League A (Division 1): Elthas_Belthasar v. Zack Blaze

[Zack Blaze]

“Was all that really necessary?” Zack’s ally, the ogre Makai, asked the youth as he stepped out of the room. Zack’s response was a look that would intimidate the fiercest of Althanian beasts. It was this look that caused Makai to not prod any further, and instead simply follow his master out of the citadel.

“Can I seriously not find somebody worthy to fight in this damn thing?!” Zack yelled to nobody in particular, his hands still smeared with the blood and melted flesh of Elthas. “I only have one more opponent, and I don’t even know who it is yet! Given my ‘competition’ so far, if you can even call it that, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was fighting my own damn shadow!”

“Pretty funny you say that,” Makai said as he held a list of Zack’s opponents in his massive hands. The youth had been teaching his monstrosity of an ally how to read and write since their inaugural outing together. Now the raging beast had become quite good at reading tradespeak, even the hastily written in opponent that was listed as Zack’s fifth and final opponent for the Althanas League. “You may just be doing that.”

Zack paused for a moment, turning to look at his friend. “What do y---“

“Kyla Orlouge.”

Zack’s eyes widened, his demeanor both physically and mentally completely shifting from the raging fighter of seconds before. Kyla Orlouge was a legend, one of the biggest names on Althanas. She had been the only Mystic to conquer both Light and Shadow magic, she was the daughter of the renowned Sei Orlouge. Surely if anybody was going to give Zack a decent battle, it would be her.

“Those sons of drakelings…” Zack whispered to himself, “Saving the best fight for last, eh?”

“So, what’s next?” Makai asked, handing Zack the papers.

“First, a trip to the bazaar, and then, we’ll try to see just how soon Miss Orlouge would like to fight someone worth her time…” Zack chuckled.

[Lye]

Thread Title: League A (Division 1): Elthas_Belthasar v. Zack Blaze
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Elthas_Belthasar vs Zack Blaze

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Plot: 13 --- 15

• Story- 5/10---5/10

Both parties attempted to add story elements to the battle. Elthas added a preface and fleshed out his continued purpose near in his conclusion. Zack didn't preface much in the beginning but his resolve became clear during the beat-down scene. Elthas also continued monologue during the fight which furthered a story purpose. This was combated by Zack's additional follow up making mention of his next match. Pretty even at the attempt in story.

• Setting- 4/10---5/10

Both players made very clear attempts at describing the setting. However, Zack made continued reference to the townsfolk that Elthas set up in the beginning. This, plus small references in the weather and description of the dusty, arid earth was the upper hand for setting.

• Pacing- 4/10---5/10

As far as action and tempo, both players kept the flow relatively quick. Once past the introduction, actions occurred one after the other with little pause for inner reflection or over description. Zack kept a certain tempo through his writing but did his some snares with unusual comma placement. Elthas made repetitive usage of not only his name, but Ayenee as well. There also was three or four occurrence that made mention that Elthas had read up on Zack. This repetition hurt the flow.

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Character: 16 --- 16

• Communication- 5/10---5/10

This battle did not allow for much witty banter or dialogue. The second half of the thread was rich in monologue and Elthas was keen to use inner monologue to convey to the reader his thoughts and purpose. Both players used speech to minimal impact in the tone. Near the finale, both players created tension and conflict with a bout of anger.

• Action-5/10---5/10

Nothing too exaggerated happened in terms of action. Zack came out of the gates with a full force attack and the suspense of which was minimized by full receipt of the damage by Elthas. Although there was a display of combat tactics by Zack, political tactics were used by Elthas. Both of which were conveyed plainly and to a direct purpose. The battle could have used more drama and suspense.

• Persona- 6/10---6/10

Personalities were the strongest in this fight. Elthas tried to uphold the image of a regal fighter who sought to gain sport from the battle. Zack also sought the same, but on a completely different level. This pent up frustration of being beat down and dealing with the uncivil spoke volumes about Elthas's character. The opposite rang true for Zack where his frustration in dealing with weak opponents sent him into and uncontrolled rage. Each character clearly displayed their presence.

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Prose: 15 --- 16

• Mechanics- 4/10---5/10

Elthas ran into issues with word choice and repetition. This sorely detracted from the potential of the read. Sentence structure was also off, occasionally forcing a reread to understand the information being conveyed. Elthas also used a majority of passive voice throughout his posts. Zack had a few errors in sentence structure where a clause was inserted but to no real merit to story. The break was mid sentence with caused a pause to figure out it's purpose. There was also one issue in tense change and a mediocre use of passive voice. Punctuation aside from that seemed proper on both accounts.

• Clarity- 5/10---6/10

Due to the areas mentioned above, Elthas's writing suffered in clarity. Reducing repetitive information, repetitive words, and focusing more on the active voice of the writing would increase clarity of the writing. Zack, aside from the solo error in tense and misplaced clause, had a clear presentation of content. The writing flowed linearly and conveyed the purpose with the occasional need to review.

• Technique- 6/10---5/10

Elthas had an interesting ebb and flow to his writing. The use of a single sentence in contract to larger paragraphs helped establish emphasis. Smaller sentences in contrast to longer ones created diversity through the read. Elthas also utilized clarifying sentences to original actions. One such being: "He had something to prove... Perhaps they all did." These are pretty common, but they are effective at creating intrigue and depth to the story. Zack used colorful imagery throughout and stretched his usage of adjective to create versatility in describing the same actions differently as they occurred. Zack also used a method of clarification to great potency: "Zack’s flaming hands shot several more fiery blasts towards Elthas’ corpse; cremation in its cruelest form."

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Wildcard: 6 --- 5

I honestly wanted to see more out of this conflict. Perhaps it was Elthas leaving the Leagues or Zack's overwhelming power in comparison. Either way, the battle was pretty flat. It was written out well, but in terms of movie scenes, would not be the edge of your seat experience. The writing held purpose for both parties, but just lacked that umph from a good fight. I would like to see this as a rematch once Elthas has taken his character through this dark transformation. I'm interested to see how the results of this battle effect his continued story.

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Final Score: 50---52

Zack Blaze Wins!:

• 1500EXP!
• 60GP!

Congratulations!


Elthas_Belthasarr Receives:

• 450EXP!
• 30GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!