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Thread: Versus Gum.

  1. #11
    Legend

    EXP: 45,220, Level: 9
    Level completed: 13%, EXP required for next Level: 8,780
    Level completed: 13%,
    EXP required for next Level: 8,780


    Nosdyn's Avatar

    GP
    2,737

    Name
    ~Nosdyn Krotar~
    Age
    Ancient...
    Race
    ~Old Soldier~
    Gender
    ~Male~
    Location
    Ettermire/Alerar

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    Because of who Nosdyn was...what he was...something else happened.

    His mind envisioned not the field of battle for a moment or two...perhaps the effects of the disease pathogen in whatever limited capacity they could affect him...but still affect him. Nosdyn saw something a memory from the past...he dreamed and half dreamed of Ettermire. His first love, the woman who had killed herself in front of him. Illsandra...his first wife. The image was a powerful one and he began to cry as his body adjusted to the effects of the pathogens and disease.

    He had no knowledge of the man's mystic arts...but he had knowledge of the fact his body had a rare genetic marker.

    N'Jal had told him so.

    It was how he had not turned when he'd been bitten by the one from Corone.

    Nosdyn looked at the shaman for a moment as the effects of the disease in it's fullest potency attempted to ravage...something. The tears flowed from Nosdyn's eyes freely. "In another life...we could have been friends." Nosdyn said truthfully. He sometimes hated himself for what he was, a mere instrument of chaos and war. What he really hated was the fact that he existed...he would always be at odds with life itself. The effects of the pathogens also made him think of the woman from Corone...there could have been something there had she not wandered off into the wild lands to die.

    "I am not immune to any disease as you must know by now, old one. I am made to survive. Long after you and your kind are gone I will be here still perhaps that is also my own curse, not just being N'Jal's champion." Nosdyn saw various apparitions from the haywire effects of the pathogens going nuts in his blood. One particular hallucination caught his eye immediately. He saw, and he assumed the shaman would be able to see the demon's memory as well. An old priest, undead himself, walked up to both of them. This was new...it would likely not happen again. It was an effect of Nosdyn's powerful blood and his connection to N'Jal.

    The old priest greeted the both of them. "You are both being tested here." The priest said calmly he looked at Nosdyn. "Remember the teachings my friend eventually all things must wither and rot...you will not however. Your kind are destined for some other fate beyond my capacity to see." The priest was telling that to do Mugu as well. There was a lesson there to be learned by both of them.

    Nosdyn understood his old friend's meaning there. "I am cursed to survive to the end of time." Nosdyn said to the both of them. The tears were flowing freely as he stood there. Holding his weapon. He did not know what to do...he hesitated a moment. "I am cursed...my kind is always going to be at odds with everything else. All I ever wanted was my purpose. My reason for being here. I'm not going to die shaman." Nosdyn suddenly told Gum the truth of who he was and what he was...he didn't know how to react or how to take it. The gods had cursed him primarily.

  2. #12
    He's alright, our Gum

    EXP: 24,290, Level: 6
    Level completed: 62%, EXP required for next Level: 2,710
    Level completed: 62%,
    EXP required for next Level: 2,710


    Gum do Mugu's Avatar

    GP
    4,429

    Name
    Gum do Mugu
    Age
    41
    Race
    Dheathain Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

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    Do Mugu had developed immunity to the infectious influence of his disease weapons while training as a shaman, decades ago. However, he was not prepared for how the fever would affect Nosdyn, an extraneous demon. In humans, the sickness afflicted the brain only, overwhelming minds with haunting visions and suffocating dread. But, the Xangu native watched the sickened demon react. He soon appreciated Nosdyn's potent life force for what it was. The demonic invader was broadcasting his Ungotuu nightmare outwards and into the psychosphere.

    That broadcast picked something up! "I can see," Do Mugu muttered evenly. He could see his victim's vision. He could see the undead priest. It was jarring, even for his well-kept mind. Nevertheless, the shaman was bound to his own gods and a foreign priest could not so easily invade and sway such a devout mind.

    Playing along, the shaman nodded piously while the priest pontificated about a shared destiny.

    But, within, Gum do Mugu insulated his sacred thoughts. Dutifully, he contained his heightened willpower behind a wall of strict and complete blankness, i.e. a perfectly empty mind; he was meditating. And through that meditation, the shaman supercharged his own life force. He was preparing for a complete transformation. The fibres of his muscles were morphing. The colour of his eyes began to tremble, flickering from brown to yellow. His teeth and bones were aching from their cores. Thick hair was sprouting across his formerly hairless body.

    "You should die," the shaman insisted, clutching his left clavicle—it was as shattered as the Ungotuu jar, its shards spread across the cavern floor. The shaman was unperturbed by the demon's violent emotional swings; rage to sadness and back again. "Your life, it is suffering," he said coolly. "Allow me to relieve you. Let me send your spirit to the Underworld, where Oxxad will give you new life so that you might find balance."
    terrrrrible.jpg

  3. #13
    Legend

    EXP: 45,220, Level: 9
    Level completed: 13%, EXP required for next Level: 8,780
    Level completed: 13%,
    EXP required for next Level: 8,780


    Nosdyn's Avatar

    GP
    2,737

    Name
    ~Nosdyn Krotar~
    Age
    Ancient...
    Race
    ~Old Soldier~
    Gender
    ~Male~
    Location
    Ettermire/Alerar

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    In one moment, the desire to stop fighting against life itself stopped.

    Something happened there in front of the shaman...an acceptance by Nosdyn.

    Where three times Ettermire herself had rejected the demon and his people...a transformation occurred within Nosdyn.

    The ghosts of his past were there present with Gum and Nosdyn....watching the event transpire.

    "I have no place here." Nosdyn said suddenly. He lost his grip on his weapon, still crying...he dropped it on the ground. The iron mace fell with a hard thud that echoed like a thunder blast throughout the cavernous wall. "Twice I died for N'Jal." Nosdyn said calmly, he looked at the old shaman. "They were empty deaths...not the warrior's death my father promised me. And his father promised him...it was all for nothing." He looked at Gum. "Maybe you are right...maybe life itself is right maybe I do not belong here at all."

    Nosdyn handed gum his cloak. "Take, so I am not forgotten. So my people are not forgotten."

    "I am ready shaman. I am tired of fighting...maybe I can also know peace. And be with my love that I left behind." He closed his eyes and stopped fighting at that point. He stood there, bare chested and would allow the shaman a chance to completely finish the old demon exile off...he could see her in the distant part of the cavern. Illsandra, looking at him with a peaceful expression on her face.

    "Come home with me my love..." She said to him. "You don't have to fight anymore."

    Nosdyn looked over to his first wife. He nodded towards her. "I'm tired...I have been fighting for a long time." He looked back at Gum and waited. "If you're going to do something, now is your chance."
    Last edited by Nosdyn; 03-30-2020 at 10:51 PM.

  4. #14
    He's alright, our Gum

    EXP: 24,290, Level: 6
    Level completed: 62%, EXP required for next Level: 2,710
    Level completed: 62%,
    EXP required for next Level: 2,710


    Gum do Mugu's Avatar

    GP
    4,429

    Name
    Gum do Mugu
    Age
    41
    Race
    Dheathain Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

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    Their brutal and burgeoning encounter teetered, swaying on the uneven crux of their shortcomings. The Xangu shaman, let down by his brittle form, was evidently unfit to compete with the robust demon—a bloodied and broken shoulder was the very evidence. But, Nosdyn seemed to be showing his own shortcomings? Do Mugu, nursing that terrible injury and undeniably lagging in the race, would not overlook the opportunity for a clean and clear deathblow.

    If N'Jal's famed champion thought a sorrowful submission would temper the shaman's heart, then he was critically mistaken.

    It was true, Gum do Mugu was physically weaker.

    But, perhaps Nosdyn was mentally weaker.

    It wasn't that the Dheathain human lacked compassion. On the contrary, he had fostered a perennial affection for relieving the suffering of others. Consider this: Nosdyn was suffering, of that there was no doubt. Furthermore, the crow's caws had told Gum of this demon's murderous past. So, at least in the eyes of Do Mugu and his cast of divine overseers, the kindly act was to remove this chaotic invader from the playing field. After all, death was not the end; in service to his masters, the shaman had ferried so many souls into the shambling clutches of the Underworld's chief general, Oxxad.

    Locked in the midst of his metamorphosis, the shaman was quaking with pain. He struggled to respond to Nosdyn's heartfelt words.

    Regardless, Gum had little to say in return.

    Yet, Nosdyn continued to pour out his melancholy heart. "Maybe you are right...maybe life itself is right maybe I do not belong here at all," the demon said.

    At first, Gum could not respond. His silence was involuntary. There wasn't much he could say to Nosdyn. He knew that the sooner it was over for the troubled demon, the sooner his broken spirit could begin the process of rehabilitation. And, eventually, rebirth—it was a good thing.

    "Intro..." Do Mugu rasped, "...spection." Then, he spat blood and phlegm down his chin while his organs churned, mutating from their natural form into something else. "Introspection," he gasped, finally. He was choked from within, caught off guard by his own spine crunching inside his neck. It, like his organs, was morphing from human anatomy into feline anatomy. His mouth, by then covered in jet black fur, jutted forward into a short snout. Then, another mouthful of blood oozed from his narrow, quivering lips... then, his teeth—blunt, human, useless—fell from his mouth and spilled out across the cavern's moist substrate. With a snarl, his new set of jagged, bone-crunching gnashers and skull-piercing canines came in.

    "Take, so I am not forgotten. So my people are not forgotten," the demon said, offering his shaman foe a dear treasure.

    With his right hand, Do Mugu gripped the cloak in a balled up fist. But, he said nothing. He wasn't able to speak.

    "I am ready shaman. I am tired of fighting...maybe I can also know peace. And be with my love that I left behind."

    The Xangu man dropped the cloak, it fell to floor like the shaman's blood and teeth before it. Gum shook his head ruefully, he had meant no disrespect. However, his hand had turned to a paw.

    The shapeshift was complete; from human to Xangu jungle cat.

    With a muscular spring of his hind legs, the black jungle cat leapt at the demon. The injured left shoulder had followed him into cat form, so he was only able to slash at Nosdyn with his right paw. Meanwhile, his canines were unleashed—the Xangu's most deadly assassin was aiming to crack through the demon's skull and burrow into his brain.

    If the demon possessed even the dimmest glimmer of hope, the slightest will to live, then he would have to sidestep Do Mugu's savage assault! Otherwise, his desire to be reunited with Illsandra would be fulfilled—together, Gum believed, their spirits would be joined in the comforting flow of the glowing cavern's stream.

    The choice was Nosdyn's.

    Death or life.
    terrrrrible.jpg

  5. #15
    Legend

    EXP: 45,220, Level: 9
    Level completed: 13%, EXP required for next Level: 8,780
    Level completed: 13%,
    EXP required for next Level: 8,780


    Nosdyn's Avatar

    GP
    2,737

    Name
    ~Nosdyn Krotar~
    Age
    Ancient...
    Race
    ~Old Soldier~
    Gender
    ~Male~
    Location
    Ettermire/Alerar

    View Profile
    What Nosdyn saw before him made him actually smile...

    It was a glimpse of The After...

    A mere follower of the Thayne codex but not on any devout level...Nosdyn had earned redemption. The giant black cat gorged on Nosdyn's powerful flesh. But deep down, Nosdyn knew death would not be permanent...it would be a temporary window to his own transformation to his own peace. Perhaps, the encounter with the shaman was also fate. Was also destiny...Nosdyn's sole religion by that point had become N'Jal herself.

    Nosdyn was aware the entire time the black cat consumed him.

    He'd been through worse...he would go through worse in his life.

    But the important part of it was the shaman had instilled in him the building blocks to heal.

    He looked at Illsandra. She stood there with her eternal Dark Elf beauty..."I want to give you something."

    "You've already given me so much..." Nosdyn said to her he held her hand. "The shaman was right my kind don't belong in the world perhaps anywhere."

    "There is a place for you, Nosdyn. Not by N'Jal's side where you think you belong." Illsandra him. "The title will always haunt you that will always be yours. But you are more than N'Jal you are more than an endless war and conflict and strife." Illsandra said.

    Nosdyn sighed. "My father would tell me since I was a boy...ours is a tribe that fights. We are a fighting tribe. It is in nature to fight...but perhaps that is not all there is to it anymore." Nosdyn walked over towards Illsandra. "Since I arrived at Ettermire you and Xyllea taught me the lessons of love and betrayal. You killed yourself in front of me...I held that anguish in my heart for a long time." Nosdyn said to her.

    "For what could have been?" She asked.

    "No. For what was lost...you taught me that even I could love." Nosdyn said to her. "I gave myself so completely to you that losing you was one of the worst battles I could have ever gone through. You never gave me a choice in that matter."

    She considered what she was hearing. "I am sorry Nosdyn I was so consumed by the fact I could not give you a child..."

    He placed his hand on her face gently. "I would give anything to have you be by my side once more. But I know it is too late for that." Nosdyn looked off to his left, something he did often when he thought of the past. "There is one more thing Ilsandra." He kissed her deeply at that point...

  6. #16
    He's alright, our Gum

    EXP: 24,290, Level: 6
    Level completed: 62%, EXP required for next Level: 2,710
    Level completed: 62%,
    EXP required for next Level: 2,710


    Gum do Mugu's Avatar

    GP
    4,429

    Name
    Gum do Mugu
    Age
    41
    Race
    Dheathain Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Relenting, the ferocious jungle cat reared back from the ransacked corpse of its victim. Nosdyn was, in that moment alone, defeated. Drops of demon blood fell from the shapeshifter's black whiskers, his yellowing canines were coloured pink by the rampage. Red, a violent colour, sullied the cavern's lively green fungus. Where they had fought, the earth was disturbed. Gum looked down at the earth, he sighed for its gory corruption. N'Jal's champion, before the Xangu shapeshifters eyes, had endured his own disturbing ordeal. Do Mugu, in reflection, was failing a sacred obligation to remain equanimous. Like the earth, like the vibrant fungus, like the dying demon... the victorious shaman felt utterly disturbed, it was a total breakdown in his training.

    In the bowels of Dheathain, a miserable drama had played out its cruel crescendo.

    And, while his laconic indifference gradually decayed, the shaman experienced passing, but tender, thoughts for his fallen foe, Nosdyn. After all, it seemed as though—with his final words—the demonic intruder had ruefully conceded his imperfection. From there, the journey to tranquility could have blossomed. Perhaps the demon didn't have to die, Do Mugu thought. But, nevertheless, the spirits and the gods demanded the demon's removal. The very world itself demanded it.

    With a lurching cough, the brutal feline fell to the ground.

    He began the painful return: shifting from big cat, back to his natural human form.

    "Gum do Mugu, who do you have for me..."

    The shaman's teeth clenched as the death god's words crept through the psychosphere and into his mind. A distant trickle, the nearby stream continued to flow in spite of their sorry melodrama; its dogged insistence nagged Gum, a servant burdened by the living and the dead. A thousand souls had passed through the shaman's rigid fingers; Gum knew the waterways from the Overworld to the Underworld well enough. Yet, this time, the notion of his ritual emerged like a dreaded spectre. With his training in tatters and his mind warped by the experience, Do Mugu felt unprepared to resist the powerful spell of his Underworld masters.

    "Bring him to me," Oxxad whispered in the dark.

    The stream trickled over subterranean pebbles and cobbles.

    "Bring him to me," Oxxad insisted in the damp.

    Moisture dripped down the cold cavern walls.

    "Bring him to me," Oxxad hissed!

    Do Mugu rested his hand on his broken shoulder. He finally replied. "I need time," he explained, "I am injured."

    Hours went by before expert shaman was ready.



    Dragged into the sunlight, dappled by the Dheathain canopy, Nosdyn's remains seemed hardly dead. Ringed in totems, the ritual began with a chant. Then, silence prevailed. In tune with Gum's trance, the entire rainforest dimmed its din. Foreigner or native, all tremble before death. And so, the shaman understood, all souls must be shepherded with compassion from the Overworld to the Underworld.

    Through meditation, the shaman lost consciousness and the river of the honoured dead flowed out before the two enemies...

    Gum's sticky eyes resisted opening, wise to the awaiting vision. Death itself, the god of all endings, stood tall before him. Do Mugu had awoken in the Underworld's proudest castle, the rock and shadow of Atataratzu and Oxxad's dreadful seat of power. Oxxad's wretched form—hideous in every sense—leered over the shaman's prone body. Oxxad's narrow ribs gripped his seeping torso from the outside. The Xangu god's organs dangled uncomfortably from his unnaturally open abdomen; those organs were bountiful and unrecognisable to those learned in human anatomy. Between the legs of Oxxad were the slashed remnants of both male and female genitalia, the mutilation had been carried out in a definite pattern; it appeared ritualistic. Each hand carried digits numbering in the twenties, and each finger crept and bent in the manner of a spider leg. Beneath the dripping guts were the spindly legs holding Oxxad at his lofty height. He was the tallest creature in the Underworld. Looking up at Oxxad's face, Do Mugu saw his god's peeled lips and jagged teeth, the skin of Oxxad's face was pulled tight over a deformed skull. In place of eyes, the death god had obsidian lumps, shoved awkwardly into the sockets. A flock of doves, innocent and white, circled over him for all eternity. Beside Oxxad stood his grim totem of rotting corpses, the freshly dead were stacked at the top and the old bones were slowly turning to dust at the bottom.

    "Ah, Master Shaman, my dear friend," Oxxad's voice was hissed through hell and into the nightmares of children. "You are always welcome in our domain."

    "Lord Oxxad," the shaman responded with reverence, "I have a very special soul for you."

    "I see that," rasped Oxxad with delight. "A demon's soul—we must make preparations!"

    Do Mugu struggled to his feet, adjusting to his new hellacious soundings. "Demon," he said, speaking to Nosdyn's lingering soul, "Oxxad will take care of everything..."

    Oxxad's laughter sliced into the shaman's statement. "Demon," the death god began, "your options... are... paradise, rebirth, or perhaps I can send you back to your own gods?" He fingered his own guts while he waited for Nosdyn to choose. Then, lastly, he made another offer. "Maybe," he grinned, "we can fix your old body and send you right back into the service of N'Jal? Hahahaha!!!"
    terrrrrible.jpg

  7. #17
    Legend

    EXP: 45,220, Level: 9
    Level completed: 13%, EXP required for next Level: 8,780
    Level completed: 13%,
    EXP required for next Level: 8,780


    Nosdyn's Avatar

    GP
    2,737

    Name
    ~Nosdyn Krotar~
    Age
    Ancient...
    Race
    ~Old Soldier~
    Gender
    ~Male~
    Location
    Ettermire/Alerar

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    Black heart beat the entire time he was not consciously facing injuries...

    A clue, a hint they all missed...

    In the presence of the pagan god, Oxxad, his eyes suddenly burst open. Oxxad noticed it first...

    Nosdyn rose as his heart beat black blood into into his veins, his chest...

    "Keep your empty promises of salvation." Nosdyn spit, he was in a half state of hysteria from his waking back up he looked at Oxxad, not disturbed by the pagan entity. He'd seen worse and gone through worse. "N'Jal is all I need." Nosdyn spat.

    He turned away from the false promises of Oxxad and redemption...Nosdyn knew who and what he was. He was a warrior, of house Krotar. No...more than that...he was the champion of N'Jal.

    He looked away from Oxxad. And turned toward the shaman. "...Thank you. I forgot who I was. You helped me remember myself." The scars that Gum had inflicted...were not healing. What the fuck am I? Nosdyn though to himself. He looked down, with no capacity to regenerate naturally, he was doomed to survive, doomed to live. Life itself had cursed him.

    He remembered something his wife, Xelldra, had told him. What happened before N'Jal was new...she'd never seen it before... He looked at Gum one more time. "I have a bitch of a Goddess to go kill now." Nosdyn said with a very calm voice.

    Nosdyn walked with a limp at first, getting used to walking again. He was not quite undead himself, he was not quite dead nor living.

    A different sort of transformation had occurred before the underworld and the eyes of Oxxad and the shaman. A different type of rebirth, like a caterpillar changing into some grotesque and evolved form. Nosdyn represented a scourge. He walked slowly away from the two of them, and the pagan god's empty promises of redemption.

    "Stop him..." Oxxad said to Gum.

    But it was already too late...Nosdyn had found himself.

  8. #18
    Viator Mundi

    EXP: 155,108, Level: 17
    Level completed: 18%, EXP required for next Level: 14,892
    Level completed: 18%,
    EXP required for next Level: 14,892


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

    GP
    7,753

    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
    Age
    34
    Race
    Telgradian
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

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    Thank you both for participating in this battle.

    Just a quick note before the final scores are announced.

    As per the announcement made on the 31st March, we are temporarily limiting "feedback heavy" judgments for members to ensure that no threads get caught in limbo and that all rewards are issued in a timely fashion. Obviously, competitive judgments must be done for Citadel battles, but, and I stress purely temporarily, feedback will now be limited. I apologise if anything comes out as particularly vague or unhelpful as a result, but I am MORE than happy to expand on the below scores over PM, in discord or whatever. Hit me up if you need.

    Now, onto the final scores!



    Judgment


    Nosdyn vs Gum do Mugu

    Plot:

    Story- 4 / 5
    Setting- 4 / 6
    Pacing- 5 / 5

    Character:


    Communication- 5/7
    Action-5/6
    Persona- 5/7

    Prose:

    Mechanics - 4 / 7
    Clarity- 5 / 7
    Technique- 4 / 7

    Wildcard: 8 / 8

    Final Score: 49 / 65

    Gum do Mugu wins!


    Comments:

    Whilst Gum kept a relatively consistent theme throughout, I felt there were a number of inconsistencies at the start for Nosdyn. For example, it seemed he had no idea where he was or what he had been doing, but in the same post (post one) seemed to have a number of deeply warming memories. This seemed odd to me, but otherwise the rest of the thread recovered to an average level.

    Nosdyn, one thing that hurt you (in a purely competitive sense) was that I felt you gave very basic lip service to the setting, whereas Gum took the basics and expanded on them far more. To coin a decorating analogy, it was like you built a stud wall with wood, but Gum then plastered, painted and decorated after you left. I felt like I was getting most of my vision of the cave from Gum.

    This is by NO means a Nosdyn-bash, though - what I REALLY like is how much energy you pour into him. By far and away, he is your best character (controversial maybe?) and the way you write him makes me feel like you ARE him, at times. This is a good trait.

    However, this is a competitive judgment, and unfortunately on this occasion I have to judge Nosdyn against Gum and not on their stand alone merits (of which there are many on both sides). In Gum, Nos, you are going up against someone who I feel brings a different flavour to the RP dish with his characters. It's no different here; he really made me invest in the Xangu shaman in this battle, and I think the difference in my scoring is a reflection of how heavily each of you made me believe in your characters and how real they felt to me. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE Nosdyn, but I think you can really put in an extra few percent to make me invest.

    My final comments relate to the dreaded prose part of the judgment.

    Nosdyn, I really am sorry to say this but Gum absolutely murdered you here, and although I cringed when I typed the score out above (believe me, I don't like it anymore than you won't like reading it), there was a chasm between you. The difference between you is a combination of basic spelling and grammatical errors (innumerable on your part, Nos, especially easily avoidable ones) and technique. Gum made the odd error here and there, but I feel that Gum gives me something more with his writing; exploring different ways of presenting his work to the reader that keeps things fresh and generally keeping on top of his basic errors, presumably with spellcheck.

    It's not that you are terrible with your technique, but you didn't provide enough power in your writing to really bring out the full potential of Nosdyn and tell the story better through your technique, on the day.

    I feel like I need to conclude on a positive note for the both of you. For a moment, ignore the "formality" of the judgment above, and take pride in the fact you both have two very fun, deeply interesting characters that you both love to write. That's what we all want to see here on Althanas, and I love watching you both write, whether its against each other or individually. Whilst the judgment above is, and only should be taken as, a snapshot assessment of one thread in a whole character lifespan, take the negatives and the positives from it but don't dwell, and come back to kick ass another time.

    Rewards

    Gum do Mugu receives 1,925 EXP and 104 GP!

    Nosdyn receives 350 EXP and 89 GP!

  9. #19
    Viator Mundi

    EXP: 155,108, Level: 17
    Level completed: 18%, EXP required for next Level: 14,892
    Level completed: 18%,
    EXP required for next Level: 14,892


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

    GP
    7,753

    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
    Age
    34
    Race
    Telgradian
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

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    Rewards added!

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