Finals: Wings of Endymion v. Bloodrose

[Bloodrose]

Teric's eyes narrowed into wary slits as he locked gazes with the newcomer, both men sizing one another up in an attempt to determine who exactly held an advantage. With the appearance of this strange man from the Haidian portal - essentially flanking Teric and placing individuals with goals contrary to his own on either side - the advantage shifted to their side; if only ever so slightly. The man in the Akashiman-styled garb seemed confident enough for one who was apparently unarmed and unarmored, but confidence would only carry him so far if the situation came to blows.

And confidence can't ward off razor-sharp mythril... The mercenary reassured himself.

"You'll forgive me if I don't just take you at your word." Teric replied, but the way he intoned the nicety implied that he would be forgiven, rather than ask for forgiveness. The stranger, this Thomas, already had another upper-hand over the mercenary - in that he knew who Teric was while Teric did not know him - and so the veteran wasn't about to give ground in a game of words.

"Of course." Thomas bowed ever so slightly, dipping his head acquiescingly. He motioned towards the wax-sealed scroll and waited.

Hesitantly, Teric cast his gaze down to the scroll - almost as if he expected some sort of trickery. Rather than bend down to pick up the parcel, the old warrior skewered the missive on the tip of his sword and brought it up. Eyes focused back on Thomas, the veteran unceremoniously tore the ribbon from around the letter and unfolded it.

Teric: Thomas is a friend. Do not interfere. You will still be compensated.

-SG

Teric scanned the letter a couple of time, which didn't take much effort do to its brevity. Truthfully, it was impossible to determine if the letter was genuine, or really just a simple forgery. Teric knew from his own brief dabbling in the realm of forgery that it was not difficult to pen a letter and stamp it with a wax seal; any half-decent engraver with access to a sample of the seal to be forged could replicate one in a couple of hours. That said, the mercenary was inclined to accept it as the real deal. There was something very odd about this entire sensation - a sort of queasiness forming in his gut - that warned Teric there was something very peculiar going on. The lucrative yet deceptively easy contract, the Haidian portal, this mysterious Thomas fellow...

There was definitely something afoot - something over the mercenary's head - and Teric had neither the interest, nor the inclination, to find out what it was.

"I'll leave you to your business then." Teric muttered, sheathing his sword and folding the Guild letter to stow it away safely in his pocket. He backpedalled slowly away from Thomas and the girl he'd intervened to save - always wary of a trick or a trap - before finally turning and disappearing into the thick underbrush of the Concordian forest.

[Wings of Endymion]

Yuka watched Teric leave with a curious mixture of relief and awe, admiring his unyielding composure even in withdrawal. She was vaguely aware of Thomas bowing solemnly in Teric’s wake, expressing his own respect for a veteran fighter that he clearly admired.

Only after the mercenary had left did she feel her knees give way beneath her. The strain and stress of the past few moments, no matter how blindingly fast they seemed to have passed before her eyes, finally grew too much for her mind to handle. Her body felt numb and her mind was singularly unable to control the limp sag of her slender shoulders; she slumped to the ground between the moaning thug and the unresponsive Polecat, barely even capable of mustering a weak whimper at what had just happened.

“Now, now…”

She felt Thomas’s arms go around her comfortingly, and for a moment she felt like resisting. Then, as if a dam had been breached in her mind, something snapped… and the accumulated tears of a month’s worth of wandering and enforced fighting started to pour down her cheeks. Even if she’d wanted to stop, she knew that she wouldn’t have been able to… and for the time being she was unable to even think of anything beyond the fact that she’d finally reached safety once more. Her strangled sobs muffled themselves in the depths of Thomas’s shoulder, buried in the familiar sight and scent of an old friend… and home.

She didn’t know for how long she cried, or for how long Thomas held her, or for how long the rest of the forest remained silently watchful about them. She only knew that, at long last, she could relax again.

When finally she’d cried herself dry, she just about managed to gently push Thomas away. He grinned at her boyishly, not having to say anything at all; she managed a bleak smile in return.

“Uh... does that mean I can wake up na?”

Belatedly the two Nipponese realised that Polecat had one eye surreptitiously open and upon them, the other welted closed beneath a growing bruise of malevolent mauve. The businessman didn’t seem to know whether to be gaping at the spectacle or groaning in pain; his henchman opposite, with his badly mangled arm, showed exactly the same reaction.

Only then did Yuka realise how much of a scene she’d caused. Only then did she flush in pretty embarrassment and attempt to backpedal away.

The laughter that echoed about the clearing was slightly hysterical in nature, serving to prove one last point to them all…

They were still alive.

And that in itself was their victory.

[Bloodrose]

Two days later Teric stalked out of a suspicious looking pawn shop nestled into the shadow of the building next to it. In one hand he weighed a small bag of coins, while his other hand rested idly on the hilt at his hip. Thomas' letter had turned out to be genuine after all, and judging by the demeanor of the SG operatives, Teric got the distinct sensation that they had been all too willing to give the man whatever he wanted. Men with that kind of pull in these sorts of circles were few, and so rather than contemplate what he was going to spend his easy-earned coin on, Teric was contemplating something else entirely...

I should know this man. The grizzled mercenary was thinking, perplexed. A reputation cultivated over decades had earned Teric a lot of friends - and a smattering of enemies - in almost every mercenary outfit operating within the major continents of Althanas. Through those friends, and even through some of those enemies, Teric had established ties with many of the power players in those outfits. A lot of palms had been greased, a lot of favors granted, and a lot of blood shed over the years to establish and keep those contacts, and that only made the mystery surrounding Thomas all the more frustrating. I should know him, or at the very least have heard his name in passing.

The expression on the mercenary's face was dour, his mood ugly. Information was a powerful weapon, and it was frustrating to be without even the most basic intel. Teric was resolved to rectify that situation as soon as possible - especially when one considered that Thomas might turn out to be the sort who liked to avenge fallen lackeys or threatened friends...

I'm sure we'll meet again. The mercenary sighed finally, stowing his coins and heading off down the street. There was no guarantee of that, but Teric was hoping that the thought would help him shrug off the feeling that - having come into contact with this Thomas guy - he was marked by some entity outside the scope of his world.

[Amaril Torrun]

Shawooooosshh

Bloodrose

STORY

Continuity ~ 8

Setting ~ 4 You hardly used Teric’s surroundings throughout the thread.

Pacing ~ 9


CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 7

Action ~ 8

Persona ~ 6 There were some areas that let me know pieces of who Teric is, such as when he challenges Yuka to move along, admiring her physique at the same time. At other points, I had no clue. Add some more subtle things throughout the writing, so that your readers can get a consistent feeling of who he is.


WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 8

Mechanics ~ 8 There were minor typos, like “She girl…” instead of The girl.

Clarity ~ 9


MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 7


TOTAL ~ 74



Wings of Endymion



STORY

Continuity ~ 8

Setting ~ 5 You touched on it a little more than Bloodrose, though your writing still lacked in this category compared to the last round.

Pacing ~ 9


CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 8

Action ~ 7

Persona ~ 8


WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 7 “Yuka certainly wasn’t prepared for what happened next.” This is an odd line, detracting from the story. I know something is going to happen next, since there is more to read. If something was supposed to excite or surprise me in the near future, that line only serves to underwhelm.

Mechanics ~ 8 Minor mistakes, such as “towards” instead of toward.

Clarity ~ 9


MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 7


TOTAL ~ 76

Congratulations to Wings of Emdymion for winning the Magus Cup!

Wings earns 3438 experience, 150 gold and the winner’s spoils of the tournament.

Bloodrose earns 825 experience, 100 gold and the second place spoils.



Hit me up via Pm with any questions you may have or if you would like any further commentary.

[Taskmienster]

Wings Gains a Level!

Exp and GP added.

Will talk to Dirks about what is to be rewarded for additional rewards for coming in first and second place.