A unexpected savior...? [Suravani's Oasis]

[The Bloody Son]

The boy lifted a hand to the massive steed and ran thin fingers down it's muscular jaw while listening to the woman speak. Her thin face squinted as she looked off into the distance at the warm glowing orbs and gave a puzzled question. Cell's hand slid from the horse's jaw and a few steps later, he redirected his eyes to the hill. He saw figures ... several! "It looks to be the Knash and maybe even those nasty lizar--" The boy froze in mid sentence to look off to his left.

CRACK!

Four sets of golden eyes peered from the darkest shadows in the valley between the hills and Cell gasped. He saw them through the night as outlined in purple auras - beings of the shadow; Cell usually saw them in plum. They were devouring a giant scorpion carcass before they were interrupted and began to stare ... intently. "Ereva ... back away slowly. Go tell Seya to prepare for a long night. Get the children into the under-hut..."

Karuku-tal is what the natives called them. Shadow cats that lurked in the night and they were intently watching the pallid framed boy with a nasty intent. He looked around for anything - a sheep skull, some rocks...wait.
The growls of the felines rumbled audibly and the boy moved carefully, picking up the bare skull - the moonlight casted off the bone and reflected and instantly, they were attracted. Cellius stomped and yelled at them, causing them to hiss viciously and their maws to gape revealing the razor sharp incisors.

I hope this works... The boy waved the skull. Their heads followed. With tremendous strength, he hurled the skull toward the next hill over where the men with the boulders lie and at the same instant, Cell shadow stepped toward the village. The cats eagerly watched the shimmering object and launched off - disappearing and reappearing from the shadows and into the moonlight, vanishing in clouds of smoke and reappearing five feet closer - about to come into a very ... wild surprise...

[Audio, video, disco]

Ereva didn't need to be told twice. Jerking Tenerell's reigns more sternly than needed, the young shaman wheeled the horse around and sent him thundering down the slope. During the short, jostling ride into the village, her thoughts raced along with the parched desert air striking hair into her eyes.

Somehow or another, it was going to end tonight. She could feel it. The appearance of the vampiric boy, who had since proven a great asset, could not have been a coincidence. And what of the bastard lizard? What purpose would he serve? If any! The young woman's gut clenched in a fit of nerves behind her belt, but the shaman didn't look back.

Suravani watch over us.

---

His answer was resolute:

"No. I will ssztill not help you."

The outcome - Voronkova massaging his wrists from where the metal had sheared off a fine layer of cobalt scales. The two female assistants who had released him distanced themselves as the Herptian took a menacing step, tapping a dirty sickle claw on the earth. The elder Seya was exiting the hut, flanked by the younger women who could not hide their distrust of the large, svelte reptile who slunk eagerly after them. Once in the open, Voron was able to stretch to his full height and his white crest flared pleasurably, nearly alight against caliginous heaven.

"My posszessionsz!" he reminded them sternly, as if speaking to a gaggle of thieving toddlers. One toddler in question was not present, he observed, flicking his head around in a birdlike manner. The raptor's lips curled.

Seya faced him, the lines thatching her gnarled countenance deeper than usual. She shifted underneath her animal hide shawl. She paused, then nodded at the assistant who wore her hair in short dreadlocks beaded with dyed bone. The woman left and Seya looked about ready to address the Herptian again, when the unmistakable pounding of hooves rounded the corner of the generously-sized hut planted near them.

Voron hissed softly as Evera appeared, pulling her steed's mouth so he halted with his shoulder facing the little group. The animal's eyes were bright in the darkness. She was having trouble keeping him still.

"We must get everyone to safety now! There are lights on the hill -"

Her breathless words were cut short as the night once again yielded to a flaming missile that arched high over head, bathing them in ghostly golden pallor. Voronkova remembered an unearthly shriek that could have only come from the steed's massive windpipes, a flash of fire impossibly bright, and something solid connecting with his back before he faded into unconsciousness.

---

Leather harness groaned and metal links rang in muted harmony against the spiky hides of the gra'del as their masters spurred them forward. The giant caterpillar-like worms bulldozed through grass and ground, spotted green and yellow hides quivering with every lick of the driving whip. His newest quarry was a mere inkblot interspersed with occasional lantern flickers on the hill, now adequately disabled.

Like chasing a sparrow with a broken wing.

"Prepare the resszt of the rocksss!" Keb Siri roared in Common so the human ke'pazh could understand, the ragged crimson feathers adorning the base of his scaly skull prickling in anticipation. There was raucous clattering from the wooden structures the gra'del toiled to pull soon followed by a flare of heat and light as flammable cloth knotted around the missiles was set ablaze with torches. The sweet stench of oil coagulated around the bulbous gra'del's fetid musk.

"This'll be like stabbing ferrets in a hole." The human male who deigned to walk beside him added his own grim simile. Keb secretly thought his simile was better. A little less...primitive. This man had apparently assumed a leading role over the fighters in his tribe. He was an impressive specimen; broad and sinuous if boasting a bit of a distended belly, with patterns in blue paint raking his feeble brown skin where it shown.

Around them marched a mixed score of capable Herptian warriors and Khnash. Some of these humans were mounted on the purloined steeds. Larcenous dogs. But he could not deny his gladness for their company, including that of their avid commander. The Khnash had been surprisingly helpful thus far. Seldom did Herptian people associate with the disgusting mammalians, let alone consider them allies in battle.

And yet...this partnership was bearing fruit.

The white-streaked reptile canted his muzzle toward the Khnash leader. "If you sszo pleassz, you may tell them to fire."

There was hardly any consideration. "Get those rocks where they belong!" shouted the man whose title he had not bothered to learn. The Khnash then lifted a scarred hand and fingered the carved badger fang swinging around his tawny neck, mumbling inaudibly.

Maybe he believes it will bring him luck. Heh. Certainly a favour of fortune no one here will need tonight...

All four wheezing, wheeled trebuchets released their deadly cargo with a sharp, collective TWACK.

Keb was too busy admiring his personal meteors to scream when the startled Karuku-tal launched itself at his face.

~
ke'pazh - derogatory term for referring to mammals

[The Bloody Son]

The shrill cry of the horse caught Cellius' attention first. As the boy neared the village, the second firey boulder crashed into the hut next to the boy and the eruption shook the very foundations of the earth and threw the boy off his left foot in a wobble and fell to the ground and rolled. His shirt and pants now covered in grass and mud, the vampire blinked slowly - his head aching from the noise. Rolling over, he saw the steed laying on its side and Ereva wasn't moving. Nonchalantly, the blood thief patted out the flaming spot on his shirt and then heard the howling screams from over the hill...

The skull diversion worked...


On his feet, Cellius threw an arm around Ereva's waist and then hefted her over his shoulder with a gentle groan escaping her lips and took a few steps. The Herptian warrior lay unmoving on the ground along with the village leader. Turmoil fought inside the boy's mind and he groaned. He would come back for Seya - she seemed to be conscious, just totally dazed.


"Dammit..." Bending over, Cell threw his arm around the chest of the lizardman and his back to the boy's side and drug him along. Grunting with the dead weight of both, the boy moved as swiftly as he could, dragging them to the back of the village where the children were hiding in a hidden passage beneath the rear hut. Through the horse stables and into the passage, a few women assisted in taking Ereva and then scoffed at the Herptian.

"Why did you bring him down here?! He's the enemy!"
"Yeah! He could be feign and awake to kill us all!"

"I don't think so, ladies... if he wanted to fight, he would have acted already - I think... And with the size of him and his blade, I'd go as far as saying, he'd have killed everyone already..."

Cellius turned, leaving Voron in the pit and moving back up in time to see another ball come hurtling toward the ground. The night provided all the shadow and potential energy he needed. His hand clenched and began to shake violently - the energy pulled from all directions, spiraling around his fist in a plume of amethyst before Cell snapped his thin fingers. A small orb formed and with precision, he threw it at the incoming projectile to cease its onslaught.

The force of the throw impacted directly into the center of the flaming ball and the plume that surrounded the shadow orb exploded, blowing the once solid object into fragments that rained down. The shadows having choked the scourging flames all that remained was a falling shower of rock.

Other than the crackling of the flames and the crumbling of rocks all around, Cellius' eyes turned to the hill in the distance where the mauled inhuman screams came from the dismemberment and systematic annihilation of the Khnash and the Herptian horde... A blood bath was ensuing.

[The Bloody Son]

The previous day was full of turmoil and death. The blood shed between the Knash and the Esseker was close to the same amount, however the boulders did the most damage within the little village and only killed a few individuals. The massacre of all the men was complete by the Knash, however the days seemed to look up for the hidden, steed-raising tribe.

Whence the night fell, figures loomed on the moon lit crest of the far west and aimed directly for the village. Nearly seven or eight came and it looked as if they were pulling or dragging something behind a few large horses. As they approached it was evidence of what little bloody tribesman from the Deklan remained. Five men and two women approached with six children on a sleigh. Behind them they drug goods: food, pelts, weaponry, and all that was needed to help rebuilding. After the bloodshed the night before, this perfection couldn't have come at a better time, for the two tribes could unite again and the Knash seemed to be no more.

:: :: :: :: ::

Cellius came walking down the hill from the other side as he watched the new, fresh faces mingle within the old and a broad smile crossed his face. Mya and Seya approached from the village with open arms and embraced the blood-thief without hesitation and he accepted so willingly, cradling their warmth in his grasps.

"Thank you so much, Cell. We couldn't have managed without you, honestly. If you hadn't saved the village last night - there wouldn't be anything left..." Seya expressed her gratitude with a big smile and a set of reigns, "We want you to have one of Suravani's great steeds. It's the least we can do - and you'll forever have family here, whenever you need it..."

"I ... I don't know what to say... thank you so much. For bringing me in. Accepting such an outsider... thank you for the token!" The boy grinned wildly, taking the reigns to whichever horse he chose with confidence and then Mya spoke up. "You mentioned the moonlight gives you strength... I've heard of a blade that glows with the power of the moon...I believe it's called the Monolith Clearing ... you may check it out and find some history in yourself, boy..." With her description came motions off to the distant horizon where he should start looking. Mya gave him a hug and marched off, "I must tend to the wounded..." Her rolly round self disappeared into the newly faced crowd and the boy moved to the outskirts against the back of the rubble filled village.

Happiness was a good description of his current mood. His eyes twinkled in a warm chocolate, iridescent in the dancing moonlight that waltzed carelessly with the surrounding clouds. Cell approached the pen to these legendary, massive proportioned steeds and stood there. The ebony one that Ereva rode moved to the fence and snorted a hello. Cell lifted the reigns and the horse bobbed it's head slowly and with a click - the horse left the gate and stood at the boy's side.

"Are you sure about this?" Cell inquired with a grin on his face.

I'm positive, Cellius. Your kindness to my people and my family have made my mind up. I am yours, Master. Friend. You may call me Marrow. The horse's head bobbed slowly and then knelt forward onto one ebony, rough knee and the boy stood there amazed slightly. The telepathic link from the steed to his brain felt like a prick on his cerebrum, however allowed it was massaging to his thoughts.
Without hesitation afterwards, he dropped the reigns, stepped onto the knuckle of the steed and was launched onto it's back and with a whinny the two galloped off into the field. Cell was wobbly, yet with the giant's movements, the ride was smooth as silk. Holding onto the mane tightly, the vampire's fingers white knuckled the thick strands of calloused hair as the beast took off with lightning speed.

Next stop - who knows...

[Audio, video, disco]

Voronkova watched the pair speed off from his vantage point upon the same hill their enemies had been funneling down the night before. The grass was stiff with dried blood and the air was weighted with it's sweet odour. He could hear loud smacking and tearing from over the next rise, where he expected the Karuku-tal would be chowing down on the gra'del carcass that had been left behind when the survivors sped a hasty retreat. The lithe, demented cats paid him no heed as they gorged themselves.

It remained unknown to him why they - as in the army - had even ventured to attack this insignificant little smudge of a man-village to begin with, or why his brethren, as he had been told, had endeavored to join forces with the Knash tribesmen. The Herptain fingered the soiled bandage that partially obscured one eye, wincing as the torn skin underneath gave way to his talons. That wound had him out cold for the duration of the battle, something that he wasn't entirely certain he resented. Surely, the reptile would have been left to perish amid the flames had it not been for the boy.

Voron's crest prickled. He had overheard tell of the vampire's exploits by accident shortly after waking. He now owed the twerp a debt.

This was unfortunate.

A long, slightly crooked forefinger stroked Oakeshott's
slick emerald-painted pommel in thought, the stone gleaming wetly like a lidless eye. A debt was not something to be trifled with, especially when it concerned a life. Voronkova Amutek might have been freed from the clutches of that primitive mammalian village, but the sense of the word had since changed.

You must find this all terribly amusing, he told his dead teacher silently, setting off down the hill to follow young Cellius and the black steed called Marrow.

[Breaker]

A unexpected savior...?
Quest Judgement

STORY

Continuity ~ 3/10. Got a little bit more backstory from AVD, but TBS' storyline was almost non existent. Cellius' past seemed to have no effect on anything in this thread, nor did the events of the thread seem to effect him in any way, except that he got a horse.

Setting ~ 5/10. You each had your moments, but failed to really illustrate the setting. Remember to use all five senses and work on keeping the description relevant to the action of the thread.

Pacing ~ 4/10.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 3/10. For the most part, the dialogue was pretty cliche, and failed to demonstrate much about the characters. All of the dialogue in post number 7 pretty much sums it up: it reminded me of something a character might say in an anime flick translated from Japanese, to English, to Dutch, then back to English again.

Action ~ 3/10. The action was hard to follow at times and at other times almost nonsensical. Telling me your character "literally blinked" makes me wonder what it is like to figuratively blink, or hypothetically blink.

Persona ~ 2/10. Very little persona from either character, and the NPCs were robots. Try using your characters personality and emotions to influence plot events, and you'll be on the right track.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 5/10. Both of you had the occasional nice device, in particular I enjoyed the sword blade that begged for blood. However, writing of this level was scarce, and things like "Happiness was a good description of his current mood" weighed on the score.

Mechanics ~ 6/10.
Clarity ~ 5/10. Avoid saying things like "totally dazed" and "so obviously".

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 4/10.

TOTAL ~ 35/100. My eyes hurt.

EXP and GP Rewards

The Bloody Son receives 285 EXP and 75 GP
Audio, video, disco receives 228 EXP and 75 GP

Other Rewards

The Bloody Son receives the horse, but it throws four shoes and must be taken to a blacksmith before it can be ridden anywhere.

[Zook Murnig]

EXP/GP ADDED!