"No need for violence!" The white haired and mustachioed man exclaimed, holding up both hands. "Please ladies, let us settle this peaceably... and PG-13ably."

"How are we supposed to do that?" Alina demanded. "She tried to rape me! Besides, this is Althanas. There's nothing to do but fight and fuck!"

"It was rape play!" Esmeralda insisted squamishly, "and must I remind you that you asked for it? Repeatedly?"

"Only because of your fancy oil!" Alina screamed. She squeezed more milk out of her dark hair and tried to take a menacing step towards Esmeralda. It is difficult to take a menacing step when you're soaked in milk and wearing nothing but a striped suit jacket.

"Ladies puh-leeeze!" The keeper of propriety exclaimed. "Here, Alina, allow me to introduce myself. I am Archibald Irridia, and I am at your service. Now, circling back to your question... there are many ways to enjoy your time on Althanas, or seek vengeance if indeed that is necessary, without fighting or fucking. Will you please sit?" He gestured at the bed and then crossed his arms and tapped his foot until Alina and Esmeralda sat on it, albeit rather far away from each other.

"Now then..." Archibald said, and somewhere nearby a harp strummed the opening chords. He cleared his throat and sang:

"If you're seeking for write in a fine aesthetic light
On a site such as this one
You must research all the words, not the bees and not the birds
And focus on having fun!
You must sit at your computer and type at lightning speeds
Or you will be left behind!
The meaning doesn't matter if it's always rapid blather of the fantastical kind!"

Taking her cue, Alina stood up and gestured for Esmeralda to do the same. They took up positions either side of Archibald and copied his movements as he danced and sang the chorus, extending one pointed toe forwards and back in elegant fashion.

"And everyone has said,
That they would rather be dead,
Than spend AP on a judgment or re-read their own work
So what a very complicated problem thread this problem thread must be!"