Plot: (19)

Storytelling (7) – This was a story of failure rather than one of triumph, which was certainly something unexpected. There was a nice fluid beginning, a natural progression, and the ending really nailed it. The bunnying between the characters was smooth, which made for a good thread flow.

Setting (6) – The description of the monolith was really good, though the land around it faded somewhat as the riddling portion of the thread went on. What about the rising mist seemed so unnatural and unsettling as Steppenwolf watched it rising over the cliff? Obviously the hostile shapes gave it tension once it had risen to that level but before then was it a subtle off-color tint? A barely perceptible smell of otherworldliness? You don’t always need an epic paragraph to tell something when little snippets of description can really be used to emphasize the creepiness of how unsettling something is.

Pacing (6) – Most of this thread flowed really well one part into the next except for one scene, and that was Letho’s separation from the others upon entering the monolith. Why was he singled out when the other two were left together? Why did he enter into darkness and then find himself trapped in the mirror room? The entry just felt a little out of place.

Character: (21)

Communication (7) – I could really get a feel for the rising panic that your characters were experiencing as the tension in the thread increased. It was very complimentary and gave your characters individual voices. Letho, you did a good job of conveying the undercurrent of frustration Letho had going on under the calm façade that he put up, and it very much made me feel an understanding of how your character is normally used to being completely in charge and how helpless he felt when that was taken away, even by his own actions. Steppenwolf’s initial dislike for Hsa was interesting and I got the feeling that Steppenwolf is a character that really isn’t very happy unless he has someone to protect and the fact that Hsa didn’t want his protection like Cellar Door had in the previous round angered him but it sort of faded away as a plot point once the tension started rising and was never really addressed again. Chibimon, for the most part you played up your character’s indomitable cheeriness very well, aside from your nightmares overcoming you of course, but there was one point that really felt like it didn’t belong and that was the solving of the “nothing” riddle where Hsa seems to get snappy and annoyed that Letho and Steppenwolf hadn’t thought of the answer.

Action (6) – Action wasn’t the driving factor in this thread and while it what you did have was well tied in and gave good indications of who your characters were it was still a little less revealing than the other categories in this section. Steppenwolf in particular seemed to merely be following along with this thread, not really taking the same initiatives that both Letho and Hsa were taking. Chibimon, the gore explosion during your nightmare scene really felt overly done. Blood I can take, even the spraying blood would have been alright, but the flying organs just went a bit over the top and cut some of the seriousness from the scene. Steppenwolf, I was somewhat disappointed that your character seemed to have missed his trial. His fear of becoming a tool for the orcs was a great plot point and could have really been played upon by the mirrors’ illusions.

Persona (8) – The real driving force of the thread was who your characters were and how they dealt with not being put in a position of strength, which really made them shine. Letho, you did a good job of pointing out the fact that despite what everybody on Althanas seems to think, Letho isn’t the perfect god-like figure that he’s often portrayed as. While I would by no means call him stupid, his weakness at the point of riddles really added a level of depth to his character. Steppenwolf, as I mentioned in the communication portion, your dislike of Hsa felt as important to your character as a plot point as his orc-heritage, but I would have liked to have seen that continued or concluded and perhaps the root of it delved into more than it was.

Prose: (21)

Mechanics (7) – A few errors here and there in Steppenwolf and Chibimon’s posts, not many but easily catchable.

Clarity (7) – There were a couple of parts in the mirror rooms that were written in a way that, while they didn’t exactly trip up my reading, they didn’t flow as smoothly as they could have. Primarily this came from Hsa’s nightmare sequence. Still, as I said, it didn’t exactly trip up my reading, and I understood it clearly as I was reading, if not cleanly.

Technique (7) – The use of failure as a point for great characters was what really set this thread apart. It was a great technique and really helped flesh out the some deeper levels to the characters than I’ve seen from them. Riddles are also a tool that I enjoy, as people tend to think of conflicts purely in a physical sense and it was refreshing to see otherwise here.

Wildcard: (6)

Total: 67

Letho receives 1407 exp and 95 gp.
Chibimon Blue receives 461 exp and 70 gp.
Steppenwolf Orlouge receives 628 exp and 70 gp.