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Thread: Veteran Bracket R2: Taskmeinster vs. Sumner

  1. #11
    Iwishlifehadcheatcodes
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    Taskmienster's Avatar

    Name
    Einar Fenrisson
    Age
    30
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    Human
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    The edge of the dagger slashed the man’s cheek. The gash opened so quickly, so cleanly, that the blood in his face had to catch up. It blossomed and dripped, and through the exposed gap I thought I could see teeth. They were clenched, a sure sign of anger and determination, with a slight aftertaste of malice and disgust. My plastered grin grew larger, and for a moment I was offering a genuine smile. Sadistic? I could not tell. Had my lackluster respect for the pixilated environment around me, for the basics of the game itself, grown even smaller and I saw killing and blood as fun? Would this affect me in real life, would I have a desensitized outlook on real life? Didn’t I already?

    The questions raged, the battle faltered and slowed. The man was growing rapidly towards his death; the blood from the exposed vessels would flow far faster than the body would heal. I knew it would be moments before the loss of blood would cause him to waver; the wake would grow smaller as he moved, and eventually he would be swallowed by the solemn sea.

    Perhaps the loss of so much blood had already gotten to his head when he reached out for my collar, the only good hand he had left attempting to hold my fur lined collar in its grip. His attempt at grasping me was a move of desperation. He wanted to see my blood, wanted to know that he had not been a silly child who had done nothing more than entered a tournament far above his meager status. He was reaching for the unattainable. In the Magus Cup, and Althanas as far as I could tell, I was not just another person. I was a god in the making.

    The lunge was well timed, well aimed, had a ferocity behind it, but it was all for naught. I let his hand grow closer and closer, watched as the open palm filled my vision. Slowly the fingertips were visible before my eyes, and yet I did not move. It was not until he was within an inch of me that I finally acted, and in doing so used a simple tactic that I had long since learned.

    Silent, still, the world around me stopped. Threads of time were pulled from the coding that created Althanas, threads that kept it moving forward always. I only had to think about their creation, what code created them, and which ones to pull to leave me alone in complete serenity. The speed of thought was, and always would be, faster than any person could move. As soon as the hacking of Althanas’ sense of time happened, I felt alone and empty. It always felt that way. But I only had a couple seconds to use, and would spare none of it waiting for the code to disperse and the hand to hold on tight.

    I shifted my weight and pushed off the balls of my feet, jolting out of the water and to the side of the man who tried to hold onto someone that he could never touch. The water’s resistance offset my strength, spurring me only a mere three feet to my left, but plenty to alleviate the unwanted proximity of my soon-to-be-dead opponent. I landed, felt the weaves of coding slowly return to their place, and turned as they did.

    Both hands shot forward, two daggers released and aimed for killing blows. My opponents silhouette was shallow and would have been a difficult target to strike at distance, but with only three feet between us the blades were perfectly on target. One lunged for the side of his throat, the other for dead center in his ribcage. It would not matter if either struck, with so much blood loss the battle would draw to a close anyway. Even if I did not score a bullseye with either, I would be left with the collateral damage of my previous attacks, which was plenty to slow and stop the man.


    Out of Character:
    ((Since we're so close to finishing anyway, I'd like if we could have at least another little bit to get it done. Nobody else is this close, so I'm not sure if it's cool or not. But I figure we could get this done and out of the way by tomorrow, if not right now. If that's possible, thanks. If not, I understand.))

  2. #12
    Member
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    Tainted Bushido's Avatar

    Name
    Taka
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    Akashiman (Human)
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    So you know, I can't in good conscience allow you guys the extra time. I will however give you the option guys of finishing it outside the tournament. Let me know via PM. What I can do is have a judge give a rough skeleton for the purpose of determining winner, and then let you guys continue before having it judged for experience.
    How something is said, is just as important as what is said. -Anonymous

  3. #13
    God of Bards
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    Duffy's Avatar

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    Duffy
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    Okay. Her we are. I’ve read this multiple times and it was a very hard thing to judge considering it fades off due to lack of time, so here goes: exciting to read, I have to add, well done to whomsoever wins! Scores are left for Sumner, right for Task.

    Setting: 6/5

    Neither of you excelled here, beyond setting generic weather and conjuring a water filled void. Sumnner gained a slight advantage by using the Spartan surroundings both to his advantage, and to his credit.

    Pacing: 5/5

    Nothing great, nothing bad, ambled along nicely and you kept each other dragging into the next post. I would have very much liked to have seen this continue but given time constraints it’s a shame.

    Continuity: 4/5

    Sumnner, a few parts in your posts really astounded me, well written and used good technique. But you didn’t act on them or went from an aggressive entity to a weaker force, if you acted on the emotions and ‘illusions’ your character sees, however small you do so, you’d have pulled ahead here and shown development in the thread beyond movements.

    Dialogue: 5/4

    I understand that your character is actually a current, present, real world individual Task, but even so, there should be more of an attempt to disguise that fact. Perhaps if personal thoughts or your personal narrative reflected his otherworldly nature, the player of the game, and your actual in game speech reflected the character itself, you’d have gotten a better score here. Sumnner’s speech was good, but didn’t shine outside of his descriptive potential.

    Action: 8/6

    Both of you have a good grasp of action, what it is and how to use it to keep people reading. It is dynamic and well written from both of you. I don’t think Task pulled it off as well with his approach, although it is very well written and you know damned well what you’re doing, the action is calculated and not involving enough, even if it is above average as it stands. I found the comments from your character more interesting than the movements and attacks he was making, I especially liked the dice rolling end to one of your posts.

    Persona: 6/5

    I got a sense of both your characters but beyond their general grievances, there’s not much of their identity beyond their frustration. Both of you gave some information at the start, Summner’s post was obscure, but so is his character, and Task showed some ‘out of scope’ history that worked well in the post as a whole. I’m at a loss as to what to suggest for you to improve your character’s presence on the page, although I know it’s difficult regardless in battles. Get back to me on that.

    Mechanics: 6/6

    Sumnner suffered from some clumsy comma use (the irony in me saying this I know!) Task, wherever it’s your style or not the perspective doesn’t pull itself off with the adjectives and fighting style you use. Both of you are well typed and spoken however.

    Technique: 6/6

    Same here. Both of you are competent writers but neither player shone above the other. I’d like to see more of the technical speak and the dual turmoil between Task’s real world character and his in game avatar. I’ve seen some excellent use of that gambit in other writing of yours, why not keep that awesome momentum, no matter what’s happening? Heck, have your character talk to himself as if he’s sat at a pc, describe Althanas through his eyes looking at a screen, really use this ingenious character perspective more than you have been doing. Essentially, both of you could make use of rhymic patterning, Sumnner especially, assonance would be a very simple trick to built up the serpent/eel persona, and Task could try two different perspectives, as above.

    Clarity: 5/6

    Due to the slight issues with pacing and the fact that both of your characters have introverted descriptions and approaches, it wasn’t perfectly clear, but held itself enough to be readable. Task was definitely the more clear here.

    Wild Card: 6/7

    Task pulls ahead for the endings of his posts, which added flair and a hint of awesome sauce, would’ve been higher, where it not for my epic dislike of eels and other worlders (I’m joking.)

    Total Score: 57/55

    Sumnner, by a horse’s hair, progresses to the next round!

    ---

    Sumnner receives 1575 xp and 225 gold.

    Task receives 450 xp and 125 gold.

  4. #14
    Iwishlifehadcheatcodes
    EXP: 23,421, Level: 6
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    Taskmienster's Avatar

    Name
    Einar Fenrisson
    Age
    30
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown, buzz cut mohawk
    Eye Color
    hazel
    Build
    6'2" / 315
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    Exp and GP added.

    Sorry, I missed it and didn't remember to come back to it.

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