Round 3 League of Nightmares VS Misery Business

[Abomination]

The giant pole finally gave way to gravity and rolled to a stop, giving Draug the realization that whoever was behind it was gone. The only clue he heard was a splash, which told him that Zack decided to spend some time with the other predators today. His discarded his bloody, slimy coat and tossed it to the sharks as well, thinking on whether he should join the street fighter in the pool. As he looked around, he noticed something on the deck of the ship he jumped from: A woman whose expression was like someone at a comedy show rather than a terrified onlooker. The Homunculus had some information about their opponents from the Cult, and she fit the description. Draug turned to her, and bent his knees, which gave her a bit of a shock as she slowly retreated from the rails. If Zack survived the sharks, he would deal with him then.

He broke into a sprint and jumped from the side of the dock, grabbing hold of the chain attached to the anchor, hanging off it for a moment before using it to climb up to the deck of the ship. As he reached the rails and pulled his body over them, she was nowhere in sight, although he heard the sound of the cabin door slamming nearby. He had to close the distance before he lost her.

Ags was inside the cabin, turning the doorway into another trip to a far away land. She had a self-serving smile on her face as she took a few steps back, but instead of the door opening, she heard the crash of someone falling through the window next to the door.

Draug had jumped through shoulder first, shielding his eyes from the shards as he landed on one knee. As he got up, he looked over to the door but all he saw was Ciato Orlouge. That's right, his partner was chasing her.

"Where is she?" Draug asked.

"Taken care of," Ciato said with a mischievous grin. Draug quickly scanned the room, but he couldn't figure out what he meant by that. Didn't she just run in here? While it was faint, there was also a strange scent of something sugary here.

"Where is the body? I could assimilate it to find something out about my prey."

[Ags]

"Alas, I think our pets may have gotten to her," Ciato said with a lazy gesture out the broken window, toward the water. The screams and splashing stopped minutes ago; those who could escape, had, and all that was left was the feast, Zack among them. With his other hand propped coquettishly on his other hip, Ciato gave Draug a rather bold look-over. "I suppose this means we've won. Come on, then, and let's at least try to be civilized."

The man sauntered to the door, shoes crunching over broken glass from the shattered window, and slipped through just quick enough that the coastal breeze seemed to push it closed before Draug could reach it. On the other side he paused, waited, and when no one followed, the smirk returned to his lips.

The illusion fell away into a grinning fairy princess, proud of herself with her hands on her hips and not a thought toward her poor abandoned partner floating just a ways away. Her disguise hadn't been perfect, but Draug had apparently been dense enough to fall for it hook, line, and sinker. In a way this win was anticlimactic, but she'd take it. Agnie couldn't help but appreciate chores which took minimal effort.

"Hmm," she contemplated what to do next, turning to stroll to the edge of the deck. She stepped over a corpse on her way to the rail, something she did with utmost delicacy, and she leaned against the side of the ship to view the wreckage. Sharks still swarmed, blood dissipating into the blue, blue sea, but Zack still floated whole and untouched. "Hmm," she hummed again, narrowing her eyes at his prone form. "Not funny, Zacky."

[Abomination]

Draug looked out the window with a blank expression, his mouth slightly agape, exposing his sharp teeth. How? Did all of this transpire while he was climbing up? While he possessed more questions, he was not one to pry too deeply into anything... usually. If Ciato said it was taken care of, that was the end of the matter. The Mystic's gait was slightly abnormal, not that Draug kept track of the mannerisms of his partner.

As the door closed, Draug took slow steps toward it, placing his hand on the door. He was about to open the door and walk in with one motion, but something was stopping him. The ocean breeze pushed his hair around, and the smell of confectioneries faded. It didn't look like the woman was under any duress when he saw her casually staring at him from the deck. What's more, why did he think that they had won? There was still the matter of Zack, and the Homunculus did not believe that someone who made it this far would be taken out by a few fish. Was he on the deck with the woman? Finally, that scent bothered him. It wasn't here last time he was on the ship.

His hand left the doorknob, instead balling up into a fist. He couldn't believe it at first, but Ciato was lying to him. For what reason he could not possibly fathom, but it would not be unusual for the conniving Mystic to have an ulterior motive. Instead of opening the door, he stepped back and kicked it in, tearing it off its hinges into... snow. Suddenly, a cold burst of wind blasted him, causing him to shield his eyes. Instead of more of the ship, the doorway lead to the outside of an abandoned cabin during a violent blizzard. The snow filled the cabin and Draug snarled, unaware of what was going on. He was oblivious to the arcane arts, but he at least knew when he was doing with an absurd spell. Instead of going into the doorway, he ran towards the wall near it and charged through it like a stampeding bull, destroying the wooden wall that separated the cabin from his target.

Ags looked back at the Homunculus, who was now covered in bits of wood and brimming with splinters, and found herself cornered. Draug wasted no time and rushed her, putting his hand to her throat before she could get away. The pieces all fell together when he caught a whiff of the cake-flavored aroma. He didn't know what Ciato was doing, but his presence was missing. This woman's trickery was dangerous, and Draug couldn't afford to let her live any longer.

[Ciato Orlouge]

The grains of sand raked against his delicate features, which only served to frustrate the Mystic more. He kicked the dirt as he screamed, dust floating to the air and forming miniature tornados. The winds of Fallien were particularly violent today; hopefully violent enough to have carried Ciato’s Mystic Protection straight into the heart of the wench who had sent him here.

He walked the town with sweat coming out of (in his mind) every pore imaginable. His body ran into citizens without remorse, even when the victims paused to shout angrily at him. Ciato Orlouge’s fate in this tournament was now up to a man who didn’t even seem to care about winning the thing. If the mutant menace were to be defeated by a pansy and his fairy-like accomplice, the shame on his name would be irreparable.

He could hear the condescending tones in everyone’s voices now. Ciato Orlouge, the self-proclaimed best of the clan, loses in the semi-finals to a couple more suited for dinner, drinks and the theatre than for actual combat. Steppenwolf would no doubt offer some training, while Sei would go on a vehement rant about how Ciato’s sinister nature was what truly lost him the day.

It was this thought of Sei Orlouge, youngest of the Orlouge brothers that sparked an idea. Ciato grinned as he closed his eyes, breathing deeply in and out. He had stopped in the middle of the Fallien bazaar, his mind attempting to drown out any noises from the outside. Sei, as well as Ciato’s mother and father, were all capable and powerful telepaths. The noble’s older brother had never tried to pursue such abilities, as they each had their own little corner of expertise.

Ciato (at least in his mind) was better than all of them in any area they could imagine.

His breathing continued, a single thought going through his head. “Bleed, Draug,” Ciato spoke, hoping that the long-range message would reach his partner. “Bleed and let them know where the true nightmare lies…”


((I was honestly hoping I could think of more stuff to do from Fallien, but I wrote myself into a corner, and as such, this is my final post with Ciato.))

[Zack Blaze]

Zack grinned from underneath the water, even as he heard Draug shatter through the boat. He turned his head to the side quickly, breathing another quick breath while also getting a glance at the action. He could see Ags legs kicking about as Draug held her by the throat. Zack cursed his luck, his head going back into the water. Draug was much stronger than the youth and definitely more dangerous up close. All Zack could do was throw fireballs at the beast if he sought a ranged fight, and such a skill seemed less than versatile in this situation.

As Zack pondered his options, he heard a strange sound overhead. It was risky looking up again, but the boy’s innate curiosity got the better of him. He turned his head just in time to see glass shards flying overhead, aiming straight for Ags back. The glass fragments howled through the air and they made a bee line for Zack’s partner. At the rate the crystal was going, Zack figured that the attack would go straight through the princess, and hopefully through her multi-layered opponent as well. However, Draug more likely than not had some sort of protective chest cavity.

That damn guy is just –made- for fighting.

Zack decided that it would be better to err on the side of caution, and dive down into the blue sea. He kept his eyes open despite the sting of the water, his green orbs scanning the murkiness for large, boat like shapes. He could make out one or two general large bodies, as well as mangled parts of human[/] bodies, the blood slowly starting to thin out as it left the corpses. He kicked his feet as fast and hard as he could, trying not to listen out for Ags. If anyone could understand self-preservation, it would be her.

He made his way to the trawler that Ags had tricked Ciato with, coming out on the other side of the vessel and gasping for air. He hoped the caws of the gulls above would be enough to drown out his pants for sweet oxygen. He cautiously grabbed the boards that made up the ship, climbing up the boat while trying to avoid the various beige barnacles that had made a home upon the lower side of the craft.

He rolled onto the shit, his body hidden on the other side of the cabin. If Draug had been searching for him, it would only be a matter of time before Zack was found. The boy scrambled onto all fours, crawling around on the ship until he found a single rope dangling over the edge. Zack praised his good luck, grabbing the rope that presumably held anchor and burning straight through the hemp material with a small flame.

The smoke may alert him Zack thought to himself, but hopefully I’ll be gone before he can catch me[/i]. As he pondered, he could feel the waves starting to move the vessel from its dock, the trawler swaying back and forth as it began to putter along towards the open sea.

It had been a very anti-climatic fight, and Ags would probably kill him when she saw him again, but Zack (at least for now) was safe.

Truly, the most miserable of businesses is living with yourself after all you’ve done… Zack grinned at the rather deep philosophy, shrugging his shoulders as if Ags were just a coin the boy had lost, But it looks like the Misery Business is good.

[Ags]

As easily as that, Draug snared Ags. The fey gasped as his impossibly strong hand gripped her throat, her hands gripping the rail behind her for support. Her knuckles grew white as, in a mere fraction of a second, she accepted her fate. It was silly to think she could have gotten away unscathed in the first place, anyways. She wasn't made for fighting like this strange man, brimming with splinters and seemingly not worse for wear; as a fairy of Tenger Jerhal, all she was really good for was games.

But then again, the Lornius Corporate Challenge was not much more than a game, itself.

The corners of her heart-shaped mouth curled into a mischievous grin and the princess donned one last disguise, not in an attempt to fool Draug, but to spook him. While Misery Business hadn't snuck a peek at the roster this round, Zack had briefed her on all of their potential opponents, and there was one thing she remembered about this creature: he was a momma's boy.

And if there was anything that would make an anticlimactic death more gratifying, it would be seeing Draug's face as he murdered his own "mother".

Agnie's golden hair faded to a more natural blonde and her rosy skin took on a tan, her build slimming as she assumed the beautiful face she'd seen only on paper. It wasn't a perfect disguise, by any means –– if she made an unconvincing Ciato, she'd make a worse Cassandra –– but it served its purpose, and through the blink of an eye, Draug stared down at a rather lifelike depiction of the woman he held precious. The look in her hazel eyes wasn't fear. No, it was disappointment… wordless, condescending recognition of his failure to her.

Then the rain of glass came. As her partner predicted, the fey was as good as dead, and the shards skewered her small form mercilessly. Blood blossomed at the points of impact as she shuddered in Draug's grasp, her incapacitated lungs struggling for one last breath, and the illusion faded away as she quickly lost concentration and consciousness.

To her dismay, no fireworks heralded her loss. But, well, at least it was quick.

[Abomination]

Draug wasn't fooled.

Of all the illusions, of all the people to imitate, she had to pick his mother. Draug would never mistake her distinct heavenly aroma, the softness of her hair, the coldness of her touch. The real Cassandra's voice echoed in omnipotence, and the Homunculus felt her gift giving him life, form, and purpose. He had no problem crushing the windpipe of this imposter.

However, someone else beat him to it. The inescapable glass shards traveled the world to get back here, to exact Ciato's revenge upon the woman. They pierced through her flesh like butter, traveling through her body and sticking themselves into Draug, who was knocked down by the force, allowing him to drop the lifeless form of the fairy princess onto the deck, her arm dangling off the edge of the ship between the rails. The shards dug deep into his flesh, but the damage was mitigated by their initial target. He got up and started pulling the bloody shards off, coughing and snarling. If he wasn't so devoid of expressiveness, he might have been annoyed by Ciato's actions, but the end result was the same. Walking up to the rails, he looked around and noticed that Zack was not in the water. Despite his planning, did his opponent actually escape? The waves crashed against the pier, but the outward tide was strong on the island.

Also, there was a boat drifting out of the docks. A barely-visible wisp of smoke rose from it, and Draug suspected that his opponent was there. First Letho, then the two orcs, and now Zack- were all of his prey going to get away? There was no way to catch up to him at this point, unless...

He walked up to the body and shoved his hand into her chest, piercing through flesh and tearing through her ribs to retrieve his prize: Her heart. His own was borrowed, as were all of his failing organs, and now was as good a time as any to replace it. He ripped the arteries apart by pulling on the heart, which only stopped beating moments ago, and used his other hand to open his own chest, tearing apart his rib cage like he was opening an envelope. Shoving the new heart in, he put it into its new home and retrieved the old heart. It was shriveled and black, and had a pussy liquid emerging from its openings. He tossed it overboard, and whichever shark ate it would likely die. He did one more thing, which was assimilate the one known as Ags.

Memories flooded into his head, and he sifted through them like an index to a book. Most of them gave him a sharp pain in his head, the inclusion of the foreign elements from the alien fairy. He made no effort to retain the memories, instead focusing on how to use her abilities. Besides that, he learned of what happened to his partner, and if he had a sense of humor he would've laughed. Regardless, there was a stroke of luck to his situation: Ags had made a door on that very trawler, the one she used to get away from Ciato and send him to Fallien. Draug grinned, his pleasure so radiant that the sliver of emotion he could express became manifest. He looked back and saw the hole in the wall he made and the door he was expected to go through. The door he knocked down on the other side was in that cold place, while this door was untouched. He walked up to it and put his hand on the doorknob, connecting the memory of this door to the one on the trawler. He drew a longsword from his throat with his free hand, scraping the blade along his throat to cover it with poisonous blood. He turned the knob and pulled, looking out onto the deck of the trawler beyond the doorway.

Now far enough away from the docks that he was sure Draug couldn't swim to him, Zack emerged from his hiding and took his place at the helm. He had to make sure the rudder was pointing in the right direction, or the boat would just take him right back to the pier. He would have to extend the sails as well to take him around the island to some other entry point. While he was steering, he felt the presence of someone else on board, but before he could react, Draug had jumped from the mast and shoved a sword deep through his neck, the blade sticking out of the bottom of his spine. It was a clean cut, immediately severing the blood flow to his brain and sending him down to the wooden floor like a rag doll. Draug pulled the sword out and licked the blood, releasing his assimilation of Ags for this new information. Zack was a strong warrior, and if he was aware that Draug could infiltrate the ship, he would've put up quite a fight. The street fighter's data would undoubtedly aid Draug in his evolution, but there was something peculiar in his memories. Draug flipped through the mental pages and found an image of his mother.

- - -

Zack was beyond pleased with himself. Not only had he convinced the Cult to let him into their secret base (albeit blind-folded and spun around), but he even had the pleasure of knocking out his escort. He wasn't going to wait for his meeting with the big momma herself, his time was far too important to be kept in some dark room with a bunch of deranged lunatics. For whatever reason, the Cult had decided to join Phoenix Ascendant in opposing the Ixian takeover of Corone. They probably had the same idea as him: exposure. Misery Business definitely needed to be more well-known, and what better way than butting heads with a bunch of righteous knights? A section of operations was given over to the Cult, and Zack decided to tag along with them rather than the deadpan serious elves that lead the effort. After all, there was much to learn from Cassandra about being infamous.

He crept along the dark halls that were barely lit by torches, memorizing the ancient stone architecture and trying to figure out where exactly the hell he was in the world. He could tell that this place was definitely underground, since it was so damp with moss growing from the ceiling, maybe it was under Concordia? Either way, he found Cassandra's audience chamber door and could hear a conversation on the other side. He peeked in and saw two people and then quickly hid again. Maybe they were talking about him, after all, who wouldn't?

The demi-god brunette floated in the air, her dress flowing and red sigils glowing under her feet. The room was more lighted than others, having a magical spotlight that hung from the ceiling and illuminated a circle on the stone ground. Cassandra stood in the circle with a cloaked figure whose black cowl obscured the upper part of his face. He was Alexander Rayz, known as Memnar, the Cult's chief alchemist and architect of Draug's homunculus body.

"I'm concerned that you're sending Draug out there alone, it's not an efficient use of our resources," Memnar stated. He was one of the few Cult members to treat Cassandra like a regular person and to challenge her authority, even though in the end he always succumbed to her wishes. "He is not developed enough to challenge so many at once, we should pace his growth better. I'm also not sure how effective he will be so far from your control."

"My dear," Cassandra's voice echoed throughout the hall, sending chills down the spine of the eavesdropping Zack. "What Draug lacks is not strength or fortitude, it is a will."

Memnar nodded, "As designed, Dark Mother."

"I told you to make him a blank slate, and you have complied perfectly. When his form was given to me, I imparted upon him a piece of my essence, a fraction of the gift of divinity. He was given the tools to learn, to make decisions. The path to his growth is in finding himself, an entity forged purely by the Cult, rather than the ones who previously lead lives outside of us."

"I want to know so that I can prepare... why?"

"The key to my ascension lies with Draug, whether he knows it or not. The essence of immortality was housed in the body of that woman, and to get another piece, that essence must be developed in another one. The body must be strong, so that when I finally reclaim my gift, I will be the undisputed god that I deserve to be."

"I see." Memnar paused for a moment. "You need him to gain his own will, his own desires, so that he fosters your gift into another piece of the puzzle. What if this fails? What if he stays the way he is?"

"Then I will take back my gift and we will try again. There's only so much of my essence that I can give out."

"Understood," Memnar crossed his arms. "We would lose months if we had to start over."

Out in the hallway, Zack shrugged. It was no concern of his that Draug was merely a sacrificial puppet. A bit of a shame though to have made a fighter that good only to destroy him for some magical essence stuff.

- - -

Draug looked at Zack's body, the wind blowing his hair to reveal his other dark eye as the boat continued to drift out to sea.

"What is this... ?"

[Dissinger]

Misery Business vs. League of Nightmares

Misery Business

Plot ~ 12/30

Story ~ 4/10 – The story in this one was very thin. It seemed more like you ran out of ideas and finally figured that it was time to make Agnes succeed in pulling the door trick to elsewhere.

Setting ~ 4/10 – Setting was barely used here. I think in the rush to get through the story you felt that smaller nods were all that was needed.

Pacing ~ 4/10 – Shorter posts create a quicker pace, but that hindered in this thread as things were not really going anywhere to begin with.

Character ~ 13/30

Communication ~ 5/10 – With actions being very direct that made the only communication I can draw upon the dialogue. The problem with this would be that in many cases it seemed canned. Not cliché mind you, just very preserved and sealed up before being dumped out into the posts.

Action ~ 4/10 – Action was pretty rote as far as things went. I was more put off by the fact that Ciato and Zack seemed to be pulled from the fight for no other reason than to make things easier to write.

Persona ~4/10 – I know these characters well, and the problem is this seemed very cookie cutter to me.

Prose ~ 15/30

Mechanics ~ 5/10 – Word swaps. Both teams were guilty of it, but it is jarring to see Zack roll onto the SHIT rather than the SHIP.

Clarity~ 7/10 – Short posts make for clearer posts.

Technique ~4 /10 – With smaller posts however, comes less opportunities for technique.

Wildcard: 6/10 Mildly amusing, and the fact you let Agnes pull off the old switching door trick was nicely done. It’s nice to see it work for once.

Total ~ 46/100

League of Nightmares

Plot ~ 15/30

Story ~ 5/10 – The interesting plot twist at the end with Draug is what netted you more. The situation with Ciato while funny, unfortunately couldn’t win you any points in the story department as it created that dead end. Had there been no follow up post to Ciato sending the shards, I feel it would have been a spiteful ending that would create a stronger feel. Instead him wandering around and griping about how his family was going to react hurt an otherwise okay ending.

Setting ~ 5/10 – Used more and incorporated better. I didn’t dock points, but wish to inform you, Homunculus, sharks HATE the taste of humans.

Pacing ~ 5/10 – Quick pacing helped, but at times it felt TOO fast. The answers were too easy in this fight. Perhaps it was just the problems of having one writer on both teams.

Character ~ 12/30

Communication ~ 4/10 – Draug reads very dry to me, and so Communication focused solely on Ciato, who was sadly lacking face time due to being written out.

Action ~ 4/10 – Draug’s actions as usual read very gore heavy, and it’s getting boring. Perhaps changing it up from “I pull my swords out and slash my throat to coat them in blood” could make Draug’s fighting style work better. Especially since you have written in your profile you can fire them out of the body. I think having him fire a few throwing knives at Agnes before jumping over would have created more tension than just jumping over. Again this is the idea that your threads have gotten formulaic. Variety is the spice of creative writing.

Persona ~ 4/10 – Again Draug falls flat for being Draug, though with the events of last fight, it seemed to have happened in a void, because there was no repercussions from previous fights beyond “they got away”. I feel you missed opportunities for growth in the name of speed. Ciato had more personality, but with being written out succinctly like that, he couldn’t use it to the team’s full potential. This is where you gave points to the enemy team League.

Prose ~ 16/30

Mechanics ~ 5/10 – Switched words much like Misery Business. Doing a spell rather than DEALING with a spell immediately comes to mind.

Clarity~ 6/10 – Nice clean succinct, but while they were short posts I did have to reread a couple of sections, mainly him chasing after Agnes after Zack went off the pier.

Technique ~ 5/10 – I lowered technique for no use of truly complex writing styles. It was very Dick and Jane in presentation, I felt everything was straightforward and other than the small cliffhanger with Draug realizing Cassandra Remi really IS a bitch, it didn’t do much to entrance me.

Wildcard: 5/10 Meh score for what I felt was rather cookie cutter as well. I felt like you had more potential, but didn’t utilize it.

Total ~ 48/100

LEAGUE OF NIGHTMARES WINS 48 to 46!

Homunculus receives 1750 EXP and 48 GP
Ciato Orlouge receives 1750 EXP and 29 GP
Ags receives 525 EXP and 37 GP
Zack Blaze receives 525 EXP and 37 GP

[Mordelain]

Experience and gold added.