AC: Round 1 - Group 2

[Warpath]

Flint stared. It didn’t even occur to him what he was staring at until it was already inappropriate, so he went on staring. The redheaded wizard was alive, in a manner of speaking, and was currently traipsing about naked as a jaybird on a corpse – her corpse. And she was in miniature, but amidst the rest that seemed almost normal.

The brute thought he was coming to terms with this until she raised her arms out to him like a needy toddler and he said, “You’re alive.”

She gave him a look that said, “Duh?”

So he slid up onto his knees and reached out with his injured arm, and let the little monster sit herself down in the palm of his hand. She didn’t seem so much like a great and terrible wizard anymore. Now she seemed faultlessly alien and ethereal, dangerous but natural, inhuman but nobly beautiful. She was just the right size to be a fairy.

Realizing what she was inspired some form of awe, mainly derived from mystery. He didn’t know anything about fairies, and this was the first one he’d ever met. Wizards he understood, as much as a person can, but fairies? Flint began making mental notes, but the end result was that he didn’t need to treat her any different. If wizards were hazardous and bat shit insane, then so were fairies.

He bent down and picked up the unconscious ninja again with his good hand, hoisting the taller man up and draping him over his shoulder, and then he held Isylle up and began walking deeper into the jungle. The jaguar seemed a distant memory now.

“That,” he told her after a few minutes, “is a good trick.”

[Isylle]

To her later and eternal shame and self-loathing, Isylle snuggled happily in Flint's hand. It was warm and comfortable, except for the calloused parts. She had even improved on the situation by tugging on his cupped fingers until they formed a very meaty blanket to curl up under. Isylle was tired to her core from the last few minutes. If it wasn't for the intense smell of ape, she might have taken a long nap there and then.

For the next two hours, the three walked through the jungle, with one doing all the actual walking. Isylle was impressed with her mount's stamina and disappointed with his apparent unwillingness to put down the resolutely unconscious ninja. If it had been her doing all the walking, she would have been dragging the fellow along face-down by one ankle at best. More likely, she would have just tossed him aside on the poor excuse of a game trail and gave her blessings to whatever flesh-eating monstrosity arrived first. She could even drop Flint off as the second course.

Could Isylle noted with surprise. What had happened to would?

While she was still contemplating this uncharacteristic and traitorous thought, the trail ended at a small, beaten-in shack almost invisible under the heavy foliage. It used to be thatch roof over a wooden cottage, but now it was just so much collapsed and rotting boards. It was going to be a long and tedious task to shift enough of the wreckage to find what's buried beneath it.

Except that they didn't have to.

"Put me down." Isylle said, pointing with one tiny finger towards a small gap in the pile. When she set foot on to the moldy wood, sprouts erupted from all over the house and quickly turned it into a very good approximation of a small, flowering, grassy knoll. Isylle smiled to herself; she was recovering nicely.

Ten minutes passed, then twenty. When Isylle emerged again, she was quite filthy from the bits of dirt that rubbed while she struggled through tight spaces inside. She climbed free of the entrance and then turned to pull at something inside. Soon, she came up with a tightly rolled-up sheet of vellum tied with a blue ribbon.

"I knew this was the right one. It wasn't all covered in dirt."

[black shadow]

The next thing Black Shadow remembered after falling uncouncous was waking up to the lttle fairy holding a sheet of vellum ted with a blue ribbon and saying "I knew this was the right one. It wasn't all covered in dirt."

Did I hit my head that hard or did the fairy shink? he thought to himself as he slowly stood up. The pain from his injuries felt like a thousand needles being stuck through hs neck, each indvidually. He quickly tore off a piece of his shirt and placed it over his face before anyone noticed what he looked like. What is that? It must be important. He looked back down towards Isylle and wated to see what Flint and Isylle would do.

[Warpath]

Flint was hot and tired and his arm hurt. At first the sensation of being a giant was nice, but the novelty wore off around the same time he realized Isylle was trying to take a nap beneath his fingers. He told himself that he was tempted to squeeze.

The jungle seemed endless and their trek seemed pointless, but he marched because enduring was better than trying to puzzle out an answer that may not exist. He didn’t like puzzles.

Sweat stung his eyes and he began to miss his shirt, but at least the canopy kept the sun off. The humidity was stifling, making all the myriad scents of nature – good and bad – stand out boldly. Here was a flower with a scent that made his mouth water, but there was most certainly a dead animal rotting beneath those vines. Unless the ninja was dead and it was him.

Flint was giving some thought to taking a break when he noticed an opening between two trees, so ideally framed with flowering vines that the way seemed designed. He turned and passed through this opening, and on the other side was an overgrown ruin. The brute made a low, thoughtful noise and muttered to himself, and then unceremoniously dropped the black-clad archer.

As he approached the wreckage, his pintsized passenger pointed out a gap between two rotting posts. “Put me down,” she said. He obeyed, and marveled at how very delicate her little hands were.

When the fairy met the ruin, it leapt into grass and bright, sweet-smelling flowers. Flint watched it happen for the briefest moment, and then he watched Isylle wriggle in between the cracks and disappear beneath the rubble. He waited for a few minutes, watching the gap and listening for calls for help. When she didn’t immediately return or request aid, he sat himself down and checked his wound. It didn’t look good, but he had no idea if it was particularly bad. His hand was pale, but surely that was due to the tourniquet. Was it too tight? He didn’t know. His experience was limited to battlefield triage. He hoped he wouldn’t have to amputate it, but he refused to worry about it.

Instead, he tried to clean the blood and sticky sap-like residue off of himself, imagining what he’d do if he needed to cut his hand off. He settled on the idea of finding a wizard – a real one - to make him something out of stone or steel. He’d have literal brass knuckles and an iron fist. That cheered him up.

Flint was just about ready to cut his hand off, just to be safe, when the fairy emerged from the grassy mound. She was covered in dirt or soot or who-knows-what, and he grunted at her. “I thought you were a marmot,” he said.

She ignored him, and began tugging a rolled up sheet of paper through the opening she’d emerged from. Flint heard the ninja stirring, but paid him no heed, and instead moved forward and helped Isylle free her prize.

“I knew this was the right one,” she told him. “It wasn’t all covered in dirt.”

He let her crawl up into his hand again, and then he sat himself down with his back to the rubble. He did a double-take as the ninja approached, wearing a shredded sheet of his own shirt over his face. Flint felt the urge to pull it off just to spite him, but figured the opportunity to see what the gangly man was hiding had passed. It didn’t seem important. In fact, not much did seem important right now. At the moment, a nap seemed like the only viable course of action.

He shook it off, muttering to himself and attributing it to blood loss, and set about undoing the blue ribbon and unfolding the vellum one-handed as his allies looked on. His eyes blurred, and he yawned wide. “It’s a map,” he said.

He expected Isylle to say something snide about his grasp of the obvious, but she was already asleep with one little arm hanging down between his index and middle finger. He turned and watched dispassionately as the ninja wobbled, and then swayed one way, overcorrected in the other direction, and then slowly collapsed to the grass, fast asleep.

Only then did he taste the midnight blue feeling tickling the base of his spine, and he muttered “son of a bitch wizards” to himself before his chin dropped to his chest and he was already dreaming.

What an adventure that was.

Thank gods it was over.

[Revenant]

Round 1 closed for judgement.

Good luck!

[Revenant]

Plot: (12)

Storytelling (5) – A fairly straightforward plot, incorporating the required prompts for the tournament. The inclusion of the Nemean Jaguar was interesting, but there wasn’t much life to the story. You gave little reason for what you were doing aside from the fact that you were on an island so why not move forward. Put more focus into adding some creativity and purposeful direction to your story to increase this score.

Setting (4) – There were certain elements of the island that were very well described, but for the most part there was little to define the space around the individuals. Isylle, you did the best in this area, with Black Shadow having the least amount of description. The encounter with the Nemean Jaguar in particular happened almost completely in a void. Once your group made it across the swamp there was little to judge the scene by expect a bit of foliage. Not every post has to be devoted to meticulously details, but you should at least give a solid view of where your characters are at all times.

Pacing (3) – More than half of this thread was spent reacting to one another rather than moving the thread forward. It wasn’t until the end that things finally started to flow together as a coherent story. Interaction between characters is important, but it should still add to your story rather than being an aside.

Character: (14)

Communication (3) – For the most part there was very little communication between the characters. You all seemed to take each other’s presence for granted and had no further discourse about each other or the situation that you were in. Black Shadow in particular, the entire tone of your second note really threw this score off. Using words like “chillax” really pulls the reader out of the flow of the story. The rest of the note didn’t really come across as a way your character would react. Perhaps this is how your character would react, but you really don’t give much in your writing for people to judge Black Shadow’s personality from. To improve this score, try to put yourself in your character’s frame of mind and react the way that they would.

Action (5) – There were some good starts in this thread, and Isylle’s manipulation of nature added some good flair to the thread. Warpath, I was somewhat surprised at how quickly your character was willing to go along with Isylle to act as her pack horse. Black Shadow, you need to elaborate specifics on what you’re doing. Don’t simply say “Black Shadow shot an arrow into the tree,” note specifics of drawing back the bowstring, hearing it hum, feeling the tension, etc. Try to paint life into your actions.

Persona (6) –Isylle, you wrote your character wonderfully, evoking plenty of emotion, and your aloofness was spot on for the character. Warpath, your writing really made me feel your character’s gladiatorial/slave background. On the other side, Black Shadow didn’t really give much life to his character other than Black Shadow’s insistence that no one see his face.

Prose: (14)

Mechanics (4) – Mostly solid, but there were numerous spelling and grammar errors in the thread. Remember that you can go back, re-read, and edit your posts. Again, Black Shadow you were the worst offender in this area.

Clarity (5) – There wasn’t much that was too unclear here, but there were a couple of times when the actions between characters caused some confusion. Working actions out amongst yourselves is a good way to clear that up.

Technique (5) – This was a pretty basic thread with a straightforward plot, but it didn’t seem very smooth. Focus on bringing the story to life with your characters and working together to create a smooth, well directed thread.

Wildcard (5)

Total: 45

Isylle receives 731 exp and 120 gp.
Black Shadow receives 394 exp and 65 gp.
Warpath receives 563 exp and 90 gp.
BlackandBlueEyes receives 110 exp and 15 gp.

[Silence Sei]

Exp-GP added.