rage

    EXP: 64,948, Level: 10
    Level completed: 99%, EXP required for next Level: 52
    Level completed: 99%,
    EXP required for next Level: 52


    Flamebird's Avatar

    GP
    1,898

    Name
    Felicity Rhyolite
    Age
    19
    Race
    Neanderthal/ Human Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Felicity shivered.

    Face both families like that? Especially Daisuke's? John and Angela were great people, but John was stubborn and Angela was sensitive. Would they forgive her? Would they call the authorities on her for justice?

    It would hopefully be easier to find the victim's family. Nicodemus Vash was a Sinai, a Naurim. Their kind were unique and easy to spot in Scara Brae. She could face them. She could tell them that their son had died, she could not stop it, yet she avenged his death. She could do that, could she?

    Then... He suggested closing the question of Leoric. Finally getting the answer and moving from there. Felicity's sorrows felt endless here. She was terrified of knowing he never cared, yet yearned for him if he did. Regardless of how he had treated her when they met. Felicity closed her eyes, her chest screaming from the way it had been shattered by him. Let the pieces get ground to powdered dust, or start to heal. Felicity knew the first step, at least. She had never opened the present he got her before they parted. Should she open it now?

    Was this all about closure? She never had felt closure with her family's deaths. Now, the question was raised - did she prefer lack of closure, or potentially bad endings?

    Felicity opened her eyes, gazing upon the man, Evian, who had the kindness to help her tonight. She smiled, thankful. He had restored a small portion of the faith she had lost in people.

    "Thank you." Felicity told him, earnest and deep. "I owe you a favor, if you ever need it."
    "I can't be proud of anything. I am ashamed of everything."

    "I gave my heart, my allegiance, all my energy for this and got nothing but ashes in return. What on earth did I do to deserve being chewed and spit out like this? Time and time again, it's all the same."


    Felicity Playlist.

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