I stared down at the tiny girl, tilting my head to one side, then the other. I sighed. Just like me, she had no idea how to handle friendship. I'd been forced to be alone, and she, had had every good connection ripped away from her. I squeezed her, then stepped back and away. What the hell were you supposed to do, when someone you cared about - did I care about her? Fuck, yes I did. I didn't want her to die. And she - didn't have a basis to form how to respond on. What the hell did you do here? What could I do? Kiss her?.

I stilled as that thought ran through my head. What. What in the hell had I just thought? I mean - fuck, yes, her kisses were nice. But while I cared about her - she was a friend. A friend. I ran my hands across my face. “Fuck.” I spun on my heel. “I'm getting us both some more meat. Sit down and wait, would you.” I needed to distract myself. I needed not to have her soft, scarred body pressed against mine. I needed not to think about the way she had flushed as -

Stop. There. I bit my tongue, letting the sharp sting of pain clear my thoughts. I pulled my knife free from my belt and knelt down, focusing on hacking at the wolves.

I turned to her and saw her, her bare skin pressed up against the cold packed snow. She said she didn’t really feel the cold, but her feet had tinges of blue and her body shivered. The jacket fit her nicely but without all the buttons done up, parts of her flesh were exposed. A nipple, her abdomen. The streaks of blood that had poured down her face and down her torso.

I cursed. She was - had she fallen? Damn it, no, she had sat down like I told her to. I dragged the carcass I was working on near her, then sat down, pulling her into my lap, off of the snow as I cradled her body with mine. I was warmer than she by far - I could warm her up then get the fire going. Just - don't let her notice. Please, moon, don't let her notice. I didn't need to deal with the added aspect of our strange sexual tension on top of the rest of our confusion.

“This is the weirdest way someones shown me they’re hard.” She commented. “I mean, I may be partially blind right now, but there are other ways.” I felt her lean her head back against me. “Or are you just trying to keep me warm and that’s a lil’ accident?”

Fuck. “I wouldn't say little. But yes. You're painfully cold, dawn girl. And we’ve already established I have an attraction to you. That is neither here nor there at the moment.”

I felt her shrug, then...then fucking wriggle that ass of hers against me to either tease me or make herself more comfortable. “True. True.” She smirked. “It doesn’t feel small. I appreciate the warmth.” I felt her relax in my lap. “I really do.” Fuck - but that was good, right? She liked the warmth? I curled my arms around her waist - to hold her, but also to hold her still.

“As I said. This wasn't why I was holding you. Please keep still.” If you don't, I'll get the wrong damn idea. And Dawn girl, you don't need to be fucked right now. This is much more like what you need. But I kept silent, except for asking her not to move. Thank fuck she listened. She simply leaned back and shut her eyes. Resting her head on the crook of my neck, her head tilted toward me.

I gently rocked her slowly. She looked like she was drifting off to sleep in my arms. That was - that was good. When she slept was when she had healed the most before - perhaps because her defences were down, and her body could take in the comfort and warmth of contact to heal better?

Her hands curled around my jacket and a soft murmur fell from her lips. She had fallen asleep. I felt a bit of tension ease from my shoulders. She felt safe enough to sleep in my arms. She shifted her face and her lips, still dotted with the blood of the raw meat she had eaten earlier - which was a little odd in and of itself, pressed themselves to the underside of my jaw. My eyes went wide. What in the hell - I turned my head down to see if she hadn't actually fallen asleep, and was instead trying to torment me.

The shift of my head caused her to murmur, she looked like she was asleep. Her lips pressed themselves again to my - Fuck. Fuck. I should not have looked down. Her blood-speckled lips felt, tasted, too damn good against mine. I went very, very still as she kissed me. Damn it. And I had thought about this earlier. Had I - subconsciously desired it? It was pure defiance against the people who wanted both of us to remain emotionless, connectionless. Twenty years of training warred against the newfound resolve to defy the people who had trained me. I opened my lips, slightly, against hers.

This would tell me if she was asleep or not. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t press her lips harder against mine in a feverish kiss like she had done so before. Instead- Fuck this may have been worse. Instead a soft murmur left her lips and she clenched my coat tighter. Her eyes fluttered as she pressed her lips softly against mine before she sighed and her grip loosened.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck me running with a ten foot pole. A drunken, horny kiss was one thing. The feverish ‘make out’ session to hide from the priests, another. I slowly drew my head back from hers, and she nestled against me, her head dropping back to my shoulder.

That. That was a kiss that spoke of affection. Of comfort, and appreciation. That was the kind of kiss that my false memories had tried to assure me was reserved for husband and wife, loving and tender.

What the hell was I supposed to do now? I tightened my hold on her, and she let out a soft sound of contentedness and curled against me tighter, drawing her legs up to her chest, forming a small ball in my lap.

This. This right fucking here. This soft, desperately alone side of her, that craved contact so much that she clung to someone she had only seen three times now. This was what I was trying to protect. Fuck it. Fuck it to hell. Fuck it all the way to the moon and back. I kissed her forehead and sighed.

“Fucking hell, dawn girl. Fine - kiss me when you need to. I'll take that connection.” At least - at least she was asleep, to not hear the softly spoken words that fell into her hair.

“Fil’ayn ….” She murmured and I stilled. Fuck. Did she hear me? Why did she use my name? What the hell - did she think of me when she dreamt whatever the hell it was that made her kiss me? Or - or was she awake?

“Yes, Amari?” I spoke very, very softly. Testing.

She didn’t reply. For a long time she didn’t say a word and looked to be resting contentedly in my lap. Just when I thought it was a slip of the tongue she spoke again.

“Fil’ayn don’t...put that in the cupboard.” My eyes went wide. She was dreaming. But - why in the absolute hell was she dreaming about - what the hell dream had another person putting something in a cupboard. Wait - was she - was she dreaming about - a life? Not - not this shit hell of a life, but an actual, in a house, life? Where I was visiting - or - or -?

My mind went blank and my body stilled as I tried desperately to process this.

“I love you.”

OH.

Oh fuck. She was. This was - a dream of a happy home. I felt something inside my chest lurch at those words. Ah. I'd - I'd never actually heard them said to me.

And I still hadn't. She didn't love me. She loved - the dream. Of peace, and warmth. Comfort and love. I tightened my arms around her and shifted so I was sitting against the log I had felled. I - I could not give her the reality. But I could give her this dream. I stroked her hair with one hand, as I had seen people do with their lovers. I ignored the pain in my chest and the stinging in my eyes.