Round 3 Veteran: Taste of Treason Vs Zack Blaze

[Zack Blaze]

He could almost smell the dogs breath as it released a series of barks. The beast was held back with a chain wrapped around the hand of its master. Zack saw the image before him, and images of the street fighter's past began to flash before his eyes. The crowd cheered on with each jump the dog made towards its new opponent.

Back when Zack was younger, he went to the Knights of Dawn with the pretense of climbing the ranks to become their leader. Back then, they held the same trial as they did now, and the match ended when Zack slayed the canine, its body bloody and motionless upon the ground. He felt incredibly guilty about killing such a creature when the beast had apparently been trained its whole life just to kill. It was not until after the fight that he had been informed that the winner of the match would go on to become an official member of the KoD.

He was jarred back by a sudden uproar in the audience. the chain given a little slack and the dogs body just a bit closer to its prey. Zack's looked to the creature, right into its beady black eyes, and charged his fists. Electricity sizzled out of the boys hands as the dog let out one final roar. He brought a single up, waving for the master of the beast to release its familiar upon him. The owner obeyed, his hand free of the metal chain as the dog launched himself as Zack.

It was not an easy fight then, and it would not be now...

((This is meant to be left on a cliffhanger. It is complete!))

[Max Dirks]

Not much to say about this battle except that it seemed (and probably was) somewhat rushed. Moreover, the cliffhanger wasn't exciting. It was like the ending of a 2 part episode of the Real Housewives. No one watched the second half.

Limited commentary is below. ZB is Zack Blaze and TOT is Taste of Treason

Taste of Treason | Zack Blaze

Story - 4 | 4
Setting - 3 | 4 (ZB: Your description grounded the thread and gave me a better look at Radasanth's seedy underworld than TOT)
Pacing - 5 | 5
Communication - 4 | 4
Action - 4 | 4
Persona - 5 | 4 (ZB: Zack would have plenty of reasons to assist Cellar, particularly mutual hatred for the Orlouges and the Ixian Knights. However, you seemed to portray him more as simply a nice guy, which was complete out of character. I suspect you have some resolution planned, but it was not apparent prior to the cliffhanger)
Mechanics - 4 | 4
Technique - 5 | 4 (TOT: Risks often result in failure, but in your case I found your present tense to be surprisingly refreshing. I also respect the difficulty you faced in using it. I noticed two slips. One was in the first post where you substituted 2nd person (ala the style of this judgment) for first person. Two was that you sometimes used past tense in conjunctions. Anything "'d" is past tense, avoid it)
Clarity - 5 | 5
Wildcard - 5 | 5

Total - 44 | 43

Taste of Treason advances to the Veteran semi-finals!
Zack Blaze fights on in round 3 of the Redemption Bracket!

Taste of Treason earns 1662 EXP and 44 GP!
Zack Blaze earns 525 EXP and 43 GP!