Since this was a dead battle, I’m going to give numbers and a small paragraph at the beginning for each of you. If you have any questions about the judgement feel free to talk to me. The two of you know how to get a hold of me.
Chris – I actually spotted quite a few spelling mistakes, or simply missing words, more so than I would have expected from you. Keep an eye on those. The initial description of the room was nice, but after that the environment just seemed to disappear. Using the table was a nice touch, but what happened to all the rows and slabs (not slaps) of meat that were hanging from the ceiling? Like usual, I enjoyed Christoph’s internal dialogue, it’s always rather cute. Sadly you didn’t use as much as you normally do (tear).
Storyline
Continuity: - 6
Setting: - 5.5
Pacing: - 6
Character
Dialogue: - 7
Action: - 6.5
Persona: - 7
Writing Style
Mechanics: - 6.5
Technique: - 6
Clarity: - 7.5
Wild Card: - 5
Total: 63
Edmund – You had a few run-on sentences, lots of awkward sentences and plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes. Make sure you’re re-reading your posts before you post them, or even editing them after they’ve been posted. The actions of your character were questionable at times. The fact that he barely felt Christoph burning his flesh from his very scalp was very, very farfetched. The amount of pain resistance that would take is far higher than what your character currently has. Even characters like Godhand and Letho would flinch and react to attacks like that. Setting was something you mentioned in your first post and then just completely forgot about after that. You didn’t try to use the meat slabs for anything, you didn’t duck behind them or dart in and out of them while charging head on at your opponent. You play your character like some powerhouse, when right now he really isn’t. Try to keep your level and your skills in mind. The way your character speaks is definitely on the interesting side. Be careful with it, you could do really well here, or come across as really cliché.
Storyline
Continuity: - 5
Setting: - 5
Pacing: - 6
Character
Dialogue: - 6
Action: - 5
Persona: - 6.5
Writing Style
Mechanics: - 5
Technique: - 5
Clarity: - 7
Wild Card: - 5
Total: 55.5
The winner is Christoph!
Rewards:
Christoph receives 2,200 experience 150 GP!
Edmund receives 500 experience!
Submit Thread for Judgment