Redemption Bracket: Tourneymant Vs Tobias Stalt

[Tourneymant]

Now Barnabas was confused. Why did he back away from me? he thought as he began to review the Women's Pan Tournament back on the planet Varis. He had gone and watched this tournament because it was unique. The rules of the tournament was:

1. You had to be female
2. You had to use a frying pan as a weapon
3. You must not hit a non-participant

There was one move in particular that he had seen and thought it would be the best shot. The woman had an opponent that had a lot longer arms than her so there was no way she could ever reach her without a hurt head. So what she did was she started to spin and continued to spin till her and the pan was at high speeds. She then released the pan with great accuracy and hit her surprised opponent on the head.

Barnabas grabbed the handle with both hands and started to spin. However, due to his near weightlessness, Barnabas couldn't act as a counter weight for the pan so it only made it halfway before it flung both the opposite way of his opponent and made him crash into a wall. His head and chest was hurt badly and as proof that something broke, his body started to glow red.

"There goes my advantage, and right when I needed it most," Barnabas thought as he pulled himself up with difficulty. His legs brought his body 3' off the ground and his body was another three feet to bring it up to 6'. His head was another foot which brought the entire height to 7'.

[Tobias Stalt]

"Erm," Tobias stared rather blankly at the scene, dumbfounded by the frying pan as it flew in the opposite direction. "That was unexpected," he muttered. It was not often when his plans went so well, his opponent actually harmed themselves. It may have been a first, in fact. The body of Barnabas flickered and began to glow a reddish hue, and Tobias quirked an eyebrow. "I think joining up for this tournament has put me in the strangest situations I may ever experience."

His fingers slipped away from the altar. Tobias took a few measured steps forward, and he held out his blade. "I'll give you this opportunity to surrender without violence," the Captain offered in an earnest tone. "I can't see that you've been hurt, but I can see you. I also noticed you went flying off in the opposite direction, and it sounded like a pretty nasty impact, but that's neither here nor there," he spoke at length, more so than he cared for.

He waited for a response patiently and without any emotion on his face. Tobias kept his guard level, and his eyes scoured the red glimmer. For the first time Tobias could tell that his opponent was quite tall. "No wonder I kept missing," he muttered beneath his breath, "long bloody arms the weasel has..."

The room shone a brilliant orange-red tint now, as though fire had spread through the room when the sun shone directly through stained glass. His steps across the marble still resounded through the acoustics of the room, beneath the echo of his voice. It was a beautiful paradox: a war in a cloister of peace.

[hoytti]

Barnabas looked at Tobias and said, "I have to agree. I am now in no condition to fight. I concede." He then placed the pan on the ground and slumped against the wall with a grunt. "You win the battle Tobias Stalt, but that doesn't mean you win the round. The judges will decide the real winner." He then looked over to the monks in the room. "Please take me to get fixed up." The monks came with a stretcher and placed him on it to take him away.

[Tobias Stalt]

Steel slipped into its sheath as Tobias gave an annoyed grunt. He had hoped for a better opportunity to test his skill, but he had found a depressingly short lived battle. When the Monks carted away his opponent for healing, he turned to the Altar of Hromagh and ran a hand idly over its dusty surface.

Tales told of the Thayne of Strength and his children, the Dragons; countless stories that had been passed down across generations were etched into the stone before him. Though he could not understand the words, Tobias passed his fingers over the script like a child fascinated with a toy. "Hromagh appreciates strength of mind as well as body," a monk addressed him, and Tobias glanced back over his shoulder.

"You can speak," Tobias observed with a wry smile, "I was uncertain."

"We were commanded not to speak until you finished," the man explained, "but now that you are through, I can tell you more of the Lord of Power and his blessings." Tobias swiveled to face the man and folded his arms, then listened to the tale that followed. A story of origin, tales of hellfire and the forging of a world from lifeless stone, and the painting of stars onto the night sky seemed to go on for hours as Tobias drank in the mythos. "These are the words on the altar," the monk continued, "the secrets of our sect. Though you did not achieve victory through force, your thinking caused your opponent to falter, and the strength of your heart called you to offer your enemy mercy."

Tobias saw the outcome altar did bit differently, but he did not object. With a bow, he thanked the monk. "Thank you for your insight, brother," the soldier offered kindly, "perhaps one day I will meet you again."

"Hromagh willing," the monk replied. "His blessings upon you, Tobias Stalt. May your journey take you to new horizons."

Tobias turned with a smile, and he headed for the door. With any luck, another opponent would slake his thirst for improvement. Hopefully, the next day would offer him a worthy battle. When the chamber creaked closed behind him and Tobias was gone, the Monk clasped his hands and bowed. "May the wind carry him swiftly."

[Max Dirks]

Thanks for completing your battle. It speaks volumes compared to those who did not find the Redemption Bracket to be worth their muster. Individual comments are below. TS is Tobias Stalt and TM is Tourneymant.

Tobias Stalt | Tourneymant

Story - 4 | 4 (TS: Your reliance on the monks for your character is somewhat annoying, particularly given the fact that canonically you are in Scara Brae being healed by a sect of former Ai'Bron monks that were discharged from the order due to their divergent beliefs and were hired by Queen Valeena to attend to fallen warriors in the Dajas Pagoda. No points lost, but I thought I'd point that out).
Setting - 5 | 3 (TS: Vivid setting. TM: Your descriptions are bland)
Pacing - 4 | 4 (Between TS' brevity issues & TM's mechanical errors, I can't really give anyone the edge here. TM: Your best post was your shortest. However, you sacrificed character and action for mechanics & pacing, which did not help you in the end).
Communication - 4 | 4
Action - 4 | 6 (TS: as I've learned more about your background in T1 and martial arts, I understand why you are so detailed w/ respect to positioning. In a writing context though, it's simply boring. TM: Your failed frying pan attack was easily the best departure I've read. It applied appropriate comedic relief and took the battle to a fresh conclusion. Good work)
Persona - 5 | 3 (TM: I don't get much feeling from Barnabas. Most of your writing is "Barnabas does this. Barnabas does that." Give me more. Describe how his feelings interact with the setting and the action around him. While I appreciate your "flashback" to the strange frying pan tournament, that sequence added more questions than answers about who your character really is)
Mechanics - 6 | 3 (TM: Watch plurals. You swapped "was" for "were" multiple times throughout the thread. You also had a number of misspelled words. There were very few run-ons in this battle though, so you both get a pat on the back)
Technique - 4 | 4 (Some basic similies, but nothing compared to the imagery of TS' last battle)
Clarity - 5 | 4 (TM: Ultimately your mechanical errors broke the flow of your writing. TS: You've come a long way since you've come to Althanas, but at times your writing is repetitive. I draw your attention to your opening paragraph: "A world in ruin had surrounded him.//Bleak and without hope, the consummate darkness had swallowed him. Like a child too inexperienced to swim, Tobias had been swallowed by the crushing tide that swept over him." Each sentence says the same thing. While you might think you're being poetic, you're just being boring. Work on your brevity and each individual line will pack a better punch).
Wildcard - 7 | 7 (I've awarded you both higher WC scores to boost your EXP output since you were the only group that completed your battle. You're welcome )

Total - 48 | 42

Tobias Stalt advances to the Round 4 of the Redemption Bracket!
Tourneymant is eliminated.

Tobias Stalt earns 750 EXP and 63 GP!
Tourneymant earns 225 EXP and 42 GP!