MQ: Blood Red Blossoms 2 - The Reach of the Tower

[Skie and Avery]

The heros that had been brought up out of the tower were ushered into the holds to rest and mend themselves. The airship rumbled and shook as it fought to escape the reach of the black tower. It was as if the very stone of the place refused to let go. When it seemed as if there would be no escape, undead fingers prying at the hatch as the crew hacked away at them, the ship shuddered for a final time. With the creak and scream of bending metal, she came free and flew high into the air. Cables moaned as the ship was turned and soon the howl of the small army that had been attacking died away.

"Where are we going, sir?" one of the assistants asked the old mechanic, who was steadily turning the airship back to where they had come from. The elves looked nervous, their minds wondering why they'd possibly be moving away from the hoardes they'd been ready to fight, from more heroes they'd been ready to assist.

"We're taking this lot to the border, where they can move for safety or Anebrilith, whatever they choose." he said. No one said anything afterwards. The weight of combat was already upon them, short as it had been.

<Submitted>

[Tainted Bushido]

Overall:

One thing I want to say straight out. You know you have a good quest premise, when your judge felt like he was cheated for not getting invited aboard. That having been said, I find this a rather good premise that was well carried out. However, a few things kept you out of the above 80 category.

That said...onto the judging!

STORY

Continuity ~ 8/10. I have to say here and now, thank you. Thank you so much. I got enough of what had happened I didn't have to seek out the other half of this quest. I got that Skie Dan Sabriel had been stolen away, that Godhand was pissed his guns weren't working so he could have killed the traitor that kidnapped Skie. That Ataraxis had taken on some Godhand traits temporarily, and pushed herself to the upper limits and defeated a undead bitch of a creature. I even got that Kahlina had been trying valiantly to help and taken on a motherly role to the students, who were from the Bard's School.

Setting ~ 8/10. I had a very good feel of the area, I felt like I knew more about the tower than had ever been described to me previously. I knew where you were and what you were doing.

Pacing ~ 7/10. Well paced, you guys didn't leave me hanging. The only time I felt like things had dragged on was towards the end, when everyone was making their exit. Especially with the tower crumbling about them, the amount of time it seemed for people to get upstairs seemed off.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 7/10. Sit and Spin? It took me awhile to get what you were going for there. Other than the few awkward bits of dialogue that didn't seem to fit in to the story it was all true to character. That's not to say that the dialogue that was awkward wasn't true to character, but it would be like...If a character were to order a burger a fries while in the middle of an epic fight. Hardly the right place for such a thing. I felt that the awkward bits while functional in their position lacked the flow you guys had developed on this one.

Action ~ 6/10. I’m sorry, but once again, there was a slight problem with the action. I hadn't fully grasped what was going on with the tower. I got the idea Kahlina had done something when she was kicking around the pieces of Godhand's armor, but it hardly clicked what had occurred. Even if someone had explained what happened I didn't know what occurred. Also, the whole thing about the Armor just didn't seem to flow well. It was like, "IM A JUGGERNAUT!" Then, "WHOA THIS ARMOR IS A PLAGUE I GOTTA GETS IT OFF!" Perhaps it’s the brevity of the thread, but the armor that Godhand played around with, hardly seemed to fit, and was more of a lulz. This and Godhand's wrestling references, which while not unheeded were slowing down the action. I know what a German Suplex is; I get a spinning neckbreaker, and a Moonlight Driver, but seriously Godhand? Just describe it, don't just name drop and expect it to click.

Persona ~ 8/10. Persona was here in bucketfuls. From Ignition's reluctance, to Godhand's butting heads with Kahlina everything was delightful, and I got the feeling of a distinct personality. However, where as the PC's shined with persona, the NPC's lacked a quite bit of it. Idril was the only one I got any feeling of personality from. Even Selkis didn't bridge the gap beyond what I felt was an Igor clone. I get the feeling, each PC was supposed to write up a different NPC and work on developing them, but it didn't show unfortunately.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 8/10. You gripped me, you kept me reading on, and I THANK YOU again for this. Threads like this can break the monotony of Character A with plucky Character B take on Bad Guy C and get Loot D that can be very formulaic. The writing was varied and impressive, however once again I felt a few shortcuts were taken here and there, which hurt the writing as a whole.

Mechanics ~ 8/10. You guys get high marks, however there was a few mistakes I found in here. One of the biggest problems was with Rumple Grumble Puss. Apparently Kiyeth was forgotten about. Now I don't mean to sound snarky, but Rumple, you changed his name within a post of telling the reader it. What had begun as Ki had become Kai when it became your turn to post next round of posting.

Clarity ~ 8/10. Tower Destruction not withstanding, you were pretty clear about what was going on. Otherwise you did a good job of keeping me posted as to what was occurring.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 10/10. You guys deserve this. You gave me something worth reading, and I truly enjoyed the thread. I hope the story can continue despite Manda having left the site not too long ago. Best of luck on future endeavors!

TOTAL ~ 78/100.

Any questions regarding what was said can be addressed to me via PM or AIM SethDahlios.

Spoils:

Godhand: 7500 EXP + 750 GP - Delyn Rapier

Ataraxis: 4000 EXP + 250 GP + 3 Bottles of Enchanted Elven Wine + 1 Spool of Thread + Godhand's Delyn Rapier

Skie and Avery: 6000 EXP + 750 GP + A photograph of the Black Tower crumbling apart scrawled across it in black ink "Wish you were here."

RumpleGrumblePuss: 2500 EXP + 750 GP + Rusted damascus dagger with small black crystals embedded in hilt + Spellbook – only readable spell in the book is a low level earth manipulation spell, this spell must be fleshed out more by the ROG before use

Ignition: 1200 EXP + 250 GP + A T-Shirt that says "I was nearly killed by Zombies and all I got was this stupid t-shirt"

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!

Godhand reaches level 9!
RumpleGrumblePuss reaches level 2!
Ataraxis reaches level 6!