Round Three: (2) Sons of Terrinore v (26) Infinity

[Thoracis]

As the darkness enveloped Thoracis he was sure that he had fallen unconscious. Slumped over the obelisk he thought he could still hear the sounds of battle, but the world around him was black. But then, again, Thoracis heard the sounds of the battle, distinctly recognizing Elrundir refer to him, though he couldn’t make out in what capacity. It made no sense. Thoracis turned his head towards where he thought the battle to be. It felt as if he had moved, but there was no visual evidence to prove it. What the hell? His energy gone Thoracis couldn’t even hold himself up anymore and he crumbled back down to the stage. “Owwww! Shit!” The pain in his knee was still excruciating. As he clutched at his leg once again it was also a sure sign that he was indeed still conscious.

Near the edge of the stage a sudden burst of electricity momentarily lit up the form of Elrundir and Dirks. The lightning coursed from the mage and across Thoracis’ staff, almost striking Dirks directly. Apparently they had failed yet again in felling the shadow mage. He was too weak for any response though; all he could do was hope Dirks was alright. As suddenly as it happened everything was dark again and he had no idea of knowing the outcome of the final attack. His head fell back to the stage, more exhausted then he would normally have been, the injury to his leg having drained more energy then he would have thought. I can’t wait for this to be over and to get healed… Thoracis thought to himself, managing a strained chuckle. He wished he knew what was going on…

“You look like shit.” Dirks voice was right near him. Somehow he mustered the strength to laugh along with his friend - he felt he could call him that again.

“As if you could tell,” Thoracis joked back, “I can smell your burns though!” He wished they could see each other. Thoracis managed to pull himself up into a sitting position on the obelisk perpendicular to his teammate. “You’ll have to help me out of here, my leg is tore up.”

Dirks laughed, but before long their his hand grasped the ice mages, pulling him up and carrying half of Thoracis’ weight on his shoulders as best he could. The two of them hobbled from the stage, eventually breaking through the enchanted darkness and into the natural night around the Monolith Clearing. “I have to tell you though… Just so there’s no confusion… I ummm… I didn’t stop Hikari from choking you. Elrundir destroyed his sword before I had a chance. “

“Don’t worry about it.” Dirks replied. “I know you would have tried. What’s important is we are leaving here as champions.” That much was true. Nobody was going to question them now.

Thoracis smiled beneath his mask. “As if there was any doubt.”

(Bunnying of Dirks approved.)

[Arawn]

Unlike the other combatants, the vampire felt no need to escape the encompassing darkness. He was at home in it, relaxed. As his superior hearing perceived his peers making their way out of the arena, with the exception of the mysterious Elrundir whose heartbeat abruptly vanished from perception as though plucked from this realm, he lied down on the lowest step of the amphitheater. He did not fear for the elf. Something told Arawn he had been transported from their shared battleground elsewhere by force of magic, though he could not be sure why he knew this. Flashes of the elf appearing out of incorporeal shadow onto the arena some time ago passed before his mind’s eye. Was that a memory of Hikari’s or a creation of the vampyr’s imagination to justify the hushed heartbeat? He couldn’t be sure.

He allowed himself a small chuckle in the pressing blackness, disembodied echoes carrying throughout the cloud.

It was a wearisome game he had played thus far with his other half. The vampire had had to struggle for control, only managing to dethrone Hikari at odd times when he was overcome with bloodlust or deprived of his precious light. Then, all he would have to recall what had transpired in the light mage’s command were fractured remembrances of blurred events. The vampire could never tell if it had been days or months since he last overthrew the dark elf. However, the scales were now inexorably tipped in the undead being’s favor. The light mage’s icon was destroyed. He would have a much harder time keeping his darker half at bay. The thought was mirthful to the vampire, that after keeping the blade hidden from him all this time, it was a false ally that had finally destroyed Hikari’s prized falchion. Now he would be made to struggle feverishly like a captive in purgatory for sparse, unrewarding moments of cogency.

“I’m free…”

Arawn was content to pass several minutes reflecting on such thoughts, a dutiful grin on his pale face as he lay in the dark. His injured shoulder took the time to begin the process of healing, making great strides where mere mortals would have had to wait far longer. The undead being was infamous for his patience. One with eternity to spare needn’t feel rushed for any matter. The lapse of several hours still found Arawn lying on the stone steps of the arena amidst his sustained shade, the others likely now far from the Monolith Clearing. He had seen fit to give such an auspicious experience profound contemplation. He was still not clear on what had driven his other half to the arena in the first place, knowing that conflict only strengthened the vampyr, but he blessed the event every time his mind came to the image of Jinkourai Ittou breaking into a thousand irreconcilable pieces.

Arawn’s shoulder was completely regenerated as he finally rose from his firm bed and took a deep breath. As he did so, the black cloud around him shifted for the first time in hours, twitching slightly at its edges. Another deep breath suddenly found the cloud shrinking inward, being sucked toward an unseen vacuum as water down a drain. The obelisk was first to be freed of the darkness’ grasp, standing tall above the clearing. Then the shade began to recede from the back rows of the amphitheater as the stage was revealed. Soon, the black fog was absorbed in its entirety by the pale, cloaked figure at the base of the arena. Arawn finished with a soft exhale, the sky revealed to him at last. There was no trace of the sun’s rays in the blanket of bright stars above.

He began to make his way up the steps when a strong wind pulled at his form, flowing unnaturally downward into the abandoned battlefield. Then, Arawn heard something he could never have expected. Loud, intermittent applause was coming from behind him. Turning with wild eyes, the vampire caught sight of a grey-skinned figure adorned with majestic silver-lined garments clapping on the stage, his attire shimmering under the starlight. Arawn was unsure of what to make of him. He knew there had been no one there a moment ago. Had he been carried there by the wind? The vampire searched zealously through Hikari’s disjointed memoirs for some explanation of this creature’s sudden appearance. There was something familiar about him, though the light mage’s thoughts failed to produce any solid remembrance of him. The vampire’s body was suddenly tense in light of this unexpected and unwelcome development.

“I was wondering how much longer you’d wait here,” the human spoke with an amiable smile, finally ceasing his one-man ovation.

Arawn did nothing but glare back aggressively.

“Where are my manners?” the man went on with mock astonishment at his own impudence. “My name is Raiba Honroy. I’ve actually been waiting to meet you for quite some time.” This introduction was accompanied by a low bow.

The cloaked vampire’s body relaxed only slightly.

“You see, your alter ego has been most disinclined to allow us to convene. We have a common enemy in him.” The human’s smile widened at these words. “However, I am glad to see his key to your jail cell has been most effectively sent to oblivion. It was an unforeseen incident in my drawing him here, but a pleasant one nonetheless. Now, with that arrogant bastard rightfully in your shoes for once, I would be delighted to disclose to you some of the intrigues he was so opposed to your hearing.” He paused. “That is, of course, if you are interested.”

With a sinister smirk playing at the side of Arawn’s lips from the man’s words, he finally broke the silence on his part of the conversation.

“I’m listening.”

[Ther]

Max Dirks –

Introduction: 8. Great way to start off the thread – the only real concern I have is that you really didn’t introduce who or what “Starlynn” is (until the 14th post), and since I haven’t followed most of what you’ve written I had no idea what you were talking about.

Setting: 7. Great idea to use a setting from your character’s past.

Strategy: 6. Your justification for not striking first as you normally would was pretty weak – I don’t think your opponents’ magic was as powerful as your character described it.

Writing Style: 7. Try not to overuse the ellipsis – after awhile it loses its freshness and looks like lazy writing.

Rising Action: 6.

Dialogue: 5.

Climax: 6.

Character: 6. Your character got infected that soon after being burnt? Why?

Conclusion: 5

Wild Card: 5.

Total: 61/100

Thoracis -

Introduction: 7. I like the fact that your incorporated the OOC controversy into your first post. It was also a good idea to keep your response to Dirks towards the end of the post – normally I like to hear dialogue replied to as soon as possible, but since there was some tension in this case it was good to hold off until later.

Setting: 6.

Strategy: 5.

Writing Style: 5. Please don’t repeat what Dirks said in the post before you, since I just read that.

Rising Action: 3. That flashback really, really killed the momentum of the thread. We had some great action going and then it just hit a wall – I liked your intentions, I just wish the flashback would’ve gone by much quicker. I like your character’s reactions to seeing Elrundir back, though.

Dialogue: 4. I didn’t like how your character said so much in the 7th post without giving Elrundir much of a chance to respond immediately – it hurts the pacing of the entire thread. “Is that the best you can do?” Ugh.

Climax: 5.

Character: 5. I didn’t get how your character saw Elrundir all the way through the forest. I didn’t get the sense that he had actually moved to the stage at that point. Also, your character’s epiphany (my term) about Dirks in post 19 seemed rushed - like it happened just so so that it could happen plotwise rather than having an organic feel to it.

Conclusion: 5.

Wild Card: 5.

Total: 50/100

Team Score: 55.5

-----------------------------

Arawn -

Introduction: 7. I like how you introduce your character’s sword and your cloak to the reader – it helps someone who is reading your posts for the first time in awhile. I wanted to hear your character’s name earlier, though. There were too many uses of “his” and “he” in the first couple of paragraphs.

Setting: 6.

Strategy: 7. Good strategy to attack who your character saw as the weaker link.

Writing Style: 6. Your syntax is a little bit choppy at times, and I get the feeling that there isn’t enough variation in your sentence structure.

Rising Action: 5. I liked the introduction of Raiba in post 16, but I just wish that post could’ve
been a bit shorter since I felt like it was time to move on from your character by the time he appeared. Starting off with him in the next post was much better, though, and made for a nicer read.

Dialogue: 5.

Climax: 5.

Character: 6. Why does your dark elf call everyone a “creature?” I like how you directly explained your character’s history with each of his opponents.

Conclusion: 5.

Wild Card: 6.

Total: 58/100

Elrundir -

Introduction: 9. Great way to reintroduce us to your character – superb.

Setting: 6.

Strategy: 6. Your character speaks way too much while in the midst of combat, almost to the
point of where it sounds campy. I do like the fact that your character wanted to try to create more tension between Dirks and Thoracis – that was really necessary for the battle to make sense.

Writing Style: 6. Like Max Dirks you abuse the ellipsis – I count it 4 times in the first post alone. Let up on it already, please – it really hurts your writing.

Rising Action: 5. Post length really hurt the pacing of the entire thread – I just wanted to move on and get some more action and you were busy spending whole paragraphs describing your character’s reaction to Hikari, for example, when one sentence could’ve accomplished the same task.

Dialogue: 4. Some of it was just really, really cheesy, especially in battle.

Climax: 5.

Character: 6.

Conclusion: 5.

Wild Card: 5.

Total: 57/100

Team Score: 57.5

I’ll post rewards tomorrow.

[Ther]

Elrundir and Arawn receieve 1,838 EXP and 300 GP each.

Max Dirks and Thoracis receieve 525 EXP and 200 GP each.