And the Judge Arrives...
Judgment is in! And what a read this is!
Story
Continuity - 8/10
Both of you did well to say where you were going, what you were doing and how it turned out in the end, for better or for worse. Also, I’m expected to be invited as well, Letho.Soon, perhaps?
Setting - 8/10
Rich setting, stunning details and dynamic scenarios helped to keep the story exciting from the first scene to the last. Of course, there were a few lapses that tugged at my conscience and kept me from enjoying all of the intricate details. Overall, there were a lot of visual details throughout the story, plus a few nice ones from other senses – the bitter taste of charcoal, the heated flames and burning afternoon sun of Irrakam. Very nice.
Pacing - 8/10
You kept the pacing interesting through the entire story as well, letting tension build up here and there, releasing some and playing on it a few times later. At some points the entire scene slipped by so quickly I was expecting more and nearly missed a full two sentences. This goes mostly for Ira, but you two gave me a very good time reading this. The scene down at the fire rubble tugged me one last time and gave me a pleasing aftertaste. A good way to end this chapter.
Character
Dialogue - 8/10
Letho – Your character’s “don’t give a care” attitude came out in the dialogue very well and it served as a defining point for you. His last few words, however, gave me a nice glimpse into his softer, sentimental side. You also played well with dialogues of NPCs and the occasions where you bunnied Ira. Of course, it would be nice to mention that somewhere for the judges to see or it would come off more as powergaming.
Ira – I read Ira’s character for the first time in this story and already I could relate to how she reacted to different scenarios. Her short speeches met well with the female dominance that Fallien favored. It was also nice to hear Fallien speech in your posts – it served to tell the readers there are other languages besides Tradespeak and you played on the language barrier well in the first half of the story. Your portrayal of NPCs were also believable and memorable. Great job.
Action - 8/10
Both of you portrayed your characters and NPCs well, to the point that it seemed you were essentially the same writer. That’s a scary thought, now that I think of it, but it’s good to see consistencies in IC actions from all parties in a given thread. As for the scene where Letho was shooting off his Lawmaker all over the grand ballroom, I expected to see the guards wince at the destruction an outsider was causing to their ruler’s house. Heck, I’d be cursing under my breath witnessing that kind of destruction. But, oh, well. You two had characters that pretty much did not care much after all so that was understandable.
Persona - 8/10
Letho’s cold demeanor clashed soundly with Ira’s fiery and sympathetic (though at times frigid and unforgiving) demeanor, which served to lend tension among the individuals before and during the raid into Jya’s Keep. There were not merely just displays of personalities, but interaction of personalities as well. Most people only touch lightly on this and I expect you two to delve deeper into this aspect as well.
Writing Style
Technique - 8/10
A lot of foreshadowing, flashbacks and well-placed suspense kept me interested while also hinting to what would be happening next. Do not overuse this, though, or the readers would get bored from all the backstory and hinting.
Mechanics - 7/10
I could see some glaring spelling errors that were quite easily ignored or thought to be correct. There were not a lot of it, but enough popped up during the latter half that it irked me somewhat slightly.
Clarity - 9/10
This is where both of you scored big. I understood everything you tried to convey, even the in-between actions and reactions from both the characters and NPCs. The occasional grammar errors which tripped me during reading kept you from the coveted 10, though. Read through your posts from time to time and don’t be afraid to go back and rewrite your posts if you felt it did not fit well enough.
Misc
Wild Card - 8/10
I love this story. It’s short, I know, but played on a wide variety of emotions and reactions. This story has a lot of depth that some longer ones lacked, despite the… well, short length of it all.
FINAL SCORE – 80!
((Rewards + Spoils))
Letho – Receives his Scarlet Chillu Glass Full Plate Set. This includes the Scale Mail, Pauldrons, Combat Boots, Greaves and a Helmet. They are shaped similar to Red Dragon Scales, though a trained eye can see that it is not. Also, he gets to keep the scarlet cape, decorated with a phoenix symbol on the back, and Letho relinquishes his gold medallion at the site of the fallen houses in mourning to Uriahd.
Myrhianna – One rosy silk dress decorated with sparkly shards of Kiramaini Glass (minus the glittery high-heels. Wouldn’t want her to break her ankles) and one pearly-white silk dress, also decorated with sparkly Kiramaini Glass. Myrhia also keeps her medallion.
((NOTE: Considering that the Kiramaini glass is considered sacred and rare, the ones on Myrhia’s dresses are only tiny shards for ornamental purposes.))
Ira of Shinkara – The upgraded Serenna Crystal, dubbed the Serenmika, and its abilities. Take care not to powergame this, though, and remember to have it checked with the RoG Mods before this upgrade is permanent. She also receives the golden medallion for her courage during the Coalition Occupation.
Also, I do believe Ira and Messia had to bring some wares back home as well. That’s up to you to decide how you want them to deal with it.
Letho receives 4240 EXP.
Ira receives 1620 EXP.
Both receive +5 Fallien Reputation Points for their courageous deeds in defense of Irrakam during the fire and for rescuing the Jya from the Coalition forces.
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