Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 13 of 13

Thread: 2 v 2 Argentum Astrum vs. The Bandit Brotherhood

  1. #11
    Member
    GP
    560
    Papa Dagon's Avatar

    Name
    Dagon Dessalines
    Age
    35
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Dark Brown Dreadlocks
    Eye Color
    Clear Green
    Build
    6'2"/ 188 lbs.
    Job
    Bokor, Witch Doctor

    Dagon took a careful while to consider Jared’s proposition, and that was a few more seconds than he’d liked. As a principle, he wanted his days to be leisure walks on the winding roads of life, yet today was anything but. “Ruts and grooves everywhere I stand, slopes and forks everywhere I go! Looks like today’s crossroad is under the watch of samfi mon Kalfu.” The shaman sighed, wondering what he’d done to get his name in the spirit’s bad books, though it quickly came to him that this wasn’t really the most important of things to figure out. Not in these singular circumstances of his.

    “Baron take all, I give up,” Dagon finally said, letting himself fall back onto the toppled wreck of a limestone pillar. He swatted away the faint puff of dust that rose when he sat with his old top hat, his lax gestures and aloof behaviour all showing some sort of temperate surrender. Only, the green lights in his eyes were still dancing with the same mischief as a pair of will’-o- wisps. He set his topper down onto the stone, open-end facing up, and deftly produced a handful of seeds from the stitched pouch at his side. With a whisk of the hand, he sowed them on the barren soil, drawing a grainy arc a few feet away from his feet. “Best we all give up on thinking – too much of a hassle, eh?”

    “I’ll dance on my cushions, boyo. It’s what I do best, and you’d do well to remember it, yeah?” This was it. No more inner conflict, no more assessing repercussions, no more second guessing: he’d come to help Chroma, and there was no question that he’d do just that. None of them had known about the match-up, none of them could legitimately hold anything against anyone after this. “But you feel free to put your hands on my hips and shimmy this out, if you can!”

    “No point in worrying,” he said to Molotov, though nothing of his demeanour showed that he was addressing the man in particular. On that note, Dagon buried his hands in the depths of his coat, taking them out only when he’d curled his finger around bark and stone. In his left was a shrunken, fat tree with hollows that shaped eyes and a toothy mouth; in his right was a cross-shaped rock, filed down and polished by his own hand.

    “Brothers fight each other first, and for each other second. We’ve already killed monsters, what’s unnatural about a bit of infighting? That’s what brothers do.”

    Something, perhaps a soundless wind, had made the seeds at his feet sway ever so slightly, and as it blew by, it also brought upon the battlefield an unnatural air of misfortune. The sparkle of jade in his eyes was now set in a gimlet stare, harsh yet radiant with the strange magic of his land. “Here do spirits creep, gather round and ride the wind.”
    Last edited by Papa Dagon; 03-03-08 at 02:01 PM.

  2. #12
    Loremaster
    EXP: 72,114, Level: 11
    Level completed: 60%, EXP required for next level: 4,886
    Level completed: 60%,
    EXP required for next level: 4,886
    GP
    8423
    Christoph's Avatar

    Name
    Elijah Belov
    Age
    26
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Brown
    Build
    6' / 175 pounds
    Job
    Former chef, aimless wanderer, Pagoda Master, and self-professed Salvic Rebel Leader ™.

    General notes: This battle had a good start. I was sad to see it cut off like this. Still, it got ten posts, making it eligible for judgment. Detail will be fairly sparse, however, because of the thread’s incompleteness.


    Argentum Astrum

    Chromanon Rockskin:

    Continuity: 6
    On the whole, you did a decent job of setting up your character’s background and giving her a good reason for being in the tournament. The lack of a conclusion hurt your score along with everyone else’s, though.

    Setting: 7
    You described the setting with nice detail, even though the arena wasn’t overly impressive. More importantly, though, you actually interacted with it more than the others, using stones and statue chunks as slingshot ammo.

    Pacing: 4
    The thread was incomplete. There wasn’t enough present to really establish any pacing at all.

    *

    Persona: 6.5
    Chromanon has an endearing personality that came out nicely.

    Dialogue: 7
    Fun, cute, and different. It didn’t fit the typical model for character dialogue, and I liked it.

    Action: 7
    You probably had more action in your posts than anyone else. While quantity isn’t everything, you had quality as well.

    *

    Technique: 6
    Your style was decent. The writing seemed a bit jumbled at places, but it didn’t hurt your writing too badly.

    Mechanics: 6
    While not terrible, there were quite a few typos and run-on sentences. It was just a bunch of little things that extra proof-reading could have fixed.

    Clarity: 7
    Things typically made sense, aside from the above problems.

    *

    Wild Card: 7
    You wrote fairly well and stayed active.

    Total: 63.5


    Papa Dagon:

    Continuity: 7
    Your introduction was quite nice. It portrayed Dagon’s background admirably. Again, the lack of a finish hurt.

    Setting: 6
    See Chromanon’s setting entry. You would have done well to interact with the arena more, but the battle stopped before you got the chance.

    Pacing: 4
    See Chromanon’s.

    *

    Persona: 7
    As I started reading this battle, your character was really the first one that appealed to be strongly. Dagon is fun and original and definitely a concept to develop in the future.

    Dialogue: 7
    Dagon’s dialogue was offbeat and amusing. It made me look forward to seeing your posts. I just wish that there was more writing.

    Action: 6
    There really wasn’t enough of it in the thread to afford a high score. You made an effort, though.

    *

    Technique: 7
    Your writing style was clean and refreshing. It had a nice flow to it and made your posts even more enjoyable.

    Mechanics: 9
    There were very few mechanical or spelling errors that I noticed.

    Clarity: 8
    Like your style and mechanics, your clarity was clean and made for easy reading.

    *

    Wild Card: 5
    I liked your posts. I wish there had been more of them!

    Total: 66


    Bandit Brotherhood

    Molotov:

    Continuity: 7
    See the Chromanon. I liked how you established the past relationships between Molotov and Chromanon, though.

    Setting: 5
    I got basic descriptions, but not much else.

    Pacing: 4
    See the others.

    *

    Persona: 7
    Molotov came off well. He’s an interesting character and you did a good job at describing his depth.

    Dialogue: 7
    I really liked Molotov’s dialogue. It was entertaining and it fit his character.

    Action: 5
    There really wasn’t much from you.

    *

    Technique: 7.5
    Your style was solid. There’s not much else to say.

    Mechanics: 9
    See Dagon’s.

    Clarity: 8.5
    See Dagon’s.

    *

    Wildcard: 2
    You vanished halfway through the battle, which is why you’re scoring so low here.

    Total: 62

    Lavinian Ambition:

    Continuity: 6
    See others.

    Setting: 5
    See Molotov’s.

    Pacing: 4
    See others.

    *

    Persona: 6
    I really didn’t get as much of a feel for your character as I did for the others. Of course, the fact that the thread died abruptly meant that you didn’t get much of a chance to display Jared’s inner self.

    Dialogue: 6
    Same as your persona.

    Action: 6
    While you didn’t actually attack, you certainly took enough hits and did a good job of portraying the damage.

    *

    Technique: 5
    I didn’t see much of anything special. Your style wasn’t bad, but it was fairly bland and your writing seemed jumbled at times.

    Mechanics: 6
    See Chromanon’s.

    Clarity: 7
    Again, pretty much the same level as Chromanon here.

    *

    Wild Card: 4
    While you didn’t personally drop the ball on posting, your teammate did and you didn’t try to salvage the thread.

    Total: 55



    The winner is Argentum Astrum! Congratulations!

    Chromanon Rockskin receives 2250 EXP and 400 GP.
    Papa Dagon receives 2250 EXP and 300 GP
    Molotov receives 750 EXP and 120 GP
    Lavinian Ambition receives 450 EXP and 70 GP.

  3. #13
    Memento Mori
    EXP: 53,567, Level: 9
    Level completed: 96%, EXP required for next level: 433
    Level completed: 96%,
    EXP required for next level: 433
    GP
    7,248
    Witchblade's Avatar

    Name
    Witchblade
    Age
    Unknown
    Race
    Unknown
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Black, like her soul
    Eye Color
    Crimson
    Build
    5'9 / 130lbs
    Job
    Murderer

    EXP and GP added!
    Do you ever Feel like a Monster?

    Do you dare to read The Diary of the Dead

    Have you seen my Hollow Daydreams
    Or listened to this Serenade of Haunting Voices
    Pray for The Heart I Once Had
    Then grant A Rose For The Dead'

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •