This was a different kind of solo quest than most. The vast majority of solo quests are meant to be single character stories. Ideally, they involve important character growth and life lessons learned that would somehow be diminished should there be another PC in the thread. However, this was a solo for a different reason, primarily that it made little sense for there to be another character in this prologue. As such, I have limited comments about solo questing as an art apart from regular quests, simply because this isn’t the norm for how solo quests are done.

Total Score= 54! Not bad! Don’t be discouraged that this was a lower score than the Cell. Solo quests are a completely different animal.

Introduction – 5 While I appreciate this introduction depicted a great event for your character, I felt it could have been strengthened in two key ways. First, keep in mind that your reader is uninitiated to the Kokopeli and the traditions of your character. You need to make sure that you provide enough backstory that people don’t feel completely lost. Second, while you made it clear this was going to be a big event for your character, it didn’t exactly tease excitement. Perhaps if you had used the earlier part of the thread to make Jada seem more interesting, I would have been a bit more excited to see her go on an adventure of personal growth. An introduction is a very difficult post to make, because of all the things it needs to convey, try to use demonstrative narratives in the introductory post.

Setting – 6 I did appreciate how there was interaction between your character’s perceptions and the strategy. However, this device was not used to tell me as much about the culture as I would have liked. Given what a distinct group of people the Kokopeli are, you need to incorporate that into threads to make this category stand out.

Strategy – 2/5 This entire thread was more of an introduction to future adventures than it was an adventure in itself. As such, I can’t really expect much from strategy since Jada didn’t really solve any problems. As such, I have halved the category. I am giving you some score, because I feel there were more opportunities to bring in problem solving techniques than you made use of. The points you get are primarily for everything making sense and being put together fairly well.

Dialogue – 6 I like the fact that you make Jada’s dialogue a bit unique from other character’s. That is something you need to do. Keep in mind though that speech patterns vary in other ways than just syntax.

Character – 7 Jada is a very distinct character. You play him consistently and well. He is, in many regards, a more gimmicky character than most, because his Kokopelli ancestry makes him quite different from the average Althanian. I feel that you should make sure that in future threads you work both on emphasizing his distinctiveness as a member of this tribe, but also make it clear that Jada is an individual in his own right as well.

Rising Action – 5 This was a bit slow moving, but in general I didn’t find it dull. I think part of the reason this score isn’t that high is because this prologue had limited backstory and no real hook into it.

Climax – 0/0 This thread had no climax, nor did I feel you intended to provide one. Points shifted to conclusion.

Conclusion – 7/20 I really felt there was nothing to this conclusion. I know this was a prologue, and therefore is meant to be a ‘to be continued’ but you can still do better. The end of a set of events does not constitute a conclusion. A good conclusion provides a sense of closure and makes the reader feel as if he/she has gained something significant from reading this thread. In a prologue, the conclusion has the additional task of getting the reader to look out for your next story.

In general, a good way about bringing a sense of closure is to explain how the event fit in with the grand scheme of things. Another good way is to quickly recap the character’s feelings and sum up what he/she learned from the thread. Foreshadowing can also be an excellent technique here, especially for a prologue.

Writing Style – 7 It was clear, relatively brief and often to the point. I would have liked to see a bit more used in terms of devices, but am generally pleased by the way that you manage to cram a lot of details into a small amount of space.

Wild Card – 9/15 All in all, there are a lot of positives you can take from this. As a stand alone solo quest, my expectations would have been a bit different, but as a prologue, it does provide you with a solid base. I hope the comments here are a help to you, but feel free to comment if you have any others.

Spoils=

Abernaki receives 465 EXP

Generally, I give some gold with every completed thread if no other spoil is requested. However, in your case, I wasn’t sure if added gold would wreck your storyline. If you want some gold, please PM me within two days and I will be glad to add the deserved amount to the spoils.