At the Edge of Night: Sorahn vs. Tenmatsu Tenimi

[Sorahn]

Once again I apologize for taking so long to respond. I've been really slack lately.

Only thing I noticed was your last sentence is actually a fragment. You could've probably combined it with the previous sentence and made the action flow better like this: "He then gets his balance back and lunges fist first towards Sorahn, then quickly lashes out with a fast and steady jab with the blunt end of his scythe."

Also: "...sees Sorahn running at him ; thrusting his spear and then a quick turn around..." The parts of this sentence don't agree with each other. Try it like this: "...sees Sorahn running at him; thrusting his spear and then quickly turning around..."

Other than that your post looks pretty good. It is a bit short, which I personally don't think is necessarily a bad thing because I believe in brevity, just make sure you're saying everything you want to say and fully describing things.

Keep it up.

Sorahn was pleased to see his shockwave do just what it was meant to do: get his opponent off balance and vulnerable. But his smugness soon turned to frustration as his attacks barely slid past his opponent, leaving the blood-thirsty blades dissatisfied, yet again.

Suddenly he was overcome with a feeling of dread. Something was very wrong. His finely tuned instincts were sending off alarm bells in his head. Within an instant he realized that in his overzealous pursuit of victory, he had grown sloppy. With the momentum of the battle in his favor, his overconfidence had caused him to make a fatal mistake.

His stance was wrong. He was off balance. His feet had no traction on the slippery mud that was forming a puddle around his ankles. Just as these realizations came to him, he turned to see a fist flying toward him like a freight train.

Tenmatsu’s punch connected solidly with his chest, knocking the wind out of him and sending him stumbling backwards. His feet slid in the mud and he was completely helpless as the blunt end of the scythe came crashing toward his face.

THWACK.

A fierce pain lit like fire in his left cheek as he spun around and landed flat in the mud with a splat. He quickly rolled and leapt back to his feet, trying to keep his opponent from capitalizing on his mistake. As he regained his stance, he had to shake off a wave of slight dizziness. He focused his eyes back on Tenmatsu and spat blood from his mouth.

He bared his teeth like an angry dog, displaying his razor sharp teeth which were now coated in red blood. Slowly he raised his spear as the rain grew heavier. His fur was matted and soaked, and water dripped from his face. It was time to show this newcomer just what sort of beast he was facing.

He let out a fierce roar and took off in a blur. Time seemed to slow for him as he let loose a burst of speed. The mud splashed beneath his feet as he plowed through the raindrops, closing the distance between him and his opponent in an instant.

He swung his spear upward and spun and brought it back down again. A loud crack rang out as the very tip of his speed broke the flimsy sound barrier. Time resumed as he returned to his normal speed and he brought his spear back up in defense.

A bolt of lightning split the sky and thunder rolled in the distance.

[Tenmatsu Tenimi]

Yet again, I thank you for telling me my mistakes in my wording. See I share this computer with my dad and I don't have access to download anything without his permission and it really pisses me off. So I can't get a spell check or anything like that. But as for you and not posting this is gonna be the final time. Time restraints are off. Hope that helps as long as you agree as well.

Tenmatsu's punch had connected making Sorahn stumble backwards and unaware for what is next;he blow from the blunt end of the scythe. What had shocked Tenamtsu was that not only did his punch connect, but his jab with his scythe connected right with Sorahn's face. "That would hurt."

Tenmatsu smirks as Sorahn gets sent sliding in the mud, ruining his fur coat. Sorahn manages to stand now and spits blood out, baring his teeth like some kind of angry and really pissed off canine. They were covered in blood. the fur was wet, dripping wet, and covered in mud all over, ruining his good complextion. The rain now had started comming down harder, the wind is blowing crazily, blowing leaves, small twigs, and the such all over; creating a small vortex around Tenmatsu and Sorahn as he lifts his spear up. Next thing you hear is a loud and wild roar from the beast. "Come on, let's get into the real game here already." Tenmatsu says cocky as Sorahn took off swinging his spear back and brought it down again. Tenmatsu is late to block and gets hit in the gash he had gotten earlier.

This causes him to get flung backwards slidding in the mud now as well. Blood now mixed with the mud. Tenmatsu slowly steadies himself using his scythe as a cane for support as his gash is now bleeding like a river. He groans as he goes to his right arm and manages to rip enough off of the sleeve to cover the two cuts. If looked at right, they make a cross, a badly shapen one but still a cross. "SON OF A BITCH!" He yells as he bandages his new wound. He manages to cover it somewhat but one more hit there might kill him. So from now on he is gonna be on the best defense he can be. And he knows how he can win this match hopefully as he takes a quick glance to the sky as the rain continues to fall. His outfit, completely soaked all the way through. Not one part of Tenmatsu is dry anymore.Tenmatsu then takes his eyes back to Sorahn as a flash of lighting and thunder bellowed in the distance