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Thread: The Company: Stomping Grounds

  1. #11
    Member
    EXP: 75,644, Level: 11
    Level completed: 89%, EXP required for next level: 1,356
    Level completed: 89%,
    EXP required for next level: 1,356
    GP
    8565
    Bloodrose's Avatar

    Name
    Teric 'Bloodrose' Barton
    Age
    54
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Grey
    Eye Color
    Blue
    Build
    6'0" / 183 lbs

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    "You know, Richard, you've become quite the willing co-conspirator for someone who didn't want to know how I came by the deed." Teric mused, toying absently with some of the thick grey hairs covering his chin. "It's surprising, really."

    "Yes, well," Pembleton carried his briefcase close to his side, "I've been known to stick my neck out a little further than usual when I stand to gain from it. If The Company profits, I profit, and therefore it is my financial imperative to see that your enterprise acquires every advantage it can."

    "Your financial imperative, huh?" Teric replied. The two men were strolling casually down the street towards the City Clerk's office, the land deed they'd plotted and schemed for secured tightly in the financier's case alongside the second letter 'from' Geoff Manning. They had sat about anxiously in Pembleton's office all morning, waiting until mid-afternoon so as not to appear too hasty. "Is money the only thing you think about?"

    "Of course!" the accountant scoffed. "For you see, in my business a man lives and dies by the return on his last investment. Fame, power, renown - all those silly things you warrior types fawn over? That sort of thing doesn't do me any good."

    "Fame doesn't do you any good?" Teric asked, incredulous.

    "Of course not." Pembleton shook his head as if trying to explain something to a small child. "A man can find himself famous for all the wrong reasons. Say I was famous for being the worst accountant in Radasanth? Would that help my business?"

    "No, I suppose not." Teric yielded, not bothering to point out the half-logic in the man's argument. It was better to just let Pembleton be Pembleton, and Teric could be satisfied with that.

    Reaching their destination, Teric and his accountant strode up the marble steps in front of the Radasanth City Offices, stepping out of the afternoon sun and into the cool air of the building lobby. The place was every inch the splendid grandeur one would expect of the bureaucratic heart of a city like Radasanth; resplendent with a marble floor mosaic of the Corone crest, great pillars of stone holding aloft the raised ceiling high above, and the ivory white benches lining the walls. Here the lifeblood of the city pumped in paper-trail veins, constantly supplying the 'brain' that was Central Filing with fresh information...

    "Wow." Was the only word Teric could manage as they entered, striding towards the information kiosk in the center of the open lobby and the stairwells in the back. A pair of officious looking guards manned the kiosk stoically, answering questions brusquely while at the same time fingering the hilts of their swords. Pembleton, who'd obviously been here many times before, was much less impressed.

    "I suppose we ask them where we need to..." Teric realized mid-sentence that the accountant had walked right past the kiosk and was bee-lining directly for the stairs.

    "Third floor, second door on the left!" The man called over his shoulder, waving the mercenary on. It became apparent that Pembleton had been here before, and knew his way around. Walking briskly to catch up with his companion Teric managed to reach the accountant just as he was pushing open the door to the City Clerk's office. There was a single name on the door, emblazoned over the glass in bold black lettering: John T. Dawkins, City Clerk.

    "Can I help you?" The mustached, portly man sitting behind the bland desk in an office overcrowded with filing drawers asked. Despite the hours, it was obvious that the man had been enjoying a late lunch before Pembleton threw open his door.

    "Richard Pembleton Jr." The accountant introduced himself cordially with a half-bow. "I'm here representing the Manning Estate in the matter of a land transaction: the sale of 515 Elm Terrace?"

    "Ah, yes, come in Mr. Pembleton." The town clerk cleared the remained of his lunch off the top of his desk and wiped his hands on his pants before continuing. "I was surprised to see a letter concerning that property come across my desk so soon. Didn't Mr. Manning just purchase it a couple days ago?"

    "Yes, that's correct." Pembleton answered in the affirmative. "A most generous offer has persuaded my employer to sell the property, however, and so here we are."

    "It would have to be a generous offer indeed," The Clerk replied, "seeing what Mr. Manning paid for it. I assume then that you must be the generous party?" The portly man shifted his attention to Teric.

    "The offer was made by an organization." Pembleton clarified, this man is simply their representative.

    "Teric Bloodrose." Teric introduced himself before sitting next to Pembleton, who had by now pulled up a seat in front of the Clerk's desk. Handshakes all around and then the three men settled down to business. Pembleton opened the briefcase to produce the land deed and the second letter, and the Clerk produced a quill pen.

    "Everything seems to be in order here." The City Clerk mumbled aloud, producing the 'Intent to Sell' form Pembleton was talking about earlier. Together the two men filled out the necessary paperwork while Teric sat by and watched quietly, picking out bits and pieces of legalese and business jargon where he could. After several minutes the Clerk seemed satisfied, and everyone's attention turned to the deed.

    "I need to you sign here," The Clerk indicated a line on the deed below the signature of Geoff Manning, "marking that you are acting as a proxy." Pembleton did so, and the Clerk initialed the line and dated it. "And now I need you," the man indicated Teric, "to sign here for your organization."

    Teric accepted the offered pen in as casual a manner as he could muster, and willed his hand not to shake excitedly as he scrawled his name and the name of his organization on the line beneath Pembleton's signature. The Clerk took the pen back and initialed the line before handing the deed back to Pembleton.

    "There you go, gentlemen. Have a nice day."
    Completed Battle Record: 11-1-0

    Highest Scores:
    The Company: Stomping Grounds (81)
    A Winter Long Ago... (80)
    Mortal Intervention (79)

  2. #12
    Member
    EXP: 75,644, Level: 11
    Level completed: 89%, EXP required for next level: 1,356
    Level completed: 89%,
    EXP required for next level: 1,356
    GP
    8565
    Bloodrose's Avatar

    Name
    Teric 'Bloodrose' Barton
    Age
    54
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Grey
    Eye Color
    Blue
    Build
    6'0" / 183 lbs

    View Profile
    "That's it?" Teric exclaimed as they exited the City Offices and made their way back up the street. The look on his face was reminiscent of a child who's just escaped the candy store with a pocket of stolen chocolates. Forget for a moment that the chocolates in this case were an expensive land deed, and that a child needn't kill anyone for a handful of chocolates, and the analogy almost works. "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be!"

    "Yes, well," Pembleton was smiling as well, "we had all the necessary papers in orders. We waltzed in there with all the confidence and innocence of legitimate business men, so why wouldn't we be taken for such? I imagine in that regard, our two areas of expertise are not so different: 'Appearance is everything'.

    "That's a good point." Teric clapped his hands together, rubbing them furious back and forth as he sighed. It was a deep, lung-rattling sigh - one of the variety reserved for men who've just come out of a nerve-rending situation. The lumpy knot that had formed in the mercenary's gut, threatening to make him sick to his stomach, was easing away, and rubbing his hands together was taking care of his sweaty palms. It had been a good, long while since Teric had been put on the edge of his nerves like that; battles and fights having long ago lost their ability to inspire such trepidation in the veteran. "So what do we do now?" Teric added, wiping his palms on the front of his coat.

    "Well, we have the deed signed over and in our possession, so I would think we can do whatever we'd like. In the interest of 'getting the ball rolling', as they say, we should start looking around for contractors or Guilds that can help us clear the property of debris. Then there is the issue of planning?" Pembleton's eyebrow went up questioningly as his tone twisted that last sentence into a question. The accountant was in the loop so far as to know that Teric wanted to build on the property, and develop a presence in the city, but what exactly was in store for 515 Elm Terrace was a mystery.

    I have a particular group in mind, for the planning that is." Teric replied, reining in his excitement a little as the topic of discussion swayed back towards business. "They may also be able to aid with the construction, and I think would make decent allies in our little venture."

    "This group," Pembleton inquired, his interest obviously piqued, "what sort of organization are they?"

    "Architects and builders, merchants and diplomats, mostly." Teric answered. "From what I've gathered at least. I was in correspondence with their 'leader', I guess you'd call him, but he's redirected me to another representative within their organization."

    "You think they'll help?" Pembleton asked.

    "I think if the price is right they will help without asked too many questions." There was a knowing smile on the mercenary's face as the two men paused on the side of the street long enough for Teric to fetch a cigarette out of his coat and strike a match. It had been a while, the last few days at least, since the veteran had afforded himself the slight comfort the smoldering plant-matter brought him. "Merchants are more like mercenaries than they'd like to admit: for the right amount of coin you can get whatever you want out of them."

    "Hmm." The accountant seemed to dwell on that thought for a moment as they resumed walking. They travelled in silence for several minutes, heading lazily in the direction of Pembleton's offices. The single room above the butcher's shop had become the de facto base of operations for the Company, but with 515 Elm Terrace in their possession, Teric hoped to soon change that...

    "What in the blue-blazes is that?" Both men stopped dead in the street, just a half city block short of the accountant's office. Even from this distance it was easy to notice that something had been stuck to the front door on the building, and the knife holding it up wasn't easily mistakable for a nail or tack. After looking around instinctively, both men approached the door, and once there Teric reached up and pulled down the scrap of paper stuck between door and blade. "What does it say?" Pembleton hissed.

    "It says I'm in for some trouble." Teric sighed under his breath, his blue eyes scanning the page over and over again.

    "What is it? What is it about? Am I in trouble? Do they know about the deed and Manning?" The accountant was almost livid, shaking in his tweed suit like a leaf. It was obvious that Pembleton didn't deal well with threats of violence, especially ones nailed to his front door with a rusty iron dagger.

    "It's got nothing to do with you." Teric assured the man. "And I don't think it has anything to do with the land deed either."

    "And?" Pembleton hissed.

    "And a word of caution, my friend." Teric shook his head, crumpling the note in one fist. "Don't ever hire henchmen."

    Even after the note was crumpled, and after he'd pulled the poor quality dagger out of the door, Teric could still see the words on the note scrolling in front of his eyes...

    "Teric Bloodrose - you killed one of ours, and now we're gonna kill you!"

    PG Spoils:
    1) Since this is a Powergroup specific quest, I'd request that the judging take into account the special rewards for such quests Sighter talks about here, if such special rewards are still in effect. I don't really know if it will apply, because I'm not requesting any GP in other spoils, but I thought I'd include it.

    2) I would request that The Company be granted the land deed to 515 Elm Terrace, a just under half-acre plot of land in Radasanth. The land is currently occupied by the burned remains of the bakery that used to sit on the plot, and is to be considered unusable until such a time that the debris is cleared away (Would need to be addressed in a different thread).

    Teric's Spoils:
    1) Teric loses 253 GP, which he spent on the mercenary, the cleaning girl, and the messenger boy.

    2) Not really a spoil, more an idea, but Teric also inherits a bounty on his head worth 500 hundred gold? Perhaps it would be interesting if other PC's wanted to take up the bounty, and could refer to this spoil as a means of claiming 500GP in their own spoils - after killing/capturing Teric in a thread of their own, of course.

    That's all I had in mind.
    Completed Battle Record: 11-1-0

    Highest Scores:
    The Company: Stomping Grounds (81)
    A Winter Long Ago... (80)
    Mortal Intervention (79)

  3. #13
    Member
    EXP: 73,853, Level: 11
    Level completed: 74%, EXP required for next level: 3,147
    Level completed: 74%,
    EXP required for next level: 3,147
    GP
    17583
    Ataraxis's Avatar

    Name
    Lillian Sesthal
    Age
    23
    Race
    Apparently Human
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Silky Black
    Eye Color
    Eerie Blue
    Build
    5'7" / ?? lbs.

    Quest Judging
    The Company: Stomping Grounds

    This is Ataraxis. You killed my time, prepare to be judged.

    Also, this is unprecedented. I will actually use, not only .5s, but .25s AND .75s.

    STORY

    Continuity ~ 8.25/10. Though I wasn’t given much on Teric’s past, you did imply his Salvic heritage by mentioning funerary rites outlawed by the Church of the Sway. Moreover, you had Teric speak of Rayse once in this thread, but for anyone not acquainted with the character or his relation to Teric, that was a brow-raising moment. You did, however, open a large window on his life as a mercenary with the mention of his ever-changing code of ethics, and on a larger scale, his involvement in this thread was made clear: he wants that plot of land as headquarters for the Company. The little hints at the FQ’s current happenings were also of very good taste.

    Setting ~ 8/10. You always ensured that the reader was, in some way, aware of the setting. Every scene change was accompanied with an introductory description of the new location, and it was never drawn-out while remaining detailed enough, and each of those instances did set a certain atmosphere, as with the auction at the start, at the Trade & Blade tavern, in Pembleton’s office and Manning’s house. I can’t say you painted something soulfully vivid, but you did much more than simply throwing your players on a bare stage.

    Pacing ~ 8.75/10. I’ve told you before, I read this all in one go when I was very, very stressed about studying enough for two nearing exams. I think I did fairly well on them, thank you for asking. Ha, right. But in any case, I’ve also read A Winter Long Ago, and I frankly think you did better in pacing here. The scene changes were prompt, you didn’t dawdle on useless details, yet you didn’t overlook the useful ones. To get any more here, though, you’d need to literally draw me into the story and leave me gasping when you’ll release me from it.

    CHARACTER

    Dialogue ~ 7.25/10. Believe me, I liked the dialogue. I, however, couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d read some of those lines before, which gave those a cliché-esque feel. Teric’s lines were very fluid, were very believable and gave insight into his personality, though sometimes he seemed to react more like a young, irked soldier than the year-hardened mercenary that he is. Also, I kept thinking of Demetri Martin when I read ‘location, location, location’, though I know it wasn’t from him. Pembleton, however, was golden. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed hearing an accountant talk before, and not in a madcap sort of way. Oh, and ‘financial imperative’ made me think of Heroes. Should I be afraid of Richard, now?

    Action ~ 8/10. What can I say? Pembleton acted like a very competent accountant would, and Teric well played the part of the retired mercenary. Though there wasn’t a fight per se, we all know action can apply to a lot of other things, and my, did that happen here. I can’t tell you how much it was enjoyable to just read about two people drinking tea and discussing the dispatch of an innocent businessman, two people eating breakfast in an office as they talk about fraud. Can’t say how much I enjoyed Teric’s scrappiness and good acting skills when he fooled the maid, his cold professionalism when he killed his mercenary goon and when he stuffed Manning in a closet. The forging of the letters was also a fine touch, and I’ll be sure to ask my accountant if I can borrow his, next time I’m accused of fiscal evasion.

    Persona ~ 7.75/10. I can’t say I remember that well the instances where either of them showed a lot of emotion. Let me clarify: they were far, far from being automatons, and they were, for all intents and purposes, living, breathing, three-dimensional characters. However, I wasn’t quite so stricken when you described Teric losing his temper, when he felt helpless, or when he saw the maid arrive. I also felt that Pembleton’s sudden fear, or rather the way he was depicted as afraid of being caught doing unsavory was a bit out of character. In a nutshell, though I enjoyed reading about them, I didn’t feel that much sympathy or even empathize with their situation, but that could be helped if you elaborated on those moments a bit more, or displayed more than their equanimity.

    WRITING STYLE

    Technique ~ 7.5/10. The imagery you used was very engaging, if not gruesome at times. I can say that you have an amazing style here, and that it’s well-honed for story-telling of all kinds. I did, however, notice that you slumped a bit near the end. And if you make a search for the use of ‘Pembleton’ you’ll notice that there’s a swarm near the end, while ‘Teric’ yields a constant density. Though I admit the use of their names does speed up the reading quite a bit, it does get repetitive after a while. Just a few periphrases here and there, nothing too fancy, could help without hurting the pacing at all.

    Mechanics ~ 8.75/10. It’s per se, not per say. I think one or two other words were misspelled but I can’t find it/them by poring over the thread. Otherwise, there have been a lot of instances were you forgot words like ‘to’ and ‘of’.

    Clarity ~ 9/10. Save for the accountant lingo, I think I caught most of everything.

    MISCELLANEOUS

    Wild Card ~ 7.75/10. I thoroughly enjoyed this solo. It’d have gotten more if there were mutants in it, but you probably would have suffered in other categories, then!

    TOTAL ~ 81/100. Oooh wow. That’s pretty neat.

    EXP Rewards

    Teric Bloodrose gains: 3142.87536779059 XP!

    GP Rewards
    Teric Bloodrose loses: 253 GP!
    Teric Bloodrose gains: 192 GP!
    Teric Bloodrose thus gains a total amount of: -61 GP!
    Therefore, Teric Bloodrose loses: 61 GP!

    Other Rewards

    The Company gains: 50 GP!
    The Company gains: land deed to 515 Elm Terrace, a plot of land occupied by the burned remains of a bakery, which is to be considered unusable until such a time that the debris is cleared away!
    Teric Bloodrose gains: a 500 GP bounty on his head!

    I won’t forget this, bastard. I never will!

    P.S.: So, where do you want go eat tonight, by the way? I’ll be ready by seven-ish. Eager to see you, kiss kiss.

    P.P.S.: Borat has trouble with Not jokes.
    Last edited by Ataraxis; 04-05-08 at 07:37 PM.

  4. #14
    Memento Mori
    EXP: 53,567, Level: 9
    Level completed: 96%, EXP required for next level: 433
    Level completed: 96%,
    EXP required for next level: 433
    GP
    7,248
    Witchblade's Avatar

    Name
    Witchblade
    Age
    Unknown
    Race
    Unknown
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Black, like her soul
    Eye Color
    Crimson
    Build
    5'9 / 130lbs
    Job
    Murderer

    EXP and GP added!

    Bloodrose reaches level 5!

    Move will wait for the JC decision.
    Do you ever Feel like a Monster?

    Do you dare to read The Diary of the Dead

    Have you seen my Hollow Daydreams
    Or listened to this Serenade of Haunting Voices
    Pray for The Heart I Once Had
    Then grant A Rose For The Dead'

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