General Notes: I just want to say good job to both of you. Despite this battle’s short (technically too short, but I let it slide) length, it was possibly the most enjoyable battle that I’ve read thus far.

Rhea’s scores are in red and HikariAngel’s are in blue.

Continuity: 8, 5
Rhea, you did quite a great job at the beginning in explaining what your character was doing there and why she was there. Your ending fell a bit flat in the continuity department, even though it was very nicely done in terms of style. Hikari: I got very little from you. Thinking back, I’d barely have known that there was a tournament going on if I were to only go by your posts. Your conclusion was even emptier in this department than Rhea’s was.

Setting: 7. 6
On the whole, the setting just wasn’t very interesting. It was just one roof on a mostly mundane building. Rhea, you did far, far better in terms of actually interacting with the setting than Hikari did. Hikari, the only thing that saved you from a much lower score here was your initial library scene.

Pacing: 9, 8
This was simply great. The action picked up quickly, though not too quickly, and didn’t let up very much at all. The advantage goes to you, Rhea, because your ending was very stylish and expertly done (it was much a trade-off for the lost continuity point that I mentioned earlier). You could have probably gotten a perfect 10 if the battle hadn’t ended quite so quickly. HA: Your ending fell flatter and was a bit too abrupt for my tastes. On the whole, though, it was quite good.

*

Persona: 6.5, 7.5
You both did very well in portraying your characters in writing. The main problem I had, though, is that I spent most of the battle trying to decide which one was more stale and cliché than the other – the hot slut who is essentially a lesbian version of Ivy or the bouncy, bubbly, naïve catgirl. In the end, the advantage went to HA, because his character didn’t scream of “I’m a lonely nerd!”

Dialogue: 8, 8
Your characters couldn’t have been more different, and this came through the strongest in terms of their dialogue. Rhea was a crazy bitch and Monica was just a little kid at heart. The contrast was wonderful.

Action: 7, 7.5
Action was solid, if not a bit lackluster. I gave the slight advantage to Hikari, because it’s not often that I read someone who really puts as much or more effort into taking hits as giving them.

*

Technique: 8, 7
Rhea, your style is quite good as expected. That said, you would have scored even higher if it didn’t feel like your efforts at fancy writing didn’t cause parts of your post to drag on a bit more than they should have. Hikari: You’ve got a decent, developing style. Work with it more and try to make it something special.

Mechanics: 8.5, 7
This was mostly solid, save for typos and run-ons. The advantage goes to Rhea because I noticed significantly fewer of these errors. It’s all a proofreading thing, though. Even in a tournament, you should make time to reread your posts.

Clarity: 9, 9
Simply put, I understood what was going on pretty much all of the time.

*

Wild Card: 8, 8
Great thread, you two. Hikari, I’d have liked to have seen another post out of you at the end to make it ten posts, but oh well. Kudos to you for taking on a very tough opponent.

Total: 79, 73

Rheawien wins!

Rheawien receives 2,188 EXP and 160 GP!
HikariAngel receives 525 EXP and 75 GP!

Morituri te Saluant wins this match!