Redemption Bracket: Philomel Vs Random Stranger

[Random Stranger]

The eagle hopped the along the base of the platform to keep itself quite before it went to the staircase and started to climb it's way up the arches as was advised by his summoner if the faun didn't look over the edge. As it made it's way to the top, the stranger went over the next part of the plan. Once the bird reached the top it gently touched down with a slight flap of it's wings to keep it a soft landing. It then stalked towards its prey as it was planned. It was to strike from behind and if the stranger aloud, make the faun it's next meal.

---

Stranger just shook his head at the last thought of the bird. That was the one thing he didn't like about the eagles, they always wanted to eat their opponents. Then again, so did the wolves. I really need to find a vegetarian who can fight, he thought as he watched the bird start to move towards the faun.

[Philomel]

She had not been expecting it, not in the slightest.

As she turned and kept her poise she had been expecting to hear, or at the very least smell via the blood scent of, the injured eagle. She had kept her gaze steady, watchful, turning her body in a slow circle, chanting to herself in base faunish a guttural series of bleats and snorts that made a lullaby for babies. One her own mother had sung to her when in the crib.

Roughly translated into the common tongue of Althanas it sung; "I am your protector, I am the sun, watching over you forever, until you grow old. Trust in me, little baby, hold onto my finger with your tight clenched hand."

She kept it going and going, repeating the verse in her head. It was a method of relaxation, a meditation, one that she had used a fair few times over the years of fighting - but one that did not seem to help in any way here. For as she turned she did not expect to be shrouded suddenly in darkness.

There was a clear view one moment, then there was not. A lunge and a strike and suddenly Philomel was engulfed, her eyesight shut off. Later she concluded that it must have been because the eagle was a master of silence, preying on the mouse and vole with the mind and eyes of a dignified hunter. Though he was not the most subtle with his massive size, he was a master of stalking, and this provided him with the suddenness to come up behind her, stay behind her as she turned - without her even sensing it - and peck at her to swallow her whole.

The tip of its beak snapped shut at her ankle, fast, like a vice. Crying out, Philomel flourished around with both blades, almost completely inside the raptor's beak. Flailing them around she cut deep into the tongue, and kicked out sharply at the top half of the beak with a hoof, hoping that anger and such damage would tell it not to play such a dirty trick again.

[Random Stranger]

"Ahhh!" Stranger screamed as he felt the pain in his mouth through the connection with the bird. With a thought he commanded the bird, Quickly! Drop the faun! The bird complied as it opened it's mouth to drop the creature that had cut it's tongue. However, the bird was on the edge and had it's beak over it. If the faun didn't find a way to catch herself she would most likely fall to her doom.

[Philomel]

The eagle's beak retreated, as might any ordinary creature might.

Thick droplets of red blood splattered over Philomel as it squaked, almost terrified, its eyes screwing up for a moment in anguish. The pain, she imagined, would be agonising - having your tongue and other fleshy mouthparts suddenly stabbed in various places. Lacerated veins, exposed nerve-endings, the shrill chill of a metal blade as it struck across your warm interior flesh; it was hell to even imagine.

As the faun-whore suspected the action caused her to be dropped. The darkness went, the vice around her ankle disappeared. Sudden pain arose there, similar to a thorn being pulled from a wound and a hot liquid she very much hoped was blood ran down the fur towards her hoof. Gasping out in a moment of relief she tucked down, ducking under as the beak tip was removed, and rolling out of the way. This exposed her back briefly, but it released the pressure from her ankle for the moment. Her swords were tucked in a precise way close to her chest but in a practised way held from her body as she manouvered herself out from under the eagle and back into a safer area.

As she ceased to roll she glanced quickly around her. She had rolled directly away from the raptor, heading straight away, not to the side of. However, this caused a series of problems. The eagle had already been chatoically close to the very vertical edge of the plinth, and by moving hence she remained within dangerous distance to said edge. It also gave her less ground to stand upon - there was little room to move to escape to the centre of the platform once more. The altar also was now some way away, and her injured ankle did not necessarily allow her to be able to leap the space as she might be able to do usually. It was not worth the risk trying, in this case.

Therefore Philomel thought, fast and serious. Her mind worked overtime as the eagle came to understanding that the inside of its mouth was bleeding. She took into account her wound, and natural ability to leap over thirty metres in one smooth arc. Calculating that the plinth was not more than a hundred feet altogether, and that the staircase began its spiral not too far from where she currently stood, the idea came to her as a very feasible option.

She blinked, and a slow smile came to her face. Glancing up at the eagle she saw its virile eyes burning with hunger and locked upon her, despite the dripping of blood from its beak and leg. Her smile grew to a grin and after tucking her kris dagger firmly in her belt she raised her left hand and waved - before flipping straight over the edge and landing without much duress upon the steps ten feet below. Her injury caused her to slip a little, but she threw herself against the pillar upon which the platform was raised, and used her kastane sword as much as a crutch as she had used it as a weapon.

Then, as lithely as she could, considering the circumstances, she began the downwards epic race to the bottom, hoping that this might now give her a better chance of literal suvival.

[Max Dirks]

I don't have much to say on the whole except don't be discouraged by the scores. This was an average battle that got bogged down by some unintentional, but certainly notable, bunnying.

As newcomers, I'll be providing you with full commentary. In the interest of brevity (foreshadowing here), I'm not using tables this time around. PH is Philomel and RS is Random Stranger.

Philomel | Random Stranger

Story - 4 | 4
Setting - 4 | 3 (RS: Your modification of the setting was bunnying. While dynamic settings can certainly make the battle more interesting, in this case you essentially used prose to give your character an ability that he didn't have)
Pacing - 4 | 4 (Both of you were hurt by your poor mechanics)
Communication - 4 | 3 (RS: One disadvantage of fighting VIA summon is that you don't have the opportunity to communicate with the other players as often. You mention your character has a pain link between him and his summons. You should use this connection to interact with the story)
Action - 3 | 4 (PH: Given the special nature of Random Stranger's summons, I do not feel it was appropriate to bunny the eagle without permission. It might have been a different story if he was present and the Eagle performed a swoop attack before disappearing, but here the eagle was essentially a familar inherently connected to the player character)
Persona - 5 | 4 (PH: You gave good insight to your character. RS: As a reader, I know nothing about Random Stranger. Who is he? Why is he there? Right now, he seems like a Kingdom Hearts clone: literally a nobody without a heart. Use next round to add depth to your character)
Mechanics - 4 | 4 (PH: You use a lot of run-ons. Remember, if the subject changes, you need to use a period or a semi-colon to continue the prose. BS: You have a lot of spelling, capitalization and grammar errors. These are easily combated by either a) using a word processor or b) using vBulletin's built in special check (simply write a post in advanced mode and you'll see button) to avoid the majority of these errors).
Technique - 4 | 3 (BS: You need to add more variety to your sentence structure. Currently, it reads very mechanical and is boring. PH: You are the opposite. You tend to interject tangental commentary which detracts from the writing. Technically, this is a mechanic switch from 3rd person person to 3rd person omnipresent writing, which is bad form. Try to avoid doing this in the future and your writing will flow much better)
Clarity - 4 | 4 (Both of you should consider brevity when writing. Multiple times throughout this fight, both of you would unintentionally repeat an action).
Wildcard - 2 | 4 (PH: In addition to the bunnying, I docked you for delayed posting because this battle was incomplete)

Total - 38 | 37

Philomel advances to the round 3 of the Redeption Bracket!
Random Stranger is eliminated.

Philomel receives 450 and 56 GP!
Random Stranger receives 150 EXP and 55 GP!