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Thread: April Vignette

  1. #1
    Viator Mundi

    EXP: 155,108, Level: 17
    Level completed: 18%, EXP required for next Level: 14,892
    Level completed: 18%,
    EXP required for next Level: 14,892


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

    GP
    7,753

    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
    Age
    34
    Race
    Telgradian
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

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    April Vignette

    This vignette will close on 30th April 2020.

    Prompt

    Your character is forced to have an abrupt turn of alignment; from good to evil, or evil to good (Neutral characters can choose one extreme or the other). How does this happen and how does your character cope with their new found path?


    Rules

    1. One submission per character.

    2. All entries have to be within the declared period. Editing your post and completely changing your submission is okay as long as all the edits occur before midnight EST on the closing day.

    3. The moderator judging the monthly vignette contest may post a vignette at the end, but will not be eligible for first or second place.

    4. Only on-topic vignettes are liable for rewards. The topics are broad enough that no character should be particularly limited.

    5. PCs must be involved in all vignettes. How "canonical" you choose to have the events of the vignette is up to you.

    6. All participants receive EXP. The top two finishers also receive GP. (Clarification: this excludes off-topic submissions, as per Rule 4).

    7. Entries are assessed on the following merits:

    Use of topic: Did the writer use the topic, or write something completely random and off topic?

    Creativity: Did the writer make something unique out of the topic or was it more cliche?

    Mechanics: Basic writing mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation, word usage, etc.

    Notes: Additional comments.

  2. #2
    Newcomer

    EXP: 900, Level: 1
    Level completed: 45%, EXP required for next Level: 1,100
    Level completed: 45%,
    EXP required for next Level: 1,100


    Ayvriel's Avatar

    GP
    1,000

    Name
    Ayvriel Leviasi ia Saiph
    Age
    137
    Race
    High Elf
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Raiaera

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    Ayvriel Leviasi ia Saiph
    Location | An unnamed citadel in the far north, Salvar


    Once upon a time, there was an elf girl who wanted to save her nation. Her heart was filled with love and song, and her soul was light and pure. But she was naïve and forgot that the world was cruel.

    She had hope, but that hope tarnished into despair.

    She had determination, but that determination eroded into futility.

    Shard by shard, with each failure, with each life that slipped away from beneath her hands and each act of cruelty she witnessed, her once bright spirit became dimmer and dimmer.

    A waning star.

    By the time she gave in, she was weary and broken.

    Life was the dominion of the Gods, and necromancy was the anathema of all elves. How could it not, especially after the war that has ravaged their nation?

    Yet, she dipped her toes into the realm of the forbidden.

    For she was tired of being heartbroken every time she was unable to heal a child and gazing upon the stricken visages of their parents. For she was tired of knowing her oath only brought harm to others when she was kind enough to heal scoundrels only to have them turn their malice on the innocents.

    And so, she embraced the dark arts and gathered the dead under her influence. She made her way towards the far north, where her macabre army of the unfortunate and the broken only continued to grow and grow. None dared to disturb the parade of the dead as they marched, for those who did only found themselves becoming part of the dread legion.

    On and on they journeyed, seemingly without aim or end.

    Until the fallen elf girl received a vision.

    Of a citadel that was home to the sanctimonious and corrupt.

    Her cold heart burned once more, filled with fury and contempt.

    “There,” she spoke, “That place will be our home.”

    The battle was long and ugly, but the undead knew neither fatigue nor mercy.

    The denizens of the citadel remembered then that they were men of the cloth, but the screams of their defenders drowned their prayers. As blood dyed the stones crimson and the wailing of the condemned rose like a hymn, a wraith perched upon a balustrade, cradling a faded box in her arms.

    The Pale Lady, a name they bestowed upon her.

    A gift from the fearful and the wretched. And while it was not a name she would have chosen for herself, the fallen elf girl found it fitting. After all, Ayvriel Leviasi ia Saiph was but a gossamer dream, a long forgotten echo of halcyon days past.

    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

    As days cumulate into years, and decades cumulate into centuries, it was inevitable that the passage of time would eventually erode and twist her name and tale.

    Civilisations rise and fall, lives blossom and decay.

    And so, she will wear the name with grace, until she is bequeathed with another by the subsequent legacy.

    An endless cycle.

    Ephemeral.

  3. #3
    Newcomer

    EXP: 1,520, Level: 1
    Level completed: 76%, EXP required for next Level: 480
    Level completed: 76%,
    EXP required for next Level: 480


    Mikael's Avatar

    GP
    1,500

    Name
    Mikael Leviasi ia Saiph
    Age
    167
    Race
    High Elf
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Raiaera

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    Mikael Leviasi ia Saiph
    Location: Unknown

    It was always the goal to reach this point, after all, none of it mattered once he had that power.

    Or perhaps it only mattered until he had that power.

    Mikael awkwardly grasped at the air with his hands, a phantom gesture to something that no longer appeared real to him anymore. His eyes remained wide, his focus broadened even as he sat alone in his darkened room. Mikael’s effort to force the magic back within the very pages of the runes was futile, and the frustration alone should have refocused Mikael out of his stupor but it had only left him in annoyance. His hands curled into a fist, but with no strength his arms slumped down to his sides.

    W-where? How did I get here?

    Mikael saw the white stone of his family’s castle around him, the smooth surface that showed no imperfection as it reflected the glistening mage fire that aligned the walls. It only reveals imperfection.

    Mikael stood confused as he registered that he was walking down a hallway, I was always walking down a hallway. Certainty returned to Mikael as he walked down the hallway, his eyes glancing across each stone, attempting to admire the perfection of the wall with how intently he was staring? No, he wanted to find an imperfection. Needed to.

    I need to get back to my work. I need to get back to. . . where?

    It was strange, almost confusing for Mikael for the moment, because he was so sure he was dreaming. That he was. . . was. . . I was walking I know. . . in his room, sitting cross legged. I was meditating. I know, I was always meditating. Mikael breathed in, his attempt to refocus his mind, with his hands woven together his magic moved through his body.

    Light sparked across his body, first it appeared to shimmer all along his skin but soon the sparks turned into a torrent of white and Mikael looked around to see. . .

    “Mika, stop with that air-head look.” A voice chastised him as he turned to see his brother raising an eyebrow. His sister also stood next to them, suppressing a giggle as the two left Mikael for a chance at the dessert table.

    All eyes of the ball-room looked at Mikael suddenly, and something wasn’t exactly right. Rather, nothing was right. Mikael stepped forward and-and. . .and. . .

    The hallway continued to appear the same, but Mikael looked at the stones and found them cracked, the pure white stone fragments laid as rubble on the ground. Laughter, angered cries, tears of sorrow and teeth gnashing filled the hallway with such noise Mikael pressed his hands against his ears.

    But the sound never dulled and the broken reflective stones laid scattered around him, but Mikael didn’t feel pain, in fact he wasn’t sure why he was holding his hands against his ears. He breathed slowly in and with a single fluid movement he dropped his arms and opened his eyes.

    Mikael found himself back inside his room, the darkness around him didn’t bother him, the cold nor the crazed noise locked inside his head. Nothing bothered him, nothing mattered, and with that single thought, that single realization. . .

    Mikael grinned from ear to ear, the ruined book laid in tatters over all his room.

  4. #4
    Innocence & Instincts

    EXP: 29,359, Level: 7
    Level completed: 30%, EXP required for next Level: 5,641
    Level completed: 30%,
    EXP required for next Level: 5,641


    Black Shadow's Avatar

    GP
    2,839

    Name
    Black Shadow
    Race
    Human
    Location
    Raiaera
    *Alternate timeline where Shadow did not lose his ability to talk*

    Blood spilled from the throat of another feeble minded warrior. Innocence lost all meaning behind the twisted soul of the dark archer. Black Shadow remained ruthless, killing anyone who dared to stand against him. A pool of blood slowly crept out from underneath the lifeless body of Black Shadow's opponent. He loved the smell brought upon his nostrils from the deep red liquid that spilt across his body.

    "Anyone else care to die?" Black Shadow shouted, raising his bow. "How about you?"

    Black Shadow laced another arrow and fired it into the chest of an innocent bystander. Blood sprayed over the woman next too him as she screamed and ran away.

    "Ah come on, it's just blood!" Black Shadow laughed, knocking another arrow. He aimed at the woman, running terrified for her life, and tired it into her back shoulder. Her body fell lifeless like a rag doll to the cold ground, blood spilling out over the stone bath.

    "Oh, you look like a nice lady, why don't you take this." Shadow said throwing his knife into the chest of a young woman frozen in fear.

    Blood filled the streets and enveloped Black Shadow's senses. He loved the smell and sight of blood, taking every opportunity to experience the sensation one more time.

    "You there! By the order of the high king, you are hereby under arrest for thirty-five counts of murder." a guard's voice rang out over the screams of the innocent.

    Black Shadow gave the soldiers a death glare and laced an arrow. "Oh yeah? I know you won't let me leave, that's not like you guards. Good luck, you'll need it." Black Shadow said, firing the arrow on one guard. The steel tip penetrated the chain mail on the guards neck, dropping him from his horse.

    The guards charged Black Shadow, spears ready. Black Shadow sprinted forward, firing another three arrows, all killing another meaningless life. One guard stabbed his spear at Black Shadow, who effortlessly ducked below it and ripped it from the man's hand. Black Shadow returned the spear in the guards back with a quick swing of his arm, throwing it directly into the center of his chest plate.

    The "battle" seemed to just start and was already almost over. Black Shadow held his arms out, taunting the leading guardsman. "Arrow you going to start trying now?" Black Shadow said, giving a smirk.

    "Fuck you!" The guard said, charging at Black Shadow with his pear aimed at Black Shadow's chest.

    "Did you n to learn from. your friend?" Black Shadow laughed, jumping into the air and landing on the back of the horse, quickly breaking the neck of the lead guard. "Apparently not."

    Black Shadow took a deep breath in, smelling more blood. He smiled, dismounted the horse, and licked the blood off his sword.

    "Thanks for the fun."

  5. #5
    Legend

    EXP: 127,650, Level: 15
    Level completed: 55%, EXP required for next Level: 7,350
    Level completed: 55%,
    EXP required for next Level: 7,350


    Philomel's Avatar

    GP
    14,025

    Name
    Philomel van der Aart (+ Veridian)
    Age
    30 (+10)
    Race
    Faun (+ Fox/Earth Spirit)
    Gender
    Female (+ Male)
    Location
    Corone

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    This vignette is now closed.

    Thank you everyone for your submissions. Rewards will be posted shortly.
    *admin at your service*

    Matriarch of the Gilded Lily and of its brothels, associated establishments and the army.

    Characters:
    The family triplet: Philomel, Vaeron and Celandine.
    The god and kenku triplet: Stare, Avin and Vixen.
    The Primordials: Professor Charles and Moros.

  6. #6
    Legend

    EXP: 127,650, Level: 15
    Level completed: 55%, EXP required for next Level: 7,350
    Level completed: 55%,
    EXP required for next Level: 7,350


    Philomel's Avatar

    GP
    14,025

    Name
    Philomel van der Aart (+ Veridian)
    Age
    30 (+10)
    Race
    Faun (+ Fox/Earth Spirit)
    Gender
    Female (+ Male)
    Location
    Corone

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    Commentary and results

    Ayvriel

    Use of topic:
    You used this prompt really well to promote your background and the experiences of your character. It showed simply the process from kind and naïve to darker hearted, with stereotypes such as necromancy involved. You had good development, although in general I would have liked to see more detail and perhaps one or two more individually described scenes.
    Creativity:
    You told this like a fairy tale, beginning and ending it with good word choice. You used the vignette genre a little differently to tell a wider story, and though this might be unusual and stretch the genre a little it was effective for what you had.
    Mechanics:
    You make good use of long and short sentences, as well as single word paragraphs for emphasis. You have a good hold of basic punctuation, with a couple of areas where more commas might have helped.
    Notes:
    This was a really good story that had an unusual take on the genre. It was a little hard to follow at times, but had good plot.

    Mikael

    Use of topic:
    Through use of inner thought you show a good development of consideration of the topic and the change in your character. You explore the subject in a powerful way that has strength and order to it, though it can get a little confusing.
    Creativity:
    You have a really great opening that captures the reader's attention, and it made the subject more interesting. Your single scene description and setting works well for the genre and fits both the dreamlike essence of the piece and the plot.
    Mechanics:
    The change of italics, bold and normal font in the middle of paragraphs and overuse of elipses it is a little jarring. Try to stick to moments of emphasis, such as just thought and tension. There is also a couple of moments you slip between third and first person in the main context of the story. Overall though you have a good hold of punctuation and paragraphing.
    Comments:
    I really liked your scene-shot of life that worked extremely well. You set yourself a little bit of a challenge and showed great potential.

    Black Shadow

    Use of topic:
    You have a good reversal of alignment, shown even more obviously with the fact he can talk: the opposite of his defining trait. The scene and plot is chaotic and bloody and answers the prompt very clearly and concisely.
    Creativity:
    The dark Shadow you have here is almost terrifying and fits the tropes of an evil/chaotic character well, with blood thirstiness and cruelty. It could have been good to see some other changes, such as if he has different powers or wears a different outfit.
    Mechanics:
    There are a fair few errors in here, including a messy sentence at the beginning of the third last sentence. A read through and edit well help here before you submit. Overall you had a good use though if basic punctuation.
    Comments:
    Short and sweet. To the point and well written, this was a good piece of writing.

    Results:

    The winner of the vignette is ... Mikael!

    Black Shadow comes in a close second!

    Rewards below!


    Mikael gets ... 200 experience and 200 gold!
    Black Shadow gets ... 640 experience and 150 gold!
    Avyriel gets ... 100 experience!
    *admin at your service*

    Matriarch of the Gilded Lily and of its brothels, associated establishments and the army.

    Characters:
    The family triplet: Philomel, Vaeron and Celandine.
    The god and kenku triplet: Stare, Avin and Vixen.
    The Primordials: Professor Charles and Moros.

  7. #7
    Legend

    EXP: 127,650, Level: 15
    Level completed: 55%, EXP required for next Level: 7,350
    Level completed: 55%,
    EXP required for next Level: 7,350


    Philomel's Avatar

    GP
    14,025

    Name
    Philomel van der Aart (+ Veridian)
    Age
    30 (+10)
    Race
    Faun (+ Fox/Earth Spirit)
    Gender
    Female (+ Male)
    Location
    Corone

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    All rewards added.
    *admin at your service*

    Matriarch of the Gilded Lily and of its brothels, associated establishments and the army.

    Characters:
    The family triplet: Philomel, Vaeron and Celandine.
    The god and kenku triplet: Stare, Avin and Vixen.
    The Primordials: Professor Charles and Moros.

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