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Thread: New Blood Bracket: Duffy Bracken vs. Wings of Endymon

  1. #11
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    Duffy's Avatar

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    The crack of wood on Duffy’s head was not a tantamount highlight of his career, certainly, he’d been so wrapped up in enticing her to play a game or two he’d not seen the swing and was suddenly, most definitely feeling the consequences of his ignorance. He leapt back and rubbed his injury, instinctively checking his fingers for signs of blood, pus or worse. You couldn’t trust a weapon to be just a plain old weapon these days, too much ‘magic’ about.

    “What in the blazes did’ a do that for?” His natural reflexes took over for a moment, and his hand raises and tenses, the tell tale signs that it was going to let lose a spray of the liquid propellant that gave his Tinder Gear, and many of his performances that extra edge. “I was hoping you’d indulge me, but something tells good old Duffy that there’s more to you than meets your somewhat superfluous eyes -” satisfied that his injury was merely bashful, and not blood soaked, the troupe master glanced a look at the solitary coin on the floor that would’ve served as his proverbial centre point. “You want these coins? You want to leave? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just leap clean from this rooftop now and leave you to find your own way home, huh, huh? How d’you like those Reddens!” (A local form of apple).

    He had been so certain that it was his opponent he’d let himself slip, in a bid to avoid a direct confrontation with a better armed opponent, and no doubt armoured, the lanky and sprightly youth had tried to wager if she was as elegant, talented and as exotic as the women of the far away east were supposed, in the few legends, songs and fables he knew. She was turning out to be more temptress and liar, than tiara and flame. Was the letter a plant? A misdemeanour? He produces it to her, “So - this is not you? Did you see anyone else from the eastern lands, a woman forged in battle who is as courtly and fair as I can be?” Scrunching it up he tosses it with an accurate wrist to her feet. “Look me in the eye and tell me you know nothing of a tournament, and I’ll cut your purse lose and let you be on your way,” he smiled and leapt onto the edge of the rooftop to tease her with the dangling leather coin bag. The alleyway behind him was too wide for even Duffy to clear the gap, so the only way was for him to go down, and lose her in the torrential movements of the crowds, moving between the central square and the markets beyond.

    “Or perhaps you can sing, or dance through flame, or take a dagger - I ask nothing more of you than the truth - is that so preposterous, for a mere ‘thief’ to ask?” This was Duffy’s final attempt at calling her bluff and culling the pretence she was hiding behind. It was her, he was sure of it, but he desperately did not want to fight her - he felt for his dagger discreetly, and squirted his right hand with the liquid, in case he needed a call to arms.

    “The truth! Nothing more, and let us be done with this - be it with a farewell and a victory, or a righteous fall!”

  2. #12
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    Wings of Endymion's Avatar

    Name
    Kayu "Elerrina" Kanamai
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    Her emotions spiralled in a rapidly shifting kaleidoscope: from impish satisfaction at his surprised response, through mild surprise at his childish tantrum, until finally sheer incredulity at his ultimatum. For a brief instant she worried that she had hit him harder than she had meant to… but no, he didn’t seem to be injured in the slightest.

    Slowly, without taking her eyes from his presence, Yuka reached down with her free hand to nab the parchment before it was carried away across the labyrinthine rooftops by the fickle sea breeze. Half expecting him to assault her while she was otherwise preoccupied, she quickly skimmed through the elegantly gilt calligraphy; then, when she realised that he was giving her a few precious moments to concentrate, she read it again more thoroughly.

    At length, she looked up once more to meet his angry gaze. Her response was a delicately soft sigh, lost amidst the breathy air like a gentle whisper in a howling maelstrom.

    “I don’t blame you for this misunderstanding,” Yuka spoke slowly, so as not to antagonise the troupe master further. Her dark brown eyes bore deeply into his, fixating him with her sincerity. “In fact, for all I know, this document really does point to me as your… your opponent.”

    She rolled the parchment tightly and reaffixed the broken seal before tossing it back to his feet, where it quivered in the wind like a frightened beast caught between two hungry predators.

    “But I promise you, I don’t know anything about this Magus Cup.” The young woman accentuated every word deliberately, hammering the point home. The wind caught her shoulder-length hair and whipped it about her pale face like a dark veil, but she didn’t flinch an inch. “Only yesterday, I was fighting for my life in a martial tournament set in what I think was an alternate dimension. I don’t know how I got sent back here, or why, but I’ve had enough of violent confrontation for now.”

    Not to mention, I don’t know why I’m here rather than in Haidia… and why I’ve lost so much of my powers… she added in her thoughts, but she was wiser than to speak out loud.

    Yuka paused to gauge his reaction. Then she sighed again, this time solemn and resigned to the setback.

    “Keep the money if you want,” she bid him, spinning away in a swirl of cloak and stirred dust. The tiles beneath her feet creaked with every movement, warning her that they weren’t meant to stand up to heavy abuse for long. “It’s not something that’s worth fighting over. If all comes to worst, I’ll just stow aboard the ferry or something.”

    With a nonchalant air that did not quite conceal the fact that she was paying close attention to his every movement, she began to retrace her steps towards the belfry.
    -Level 5-

    One with the sea as she is one with the wind
    She stands listening to the rhythm of the world around her
    Forever torn between two worlds
    She cannot choose
    Demon of the sea, angel of the sky

  3. #13
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    Duffy's Avatar

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    Duffy
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    “You…” She…really doesn’t know, d’she? In his puzzlement, Duffy finished the rhetorical question in his mind, his doubt cutting his words short, snapping them back through the air into his lungs. There were times in his live that he wondered, was the world simply a place that he didn’t understand, or was he working on a completely different semantic level, living above the means of others, the minds of others, the loves and sins of others.

    “You really don’t know anything about it, do you? That letter, t’notes, either this is a coincidence, and Fate has brought us together to unify our lives on the stage, or Destiny is playing a sick n’ twisted game of role reversal…which leaves me to beg the question, ‘ow does a man get his thrill, and I don’t mean of the sordid low street variety, I mean the mutual exchange of talent -” god…that sounded sordid.

    Two days prior flashed before his eyes. He was sat at the edge of the Prima Vista’s stage singing Lucian’s Aria once more, it was about the only song he could truly, truly sing. Pete waddled upstairs with his goofy, toothy little grin and passed him a slip of paper, the same slip that was now rumpled at the woman’s feet. It read as he’d previously declared, but a small fact had eluded him…Pete had said that a woman from the east had delivered it…

    A woman from the east…


    “Ha!” He leapt forwards into a roll and brought his sodden fist down onto the coin which he’d previously dropped onto the roof. The flicker of azure flame that erupted from the meeting of spark and far too hard to explain chemistry flashed Duffy’s eyes with Daemon brand. He felt bemused, and when he felt bemused, the rush of nerves that took over made him somewhat over theatrical. “I am so sorry m’lady, tit seems like I’ve been had - the letter, could you believe it,” he pulls back his free arm and traces a circle in the ash of the roof’s dusty top. “Who’d have thought, someone’s beaten me without drawing a blade, flashing a sigil through t’air and without even expending the slightest breath!”

    A competitive streak was an oddity of the persona that the young Braean was rather ashamed of. On the one hand, it took over when the battle was strong and edged him, or anyone, into a pole position, on the other, it took him to dark places of the ego and the soul that causes friction, fracture and malady. “Here,” with a flick of the wrist he tosses the coin purse back to the eastern woman and scoops up the blackened coin.

    Flipping backwards in a tumbling spiralling roll he props himself onto the ledge once more and looks down into the alleyway below. With a perfectly timed jump he might manage to slip in through the third floor window on the far side, if his memory served him well he’d end up on Jackson’s hearth - if it didn’t, it’d be old mother Syril’s under garments…and that was a place no man should ever have to go.

    “Until we meet again…” He flashes a charming grin over his shoulder before rolling and tumbling forwards. He had the strongest of inclinations that they would… With a gust of wind, two streaks of flame are left in his wake as the young lad disappears from view - gifting the coins back to the woman was but one part of his action - a mutual exchange if you will, because now, the Magus Cup could throw anything at him - he would be ready, he would be singing, he would be prepared!

    He would not forget his lines.
    Last edited by Duffy; 08-10-09 at 03:58 PM. Reason: Missed the line that said he'd left, lol.

  4. #14
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    Wings of Endymion's Avatar

    Name
    Kayu "Elerrina" Kanamai
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    She turned back just in time to snag the thrown bag of coins as it jingled through the air. The abrupt action almost cost her the footing that she had worked so hard to maintain, the slate tiles creaking ominously beneath her feet as they threatened to cast her like a sack of potatoes into the alleyway below. The young woman barely caught herself as she was about to fall, only to watch somewhat enviously a moment later as the acrobatically skilled thief literally threw himself from the rooftop.

    Yuka was glad that she had judged him correctly; the sun on the back of her head felt warm and pleasant as if congratulating her on her success.. He was a man of integrity despite his roguish ways, one who would banter – but not necessarily battle – for the sake of pleasure. However, her contentment at having retrieved her money mingled with a fresh flood of apprehension. Fleetingly, she considered the consequences of his words, and what was in store for her if she really was embroiled in another tournament… with the vast majority of her powers lost.

    Only then, reminiscing on the effect that his appearance might have on her life, did she realise that she didn’t even know his name.

    “Wait!” she called to the void left by his disappearance, the bright flare of cinder in his wake marking him as ever the performer. Her voice resounded noisily upon the brisk breeze, reminding her of how his words had carried to her from the rooftop.

    Maybe if she spoke loudly enough and before he got away, she could still find out.

    “Who are you?”
    -Level 5-

    One with the sea as she is one with the wind
    She stands listening to the rhythm of the world around her
    Forever torn between two worlds
    She cannot choose
    Demon of the sea, angel of the sky

  5. #15
    God of Bards
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    Duffy's Avatar

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    Duffy
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    Duffy stopped dead in his tracks as the woman's voice reached him, the plink of the echo turned him and he instinctively looked upwards, to the skies, and nearly blinded himself in the process.

    In the midst of the busy crowd he contemplated the various answers he could give, the little jokes that only someone from the city would understand - part of him wanted to play with her more, but he'd grown tired of trying to extract sport from her. He called up and loud, "My name m'lady, is the name each of my predecessors has taken, and that - that name is Tantalum!"

    He chuckled, it was far too busy for him to just shout his real name willy nilly - he had an identity and more crucially a past to conceal - she'd have to cross his paths again in more secretive conditions to seduce him into revealing his True Name. In Scara Brae, as an actor, as a member of any troupe, not least the Tantalum, you had to leave a little of the real you behind when you got up on the stage, Duffy took that one step further.

  6. #16
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    Wings of Endymion's Avatar

    Name
    Kayu "Elerrina" Kanamai
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    Vagaries of circumstance and distance meant that little more than a strained “… name is Tantalum!” reached her ears, even tensed as they were to pick up any possible reply. Yuka recognised it as the name of the troupe that she had picked up earlier from the crowd, rather than his name proper… unless, of course, he really was called that.

    “I’m Yuka!” she shouted back, although she knew deep inside that he was neither interested in knowing nor capable of hearing any more. Still, it was only common courtesy… wasn’t it?

    Trying to keep a smile of both bemusement and relief from flooding her features, Yuka pivoted on her heels and headed once again towards the belfry, safely tucking the pouch of coins back beneath her tunic. The road ahead was long and fraught with peril, especially if anything the troupe master had told her was true… she steeled herself against the danger and prepared to meet destiny head on.

    Like a puppet on strings, she whispered silently to the unheeding heavens above. Tantalised by something that’s always just out of reach…
    -Level 5-

    One with the sea as she is one with the wind
    She stands listening to the rhythm of the world around her
    Forever torn between two worlds
    She cannot choose
    Demon of the sea, angel of the sky

  7. #17
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    Taka
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    Duffy Bracken vs. Wings of Endymon

    Overall: I'm going to go forth and tell you guys I appreciate the story you put together. Too often can fights turn into meat head player A punches at player B mishmash that turns everything into a boring old brawl. It takes some guts to actually go against tradition, and neither of your disappointed. May we not meet in the finals, cause frankly I'd be scared and excited to fight EITHER of you.

    Lets start with Duffy, and work our way around the fight shall we?


    Onto the judging!

    Duffy Bracken

    STORY

    Continuity ~ 5/10. Continuity is the act of keep things consistent in a storyline from beginning to end. In Movies, Continuity is done in the effect of making sure things remain the same, when established. One such example, is in Star Trek, Wrath of Khan, when the Enterprise is attacked, one crewman leaves a bloody hand print on Kirk's uniform. After less than two camera angle changes, this hand print disappears enigmatically.

    What does this have to do with your thread? I don't get a sense of where Duffy has really been, and where he was going. All I see is Duffy in the here and now. Now, your score was average for this category, because once you established something with Duffy, it didn't change. To get a bit more here, I need a sense of time for Duffy.

    Setting ~ 4/10. Setting I find can't be just set then forgotten. If you are upon the roof, and its rather flimsy, I would find creaks and groans fitting, perhaps a misstep here and there. At least that was how I gathered it. The other half was the culture. People obviously were involved here, but I got no sense of Scara Braean culture here. There was nothing to suggest anything beyond the people were nameless NPC's. That's all well and good, however I need an idea that separates Scara Brae from anytown Althanas.

    Pacing ~ 7/10. Between you and Wings, you managed to keep this thread moving. Besides a hiccup here and there from reading the thread through, I couldn't honestly penalize you two for the way this thread flowed. Good job guys.

    CHARACTER

    Dialogue ~ 6/10. Dialogue was very consistent with the Thief Acrobat that ol' Duffy is. The accent while thick was not unbearable, which gives you bonus points. What hurt was that some of the dialogue in body language was not apparent. Perhaps a frown here, a concerned look there. Duffy seemed to have loads of internal dialogue, but not everyone is an expert poker player. Even a small amount of body language would have helped you scored higher. A bitten lip, a frown, a glare after being banged over the head with what amounted to a stick, any of these could have helped your score here.

    Action ~ 6/10. Your actions were rather clear, and quite theatrical. All befitting a character that is part of an acting troupe. The Body language hurt the score here as well, and in doing so, the actions of the character belied the inner turmoil that seemed brewing underneath the boisterous boy bravado.

    Persona ~ 6/10. I got a sense of Duffy's honor, I know he has people who he relies upon for advice. Ultimately what I feel is missing is more about Duffy himself. Expand upon Duffy, give me some form of context for his actions. Why is he so honorable? What keeps him on the good side of the law breakers as opposed to the darker and more sadistic side of lawlessness? You're obvious a Chaotic Neutral character type, perhaps even Chaotic Good, but what's keeping you from Chaotic Evil?

    WRITING STYLE

    Technique ~ 7/10. Alliteration helped you out here. I saw some attempts at simile and metaphor as well. What keeps you from a higher score is my largest pet peeves. Tense changes, are the bane of my existence, and I can't seem to judge a thread without several of them. Still higher points for higher efforts.

    Mechanics ~ 6/10. Missed opportunities to read over your work netted you a small smattering of selective senile flaws. In a few cases you even made wrong word usage, as I doubt Superfluous could be used to describe one's eyes. My understanding of the word is that it means unnecessary or extraneous. Perhaps you meant another word?

    Clarity ~ 5/10. Tense changes make TB angry! You won't like me when I'm angry! They also hurt flow and jumble up your words.

    MISCELLANEOUS

    Wild Card ~ 7/10. Points for the FFIX references, but I would not do more than one or two in a single thread, as they can easily get you in trouble as well.

    TOTAL ~ 59/100.


    Wings of Endymon


    STORY

    Continuity ~ 6/10. You gave me a sense for how our friend Yuka has come to find herself thrust into this tournament. Atop this, we have the situation where Yuka is obviously angry at the degradation of her skills. This seemed to fade rather fast, and I found that a little disappointing. Your slightly above average score was mainly for the fact you gave me some history, but nothing else, atop to staying almost perfectly true to story throughout the thread.

    Setting ~ 7/10. While you didn't give me the flavor of country that's necessary for a higher score, you did interact with the background more than Duffy's "set it and forget it" manner. Not that Duffy was wrong for doing so, but it would have helped his score to remind me of the tiles, and the shifting of weight on the roof.

    Pacing ~ 7/10. Your working alongside Duffy in this matter means you both scored rather high here. Unfortunately its harder to detract one from the other in this case, as both combatants contribute equally to this problem.

    CHARACTER

    Dialogue ~ 7/10. Dialogue was spot on what you gave of me. Also the non-verbal dialogue told much of the story. What detracted here was the air of royalty I got about Yuka. Nothing concrete was said, yet I felt the words far too casual for someone who was acting as noble as she was. It detracted from your dialogue giving you problems later one.

    Action ~ 6/10. There was actions and they were largely in character. They just at times seemed glossed over. this is what made it difficult for me to knwo how you got up there, as I had to reread through once or twice to figure out when it occurred. This hurt the action score with the subtlety. Especially considering you two were standing on two separate buildings. Perhaps a nod to a jump or clamoring over a railing could have helped in this case.

    Persona ~ 7/10. I got a very regal feel from Yuka. This was somewhat hindered by the fact that you showed me no sign of why this is so. I got a bit of the feel that she is rather practical, but no explanation. Other than "she trained in am academy of sorts for some time" I got no feeling for who or what Yuka was. Why travel to Haidia? What was there?

    WRITING STYLE

    Technique ~ 7/10. High points for well written and carried out. While not flashy it is a decently written prose that doesn't leave me feeling dirty or bored after reading.

    Mechanics ~ 6/10. Your mechanics however took a bit of a plunge. From what I read, and have seen of you you are usually better than this. I feel you merely missed a few of these mistakes. Add in the few awkward phrases such as "Snobbish Elitist" that adds a bit of redundancy and you have an above average score, that needs only a bit of spit polish to really shine and be a perfect ten.

    Clarity ~ 6/10. Clarity was hurt by the few awkward phrases and conundrums that I had to reread to understand. As was once pointed out to me, you shouldn't need to have things re-explained, it should be over and done with, the writing speaking for itself. That hurt your score here a little.

    MISCELLANEOUS

    Wild Card ~ 7/10. Good writing makes this all the sweeter. You are a joy to read, and I feel you definitely are a respectable writer that others should learn from.

    TOTAL ~ 66/100.

    Wings of Endymon advances!

    Wings of Endymon receives 550 EXP and 200 Gold!

    Duffy Bracken receives 165 EXP and 200 Gold!

    Any EXP rewards given are based off of the battle equation. Any questions regarding what was said can be addressed to me via PM or AIM SethDahlios.
    How something is said, is just as important as what is said. -Anonymous

  8. #18
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    Tainted Bushido's Avatar

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    Taka
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    EXP and GP added!
    How something is said, is just as important as what is said. -Anonymous

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