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  1. #1
    Senior Member

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    Elthas's Avatar

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    Elthas Belthasar
    Age
    N/A (Looks to be in his early thirties and is Immortal)
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    Forest Elf
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    Male.
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    Corone

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    Workshop: Elthas My Son.

    What is the name of your thread?: Elthas My Son.
    Who participated in the thread?: Myself (As Elthas), Altair, Flamebird, Reina, Gavner, Hayate
    Number of Posts?: 19
    Full Rubric Judgment?: Yes

    Feedback Rewards: (Post Length of Thread/10) * ((EXP Needed to Level)*0.05) EXP

    Critique Guidelines:

    1) Standard rules for etiquette apply. No spamming or off-topic posts, no personal attacks or trolling. Focus on critiquing the thread, not the writer. Use constructive criticism and try to speak in terms of "strengths" and "weaknesses". For example: "Your story was strong, but the action seemed a little weak. Try using more adverbs to describe actions or use a thesaurus to spice up your word choice."

    2) Likewise, those who have asked for a workshop should take criticism gracefully. Use it to better yourself. These are not intended to offend or belittle, only show you opportunities to grow.

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  2. #2
    Administrator

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    Philomel's Avatar

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    Philomel van der Aart (+ Veridian)
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    Apologies for the lack of contribution here, Elthas. I will try to get some commentary up myself at some point.
    Matriarch of the Gilded Lily and of its brothels, associated establishments and the army.

    --
    Characters:
    The family triplet: Philomel, Vaeron and Celandine.
    The god and kenku triplet: Stare, Avin and Vixen.

  3. #3
    Reaching beyond the stars

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    Gnarl & Root's Avatar

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    There is no working link to that thread. Can't find it to read it.
    - The Destroyer of Worlds -

    Part 1
    The Gnarled Roots of Osiris

    Part 2
    The Truth we Left Behind.
    Currently writing.

    * Gnarloc & Camille Airanna Dark * Winner of Best Althanas Couple.

  4. #4
    Senior Member

    EXP: 6,386, Level: 3
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    Elthas's Avatar

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    6,066

    Name
    Elthas Belthasar
    Age
    N/A (Looks to be in his early thirties and is Immortal)
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    Forest Elf
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    Male.
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    Corone

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    I don't know why the link screwed up but here it is again anyway: Elthas my Son There you lovely doods go.
    Elthas, my son.-Halm Belthasar

  5. #5
    Reaching beyond the stars

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    Level completed: 72%,
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    Gnarl & Root's Avatar

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    Hey Elthas, sorry for the delay in posting, but here you go. It's been a while since I held my workshop badge or Judge title, so I'll keep it simple.

    Story side of things:-
    I liked the overall premise of the story here but it just sort of ended when you were actually starting to get into it. This, unfortunately, affects a lot of things for anyone reading it like this. Characters didn't really get a chance to meet up and interact and there's no real story here to tell and conclude. I think there was meant to be, but maybe you gave up after a delay in posting? I'm not entirely sure but it certainly seems unfinished.

    I would have liked to see where it was going, especially once you arrived at the remains of the great tree, but again its kinda hard to comment on this properly because leading up to the tree everyone who posted had their own story to get there and you were all setting the sense of doom after the explosion of the volcano. For those of you who did meet up you jumped forward to the introduction of the bandits real quick it kinda screwed up pacing after the slower paced start.

    Writing side of things:-
    First of all, I can see that you have improved Pav. So congrats on that, your effort shows. Overall the writing quality was pretty good. So I'll put some picky notes down that I picked up on. I got confused by Hyates posts at times. I wasn't sure who was talking at first glance. Elthas you do stuff like highlight The Great Tree for some reason, when it appears you're also using that to highlight the speech, this is conflicting when reading. Altair used a lot of "He" for everything and could do with trying to find another way around using it constantly.

    Overall it's perfectly fine, and we all have our little hick-ups and problems. I know I do!

    I do enjoy survival stories in apocalyptic scenarios a lot, so I think with the idea you are running with it had a lot of legs for future stories if you wanted to go there.
    - The Destroyer of Worlds -

    Part 1
    The Gnarled Roots of Osiris

    Part 2
    The Truth we Left Behind.
    Currently writing.

    * Gnarloc & Camille Airanna Dark * Winner of Best Althanas Couple.

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