League A (Division 1): BlueGhostofSeaside v. Zack Blaze

[Ashla]

What are you, some kind of cannibal?? Ashla thought to herself as she watched a fireball come towards her again. She already felt that the flames from the tree were leaving some damage to her skin. She had no time to relish the pain though as she forced herself to continuously role aside from the fireball the boy had thrown at her. During her role, she had thrown her cloak off. It was already burning up, and Ashla herself needed to stop any flames on her body by rolling in the crystallized snow. One or two screams had escaped her during the last ten seconds of which her attacker's next move had seriously pulled a strike on her.

After rolling in several feet of snow, Ashla pushed herself to try and get up. She could only get to her hands and knees in her intense pain inflicted by the new burns all over her body. She had managed to escape the fireball itself, but the levels of steam and flames on the ground in their recent area had given her several second degree burns. One of Ashla's screams of pain suddenly morphed to an intense growl of anger; this guy was clearly ticking her off! She looked up at him, her hair falling over her face, as her eyes changed in color. Her eyes looked like chips of ice, a scene that could, even only for a moment, scare somebody if it happened suddenly. When her eyes changed, it reflected how serious Ashla was. If she was angry or deeply depressed, her eyes would shine this new color as a warning sign that...

... "Boy, I've just gotten serious!"

... All the pain Ashla felt suddenly fueled her with the dark energy needed to defeat this one, to show him that she was not worth the trash he was giving her. Ashla quickly got up and raced towards him again. Right when she got up to him, she didn't slow down but she pulled her long sword out. She kicked him back once, then began to violently swing at him. You little twerp!! You, you...

[Zack Blaze]

“….Are you kidding me?”

Zack sighed at Ashla’s ‘final form’, only to be quite shocked when the girl suddenly kicked him backwards. Zack stumbled, grabbing at his stomach and trying to regain some of the air the girl had knocked out of him. In the intense heat of the fire realm, breathing was not a luxury the street fighter really had. With each inhale, he lapped up steam and smoke, which only served to dry his throat out more and more.

Ashla came swinging her sword at the weakened Zack, the green eyed fighter reacting with various bobs and weaves to avoid becoming a chopped salad. The wind that followed each furious slash felt like a new relief to the boy’s sweaty face. He almost desired to be cut by the ice mages blade to feel the cool steel against his skin. Their dance had once again brought the ice-centric psycho into the heated world of volcanos and steam, though Zack was starting to find himself in no condition to take advantage.

Don’t have much left. He bit his lower lip as he jumped to the right, narrowly avoiding another vicious swipe. He knew he had to end this match quickly, try one more move that would hopefully end the girl here and now. He closed his eyes and took a heavy swallow. Success in this move would find him victory where failure would most assuredly find him skewered like a kabob.

He dashed forward, his left hand trying for Ashla’s own hands. Electricity cackled from his palm, and if they made contact with the girl, she would find herself hit with the same effect as a taser on her lithe body. At the same time, Zack’s right hand was devoured with flame, fingers clutched as he tried to throw a powerful uppercut into the girl’s gut. A combination of three of Zack’s moves; enough to outright exhaust the boy, but also enough to leave anything he connected with completely devastated.

It was all or nothing. Would the Blaze be chilled or would the Icebreaker final feel the burn?

[Ashla]

Ashla was more and more ticked off at this jerk. That idiot! Baga! Cheap-scate! After several hard blows, each blow getting harder, Ashla finally hit him! She couldn't tell how though as she instantly got hit with some kind of pain as well. She realized at the exact moment she hit him that he had thrown his hand, empowered with fire, towards her gut. She stepped slightly to the left just enough to dodge to attack; however, she finally realized that he take hit her with something else too. She could tell that the pain she had felt at the moment she had cut him with her blade was surges of electricity running through her body. So we hit each other at the exact same time, eh? He's clever... She noted that she had slashed into his chest and blood was gushing out. She only noted this a second before she fell to her hands and knees in pain; blood gushed out of her mouth, several coughs followed.

The sight of her own red blood splattered onto the pure white snow made Ashla feel rather unenthusiastic. The pain of both the burn marks and the electricity had her close to fainting, but she had to stay awake long enough to see her opponent die. She smirked, "You got me, but I also got you. Now who's gonna faint first?" The wind blew towards her allowing some brief relief to her aching body. Either she fainted and the it would be a tie, or the man would die and by an inch Ashla would have won the fight.

[Zack Blaze]

He felt the throbbing in his chest as he looked at the smoke streaming off of Ashla Icebreaker’s body. While the youth’s attack had succeeded in frying his foe like a fine fish, the fiendish female had finally connected with a half-way decent attack. The initial cut of the blade sprayed blood onto the heated ground, causing a steam to lift up and waft a copper-like smell into his nose. He stumbled forward while his opponent fell backwards, somehow winding back up in the snow.

A little better than I thought, Zack closed his eyes and fell to his knees, clutching at the line across his chest. She had managed to cut clean through his jacket, which took the brunt of the swipe. As he traced the diagonal line across his chest he soon realized that the painful blow was nowhere near fatal. She had only managed what amounted to a decent sized flesh wound. He could hear her taunting him about who would ‘faint ‘ first and a smirk crept across his features. It was finally time to squash the bug.

He opened both of his hands, trying for one last desperate attempt to draw his electric energy and form one last shot at High Voltage to finish her off. His breathing grew more labored as he looked to his palms, his hands devoid of enough fighting aura to use the powerful technique. The street fighter grinded his teeth, his upper lip twitching in frustration as he fell forward onto the snow, about ten feet across from Ashla. The snow felt good upon his hot skin, cooling his flesh and almost welcoming the boy into a nice nap.

“Not…yet…” Zack whispered, forming a fist with his left hand. He concentrated hard and threw the fist into the air, a smaller flame forming along the ground and flying towards Ashla. It was nowhere near as powerful as the other flames he had conjured; it took almost all of his energy just to muster up the two foot flame. However, he also doubted that Ashla’s body had enough left in her to dodge the miniscule thing.

“A moth can still burn up on an ember….” Zack whispered, knowing the girl wouldn’t hear his words through the thick snow.

[Ashla]

Ashla's eyes widened, even in his weakened state he could still use his mage powers! The fire didn't seem as bad as the flames he had tried to use on her before, but they looked bad enough. Ashla's blade had been canceled and was right beside her. She didn't have time to think much as he rekindled the flames in his hands. So much like Julius... Ashla could try to use her defensive ice armor again, however, the time she had used it before had taken all of her energy for using it out. She could probably form a weak one and surpass the opportunity of being roasted, but the best she could do with it now wasn't good enough. She could try to role aside, but she was so much pain and she couldn't move much at all. Once again, her eyes rested on sword, could she do something with it? She had to figure out something before he released the fireball! She heard him mumble something through the snow, but it was hard to hear...

... And he released it.

Ashla's eyes widened, before they had briefly turned back to normal, but now they were layered with their signature ice again. Ashla quickly turned to her first option and made the best out her last resort. A very thin layer of ice formed around her body as the flames raced towards her. As quickly as they passed through her, the coverings of frost had melted away. It had blocked the opportunity of catching on fire, but now she had even more burn marks and realized that a portion of her hair was inflamed. She bit her lip, Dang it... And I can't move at all! Dang it, dang it, dang it! She felt the layers of snow were already engulfing her, she could only hope that the frozen snow would put out the fire, if the fire reached up to her scalp she would surely loose consciousness. What a horrible way to die... Or pass out then die... She suddenly felt something sting her leg as well. A fire had started around her and had caught her left lower leg. Ashla hissed, Dang it... I should be stronger... than...

If the guy she had hit died before her slow struggle ended, she was barely lucky, if not...

[Zack Blaze]

He lifted his head from the snow, the white powder falling from his face as he opened his eyes. Ashla lay on the ground motionless as his flames slowly burned her leg and hair. The horrible stench of burning flesh and hair reached the boy’s nostrils, causing him to bury his head in the snow once more. The cool feeling of the winter wonderland soothed the stinging of his wound, while also burning. Zack had no doubt that this blow would get infected if not treated.

He rolled onto his back, tongue sticking out of his mouth to catch the falling snowflakes that wandered by. Soon, the girl would be nothing more than charred remains. The thought of a crispy Icebreaker brought a smile to his lips. He rolled his shoulders in the snow, simultaneously shaking some of the white off of him while allowing more of the stuff to get into his clothes. His arms waved back and forth, up and down. He had no real energy left to get up, but he could at least make snow angels while he waited for the girl to die.

The ice mage will be burned like a demon in hell while the fighter with flames is found on the ground as an angel. What a fitting end…

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes into a hour. Zack shifted his gaze over to his foe, a wicked smile gracing his lips as he watched what was left of her nerves liquify under the intense heat of his flames. Today, Ashla Icebreaker had known true misery, and just maybe the girl would know better than to try to upstage Zack Blaze.

[Lye]

Thread Title: League A (Division 1): BlueGhostofSeaside v. Zack Blaze
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: BlueGhostofSeaside vs Zack Blaze

---

Plot: 15 --- 17

• Story- 5/10---4.5/10

Both players lacked the presence of story or purpose for the battle to take place. Zack offered a little back story that he played upon throughout the thread. He also made some more notes towards winning the Adventurer's Crown. Still, the point of the battle was lost even though it was a League thread. A character's story will benefit from having a purpose for joining a competition aside from it being a test of skill. Any fighting game will be an example of this when you play story mode with each character. The battles may be quick and repetitive, but the characters in the game have a reason for being there. BGoS did a little better at her purpose for the fight. Ashla had to prove to herself that she was strong and independent. It was clear that her character struggled with her own ability and she was striving to become better. Zack is a street fighter, but the purpose for being in this battle could have benefited from more depth.

• Setting- 6/10---7/10

Both players made an effective use of the setting. For those struggling to earn high scores in setting, they should look to this battle. BGoS would have earned a higher score if she had played off the environment as Zack had. Using the fire arena to amplify his attack was great. Ashla not only received burns from the attack, but steam vents as well. Both players used the snow to cool burns. If Ashla would have used the frost to amplify her abilities to freeze, she may have come out in this area. Still, Zack made his posts cater more towards the environment. He wrote that his character was sweating or chilled. Overall, his posts painted the stronger picture of the two, but both players did a fine job of incorporating the setting as an interactive environment.

• Pacing- 4/10---5.5/10

The beginning of the fight carried on at a good pace. The actions were focused on and the descriptions were just enough to fill in the rest. This all changed near the end and became sluggish. Both players struggled to hang on by a thread with one nearly dead from injuries and the other from overexertion. The overexertion seemed less believable than the injuries, but the attempt at suspense was noteworthy. Unfortunately, the focus on an In-Character win dragged out the battle's final moments and really hurt the pacing of the fight. To successfully pull off a struggle to survive, desperation should be played upon with use of colorful writing techniques. The use of the techniques creates an enticing read which is still clear to the reader, but also gives off the sense of uncertainty in the victor.

---

Character: 16 --- 18

• Communication- 5/10---6/10

Where as Zack is pumped full of witty lines and wry taunts, Ashla is a character of inner monologue. Both players used their respective techniques well, and it helped to define their characters. Ashla would have benefited a little more from actual dialogue to provoke or allow the opposing player to interact with her. The only line of speech from her was: "Eh, Nah" She smirked, "I'd rather bring things to temperatures below zero." This was a good play off Zack's taunt, yet her actions had no real backing to it and she did not follow up with any further dialogue.

• Action-5/10---6/10

As mentioned in the setting section, Zack made a slightly stronger use of setting. His tactical use and analysis in combat won him the win for this area. Ashla missed opportunities to play off her strengths in the snow area. If Zack could bolster his flames in the lava, then Ashla should have been able to maintain her shield for longer or actually emit frost from her hands. The would have been especially nice to see when her eyes changed color due to the Icebreaker heritage. For someone with the name Icebreaker, there should be a little more emphasis on her abilities in frost than with the blade. Keep this in mind for future level updates to really give Ashla a character trademark.

• Persona- 6/10---6/10

Both personalities were strong here. Ashla was extremely determined and had drive. Zack was peppy, cocky, and arrogant. The writing played well on both parts toward their respective elements. For a battle, there is not much to improve upon in either area. Perhaps in a longer confrontation that involved more communication or purpose, could the characters shine more of their personalities.

---

Prose: 15 --- 16

• Mechanics- 6/10---5/10

The writing was peppered with errors in comma usage on both sides. BGoS misused the semicolon in one area and had a rather lengthy run-on in post nine. Zack had cleaner posts but the major error was tense change. This is a major infraction to the flow of a story and presentation. Post six was the major offending post. BGoS also needs to be careful in the usage of "something" in her posts. That word can be used effectively, but should not be relied upon as a descriptor. This offense was in post nine where Ashla reacted to Makai on the battlefield. The attempt to create a mystery and suspense was there, but could have been stronger by subbing the "something" out for more powerful adjectives.

• Clarity- 3/10---5/10

BGoS lost a considerable amount of clarity for the closed-ended hits on Zack. There were a few instances where her blows were written to have made contact before Zack accepted the injury. This is called "Bunnying" and is one of the cardinal sins in PbP roleplay. It is not entirely forbidden so long as permission is given from the other party and the thread has some form or notation that it was allowed. If permitted bunnying happens in one post, an OOC tag for that post stating permission will suffice. If bunnying was permitted throughout a thread, please indicate this in a final OOC tag of your last post, or in the comment section of the judgment submission. Aside from that, the thread was very upfront and clear. It was above average, but points were deducted from Zack for the issue in tense hurting clarity as well. Keep an eye on these easy to fix errors and both of you would have been toe to toe here as well.

• Technique- 6/10---6/10

Both players have a unique technique. Zack has slightly more literary flair than BGoS, but her poppy inner monologue and energetic punctuation has a specific audience as well. Where as both writers appeal to a more youthful audience, BGoS leans more towards the optimistic teen heroine, and Zack leans more towards the bad-ass action hero. Not much can be improved upon in this area for the length of the battle. More advanced techniques like foreshadowing would be nice to see. If the story was given a stronger purpose, there would have been opportunity to play with techniques and their ability to flesh out the character.

---

Wildcard: 0 --- 6

Because bunnying is a major infraction, I have removed BGoS's wildcard. In the past, I have seen entire judgments given a zero for the infraction. That and Powergaming are the two biggest things to avoid in competitive roleplay. Understanding that this was an issue in the cell, I am cracking down on it on any competitive thread. Quests are the gray area, but there should still be notation of permitted bunnying at the close of threads to alleviate the misunderstanding to the judge or reader. That being said, I am impressed at the improvements both writers have been making. There is still room for growth, but I am seeing progress as I read more and more of your work. Some of the major errors that stole away points are an easy fix you can be keeping an eye out for when you read your own work. Keep building up those literary techniques and building character complexity and I expect to see some Judge's Choices in the future.

If either of you have an issue with any commentary made during this judgment, you are free to PM me to go over the score. I am also willing to work with you if you have further questions on how to improve or would like elaboration/clarification on certain tips.

---

Final Score: 46---57

Zack Blaze Wins!:

• 1,575 EXP!
• 95 GP!

Congratulations!


BlueGhostofSeaside Receives:

• 315 EXP!
• 48 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!