The little things

[Zarkin]

Thank you all for your support. I am regaining myself through reading these. And I also have bipolar disorder and have anger management disorders. I think that some of my outbursts also lead to people hating me. But then again I can't help it, which they don't understand. Can I have some advise on how to hopefully set things straight?

[Warpath]

This is going to sound harsh cuz it really is, but it's something I wish I'd taken to heart earlier than I did:

It's not anybody's job to understand, it's your job to "help it." If you've made people hate you by treating them like shit, you've burned that bridge and it's done. Unless you can sincerely promise the people you've hurt that it won't happen again, they're kinda better off without you.

I wouldn't normally tell somebody that, but you asked and it seems like you want to know how to improve. I don't know you, but from what you've said, it sounds like you need to look within instead of without.

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

I have to agree with Warpath.

He's pretty much hit the nail on the head there. And, despite sounding harsh, it's sound advice.

[Zarkin]

I forgot to add in that the reason I go off on them is because they just piss me off because they think it's funny. Which is down right cruel to me. And I want to be the bigger person but everytime I try they act like fucking children and just piss me off before I can get to apologizing.

And I think you misunderstood when I said they don't understand. What I meant was that they don't understand that I cannot control it most of the time. They know i have the disorders the just choose to see how pissed I can get before getting out of control. If you understood that was what I meant then my bad. Sorry.

[Amber Eyes]

Here's the thing, all you can do is talk to these people, calmly explain what you are going through and tell them straight up that you can't handle the jokes. One of two things will happen-

1. They don't care- guess what, these people were never friends, and all you can really do is ignore them. There are assholes in the word, it sucks but it is true. They aren't going to stop and you can't let that define you.

2. They will try- And you have to try too. Learn to see when you are losing it and see what can stop it. If you can't do it alone then seek some help. Just remember, even if they do care about you they shouldn't have to live in fear of you going off because they went a tad to far.

And I agree with what Warpath said on the girl situation. It isn't all her fault. I know that type of girl because that was always me. I've done that to boys since I was old enough to realize that I like them. It wasn't ever intentional, and honestly when I was younger I had no idea it was even happening. Now I see it, and I feel like crap because I had guys who missed out on a lot of possibilities because they thought that one day I'd come around. I'm not saying she is a horrible person, but you shouldn't hold your breath that she is going to change any time soon. We all have our demons. Any anger that I might have seemed to have towards her behavior is directed firmly at myself, so please don't take it as I think she's terrible.

[Atzar]

Regarding the girlfriend:

If you phone has the capability, block her number so you don't receive her texts. I don't get the sense that you have a healthy relationship with her, so you don't need it. Similarly, delete her from Facebook and whatever other networking sites you use. This isn't being petty; it's creating space and closure. Clean breakups allow healing. Messy breakups fester. So let her take care of herself; you do you.

Regarding the anger:

Find a healthy way to deal with it. That's a vague answer because the best way to do it depends on you. Blasting your pent-up emotions at unwilling listeners isn't a good answer. Find a better way. Mental activity or non-destructive physical activity are both solid options. Playing pool is a favorite release of mine; it requires calm, cool, rational thought and allows you to approach your feelings and problems when you've had time to screw your head on straight. If healthy outlets don't seem to be helping, it might be time to consider professional advice/therapy.

[Zarkin]

I usually wrestle my aggression out. But doesnt always work. I appreciate you trying to help though.

[Atzar]

I usually wrestle my aggression out. But doesnt always work. I appreciate you trying to help though.

I don't think wrestling falls into the 'non-destructive' category. It may just create more aggression and hostility. I was suggesting activities more positive in nature.

[Zarkin]

Idk I may get pissed off about losing a match. But I always get my revenge by winning sooner or later. It helps me more than youd think. Not saying you're wrong or anything. Its just a thought. But enough of what I think. What do you suggest?