69: Sex is only implied, unless you’re a furry, in which case it is disgusting.
Also yes. Damn furries. >.>
69: Sex is only implied, unless you’re a furry, in which case it is disgusting.
Also yes. Damn furries. >.>
Retired Administrator
Elijah Belov, "Everything else is just a chef!"
Bitterwood -- Red-Stained Night
Still, I demand catgirls, and therefore also bunnygirls are fair game.
>_>
What? Don't you judge me~
Real men dual-wield shotguns.
There is a definite line between writing fantasy, and writing your fantasies.
Point there.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to. xD
Real men dual-wield shotguns.
Guilty.Originally Posted by Shadowed
Was it planned that the sex rule is number 69?
The 101 Prequels to the 101 Sequels to the 101 Sequels to the 101 Rules to Fantasy Writing, Part IV: NOT TOLKIEN!?
1: When unable to think of a new character name, take the name of an existing character and transpose random letters.
2: Similes and metaphors can add a thousand new layers of texture and meaning to your writing.
3: You should therefore pick two you like, and use them in every sentence you write from now on.
4: The bad guys will always have the cooler magic.
5: They'll also have the better weaponry.
6: Unfortunately, they'll also lack any kind of training or ability to think logically, and will thus fall before your advance like adolescent males before a costumed playmate.
7: Learn as many different fighting styles as possible, so that you can feel superior by ignoring all of them.
8: Dragons.
9: There is no need to reference any of your hero’s skills until the time when they are needed to overcome an obstacle.
10: Unless you are J.K. Rowling, in which case you may reference any obscure point within the last six books to justify your hero’s actions.
11: Don’t be J.K. Rowling.
12: You are only allowed to write your epic in a coffee shop, where everyone can see your genius at work.
13: When facing writers block, recycle a biblical story. Not like anyone’s read the bible to know.
14: Jesuslion.
15: All torture sessions involving the hero and the villain must be thinly veiled bondage fantasies.
16: Plots come in two types: completely bald or so intricate a flowchart must be provided.
17: No one will ever see it coming when the death of your character turns out to be a terrible dream.
18: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good fireball at your side.
19: Every hero is capable of predicting the actions of his enemy in a fight, unless the enemy is a: his father, b: his trusted friend turned traitor.
20: The longer the paragraph, the more epic it is.
21: Science Fiction is fantasy for the kids that weren’t even cool enough to roll with the Dungeons and Dragons crowd.
22: The phrase "military intelligence" is a contradiction in terms. For this reason, the enemy army will ALWAYS be surprised by the most simple of flanking tactics.
23: Likewise, they will not see the ten thousand soldiers marching up behind them while invading a city.
24: Your audience will never grow tired of your hero escaping impossible odds every six pages.
25: Always remember: Burn down the VILLAGE, carry off the WENCHES. Not the other way round.
26: Pirate wenches have the best booty.
27: The only good mage is an Archmage. Make sure your mage becomes one as soon as possible.
28: Likewise, the only good enemy is an Arch Enemy. Make sure your hero gets one as soon as possible.
29: Dark Lords should be defeated, but never killed. This leaves the door open for a new trilogy.
30: If they are killed, they should have a son or ambitious right hand man to succeed them.
31: When all possible sequels have been exhausted, it’s time to unveil the poorly-thought out prequel.
32: There is no storyline more original than a man seeking to avenge is father.
33: There are only two plot elements needed for a successful fantasy storyline: Revenge, and Revenge.
34: If one of your characters is not the Last Scion of a Dying Race, he must be the Firstborn Son of a New People.
35: No party is complete unless two or more of your companions utterly despise each other at the beginning of the story.
36: No matter how many enemies surround the hero, only one enemy is allowed to strike at a time.
37: No matter how far underground/within a mountain you are, it will always be light enough to see.
38: You should split up to find a way through the catacombs.
39: FanFics are not, and never will be, fantasy.
40: If your mage is not epic enough, make it half-dragon.
41: The more evil you are, the less you like sunlight.
42: Ironically, the more evil you are, the more you like fire.
43: If all else fails, copy Lord of the Rings.
44: You still are not J.R.R. Tolkien, so don’t fail.
45: If you fail at not failing, chant Dragonforce lyrics while having someone lash you with a whip made of leather and LOTR replica swords, then try again.
46: The more memorabilia you own, the better a writer you are.
47: The more you refer to the film versions of fantasy novels, the more you fail as a writer.
48: However, the more you borrow their fight choreography, the larger your readership will be.
101: Leave huge portions of your manuscript out, so that you can release it in small portions at full price and make more money.
Appendices:
Last edited by Shadowed; 01-05-09 at 05:26 PM.
It is as my master taught me:
Kill it with fire.
Last edited by Atle; 01-05-09 at 05:38 PM.
Balance in all things.
13: When facing writers block, recycle a biblical story. Not like anyone’s read the bible to know.
14: Jesuslion.
~Amazing
22: The phrase "military intelligence" is a contradiction in terms. For this reason, the enemy army will ALWAYS be surprised by the most simple of flanking tactics.
~And very true! haha, first hand experience speaking here!
49. If you own swords in real life, that doesn't mean you know how to use them. That also doesn't mean your character knows how to use them just because you have one.
-_-
hahaha
wow... dragons get their own separate line of just "dragon" 11 times in all that.. perhaps i should put more dragons in my stories...101 Rules to Fantasy Writing
23: Dragons.
47: Dragons.
74: Dragons.
89: Dragons.
The 101 Sequels to the 101 Rules to Fantasy Writing, Part II: Dragons!?
14: Dragons.
47: Dragons.
76: Dragons.
100: Dragons.
The 101 Sequels to the 101 Sequels to the 101 Rules to Fantasy Writing, Part III: WIZARDS!?
29: Dragons.
60: Dragons.
The 101 Prequels to the 101 Sequels to the 101 Sequels to the 101 Rules to Fantasy Writing, Part IV: NOT TOLKIEN!?
8: Dragons.
awesome stuff guys, this was a really neat read
11: Elves are better at everything. Always.
I love you. I really do.
20: When describing colors, cycle through every word in the thesaurus, so matter how out of place it sounds.
What about if you have mild OCD and literally twitch at the repitition of adjectives? I know I do.
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