Let me start by saying this is one of the few threads where I’ve understood everything you have written, Cyd.
STORY ~
Continuity (5/10) ~ I was going to dock you, but your non dream sequence summed things up quite nicely and I began to understand what was going on.
Setting (3/10) ~ Hadia was a wasteland with a crowd, the temple had crystal and an area for tea. These were the two thoughts that passed through my head as I read them. It was a quick write, so I’m assuming you had to sacrifice something in order to get this quest out quickly. Looks like it was setting.
Pacing (8/10) ~ Top notch. Every post kept me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next. The only exception is post 8, which awkwardly jumped back to the dream sequence. Otherwise, this would have been a 10.
Total: 16/30
• CHARACTER ~
Dialogue (6/10) ~ Most of the dialogue in this thread was pretty predictable. You couldn’t really help that though, given the nature of the thread.
Action (7/10) ~ Great action sequences in this one. I really can’t comment on anything else other than I liked the fight, and the subsequent conversation a lot.
Persona (5/10) ~ I never got a real feel for who Cyd was other than a man looking for answers, and perhaps revenge. In post 10, you stated he hoped the names were a coincidence, but he had no physical characteristics to show such things. I did enjoy his (from what I’ve gathered) fear of death.
Total: 18/30
• WRITING STYLE ~
Mechanics (5/10) ~ "You have been found wanting, and in breech of the Ancient Lore - only one such sentence remains, death!" seemed like a run-on to me. It sounded very awkward. "Try that, again," also seemed like you could have left out the first comma. These are just a few examples of what I caught here, most of them in dialogue.
Technique (9/10) ~ Foreshadowing, metaphor, I don’t care. It was cool, and you pulled it off nicely. Now if you only did such awesome techniques with your other characters (at least with me understanding that’s what you were doing).
Clarity (7/10) ~ Everything was pretty clear here except for the continuity of the thread in the beginning. I had no clue what was going on, and I wasn’t even informed it was a dream until half way through. Because it was so well done, however, you didn’t get docked too harshly for it.
Wild Card (6/10) ~ Enjoyable read. Cyd may be up there as one of my favorite characters of yours, if only because I know what he’s doing most the time.
Total: 27/40
Grand Total: 61/100
Cyd gets 1525 exp, 125 gp, and his spoil, abilities pending RoG and all that jazz.
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