Body withered, body died...

[Rheawien]

Rhea wasn’t certain when exactly they stopped – or rather, were forced to stop on account of utter exhaustion – their unhinged lovemaking, but she remembered the scent of their mixed sweat as their moist bodies finally collapsed on the crumpled bed sheets. She remembered her nails digging into the skin of his back and the “vengeful” bite of the drow that left a mark on her shoulder. She remembered fulfillment that she didn’t feel for years – she couldn’t remember the last time she had a man and that spoke for itself. And she remembered wanting more, wanting for their passion to carry them through the evening and last throughout the night. Because by giving herself to Izvilvin she was thanking him not only for his selfless actions, but for the sheer pleasure he was giving her, the pleasure she needed after months and years and even decades of suffering.

Alas, while their hearts and minds burned for more, their bodies simply lacked the fuel to make this sensation to last indefinitely. So as the sun extinguished its scorching of the Fallien land, so did their passion yield to the needs of their human bodies. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, with content smiles on their faces and the pleasurable soreness in certain regions of their bodies. Rheawien thought that she could sleep forever like this. As it turned out, that wasn’t the case.

With the first beams of moonlight, the breeze that snuck through the open window passed over her naked body and roused her from the sweet slumber. It wasn’t a particularly harsh or chilly whiff, but it still managed to give her goosefleshes all over her suave skin, as if foreign, unfamiliar hands roamed over her. Her eyes shot open, went to the dark-skinned elf at her side, but she found him completely dormant, breathing steadily and spilling his every breath over her bosom. Rhea’s first thought was to wake him up, maybe with a bite at his neck, so they could restart their little sexual escapade, but even as that thought passed through her mind, the invisible fingers passed over her once again. This time she shivered and untangled herself from his arms, creeping out of the bed with an intention to close the window.

And out in the moonlight, standing in the middle of the open field, way Yves, with her piercing eyes looking straight at the half-elf. For some reason, Rheawien felt the need to cover her privates, but the incisiveness of those eyes made her attempts look pitiful. Yves’ lips moved and though not a sound could be heard, Rhea could hear her voice in her head.

“It’s time to go, Rheawien.” she said, her tone amicable and endlessly patient.

“Why?” the half-elf whispered in return. “Why can’t I stay with him?”

“Izvilvin is but a first step on your journey. Can you honestly look at him and tell me that you love him?”

Rheawien turned slowly, watchful not to cause a sound, and looked at the drow. In the moonlight, his face looked majestic, encompassed by his silvery white hair. But while the figure of his athletic body evoked genuine sexual arousal in the woman, she couldn’t see it being anything beyond that. He could be her friend, even her occasional bedfellow, but now that her mind has cooled off and the fire in her loins was extinguished, there was a negative answer brewing inside of her. And she could see the wisdom in Yves’ words. They both jumped into this blindly, not mindful of what stood beyond the first-impression façade. And while she was certain that she would find a kind man behind his mask, Rheawien was uncertain what would she find beneath her own surface. No, Yves was right. She had to go. She had to find herself first before she could give herself to someone fully, regardless of whether they were a man or a woman.

Given the fact that her clothes were gone for good, Rhea had no other choice but to take Izvilvin’s. She doubted he would mind a lot, but just in case, once she was fully clothed in his black clothes, she took a piece of paper and scribbled a note. She knew that he wouldn’t be able to read it, but he could always get somebody to decipher it for him. She jotted down the several words, signed herself at the bottom and dropped the note on the pillow beside him. And with that, she collected her weapons and disappeared in the night.

On the note, written with what seemed a mixture of elven neatness and much more rugged mundane writing, stood:

“Thank you, Izvilvin. And sorry about the clothes.

Rheawien

((SPOILS: Phoenix – Rheawien was given a Phoenix feather which enables her to summon her familiar whenever she desires. The Phoenix is currently unnamed, although when it contacts Rheawien through her dreams, it is represented by a warrior woman, Yves. The Phoenix is some twenty feet long, fifteen feet high, with the wing span of some twenty five feet. Currently it has only one ability.

Restoration – Phoenix can use this ability on either herself, Rheawien or on any of Rheawien’s allies. When used, the injured/dead person would recover with all their wounds healed. Currently, this is usable once per battle or once a day in a quest.))

[Izvilvin]

The note was held firmly in the dark elf's hands, and though he could not read it, his lavender eyes were locked on the writing. It was the last piece of Rheawien that he had, the last indication that what just went on between them was not some elaborate meeting of lusts, but maybe something a bit more than that. Regardless, she was gone, and he was naked on top of the bed. She'd taken his clothes, that much was obvious, but he wasn't angry about it.

It was all very confusing to him, though. What was so important that she had to leave without a simple farewell? Did she feel ashamed about what they'd done? Izvilvin certainly didn't. He was revitalized, feeling stronger than ever before, as if an afternoon of sex was just what he needed.

At least she'd left his weapons.

Izvilvin rose from the bed and slowly made his way to the lone window. It was the middle of the night, only a few hours before sunrise, so cool air was flowing into the room, making his hair sway about his face. A sigh escaped him. He'd wanted something more than just a physical romp with the woman who had impressed him so. He wanted a deep friendship with her, the kind of bond that goes deeper than simple conversation and travel together.

Perhaps he'd been a fool to want something like that so early on. Maybe he'd see her again some day, in a circumstance where they could sit and talk... As much as the two could manage conversation, anyway.

Behind him, the door opened and someone spoke. The light, raspy voice was not Rheawien's, but that didn't squelch the little hope in the elf that she was the one who had entered. It turned out to be Erak, the little old human man who had given them the room in the first place. He repeated whatever it was he had said, which sounded like a question, but Izvilvin could merely shrug in reply. Neither of them seemed to care that the drow was naked. Maybe he was too difficult to see in the darkness of the room.

He moved to the human and handed him the note. Erak needed to move into the light of the room behind him to read it, shaking his head as he did. With a simple nod, he headed off.

Izvilvin once again moved to the bed, where he could still smell the vaguest impressions of the woman's sweat. It was almost a sweet smell. Again he sighed, his eyes dancing about the bed where they had lain. Maybe he was taking it too hard. Things like this happened all the time between a man and a woman. And yet... He couldn't quite come to grips with it.

The Drow wasn't sure how long he stood there in comtemplation, but it was Erak's return that snapped him out of it. The human came into the room with a pair of black pants and a smooth black shirt, handing them to the Drow and patting him on the shoulder. They spoke to each other in their own languages for a moment, then Erak was on his way.

Izvilvin got dressed in his new clothes-- which fit rather nicely considering Erak had just gone off to fetch them-- and strapped on his belt. All the while his mind was on Rheawien, so his movements were slow, leisurely.

The warrior made his way through the town, so beautiful in the moonlight, and stopped when he reached the front gate. The desert looked eternal, and he was in no mood to cross it, even if it meant getting home to his own comfortable bed. All the same, he took that first step into the sand and began his walk. His mission was complete, but he had done so much more than simply deliver the antidote. The poison was gone, and Suravani's Oasis was safe.

But no reward could be as great, nor as disheartening, as the one he'd just recieved.

((Spoils: Gold please.))

[Sighter Tnailog]

Sorry it took me a while to get to this -- I moved into the dorms over the weekend, and had a fairly rough time as my computer adjusted to a new internet security regime implemented by my university. But enough excuses...I have a judging to do.

This was a good, solid quest...I haven't written out the numbers yet, but I expect you'll come close to a judge's choice. One quick note -- at the beginning, I was certain that I was reading a judge's choice. Towards the end, though, the writing slipped a little bit -- maybe not by a lot, but perhaps by enough. We'll see as I do the numbers.

Quest Judging
Body withered, body died...

INTRODUCTION ~ 10. I've heard an ancient Chinese proverb about happiness: "Happiness is when the grandfather dies, then the father, then the son." I thought your introduction, specifically Rheawien, did a great job of using powerful writing -- writing about sorrow, about suffering -- to draw me in. And Izvilvin, too, did precisely what introductions are about; he situated his work as part of a larger picture. This was almost a textbook introduction.
SETTING ~ 6. You did a good job, on the whole, of describing your setting, but it felt like you sometimes forgot to mention certain elements or only discussed them when you remembered. Be consistent: is it hot? Is the sand gritty? Is it difficult to see against the glare of the sun? I noticed all these things mentioned, but you need to work at making the setting fill your writing. I don't mean write longer...I just mean write more. There is a difference, and the key to good setting is figuring it out.
STRATEGY ~ 8. For the most part, this was great. I loved the way you worked together despite language barriers -- although more of this writing might have been interesting. Very often we just assume that Althanians all speak Tradespeak, but you did a good job of showing what happens when it doesn't work that way. I didn't give full marks, though, because I must say...that phoenix feather at the end, while it made sense with the storyline, seemed VERY Final Fantasy-esque: Rheawien falls...FENIX DOWN! Rheawien is revived!
Writing Style ~ 7. The first sentences both of you wrote will serve to illustrate why I gave you an 8. Rheawien: "There was nothing sadder then seeing the eyes of a child that came at terms with the fact that death was inevitable." Why not: "Nothing is sadder than a child who knows he is dying." 22 words becomes 11. Izvilvin: "The desert sun was unkind to the Drow, pouring heavy heat down upon the thick white hair that topped his head." Try, "The desert sun poured heavy heat upon the thick white hair of the Drow." When you pour, you obviously pour "down." And we know that hair tops heads -- why not remove what is understood? It takes you from 21 words to 15 and removes a rather clunky mid-sentence comma.

This isn't just me subjecting you to my personal writing theory. People read and enjoy tightly crafted, precisely worded sentences. Sentences with many words are harder to read. They are unwieldy. They can be confusing. Try this the next quest you do. Every sentence you write, ask yourself, "Can I say the same thing in fewer words?" If the answer is yes, REWRITE! I promise you, your writing will be better and more accessible.
Rising Action ~ 8. I will admit you really got me going. The poisoned well, the antidote, the trip to the source of the poison, the attack...it was all well written and finely crafted. It kept my attention and got me excited. It felt perhaps a bit formulaic -- problem occurs, heroes journey to solve problem, problem caused by monster, monster defeated, problem solved -- but you threw enough kinks in the formula -- getting captured and then defeating the monsters without having to be all kickass -- that you deserve good marks.
Dialogue ~ 9. Like I said before: good job with the language barriers. But I would have liked to see more of it -- sometimes it felt like you treated the language barrier as an obstacle to the plot, not a theme to be explored. Sometimes the obstruction to your character can actually be the source of good writing.
Climax ~ 6. Eh, it felt like it came a bit too soon -- Rheawien was getting tortured, we didn't know what was going to happen, and then bam, Rava showed up. Next time try to give a little bit more build-up before releasing it all. Even with the slight spike in tension as I didn't know what Rava was going to do, it wasn't enough to make up for the loss in suspense following his arrival. The climactic echo, therefore, only served as a rising point of the falling action.
Character ~ 8. You did a good job with characters -- once again, let me mention language barriers. I would especially like to credit Letho with continuing to build Rheawien as an interesting, dynamic character with lots of different aspects to her persona, and Izvilvin has an interesting sense of innocence about him that gives a decided depth to his character. One thing, though...the Phoenix. While it is understandable that an imminently wise being would be able to see into you, it is like an extremely good weapon in a single-player RPG -- sometimes you don't want to use it because it makes the game so easy it isn't fun anymore. The Phoenix so quickly sees that Rheawien is "White," that the reader isn't permitted to judge the character on the merits of her actions. We are immediately prejudiced into viewing the character one way, and may fail, as a result, to see the diversity of interpretations in a character's actions. Just because it's permitted -- I'm not saying the Phoenix is powergaming -- doesn't mean it necessarily helps your writing. Keep your readers in the dark sometimes...using wise characters to reveal too much is dangerous business.
Conclusion ~ 7. It may have been a bit too fast. You know what I mean.
Wild Card ~ 8.This was a great quest with only a few flaws. Be proud of it.

TOTAL ~ 77.

This score is just shy of the 80 required for the automatic requirement that it be recommended for a Judge's Choice. However, because of a few elements within it that I feel are worthy enough to merit reading by the general public, I am going to recommend that this quest be considered for the reward anyway. Congratulate yourselves: you did a great job.

EXP Rewards

Rheawien gains 3477 EXP
Izvilvin gains 2681 EXP

GP Rewards

Izvilvin, as a reward from Jya for delivering her antidote and saving Suravani's Oasis, receives 1250 gold.

Jya was also impressed with Rheawien's bravery, so she rewards her with a smaller stipend: 500 gold.

OTHER SPOILS

Rheawien's spoil is approved. Reprinted here with some minor edits, and one major edit in red. This familiar/ability is approved temporarily as written, and may be used as the author wishes. At Rheawien's level 5 profile, she will need to post an update in order to make this approval permanent.

Phoenix – Rheawien was given a Phoenix feather which enables her to summon her familiar whenever she desires. The Phoenix is currently unnamed, although when it contacts Rheawien through her dreams it is represented by Yves, a warrior woman. The Phoenix is about twenty feet long and fifteen feet high, with a wing span of about twenty five feet. Currently it has only one ability.

Restoration – Phoenix can use this ability on either herself, Rheawien or on someone Rheawien picks. When used, the injured/dead person will recover with all their wounds healed, although quite sore in the healed areas. Currently, this is usable once per battle or once a day in a quest.

[Zieg dil' Tulfried]

EXP and GP added! Izvilvin leveled up! Rheawien leveled up!