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Thread: AC: Round 1 - Group 8

  1. #21
    Member
    EXP: 12,289, Level: 4
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    Level completed: 66%,
    EXP required for next level: 1,711
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    1,855
    Whispers of Abyssion's Avatar

    Name
    Touma Kamikaji
    Age
    26
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Dark Brown
    Eye Color
    Brown
    Build
    181 cm / 78 kg
    Job
    Sakushi, Kijutsushi, Tatsujin

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    He made a show of rubbing his wrists in flustered relief, of staring suspiciously at Sei’s outstretched hand before accepting it in appreciation.

    “As a team,” he replied at length with an enigmatic half-smile, carefully masking his thoughts beneath a layer – not wholly contrived – of gratitude. If Sei could project words into the minds of others, then there was no telling what he could read in return. “I am truly honoured by your confidence.”

    Sei’s deductions bore all the hallmarks of truth, substantiated at least in part by what Touma himself had learnt via his mirror-gazing techniques. At the very least, Kenneth Stern seemed to be testing each of the groups: by grouping them in such a manner as to try their patience, by throwing them into battlefields that suited some but not others, by turning themselves into their own enemies. Perhaps, ultimately, the title of ‘user’ most befit the mysterious and illusory Mr. Stern.

    And if the mute wanted to believe that Touma had acted with their best interests in mind, then so be it. It had always been long odds for the Nipponese to hope that he could eliminate a hero of such stature on his own, no matter how he masked the traces of his involvement.

    Still, once rumbled, Touma found himself surprised to be let off so easily. True, he had never honestly thought that he could best anybody in single combat; true, he had always expected the infamous Sei to at least have a trick or two up his sleeve; true, he had banked on the younger brother to have greater clemency than the elder. On the other hand, he had acted from the beginning whilst bearing in mind Kayu’s information regarding the involvement of the death-defying Ai’Brone monks in such official tourneys, and Touma actually felt slightly disappointed that he had not been able to accept their mystical mercies in person.

    He bowed to both Ciato and Sei, genuinely humbled. The encounter had served as a timely lesson: he could not yet hope to operate effectively when alone and in the open with no prior schemes in motion to put his faith in. He had much to improve upon before he could even begin to think of challenging the Disciples.

    But he had also gained a considerable wealth of knowledge from his uncharacteristic recklessness. In terms of actual combat experience, he had learned that he could not rely upon his shadowstep as infallible when matched against a veteran practitioner, and that his blade as yet lacked the ability to disable powerful innate enchantments. In terms of his companions, he had learned much about the Orlouges: not only how they fought, but also a unique insight into why as well. And in the brief minutes of mirror-gazing across the island from the tower’s peak, he had seen much of the other contestants, information that would no doubt come in handy at a later stage.

    Perhaps most importantly, he had not critically exposed himself to Sei and Ciato. They knew nought of his purpose or his ambitions, or of the knowledge he had gained whilst scrying. They had not even successfully learnt his name. He saw no benefit in prolonging the confrontation; from here on he only had advantages to lose.

    And last but not least, Dan Lagh’ratham no longer participated alongside them.

    All in all, he could not consider it a bad morning’s work. The path to the Book of Destiny still lay open before him.

    Clear mirrors, still waters.

    As they entered the portal to whatever awaited them next, Touma carefully concealed a small sinister smile.

    (The pleasure was all mine, Sei. I hope it reads as enjoyably as it was to write!)
    -Level 3-

    Spiteful words and back-stabbing fist,
    Forked tongue with poison at its tips,
    Hateful eyes and deceitful lips.

  2. #22
    Member
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    Revenant's Avatar

    Name
    William Arcus
    Age
    Mid-30's (apparent age)
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    Round 1 closed for judgement.

    Good luck!
    "I have looked upon all that the universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and the flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me." - Call of Cthulhu

    David vs. Goliath: History's first recorded critical hit.
    JC Thread - The Bitter King

  3. #23
    Member
    EXP: 91,535, Level: 13
    Level completed: 11%, EXP required for next level: 12,465
    Level completed: 11%,
    EXP required for next level: 12,465
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    Revenant's Avatar

    Name
    William Arcus
    Age
    Mid-30's (apparent age)
    Race
    Revenant
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Black Stubble
    Eye Color
    Molten Fire
    Build
    5'11"/178lbs
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    Plot: (17)

    Storytelling (5) – While the setting that you chose for your island was unique and interesting, it never really came into play in a way that used its unique properties. For how well it was used, the city’s advanced technology, airship, spire tower, and guards with dogs could have just as easily have been mundane technology, a ship, a spire tower, and guards with dogs. There wasn’t much that really jumped out of the story and elicited any excitement.

    Setting (5) – Whispers, you did an excellent job of painting the scenes and giving life to the city. Unfortunately, Ciato and Sei focused more of their attention on the personal drama between the two of them and really added little to this category. Of the two of them, Ciato’s posts were better in this category.

    Pacing (7) – All three of you maintained a solid flow to the story, with each post adding to it. The somewhat abstract nature of Touma’s scrying and the fast-forwarded flight to the airship for Sei and Ciato presented slight bumps in the overall flow, but still gave a smooth, solid story.

    Character: (14)

    Communication (5) – Whispers, your dialogue was short but elegant and very much enhanced your character’s image. Opposite that, nearly every word out of Ciato’s mouth was some sort of overly grandiose, braggadocios mockery and instead of giving the character a snide, evil feel it made him feel more like a parody of what his character was trying to be. Sei wasn’t much better, with a majority of his dialogue being confined to trailing Ciato around telling him that he better not do something, and then just telling him again when he did it anyways.

    Action (5) – Whispers did the best job here putting life into Touma’s actions but Sei and Ciato weren’t as smooth and most of the action in this thread, while not necessarily bad, was very wooden and uninspired. Ciato’s actions pretty much involved “taunt, step, stab, repeat” throughout the thread, with every action being a completely uncontested deathblow. It was as if every guard and attack dog just stood there gaping as Ciato stepped up to dispatch their unmoving forms one by one. Even a master swordsman will have to feint and maneuver around a lesser opponent before finding an opening. Sei wasn’t much better, as the biggest action scenes that he had him taking out dozens of enemies with a single attack and a use of his deus-ex-glass shield. Relying on the same schtick for every encounter quickly makes for stale reading. The only issues Sei and Ciato had in this thread were one another and even that made absolutely no impact on the story. Vary it up a bit and actually round out a character as more than a single action plot device if you want to increase your score.

    Persona (4) – Whispers your character seemed to have a rich, well-developed personality with both strengths and flaws and your presentation of them was very well done. Both Ciato and Sei, however, were very one dimensional. The only hint that Ciato had that there was anything more to his character than self-righteousness was his desire to see to Kyla’s safety and yet that was never expounded upon. It was mentioned alongside winning as a driving factor and yet Ciato continued his mindless, wanton slaughter for no reason. Sei, ever the paragon, was almost unbelievable in how nonchalantly he acts towards everything that he professes to be completely against. Sei’s unwillingness to do anything more to save the innocents that he’s so worried about except not-quite stop the slaughter after half of them are dead is completely at odds with what his character is professed to be. And then, in the final scene when Ciato “kills” Sei, Sei is resurrected and his first instinct is to completely ignore Ciato and the fact that Ciato just killed him. His level of coolheadedness is so extreme so often that it pulled me from my reading and broke the flow of the story.

    Prose: (18)

    Mechanics (7) – Aside from several minor errors and word confusions, there wasn’t much to lower your score in this area.

    Clarity (5) – Whispers, the appearance of the Banshee to take out the Wyvern, while stylistic, wasn’t complete clear. And then there was the scene where Sei threw Ciato into a flock of demon flying things, Ciato who cannot fly, and just assumes that Ciato will be able to keep himself alive. I had to read that portion of the thread three times to make sure that I’d understood it correctly. The closeness of Ciato and Sei to the ship, the discussion of landing in the previous post (albeit saying that they hadn’t landed yet), and the general description of the avian threat storm didn’t lend itself well to a clear thread.

    Technique (6) – There was some good, stylistic writing in this thread but Sei’s use of side notes in parenthesis was used too often in the thread and had become jarring, pulling me out of the flow of reading.

    Wildcard: (3)

    Total: 52

    Whispers of Abyssion receives 520 exp and 85 gp.
    Ciato Orlouge receives 390 exp and 60 gp.
    Silence Sei receives 975 exp and 60 gp.
    "I have looked upon all that the universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and the flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me." - Call of Cthulhu

    David vs. Goliath: History's first recorded critical hit.
    JC Thread - The Bitter King

  4. #24
    Screw You, Andy.
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    Silence Sei's Avatar

    Name
    Sei Orlouge
    Age
    26
    Race
    Mystic
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Orange
    Eye Color
    Blue
    Build
    5'11'', 172 lbs
    Job
    Protector of Radasanth.

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    EXP-GP added.
    2011 Althy winner for Best Comeback, Most Helpful Moderator, and Best IC Odd Couple (With Enigmatic Immortal). 2012 Althie Winner for Mr. Althanas, and best Bromance (also, with Enigmatic Immortal). 2014 Althy Winner Best Battler for Forrals Fortress.

    Gisela Open Winner (First Year), Lornius Cooperate Championship 3rd Place Winner (1/2 of 'Don't Blinke!', 2nd year).

    (21:41:22) Sulla: If you kill god, Nihilism fills the void, you need the ubermensch to take the place of god. Sei is the ubermensch.

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