The Spinner's Web [Solo]

[Sagequeen]

9.

Arienne wandered the streets of Anebrilith, head down. The anger had finally passed but in its wake had lumbered an aphotic and cloying bitterness tinged with hatred. Envy siphoned away her rationality and she entertained a number of vicious scenarios involving Erissa. Her stride stopped short as a devious thought entered her mind.

"Ellear," she said wickedly, and hurried back to Caedron Hall. She slipped quietly inside and emerged again in a few moments, having informed Shayla she was ill. Arienne walked swiftly to her home and flung open the door. Words and phrases churned in her mind as she gathered her writing supplies. A quick sweep of her arm sent the various items on her table crashing to the floor. Hours later, she was surrounded by crumpled papers. She fingered her latest page sensuously and read it several times through.

"...how great a dishonor your daughter brings to your house... you have allowed her to act with such disregard, or perhaps this affair has managed to elude you... assure you it has not eluded us... for your own benefit I urge you to end this before it goes too far..." Arienne nodded as she scanned the letter once again. "If I can't have him, Erissa, then neither can you. How many times has your father spoke with such pride about his bloodline and his place at the in the government of Anebrilith? Crafty elf... when power shifted to Eluriand his peers chased it, leaving a void he labors to fill. He will not easily be robbed of it. If only you realized how much a servant girl from Underwood really knows."

From the old chest she removed a piece of ribbon that bore an official wax seal. She gently rolled the letter and secured it with the ribbon she'd taken from Ellear's study. With a carefully controlled flame in the palm of her hand, she slightly warmed the wax and mended the break until it was almost impossible to distinguish. She immediately chilled it in her other hand.

"I knew I would find a good purpose for this," she muttered as she eyed her work on the seal. After an attempt at sleep, Arienne hurried to Caedron Hall. With the scroll tucked away, she began her first meal duties. This day, she prepared a cold breakfast, and as Ellear, Shayla and Erissa arrived in the dining room, she served them from elegant silver platters. The silver clinked and clattered as she struggled to quell her trembling; the excitement was almost too much for her. Retreating to the corner near the serving cart, she relished her next few moves as she rehersed them in her mind.

Rarely was there conversation among the three and breakfast progressed quickly with Ellear leafing through thin parchment that bore the latest news from around Althanas. As she did every morning, Erissa left to clean and prepare her looms while Arienne cleared the table and removed the plates to the kitchen for washing. Shayla freshened herself and left the hall for her social calls, and Ellear retired to his study, preparing for his day's work. Like clockwork, Arienne thought.

Her heart pounded as she left the kitchen and lightly treaded down the hallway toward Ellear's study. With scroll in hand, she tapped lightly on the doorframe.

"What is it! Why do you disturb me?" He asked sharply.

"A letter has been delivered for you," Arienne answered.

"From whom," he asked angrily.

"A cloaked figure, High Elf is my guess, who would not show but the bottom half of his face," she replied, making sure the wax seal was visable as she displayed the scroll for him to see.

"Bring it here," Ellear said, eyebrow cocked, "and be on your way." Arienne set the scroll lightly before him at his ornate yew desk and retreated to the hallway. She let her footsteps echo for a time, but then she jogged back as fleet-footed and silent as a rabbit. She leaned just close enough to the doorframe she could not been seen but could hear clearly. Snap went the seal, followed by the whispery voice of parchment being unrolled. A long silence ensued but was broken with a loud thud.

"Unacceptable!" Ellear growled. "Indeed I will take care of this." Knowing her cue, Arienne jogged lightly and without sound back into the kitchen. After a few moments to catch her breath, she stepped back into the hallway and walked slowly toward Erissa's looms.

"Servant!" Came the cry from behind her. "Come here now," Ellear called to her. Arienne obeyed and closed the gap between them, eyes averted. "You say you did not see the messenger's face," he began.

"No," Arienne replied, stomach writhing itself into knots. Moment of truth...

"Anything that would distinguish him that you can recall?" He asked.

"No, my lord," she said, and Ellear scoffed. Tapping the scroll against his other hand he gave Arienne a sidelong, calculating glare.

"Tell me now what you know of that hireling, the man Virlas," he commanded. "Have you witnessed any inappropriate behavior between my daughter and that mercenary?" Arienne remained quiet, mouth open as her eyes darted back and forth. "Out with it!"

"No, nothing, my lord. Nothing at all," she said, keeping her eyes averted as she fidgited. Arienne saw the blow coming but did not fend it off; the back-handed slap rocked her back on her heels and onto her rear.

"You dare lie to me? You are protecting her!" Anger burned fiercely in his eyes and his hand was aflame, poised above her ready to strike.

She sobbed and flinched from him. The flame flashed a brilliant electric blue in Ellear's hand before it disappeared altogether.

"Get out of my sight," he growled. Arienne fled from him, but her demeanor changed radically as she stepped into her quarters. She shrugged off the furtive visage of a servant and looked into the mirror, head held high and shoulders cast back. I am powerful, she told herself. Not to be trifled with... I will have my revenge. Ellear had been more forceful that she'd hoped, but she could easily lie to explain the bruise that was already forming. Arienne made her way to Erissa's looms, reminding herself it was once again time to play the part of servant.

[Sagequeen]

10.

During the passing of several days, Erissa found her thoughts returning often to Virlas. The tingling sensation lingered in her mind long since the caress of his hand had faded from her skin. She absently brushed her cheek ear to chin as he had done the last time she had seen him. Though she was alone at her looms, she watched him walk away again and again, until his phantom evaporated like a mirage in the desert. She had a very odd feeling she couldn't place, a foreboding remembrance that flitted along the feathered edges of her memory. She worried for Virlas. Erissa had known him to be very prompt, and he had not yet returned.

Arienne soon joined Erissa, who had in the previous day taken to pacing and peeking out the doorway rather often. Her back to Erissa, a Arienne's thin lips drew back in wicked satisfaction. The expression changed instantly and her face went white with fear as she heard armored footsteps echoing through the hallway. He found me out! Ellear called the guards! She held her breath when there was a knock at the doorway.

"Virlas!" Erissa cried joyfully as she approached him. She faltered when she realized he was in his armor, and her smile disappeared. Arienne was greatly relieved -- and intrigued.

"Sorry I'm late," he began.

"You are leaving, aren't you?" Erissa asked, having recomposed herself. "Somehow I thought you would be here longer."

"I've been hired. It's a job I can't turn down." Virlas seemed at a loss for words beyond that simple statement, but he held out two very large bags.

"What is this?" Erissa asked, surprised.

"I didn't want to leave on such short notice without making sure you'd be set. Until you could replace me, that is," he replied. Stifling emotions she didn't understand, Erissa nodded.

"You are too kind," she managed with only a slight waver. She had known this moment would come sooner or later, and she attempted to retreat once again into practiced numbness. "I am not sure If I have enough on hand to pay for all this."

"No, no. This is a gift." Erissa was speechless at his remark. His armor gleamed and clinked as he closed the gap between them. Taking her hand gently between his gauntlets he bowed. "The pleasure of your company has been payment enough for a lonely mercenary." He seemed to stop prematurely, not wanting to say anything else. Virlas swallowed hard and rubbed his forehead, unable to hide his apprehension. He also was hit with a not altogether unexpected sadness in leaving.

"Thank you, thank you for everything," Erissa said, crestfallen and lacking the will to argue with him about gifts and gold. The question she wanted to ask died on her lips; she already knew he would not be returning. Arienne cast her gaze downward. She hadn't expected the guilt that crept through the last good part of her heart. Not wanting to draw out a difficult goodbye, Virlas looked back at Erissa and nodded.

"I'd better be going," he said, and unceremoniously turned and walked through the door, down the hall, and out of Caedron Hall.

Goodbye, Tanus, Erissa thought. At that moment, her world dropped out from under her. Her knees went weak and she collapsed against one of the looms. The unadulterated truth finally burst forth with incredible clarity through the disconnection she'd nurtured over the years. Swaying as she walked, Erissa made it to a chair and fell into it with eternal weariness. Arienne begain to speak but Erissa cut her short.

"Leave me!" she said, voice cracking. Arienne scurried out of the room, but not before quietly snatching the two bags Virlas left. Sinister glee replaced any guilt that had settled in her heart, and she suppressed a wicked cackle as she trotted down the hallway. Time to drive the final wedge, she thought. This worked out even better than I had planned! I'll destroy this horrid family and there's enough here to begin my own life somewhere else! After stashing the bags, she went to find Shayla in her garden.

[Sagequeen]

11.

Virlas packed his few meager belongings. He'd taken a huge risk showing up at Caedron Hall, but it had been as he hoped and Ellear was not there. Regret pierced his heart as his sword had pierced many others. He pulled a letter from inside his armor; the envelope was dirty and well-worn. He ran his fingers across the address: Erissa Tarsul-Caderon, Caedron Hall, Anebrilith. Carefully, he removed the single page from inside and read it, though he already knew it by heart.

"Erissa,

I have some wonderful news: I will make my journey home in a week. I have been promoted to an advisory position, so I will be working from afar, from Anebrilith! From home. Perhaps with my new respectable position of leadership, our father will finally be pleased with me.

I cannot wait to see you, sister. Just knowing you are there has made life out here bearable. I am very proud of you for pursuing an esteemed career in tailoring, like our mother. I know it is difficult to get materials at a decent rate for new tailors, so once I return I can help you get off the ground.

--Tanus"

"It's probably better she never got this," Virlas sighed. He shook his head as he considered the years he had carried it with him. He slung his pack over his shoulder, looking around nervously. On his way out of the city, he tossed the all the letters into an unattended cooking fire. The sketch of Erissa he tucked safely back inside his pack. "Well, that didn't work out like I hoped," he said.

[Sagequeen]

12.

The weight of her realizations sapped Erissa of all ability to move or function. The lens of her perception was perfectly focused, and she now knew why she felt so comfortable around Virlas, why she looked forward to his visits and dreaded the days he was gone. How could I have been so blind? She wondered to herself. He is so like my brother, it's as if his spirit haunts me. And now I have once again lost him.

After some time, she finally was able to lift herself from the chair, and intended to rest in her chambers. She heard her father arrive home and bellow at one the servants while on his way to his study. A few moments later, her mother quickly passed by the door followed by Arienne who glanced nervously toward Erissa. Struggling forward, Erissa made her way to the hall and watched her mother turn swiftly into Ellear's study. Arienne lightly jogged to the kitchens. Still in somewhat of a daze, Erissa plodded down the hall toward her chambers. She watched as the door to her father's study slammed shut, but stopped short when she heard raised voices.

"Keep your voice down," she heard her father hiss.

"How could you!" Shayla repeated.

"Don't be ridiculous! Did you really expect that mercenary to be around forever?" Ellear said. The sound was very muffled so Erissa could only make out a few words.

"How dare you use your influence... innocent man... " Erissa leaned closer, straining to hear.

"If you believe what that servant girl said... " Ellear continued. Erissa couldn't tell if he was speaking the truth; he was an expert politician. There were more muffled words from her mother.

"...she was happy! Why couldn't you..."

"...will not have my noble line end, not like this..." Ellear's voice was raised in anger, unaware of who heard. "I have already promised her hand to the son of a very influential and wealthy member of the High Bard Council in Eluriand!"

Erissa's pure blood ran cold. Righteous anger began to well deep within her, seeping forth like a small spring that quickly erupted into a gyeser, filling her body with coursing energy. She raised her arm, and from it emanated a brilliant bolt of light which shattered the thick, heavy door like a wafer of dried bread.

At a safe distance down the main hall, Arienne stared coldly with smug satisfaction at the scene. She laughed as she hoisted the stolen goods over her shoulder. Erissa's gaze fell upon her, and quick as a rabbit Arienne fled from the hall. Erissa began to understand Arienne's part in the events. Still filled with fury she almost gave chase but stopped when she heard her mother cry out. Ellear and Shayla were deathly pale. Ellear was in shock, but Shayla lay on the floor bleeding from the shrapnel embedded in her chest.

"A healer, call a healer," Ellear cried. Erissa shoved him aside and took her mother in her arms, removing the shrapnel. She drew upon the same well of power and focused it on the wound. In a moment, the wound was gone, healed flawlessly. Her mother looked questioningly in Erissa's eyes, then at her husband, who was rubbing his chin intently as realization dawned.

"Yes... yes," he began as he eyed Erissa. "Little honor you have as a tailor to the high priestess, but in time with my connections I will make you the High Priestess." He stood quickly and paced a short round. He seemed to be talking to himself. "I cannot believe the raw power! It shouldn't matter her first act was aggressive since an advanced act of healing followed. But no one needs to know exactly how this transpired." Returning his attention to Erissa, he continued. "You will begin your tutelage immediately, under one of the premier priestesses of Anebrilith. Compose yourself and prepare to join me in an hour's time. You will amount to something more than a handmaiden after all. I needn't wait for your children now." Disgusted, Erissa slowly shook her head.

"No." She gently released her mother and calmly walked away.

"What- what are you doing?" Ellear demanded. "Stand before me child, this instant. You will NOT bring this shame upon me!" Erissa did not look back as she left for her chambers. Her father's voice increased in pitch and intensity. She heard her mother attempting to calm him, to little avail. After gathering a few of her things, she returned to her looms. Erissa studied them for a few moments before letting loose another brilliant bolt at the one closest to her. The loom shattered but her aim proved true. The long column of wood that served as one of the back braces remained intact. She clutched it and dragged it out of Caedron Hall. Erissa ignored the many odd looks she recieved as she made her way to the carpentry hall and the Master Carpenter. The human gave Erissa a long, hard look. He recognized her.

"Well if it ain't the little Priss," he said, then his eyes widened. "I can't believe you smashed my loom," he said with an angry sneer.

"There is no finer wood in Althanas," she began. "and no finer craftman than you, Trenlo. Pour every once of your skill into a stave for me."

"This is a pricey request, you realize. The wood has already been worked once." Again, Erissa nodded and dropped both gold and precious jewels on his bench. Instantly, Trenlo's mood lightened.

"That'll do nicely," he said. "It'll be ready in a few hours. You can pick it up here." He didn't look at her again as he began to sort through his designs. Erissa paced out of the carpentry hall and wandered the markets of Anebrilith. She hardly recognized herself, but for the first time in a very long time she felt free, alive. She felt hope. Knowing she'd never escape her father in the city, she considered her very limited options. Eventually she returned to the carpentry hall.

"Here it is, a fine work if I do say so myself," said Trenlo. He cocked his head to the side as he admired the staff in his hands. Erissa took the staff from him and marveled at the intricate carving and settings of the precious jewels she had brought. "Try not to get yourself killed. I'd hate to lose a customer as rich and... entertaining as you. Adventurer?" He laughed. Erissa managed a half-smirking huff, then set off for the boat that would bear her away.

Thanks for reading!

[Venessian]

You've obviously had some practice with creative writing, and you're very comfortable in your element. I'm not going to spend much time on what I liked about your story (which honest, was pretty much everything). Instead, I'm going to tell you what you could stand to improve on, in hopes that your next quest will score HUGE.

Plot Construction ~ 23/30

Story ~ 8/10 - Great! Excellent job. Protagonist and antagonist were (very) clear. The climax came for me (that's what she said) when Erissa realized that Virlas' arrival represented her brother's death, and it was very powerful, if a bit underplayed. The story lacked a compelling narrative hook, however, and despite sound, technical writing, the story did not go above and beyond what I've come to expect from Althanas writers.

Strategy ~ 8/10 – Powers didn't manifest until the end of the solo, but for the bulk of it, Erissa made good use of her skills, both as aspects of her character, and as a plot device. I felt kind of like I was reading an X-Men origin story about how her “mutant powers” came unleashed for the first time. Her character sheet describes her as a “creative problem solver and mediator” under skills, but to be honest, I read kind of the opposite in Spinner's Web. In future threads, all I can suggest is a) going into more descriptive detail when using your magic, and if applying skills, perhaps do a bit of research into how tailoring is done, so you can throw out a few more technical terms. I don't feel that I really learned anything about weaving in a thread that was essentially all about it. She said she was weaving, and so weaving was accomplished.

Setting ~ 7/10 – I knew what town I was in, but many times action took place in the streets that I sort of felt were populated by a few mannequins and not much else. Description of the weaving hall was vague for a location that 75% of the story took place in. Judging by your writing prowess, I would have really loved a more in depth view of elven architecture in comparison to every other city on Althanas. Weaving complex elven gowns and apparel opened up many avenues to test your descriptive writing, but for the most part, they were just a list of material components.

Characterisation ~ 24/30

Continuity ~ 9/10 – Gets a wow from me. You learned the locations of Althanas and applied them as a backdrop for for the small area of which your story took place. Loosely touched on current events, and I think any more would have detracted from your story. Characters were consistent, and there was obvious character growth. Not much I can say against you in this category. But, if you're wondering why its not a ten, I'll have to refer you to the notes I made in setting. I would have really liked to see you take charge of Anebrilith and really make it your own.

Interaction ~ 8/10 – Dialogue was well written and technically sound, but all things said and done, elves and humans pretty much spoke the same way. I though that while Arienne reverting to her native way of speaking when she lost herself in emotion, it only came up once and seemed very out of place, considering every other time, even when she was furious, she spoke just like everyone else. That being said, I have to say, I LOVED the jealousy hook. I don't see that very often even outside of Althanas.


Character ~ 7/10 – Poses the question, with such colorful, well written NPCs, why such a low score? Because, to be honest, while Virlas and Arienne were TEEMING with depth, Erissa seemed to lack it. I'd even go as far as to say that she was out-shined by the amazing NPCs you wrote for her. I did take into account her blandness and cowed nature when her father was around, but I wanted more.

Writing Style ~ 25.5/30

Creativity ~ 7/10 – Well... It was a great story. It truly, honestly, was a great read. I wouldn't say it if it weren't true. That being said, well, it just wasn't the most creative piece of work I've ever read, both in subject matter and in writing style. Textbook paragraph, paragraph, paragraph. That being said, I honestly don't think you should change anything about your writing style based on this score.

Mechanics ~ 9.5/10 – Total of 4 spelling and grammatical errors over the whole thread. ALMOST perfect. Kudos. Don't change a thing. Your editing skills are profound. I even had to get a second opinion, because on the first read, I couldn't even find 1, true story.

Clarity ~ 9/10 – No problems except 1. You seemed to skim over parts of the story that seemed otherwise important. A lot of fast forwarding, where one more paragraph of the high-priestess' dress being picked up, Erissa's walk to the boat that would take her away, perhaps with her final thoughts on what seemed like a HUGE ordeal in her life, and a few other spots that could have done with a few more words on what went down in blank spaces of time passing.

Wildcard: 8/10 – Just good writing. Pure and simple.

Total ~ 80.5/100

Spoils: Your staff, and 300gp for the sale of a gown truly worthy of a high-priestess. Don't quit your day-job

Erissa receives an ASTOUNDING 1208 experience for a level 0 solo quest. Erissa also receives 475 gold (including what was mentioned in spoils)

Keep up the great writing, and this thread, despite its simplistic subject matter, receives my full nomination for a Judge's Choice award for showing everyone what a technically sound piece of writing should look like.

My thanks also to all contributing members of the Writer's Workshop for their input and suggestions.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added! Thread will stay here for the time being, pending approval for a JC.