Tean Registration: Tveir Valka Seula

[TwinDeath]

Xaul struggled through the waves of insanity that washed over him, surfacing more and more often. His voice fluctuated and faded in and out as he spoke, waging a war within his own mind. “Ohhhh, that’s rich. Goal power armor shield sword!” He dodged out of the paths of the knives that Epsilon had summoned, his roll taking him straight into the path of the cryokinetic blast. The energy caught Xaul right in the cheat, knocking him to the ground. A harsh laugh escaped his lips, turning into a wracking cough as Xaul clawed his way to sanity. The Kounnar faded slightly, but the hellish glow of Xaul’s tattoos could still be seen through the ice encasing him.

“St-stop me, shiny…” Xaul’s whisper carried, his voice almost normal. “You… see... myabilties. SeewhatI… can do.” His words were stilted, changing pace and volume randomly as Xaul fought down his bloodlust. “Talk… medown. Hurt me… Throwme… an… anchor. Somethingto use as a… focus.” Having said his piece, Xaul stopped trying to hold himself back, gathering his strength to shut down the Kounnar cold, without any blood sacrifice to sate Resheph.

A whoop of glee burst from Xaul as he slid back into his Kounnar, the insane Xaul once again in full control. He threw himself against the ice, and loud sharp cracks issued from the frigid cage. “We used to be so close, shiny funny man.” Xaul’s voice was once again tainted and evil, Resheph’s influence taking its toll. “But now, but now you push me away. You’ve become so cold, so frigid…” Xaul flexed his body once more, shattering the ice. “Und merke bald ich bin schon lange kalt,” he chuckled, standing slowly. The words came from Resheph, but they described Xaul quite well.

[Exspherius]

Epsilon gritted his teeth as the energy blast stuck Xaul in the chest. He would have to end this quickly. If the man rampaged much longer, the Esper knew that he would be hard-pressed to hold him of as before. Xaul's thoughts were growing more and more chaotic as he struggled against the ice that sheathed his limbs and torso. Resheph's influence was growing stronger. It seemed that Xaul had realized the same. Epsilon watched as Resheph was forced briefly back down and Xaul struggled to speak normally. The demon-god fought the crimson restraints, blurring Xaul's speech as he called for Epsilon's help.

Epsilon drew up his powers as Resheph broke out of the temporary restrictions and the tattoos blazed again. The Esper thought quickly as Xaul thrashed, cracking the ice around him. I'll have to restrain him again if I'm to have a hope of calming him. So Epsilon threw his own strength behind Xaul's final efforts to shatter the icy bonds, and as Xaul dragged himself to his feet, the Esper gripped his arms in telekinetic fists and hoisted him into the air.

"Xaul. Listen to me, Xaul." Epsilon kept his voice calm and steady as he stared directly into his opponent's bloodlust-crazed eyes. "Look at me, Xaul." He seized the man's head with another psionic grip, forcing eye contact. Or what amounted to it, since the only feature Epsilon's face possessed was the black sigil that represented his name. "Fight it down, Xaul. You have the strength. Focus on my mask, Xaul, and force it down. You don't have to succumb. Fight it, Xaul." He kept up a quiet, calming litany, trying to bring his pseudo-friend back from the brink.

[TwinDeath]

Xaul left the earth, giggling and laughing like a schoolgirl. "Wheeeee! Fly! Way up high in the sk-" Just then, Epsilon seized Xaul's head and wrenched it down, forcing Xaul to look directly at the man's mask. "Xaul." The esper's voice was low and calm, somehow piercing the fog of lunacy that gripped Xaul. "Look at me, Xaul."

It was hard not to. The symbol on the other's mask seemed to grow, filling Xaul's vision as his healthy self, his pure self, clutched at it. He was drowning, this inner Xaul, drowning in the vast madness-flooded plain that was Xaul's mind. The purity of the sigil was a breath of fresh air amidst the pressing stench of the Kounnar. The words of Epsilon floated through the air, bringing a cool breeze of balance, of order. Deep inside his mind, Xaul inhaled, and smiled.

He stepped forward, the inner Xaul, coming up behind his other self. This Xaul was bent double with laughter, and attached to each of his limbs was a long black-and-red cord that lead to...

"Resheph," said the sane Xaul. "Not now, not to Epsilon. You'll have plenty of blood later, Resheph. Plenty of lives to claim. For now, wait."

The crazed Xaul's head snapped up, his face and mouth stained with the blood of the hundreds that Xaul had killed. The strands connecting him to the stained cage that held Resheph jerked once, and the tainted Xaul held back, waiting on its master. Why should I, little Xaul? Puny Xaul? whay should I stop, when you can't make me?

"Because we need him. Because you need me, and you have to let me take full control again sometime. Do you want me to leave? To run, to hide myself away and never again be seen by anyone? End this, Resheph, or you shall never again have a single soul given up to you." Xaul's words were quiet, his manner calm as he moved towards the tainted one. the creture growled threateningly, shuffling away as Xaul drew a mind-blade, a dream sword. "This is my head, Resheph, not your playground. End this."

Make me. Do you hear that, Little Xaul? MAKE ME!

Xaul sighed, a single word dropping from his lips. "Fine." He surged forward, his blade tearing through the puppet-strings that held the tainted Xaul. Kicking his monstrous self to the ground and placing a boot on his throat, Xaul hurled the mind blade at the cage, at Resheph. The sword twisted in midair, fusing itself into chains that wrapped around the cage. Screaming, Resheph withdrew, pulling himself back and removing his influence.

I won't forget this, boy. And I never forgive.

"Neither do I, Resheph. You taught me that. But I am the master of my body, for now. Remember that." The inner Xaul, the mind Xaul faded away, moving his focus to the outside world, and regaining control of his corporeal body. He looked at Epsilon and nodded as well as he could. "I'm back, Epsilon. Let me down, we're done here." Xaul smiled sadly, pretending he could not hear Resheph's final retort.

For now, Xaul. Who knows what the future holds.

[Exspherius]

Epsilon kept his eyes locked invisibly with Xaul's as the man fought his demon down. His eyes looked deeper than the eyes, into Xaul's head and the battle raging in the man's psyche. Epsilon watched as Xaul argued with a Resheph-twisted version of himself. He watched as the pair fought for dominance, and watched as the sane Xaul overthrew his tenant. For the first time, the demon-god's voice was audible to the Esper, and he began to understand the depth of the burden his friend was carrying. As the mind blade's chains bound Resheph again, Epsilon stepped out of Xaul's mind and saw the bloody tattoos fade to grey on the dusky skin.

"I'm back, Epsilon. Let me down, we're done here." The man smiled softly, almost regretfully as Epsilon released his friend and lowered him gently back to earth. At the same time, the Esper dispelled his psionic armor and retracted Coercion before clicking it back into it's holster. He sighed to himself, berating his decision to force this combat. Nevertheless, it was worth it for the both of them to learn that much about the other.

"We should leave this place." the Esper said. "And find someone to heal you. My powers do not extend in that direction. And, if we are to be allies in this Tournament, I think there is much that needs to be discussed. Starting," he said, as the pair began walking towards the ruins and the portals therein, "with how in the Allsoul's name you became the way you are..."

When they later entered the Tournament of Champions, their team was known as Tveir Valka Seula. A pair of men, cast aside by their respective worlds, just trying to live their lives as best as they could.

Just Two Wandering Souls.

[Tristam]

Judging

Good day. I’ve read over your entry and on the whole I enjoyed it. Below is my score, some of the logic behind it, and some comments for future improvement of your writing. For the record, while I have read and commented on the entire thread, the judgment reflects only the first 2000 words which is roughly the first two posts.

Story: 3.75/5

From this brief sample I got a very clear impression of the back story and personalities of the characters. You gave clear reasons as to why these two noticed each other among the many in the garden. The setting was only thinly described but you both made good use of what was there. It was a little difficult at times to picture the action especially during the scene with the jumping off pillars and going limp. Both of you had a good sense of pacing and managed to ramp the action up and back smoothly.

Character: 4/5

Talking to yourself is one of trickiest things for me as a writer so I had to tip my hat to the interplay between Xaul, and Resheph. All three had a distinct voice and for such a small sample each was showcased well. The Esper as an eavesdropper and internal critic to all that was icing on the cake. The action scenes were solid if a little difficult to follow at times. Mad rage versus graceful precision makes a good contrast of styles. Even considering that Xaul was weak against such powers, the esper seemed a little too untouchable to me. I would have liked to have seen Xaul get in at least one good shot.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

On the whole, it was a solid bit of writing. On the technical front, you both use complex sentences. That leads to many commas where you don’t need them and several missing commas where they were needed. Spelling was good as was word choice.

I liked the twisting of well known phrases like “That star on the right, Xaul. Straight past it and on to cause mourning.” Phrases in a foreign language without an eventual translation is a pet peeve of mine. I would avoid those in future as it fights clarity in the narrative. Still, knowing it was not crucial to understanding what was going on so that is a minor point.

Total: 11.25/15