Crystal Vs Irene: What's a floor?

[Crystal Suncrest]

With the Minotaur back in the fight, Crystal was pretty sure that she no longer stood a chance, but upon looking towards the Irene, who was in extreme pain, Crystal doubted that the woman would stop attacking even if she raised the white flag, so, instead of calling it quits, Crystal ran underneath the Minotaur's legs and kept running. She needed a new plan, and it didn't take her long to come up with one.

As she ran underneath the giant Minotaur, she shot a few crystal shots straight up at his privates. Sure, they had to go through a bit of fabric first, but she was pretty sure it would still hurt like a bitch. Afterwards, she turned to Irene, and fired a few crystal shots at each of her eyes before she continued to run.

[Irene]

Grath, Dismissed!" Irene said, realizing what Crystal was going to do. Before the shots touched him, he dissipated into energy. Then the crystal shots blinded Irene, and her bloodcurdling screams echoed into the hallway.
"I am Blinded, I surrender." Irene called out, hoping a monk heard her.
Several did, but only because they came running to see if her screams were death screams.

They caused the Arena to fade into darkness, signifying the end of the match.

One monk would go for Crystal, to take her to one healing room, while the other took Irene to another.

Irene's vision was restored to normal. She thanked the monk politely, and promptly left the citadel, without waiting to see if her opponent was ok. She just wanted to get out of there, and get away, feeling like she belonged somewhere else.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Crystal could barely believe her ears. The woman gave up. Crystal continued to shake in fear as she remembered exactly what lengths she had to go through to win the battle. 'Were those moves even Legal?' She wondered as the monks took her to a bed to rest.


By all rights, the bed was way too big for her, but at least she had a place to lay her head while they repaired her wings. Turns out, the arena she had fought in had disoriented her more than she was willing to admit, because they had to repair her wings two more times after that as she tried to land on the ceiling and on the wall.


The next morning, she woke up and looked for the woman with the wild hair to no avail. As Crystal left the citadel, she promised herself that if she ever met up with Irene again, she would apologize for fighting so dirty.

[Lord Anglekos]

Crystal Vs. Irene: What's a floor?
My notes will be short and sweet for this, as this thread has been sitting for some time now. Again, if you have any comments, questions or complaints, you can reach me via private message or on AIM as blackdecadence19.

Crystal's scores are in blue.
Irene's, yours are in red.
Any combined scores or notes are in white.

STORY

Continuity: 3, 2
You both gave me very little in this section. Crystal was a bit original with wanting to go there for some fun instead of the cliche'd "I need to get stronger!", but neither of you really gave me the whys, wheres, whens and hows that I was looking for. The ending was also very disappointing.

Setting: 4.
You started off with a great idea and didn't go anywhere with it. There were plent of things you could have done with the arena itself, and not a single one of them happened. Also, the lack of description of the settings made me imagine a big, white space you two were fighting in, which I don't think was the case.

Pacing: 3
Both of you started and ended the action way too soon. It was full of BAM BAM BAM and then before I knew it, the fight was over. No real conclusion on either of your parts.

CHARACTER

Dialogue: 3, 4
It could have been better, but the grammartical mistakes and the way the sentences were put together and phrased made it both hard to read and enjoy. Irene did a little better in this category, but still nothing noteworthy.

Action: 4.5, 4.
I liked Crystal's use of her larger opponent as cover, but at the same time it seemed sort of out of character for her. There were several spots where your character's actions didn't seem to fit IC'ly, but that may have been due to their inherently chaotic natures. In any case, it was confusing at points and could have been done better with more time and effort.

Persona: 3, 5
While I could understand Irene's chaotic streaks, as it's part of her character, you, Crystal, left me with quite a few "Hunh?" moments. I know she's "happy go lucky", but not suicidally so; or if she is, it should be more evident. In either case Irene's character showed more personality, although you too should work upon her.

WRITING STYLE
Ouch is all I have to say here. Spelling and grammar, you two! Double check your writing! Well, here are the scores, and hope you remember for next time.

Mechanics: 3.
Technique: 4.
Clarity: 3.

WILD CARD: 3.

Crystal's score: 33.5
Irene's score: 35.

Irene is the winner! Congratulations!

Crystal gains 75 EXP and 50 GP.
Irene gains 430 EXP and 150 GP.

[Taskmienster]

EXP and GP added!