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Thread: "Frozen Over Forever" Ongoing Workshop

  1. 03-22-14, 08:08 PM #1
    Ashla
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    Ashla's Avatar

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    "Ayleth" Ashla Icebreaker
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    20
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    Human/ Elf Hybrid
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    "Frozen Over Forever" Ongoing Workshop

    Okay, I'm sure everybody knows what the rules are by now, so...

    Hi, guys! BlueGhost here. I'm posting an ongoing workshop for my first true solo thread: Frozen Over Forever.

    You guys can post tips on anything you catch, but I do have some particular questions on improvements for...
    - Was this story able to keep your interest past the first or first few paragraph(s). If not, how could I improve my attention grabbing methods?
    - I'm currently trying to write a "complicated" personality change in my main character Ashla, who up until this point had genially been portrayed as carefree, innocent, and spunky. Her former personality still will be true, but Ashla's darker side will be much more clear to the outside more. She's going to be getting a lot more aggressive, emotional, quick to anger, and she's just going to come off as kind of cold. I already showcased some of this change in On the Concept of Hatred, but this is where the majority takes place. The war is really going to take its toll on my poor character. I would like to ask for any suggestions on how to run this process across smoothly. What I wrote so far of this story (about eight posts worth - I've been doing a lot of this on Microsoft Word) seems pretty jagged and confusing in my eyes. So some help on this area would be much appreciated.
    - More than one person on this site have told me I have a "unique" or "unusual" writing style. This style resolves around my tone which is less formal but carries a lot more teeny, wild, and sometimes sarcastic wordings in the narration. I was given the suggestion on taking this toning a step further and implying it, alongside the traditional techniques, much more often. Some tips on how to do that would also be a great help.

    Okay, so for the first like, eight posts, I already have it written on my computer so I'm forcing myself not to spam any further and keep my posting time stretched...

    And now that I'm done blabbering and being boring and annoying, here's the thread link:
    Frozen Over Forever
    Last edited by Ashla; 03-22-14 at 08:45 PM.
    How I Shall End my Citadel Battles from Here on Out.


    Those who are the most unlovable... are those who need loved the most.
    A misguided anti-hero who only wanted to make the world a better place - but did it wrong.    ...
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  2. 07-06-14, 11:51 AM #2
    Ashla
    Ashla is offline
    I'm asking you icely
    EXP: 29,108, Level: 7
    Level completed: 27%, EXP required for next level: 5,892
    Level completed: 27%,
    EXP required for next level: 5,892
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    Ashla's Avatar

    Name
    "Ayleth" Ashla Icebreaker
    Age
    20
    Race
    Human/ Elf Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Black
    Eye Color
    Blue in the left, dark brown in the right
    Build
    5'6" / 109
    Job
    Vigilante

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    Is anyone willing to read this over and comment what they think, please?
    How I Shall End my Citadel Battles from Here on Out.


    Those who are the most unlovable... are those who need loved the most.
    A misguided anti-hero who only wanted to make the world a better place - but did it wrong.    ...
      Submit Thread for Judgment Submit Thread for Judgment  Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  
  3. 07-07-14, 10:46 AM #3
    Alyssa Snow
    Alyssa Snow is offline
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    Alyssa Snow's Avatar

    Name
    Alyssa Dianne Snow
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    Homunculus
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    I'll try to get you something by the end of the week BG. Feel free to PM me to keep me reminded.
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    Things I bought
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  4. 08-05-14, 10:29 PM #4
    Ashla
    Ashla is offline
    I'm asking you icely
    EXP: 29,108, Level: 7
    Level completed: 27%, EXP required for next level: 5,892
    Level completed: 27%,
    EXP required for next level: 5,892
    GP
    0
    Ashla's Avatar

    Name
    "Ayleth" Ashla Icebreaker
    Age
    20
    Race
    Human/ Elf Hybrid
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Black
    Eye Color
    Blue in the left, dark brown in the right
    Build
    5'6" / 109
    Job
    Vigilante

    View Profile

    Other than Lye (who rocks), is anyone interested in looking this over?
    Last edited by Ashla; 08-05-14 at 10:31 PM.
    How I Shall End my Citadel Battles from Here on Out.


    Those who are the most unlovable... are those who need loved the most.
    A misguided anti-hero who only wanted to make the world a better place - but did it wrong.    ...
      Submit Thread for Judgment Submit Thread for Judgment  Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  
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