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Thread: Round 3 Veteran: Roht Mirage Vs Leopold

  1. #11
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    Leopold's Avatar

    Name
    Leopold Winchester
    Age
    4000+ (appears 30)
    Race
    Human
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    Male
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    Eye Color
    Brown
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    Job
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    “That’s just it…,” Leopold moaned as she bumped him with her bottom. “I think you do, so I shall.”

    The effervescent glory that surrounded ‘Sand Bastard’ was by now iridescent. It blotted out the sun overhead, piercing the fog of dawn to midday resplendence.

    “At least, I shall try. Sei was not specific about what I should do when I found you.” Given he was a she, and she was rather amorous, Leopold was tempted to give in there and then. Something stung. Annoyance? Frustration? Decorum?

    “There’s a surprise.” Again the bump. Again, the sandstone Templar teased the merchant with teetering peaks of happiness amidst the deadly skill.

    “Can I level with you?” There was rhetoric there, and no question. Gods did not ask permission. “Sei Orlouge owes my wife a great debt. He does not know it. She knows it too well. I, as the dutiful husband, am stuck in the middle.” With a flex of his wrists, he balled his fists and through the shadowy twists, away went the spear. The light danced over the disturbed sand, new forms and new hopes on old tapestries.

    “Isn’t that what marriage is about?” Astarelle’s tone suggested she might have been married once. Leopold had to ask who would marry a sandstorm.

    He puckered his lips and frowned. Undefended, at least conventionally, he folded his arms across his chest. Every breath he took stung and every beat of his heart jolted lightning into his bones. The exchange, a furious epitaph to his confidence, had left him with little energy.

    “When you’ve been married to a woman for over a thousand years the vows you made on the snowy altar of yesterday break apart.”

    That day had been the same day the Old Gods made their greatest mistake. They, like Sei Orlouge, began to dream too big and crave too much. Berevar, their home, their icy palace was no more their contentment. Beyond those pallid, frozen wastes, they turned and gave their all to claim it. They failed. They lost. They died. They slept.

    “Lucky her,” she quipped.

    Leopold smiled from ear to ear, mirroring the ochre wound on her lithe form.

    “Lucky me,” was the natural extension. He was, by all accounts and comparisons, the luckiest man in love. That love would make his next action easy to perform.

    Unlucky for Fallien, the testimony of Mr and Mrs Winchester was going to quit literally tear reality apart. Leopold knew all too well what failure here would cost him. First, Sei’s riposte. He would disarm Leopold’s advantage with the dwindling providence of the Ixian Knights. The sunset over the miniature Fallien would be glorious a shade of red compared to the trail of blood and torment the mystic left in Leopold’s business and reputation.

    “Let’s continue,” He gestured with a friendly hand extended, “The dance, I mean.”

    Secondly, there would be Ruby’s wrath. She had been working to mould the mystic to her whim, to the whim of Chronicle, for over a year. Ever since the troupe had defended Ixian Castle, and more recently, Duffy Brandybuck had died, plots were pottered, plans were plans, and maps mapped.

    “I thought you’d never ask!” the Fallieni chirped. Though battered, the adrenaline alone made the sand in her dance and the blood in her boil.

    With a bruised lip, sweated shirt, and ruffled mop of hair, Leopold readied himself. Instead of dancing with honour and integrity, he reached into the Aerie. There, he found a woman more threatening than Astarelle, Ruby Winchester, or Sei Orlouge combined. With a storm in a teacup of stored energy, out into the Citadel came Isabella.

    “I was telling,” he spat.

    The flintlock pistol cocked, locked, and loaded and fired. A singular bullet, twenty-five gold coins worth of final say-in-the-matter shot forth and gave Astarelle an ultimatum. Be reined in, or rained on.
    Last edited by Leopold; 02-18-14 at 12:01 PM.

  2. #12
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    Roht Mirage's Avatar

    Name
    Astarelle Set'Roh
    Age
    26
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    Human (Farohtian)
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    Female
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    Dark brown
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    Metallic gray
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    “Is that-”

    The desert's sultry air bent, fractured, and shattered on a single rending note. Little Fallien shuddered.

    Astarelle staggered back one unintended step, then reached for her chest. A blood rose bloomed over her breast. She cupped its petals. “So it is,” she remarked in a quiet and sudden delirium. There was no pain; none from her augered bosom, none from her slashed rib, none from her hand as her staff slipped and bounced reflexively back, knocking against her limp fingers. Heavy with neglect, the staff thumped into the sand. She staggered another step and whispered wetly, “You win, Wasp.”

    She joined her staff upon the desert floor. One hand lay over it, fingers trying ineffectually to grab on. They fluttered to stillness as she directed her final beats of energy elsewhere: Little Fallien. Though she stared rigidly at the sky, she felt where her colored sand decorated the Ai'Brones' own. Nirrakal, the blighted glass field, was largely intact, and grey still capped some of Zaileya's standing peaks.

    A regret pulled at her, that she had not recreated one special location in her homage. There was a plateau in the real Fallien, a single blunted tooth in the desert's jaw. She had climbed it, mad with dehydration, on her first night in the Fallien wilds. That was her first glimpse of freedom from Faroh, the city of mad men's tales, where the true pieces of a young, vibrant motherland resided. In that holy place, one could find Fallien's untainted love. Yet, despite the cold of that night, and with a whole forever-and-some of harsh land and hungry predators stretching below, she was happier than ever before. She danced with the moonlight, content to spend her last desiccated hours in the thrall of some mad inner-tempo. Then, Akashere found her. He saved her. And, though he was gone now, he had helped her grow into so much more than she once was. More than even Fallien's lost city could contain.

    She shuttered a breath. Her sand moved with it. The Blight -its white skin a poor approximation of the real mirrored inferno- stirred into uneven mounds. In the hobbled mountains, the false snow tumbled free, sweeping out and over an expanse where that plateau, that stage, that alter of her rebirth might have been.

    Akashere would have agreed. If Little Fallien was doomed to fade away, best that it be broken anew by the hands of its estranged daughter.

    ~

    Astarelle's eye jolted open to see a monk hovering over. She didn't recognize him, but he wore a daringly familiar smile as if she were the subject of some private joke. She draped an arm over her eyes so she would not have to see, and so they would not betray the lie in her pleasant grin. “Who was that?” she muttered.

    His voice ventured closer as if he hadn't heard. “Miss Set'Roh?”

    “That man. That wasp. Can't fly quite straight, eats too many sweets, but -by the depths- can he sting,” she droned as if realizing, too late, that it had sounded wittier in her head.

    “That would be one Leopold Winchester,” the monk answered with piteous amusement.

    Astarelle's body curled sharply into the bed as he belted out more laughter than she had breath for. “The Leopold Winchester?” she cackled.

    “Y-yes.” Gingerly, as if she were made of fragile, shifting glass, the monk helped her sit up and swing her legs over the edge. Still quaking with small breaths, she blinked against the harsh light cutting into the stone chamber from a narrow slit above. His voice intoned somewhat hastily, “If you are well, Miss Set'Roh, I will leave you to your own time. Do not rush.” He gestured to the contents of the room's sole table, then made his exit. The heavy oaken door clicked gently shut.

    Oh, Mister Orlouge, you select only the finest hounds, yet you never consider how sharp their fangs are... Her laughter faded as her gaze cast about.

    On the table, her abandoned armor pouted, and her staff lay prone beside, smug that it had shepherded her to the end. Four clay pots sat in the center; the usual Ai'Brone method for returning her sand to her. It was all becoming very routine.

    Unenthusiastically, she raised a hand, calling the staff to her. The blue ribbons fluttered as it flew, then stilled in her grip. She rubbed a thumb over the small knot they shared and began plucking with her nails. It parted easily, eager to fall away – as all dreams are after waking. She stopped, though, as the Citadel's dusty air wormed through the laid-open loops. Her lips went taught. Her brow furrowed. She cinched the knot tight.

    Nor do you consider, Sei, that some of your hounds...

    She tied another knot atop the first to trap a promise.

    ... have a history of breaking leashes.
    Last edited by Roht Mirage; 02-18-14 at 08:11 PM.

  3. #13
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    Leopold's Avatar

    Name
    Leopold Winchester
    Age
    4000+ (appears 30)
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Brown
    Build
    5'10"/140lbs
    Job
    Merchant

    “I’m starting to see what you man about Sei, my dear.”

    Tea. The afternoon. Normally a highbrow affair in Scara Brae, in Radasanth but a brief diversion from business. In the shadow of the Citadel Mr and Mrs Winchester discoursed about the day’s events.

    “You are?” Ruby enquired. She raised her cup to her lip. The porcelain was coloured rose and painted with begonias and apple blossoms. A wedding gift. Exquisite, yet unappreciated.

    “Yes. That is not cause for you to gloat about it.”

    “I would have thought the debacle on the balcony was cause enough for illumination. I am sorry you had to pursue his vendetta to the very end to receive clarity on the matter.” Her return to a formal tone satisfied his rising irritation.

    With a long drawn out sigh the merchant drained his cup of its caravan chai and set the saucer rattling on the iron-framed table. Its white paint, chipped and forlorn reflected his aged, crumbling resolve. Looking east over the emptying promenade, he gathered his thoughts. Every staff swing, sandstorm, and symmetrical exchange with Astarelle was still clear in his mind. Perfect recall for imperfect performance.

    “In my defence, you thought she was he.”

    “Yes, well, I’ll give you that one.” She would not. Leopold knew he would pay the price for her admission later, and it would be with substantial and bitter interest. “The question is now what do we do?”

    “‘We’? I am sorry Ruby, but there is no we. You want to make an example of Sei Orlouge, and I want to have nothing more to do with him.”

    Deadlock. Dancing dangerously in a duet dawning on dutiful, the pair stared at one another with calm, emotionless facades. Ruby swigged the dregs, non-chalant throwing decorum aside, and let the cup land noisily on its saucer. She scuffed her heel over the flagstones, leant back into her chair, and went limp. Relaxation at long last.

    “For me?” Ruby mumbled.

    Leopold sighed, nodded, and let her continue.

    “With Duffy gone and Scara Brae on the verge of independence our last tether to servitude is Sei. Cut the hand that feeds and we are free.” A dream they had both shared for centuries. A dream they had, in time, abandoned. Reborn. Rekindled. Rebound.

    He puckered his lips. He adjusted his lapel. He went through an assortment of clichéd, distracting motions. Every hair on a shoulder, every speck of dust on his tie pruned before he could consider the truth of the matter.

    “No one else must die,” he said flatly. Ruby frowned. “No…nobody else will die.”

    “I’ve said that a thousand times,” she snorted. The matriarch had meant it each time with all her heart and passion. “It’s not a promise we can keep.”

    True enough, Duffy was gone. Friends and compatriots alike had perished. Ixian Castle had all but been lost and hundreds of souls shed to the winds of time in the pursuit of ‘freedom, justice, and love’. The great lie, The Greatest Lie, was that Sei Orlouge had promised each one of them a notion of the heroic. Under his banner and namesake, the troupe clouded, lost beneath the shadow of his nomenclature.

    “We will keep it. I will keep it. You will keep it.” He stared into her pupils with the fury of the sun. She felt his heat, and he her passion. Bourbon in a plain glass bottle appeared from an umbrae spiral above the table, and fell into his extended hand. He poured it into their emptied cups, and filled the air with jubilation and bonds of goodwill.

    “Oh, well, if we’re to drink on it,” she smirked. Tables dually turned, her concession to her husband’s zeal came naturally. “I have to ask, though…,” she paused until her drink was in her hand; they had toasted, and retreated to lounge in their chairs.

    “Ask away,” Leopold encouraged. He flicked his fringe behind his ears and smiled a broad smile that mirrored the still fresh image of Roht Mirage’s guttural wound. He quickly downed some bourbon to burn away the memory.

    “What do we do next?”

    The sun cusped the Citadel’s Zion peaks. Tumbling towers, decrepit yet resplendent echoed with swordplay and failure. Crowds cheered like distant gulls on the sea breeze. Radasanth proper went to sleep, and Radasanth Dire came to life. As waiters began to clear away the empty tables, and usher away all patrons save the Winchesters, light became dark.

    Leopold smirked with sedition and cunning. Astarelle was precisely the disease he needed to sweat out a longstanding fever. He would hide who, and what he was no longer.

    “We keep on dancing.”
    Last edited by Leopold; 02-18-14 at 12:06 PM.

  4. #14
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    Max Dirks's Avatar

    Name
    Max Dirks
    Age
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    I enjoyed the dancing motif you used through the thread. It helped add a flow to the writing that gave life to otherwise drab swordplay. Your vague prose allowed me to envision an elegant dance of swords between two well-to-do nobles. Good work.

    You both are well aware of the issues I take with your writing, so I won't harp on them. Your scores are below. I've only added commentary where the scores differ, but as always, I'm more than willing to discuss the battle with you in private. LW is Leopold and RM is Roht Mirage.

    Roht Mirage | Leopold

    Story - 5 | 5 (RM: Your introduction was brilliant, but any advantage here was offset by LW: ('s) excellent conclusion)
    Setting - 6 | 5 (RM: Excellent use of setting. Having Astarelle sit upon the Zaileya summit was masterful imagery)
    Pacing - 5 | 5
    Communication - 5 | 5
    Action - 6 | 6
    Persona - 6 | 6
    Mechanics - 5 | 5
    Technique - 7 | 6 (RM: While the whole battle was a metaphor, I actually saw more technique here from RM than LW. You included a particularly good metaphor in post 10)
    Clarity - 5 | 6 (LW: You've practically eliminated run-ons, which is excellent. You still abuse commas to no end, which I will continue to harp upon. RM: You overused elipses in this battle, which detracts from reading pace. Well placed elispes can add a great zest to the prose, but overuse leaves it tasting dull)
    Wildcard - 5 | 5

    Total - 55 | 54

    Roht Mirage advances to the Veteran semi-finals.
    Leopold marches on in Round 3 of the Redemption Bracket.

    Roht Mirage earns 1650 EXP and 66 GP.
    Leopole earns 450 EXP and 65 GP.
    Althanas Operations Administrator

    Dirks GP amount: 2949

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